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Thread: "Mr. Partridge, thatís the kitchens!"

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    "Mr. Partridge, thatís the kitchens!"

    "Yeah, Iím going toÖ cook all the food."

    Literally having a Partridge moment tonight. Last night at uni, I'm going to have to eat everything.

    What Partridge moments have you done?

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    Shit is orrrn Simon's Avatar
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    zimbabwe
    One time I pierced my foot on a SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE

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    I got a mushroom slice from a BP garage.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Oooh, get me one chum.

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    Gherkin Seanny One Ball's Avatar
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    My best mate drove to Dundee in his bare feet once.
    Sure we only live 16 miles away but damnit he wanted to give it a go.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    I really want to give it a go.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    According to the AA, I live 331.4 miles away.

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    In 1976 I saw ELO at the Birmingham NEC.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    I was there with everyone else shouting "come back on ELO and carry on playing"

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    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    I once put a spine in a Bap, and then thought it may have gone down better if I'd swapped the Bap for a Baguette.

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    I once got Jet from Gladiators to host a Millenium Barn-dance at the Yeovil Aerodrome.

    It did not - I repeat NOT - turn into an all-night rave.

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    I went to Choristers with a guy from South Africa who wasn't a sex offender and booked the room under the Real IRA.

    Then the police showed up. Crossed wires.

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    Speaking of South Africa, I often wonder how Clowns go down out there. Because they're neither one thing nor the other.

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    I once got a cow dropped on me whilst filming a promo video.

    I wasn't alright.

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    Heed Army eugenespeed's Avatar
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    When my show starts, I might see if I can get a Partridge quote on each week.

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    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    I called up my ex-missus one night and had a go at her about how shit her new boyfriend's car was. However I didn't have a copy of Top Gear magazine to pull a direct quote from.

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    is better than torn @ rba
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    It's never my words, but the words of Shakin' Stevens.

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    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    I onced accidentally pressed 'yes' on my remote and ordered Bankok Chick Boys. It's very confusing, it could've happened to anyone.

    Quote Originally Posted by eugenespeed View Post
    When my show starts, I might see if I can get a Partridge quote on each week.
    And now it's time for Alan's 'quote of the day'

    "You're like a baddie in a James Bond film, Dr. No - Vocal chords"






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    I don't do tricks
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    So did you eat everything last night turd?

    Also I read the Daily Express, OOOH IT'S A GOOD PAPER!

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    I got in a mild car crash and shouted "INTO ME!" Throughout impact.

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    Gherkin Seanny One Ball's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by turdpower View Post
    According to the AA, I live 331.4 miles away.
    It's worth the lifetime imprint of a pedal on your foot sole to emulate the man you enjoy so much.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badger View Post
    So did you eat everything last night turd?

    Also I read the Daily Express, OOOH IT'S A GOOD PAPER!
    No. I felt full after the standard one meal.

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    Main Eventer connorboy's Avatar
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    My dining room table is an extender and I have a Buck Rogers toilet.

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    I'm strongly against the pedestrianisation of Norwich City Centre.

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    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    My favorite Beatles album would probably have to be 'the best of the Beatles.'

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    Wings, they're the band the Beatles could've been.

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    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    I went and stole a traffic cone once. Got caught, but gave a false name to the police.

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    Ooh, ladyboys!

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    The other day my lass wanted to go shopping, so I took her to an owl sanctuary instead.

    That reminds me, must head down to Boots and get some fungal foot powder.

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    I turned down sex with a woman who works in a travel tavern.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    I did better than a cuddle last night. I had full sex with a woman.

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    Operation six zero


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    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    Last night I went to a BP and took a Honey Comb Yorkie on the way out.

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    I used to combine a business card with a handshake but I kept getting it wrong. Ended up giving a papercut to a man from Nestle.


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    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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  38. #38
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

    (small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)

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    I have destroyed my cereals in a fit of rage after my PA spilled Sunny Delight all over my James Bond films.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Second City Saint View Post
    Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

    (small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)
    A mate of mine and I were going to do it about a year back. He kept going on and on about it for about two weeks in advance and then he bottled it on the night.

  41. #41
    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Second City Saint View Post
    Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

    (small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)
    Yes Vastly overrated.

    I met a network executive once and suggested they have a show called 'Monkey Tennis'.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Second City Saint View Post
    Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

    (small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)
    Yup.

    I felt sick afterwards. Was already pissed though.

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    I dust venture south when having classic intercourse.

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    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    A farmer called me a complete cretin after I had a go at his intensive farming practices.

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    I went to see the unsold copies of my book being pulped.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    "IT LOOKS LIKE PORRIDGE"

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    I leave a bowl of bread at the front of my house for friends.

    Also I went to my old boss's funeral wearing a Castrol GTX jacket and randomly asked people for a battery for an Ericsson phone.
    Last edited by Badger; May 19th, 2007 at 8:02 AM.

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    I visited a Geordie friend and he gave me a mug of beans.

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    With sausage?

    Or a "savoury 99" if you will.

  50. #50
    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Second City Saint View Post
    Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

    (small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)
    Yes.

    Me and some mates getting on the Ladyboys on New Years Eve.

    Last edited by Cactus Lem; May 19th, 2007 at 1:55 PM.

  51. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badger View Post
    With sausage?

