"Yeah, I’m going to… cook all the food."
Literally having a Partridge moment tonight. Last night at uni, I'm going to have to eat everything.
What Partridge moments have you done?
"Yeah, I’m going to… cook all the food."
Literally having a Partridge moment tonight. Last night at uni, I'm going to have to eat everything.
What Partridge moments have you done?
One time I pierced my foot on a SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE
I got a mushroom slice from a BP garage.
Oooh, get me one chum.
My best mate drove to Dundee in his bare feet once.
Sure we only live 16 miles away but damnit he wanted to give it a go.
I really want to give it a go.
According to the AA, I live 331.4 miles away.
In 1976 I saw ELO at the Birmingham NEC.
I was there with everyone else shouting "come back on ELO and carry on playing"
I once put a spine in a Bap, and then thought it may have gone down better if I'd swapped the Bap for a Baguette.
I once got Jet from Gladiators to host a Millenium Barn-dance at the Yeovil Aerodrome.
It did not - I repeat NOT - turn into an all-night rave.
I went to Choristers with a guy from South Africa who wasn't a sex offender and booked the room under the Real IRA.
Then the police showed up. Crossed wires.
Speaking of South Africa, I often wonder how Clowns go down out there. Because they're neither one thing nor the other.
I once got a cow dropped on me whilst filming a promo video.
I wasn't alright.
When my show starts, I might see if I can get a Partridge quote on each week.
I called up my ex-missus one night and had a go at her about how shit her new boyfriend's car was. However I didn't have a copy of Top Gear magazine to pull a direct quote from.
It's never my words, but the words of Shakin' Stevens.
I can't remember what it's like to dial a number without pressing 9 first.
So did you eat everything last night turd?
Also I read the Daily Express, OOOH IT'S A GOOD PAPER!
I got in a mild car crash and shouted "INTO ME!" Throughout impact.
My dining room table is an extender and I have a Buck Rogers toilet.
I'm strongly against the pedestrianisation of Norwich City Centre.
I think that traders need access to DIIIIIXONS.
My favorite Beatles album would probably have to be 'the best of the Beatles.'
Wings, they're the band the Beatles could've been.
I went and stole a traffic cone once. Got caught, but gave a false name to the police.
Ooh, ladyboys!
The other day my lass wanted to go shopping, so I took her to an owl sanctuary instead.
That reminds me, must head down to Boots and get some fungal foot powder.
I turned down sex with a woman who works in a travel tavern.
I did better than a cuddle last night. I had full sex with a woman.
Operation six zero
Last night I went to a BP and took a Honey Comb Yorkie on the way out.
I used to combine a business card with a handshake but I kept getting it wrong. Ended up giving a papercut to a man from Nestle.
When I see a busty woman, I have a habit of saying "she must've been first in queue when they were handing out...chests."
Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?
(small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)
I have destroyed my cereals in a fit of rage after my PA spilled Sunny Delight all over my James Bond films.
I dust venture south when having classic intercourse.
I like to shower before, and ideally afterwards.
A farmer called me a complete cretin after I had a go at his intensive farming practices.
I went to see the unsold copies of my book being pulped.
"IT LOOKS LIKE PORRIDGE"
I leave a bowl of bread at the front of my house for friends.
Also I went to my old boss's funeral wearing a Castrol GTX jacket and randomly asked people for a battery for an Ericsson phone.
Last edited by Badger; May 19th, 2007 at 8:02 AM.
I visited a Geordie friend and he gave me a mug of beans.
With sausage?
Or a "savoury 99" if you will.
I hate Archers, The Archers and Jeffrey Archer. They're all deceitful cowards. I've just realised that that only applies to Archers and to Jeffrey Archer and not to The Archers who, to be fair, are a mixed-bag.
I went to London and got mugged or not appreciated.
I took a shit about 10 minutes, down in one flush, it was textbook.
Tonight I might go to bed in my trousers. Probably won't even brush my teeth.
I take my own larger plate to buffets.
I hate mini-Metros, was going to buy a Rover Metro but then found it was a Mini-Metro that was rebadged.
I put an apple pie in the microwave for eight minutes the other night. It was hotter than the sun.
My favourite song is "Theme From Black Beauty"
My favourite Beatles album is.......The Best Of The Beatles.
Doesn't even exist I don't think.
I'm having a hoe down tonight.
I'm down. But I'm not a hoe.
I was once involved in a minor car accident in a hotel carpark. The lady who was in the car with me suffered minor women's whiplash.
I sometimes confuse telescopic dampners for rigid stays.
Anyone want to go for a drink?
No, me either.
I bought 12 bottles of windscreen washer fluid for £31.20.
"Beware of his web of sin"
"BUT....DON'T......GO......IN"
Half of these aren't even funny.
They arent as good as Alans Funny Stories anyway.
I sold this Makita cordless power drill in the local paper and then six months later I received the very same one back as a Christmas present from my brother-in-law - minus the power pack.
I got the power pack.
Whatever happend to Tandy?
What episode is the one where Alan gets really drunk?
The farmers episode aka Watership Alan.
"This is a hotel Alan!"
"Three star!"
Series 1 episode 3 to add.
I was watching football.
A guy scored from miles away.
I shouted.
"SHIT...DID YOU SEE THAT, HE MUST HAVE A FOOT LIKE A TRACTION ENGINE"
I once punched a transvestite with a turkey on my fist.
A relevant one right now...
Tiswas, who remembers them?
Their re-union is on ITV at the moment.
Had a good Partridge moment last night. During a game of Rummikup, I was trying to scare my mate's little sister who's incredibly frightened of me, and I went "Woooooooooooooo" like a ghost, and my other mate goes "No that's just a homosexual."
Couldn't stop laughing after that.
It's that time again.
Only this time I just have a bottle of water and 3 FAB ice lollies.
CASHBACK!