    Or a "savoury 99" if you will.
    Always.

    He was the same guy that I got to change the graffiti on my car from 'Cock piss Partridge' to 'Cook pass Partridge.'

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    I hate Archers, The Archers and Jeffrey Archer. They're all deceitful cowards. I've just realised that that only applies to Archers and to Jeffrey Archer and not to The Archers who, to be fair, are a mixed-bag.

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    I went to London and got mugged or not appreciated.

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    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    I took a shit about 10 minutes, down in one flush, it was textbook.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Tonight I might go to bed in my trousers. Probably won't even brush my teeth.

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    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    I take my own larger plate to buffets.

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    I hate mini-Metros, was going to buy a Rover Metro but then found it was a Mini-Metro that was rebadged.

    I put an apple pie in the microwave for eight minutes the other night. It was hotter than the sun.

  58. #58
    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    My favourite song is "Theme From Black Beauty"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Simmo Fortyone View Post
    My favourite song is "Theme From Black Beauty"
    I prefer Wings. The band the Beatles could've been you know.....

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    My favourite Beatles album is.......The Best Of The Beatles.

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    scotland
    Doesn't even exist I don't think.

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    I'm having a hoe down tonight.

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    I was once involved in a minor car accident in a hotel carpark. The lady who was in the car with me suffered minor women's whiplash.

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    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    I sometimes confuse telescopic dampners for rigid stays.

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    Anyone want to go for a drink?



    No, me either.

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    scotland
    Half of these aren't even funny.

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    I sold this Makita cordless power drill in the local paper and then six months later I received the very same one back as a Christmas present from my brother-in-law - minus the power pack.

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    I got the power pack.

  72. #72
    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    Whatever happend to Tandy?

  73. #73
    Shit is orrrn Simon's Avatar
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    What episode is the one where Alan gets really drunk?

  74. #74
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    The farmers episode aka Watership Alan.

    "This is a hotel Alan!"

    "Three star!"

  75. #75
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    Series 1 episode 3 to add.

  76. #76
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wardy View Post
    Half of these aren't even funny.
    I don't think that's the point.

  77. #77
    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badger View Post
    The farmers episode aka Watership Alan.

    "This is a hotel Alan!"

    "Three star!"
    Greatest half hour of comedy ever is that episode.

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    Quote Originally Posted by turdpower View Post
    I don't think that's the point.
    I bet wardy's not seen any Partridge in his life, quotes on a screen without seeing them in their original context don't come across as funny.

    I had a spine in a bap for breakfast this morning, should've been a baguette really.

  79. #79
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    I was watching football.

    A guy scored from miles away.

    I shouted.

    "SHIT...DID YOU SEE THAT, HE MUST HAVE A FOOT LIKE A TRACTION ENGINE"

  80. #80
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    I once punched a transvestite with a turkey on my fist.

  81. #81
    IRREPLACEABLE Fulham Road Supporter's Avatar
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    A relevant one right now...

    Tiswas, who remembers them?

    Their re-union is on ITV at the moment.

  82. #82
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    Had a good Partridge moment last night. During a game of Rummikup, I was trying to scare my mate's little sister who's incredibly frightened of me, and I went "Woooooooooooooo" like a ghost, and my other mate goes "No that's just a homosexual."

    Couldn't stop laughing after that.

  83. #83
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    It's that time again.

    Only this time I just have a bottle of water and 3 FAB ice lollies.

  84. #84
    In Concert Just Joe's Avatar
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    CASHBACK!

  85. #85
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    brazil
    GLANG GLANGALANGALANGALANG

  86. #86
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    Jack-anack-anory.

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    Cruiserweight Champion gulfcoast_highwayman's Avatar
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    What's da big oidea?

  88. #88
    World Champion Glen's Avatar
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    Were you about to say I was nearly fifty!?

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    She's a hard worker, but there's no affection.

  90. #90
    is better than torn @ rba
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    I shower ideally before and after.

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    World Champion Glen's Avatar
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    Come on Sonja, let's be appalling...

  92. #92
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    brazil
    "What's this?"

    "That's a rinser."

    "Get rid of it."

  93. #93
    World Champion Glen's Avatar
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    just watched this one:


    Dan's a great man. I was talking to him today on the phone and he was asking me what phone I have and I said a Motorola Timeport and he said 'that's SAAAAAADDDDD! you need to upgrade' and I said 'so do you to a new face!' He nearly soiled himself he said he was laughing so hard, he had Kenco coming out of his nostrils and that made me laugh... But my nostrils were clear...

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    In Concert Just Joe's Avatar
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    I like to lie in bed with the Sunday Express and the biggest bowl of Alpen you have ever seen. Massive it is.

  95. #95
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    kiss my face

  96. #96
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    He puts his hand up her skirt, gets a hold of the old meat and two veg right? Thinks hang on I've paid my money, I'm going to have something, so he flips him over, and he fu..........and funnily, and funnily enough, it lands on its wheels, and it starts first time and they just drive away.

  97. #97
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    The other day I was cleaning out one of the rooms in our house.

    I chucked loads of stuff out including some doggy poo bag things. My mum seemed pretty annoyed. I found this funny because it's a few fucking bags.

    "can't you just use a carrier bag?"
    "No."
    "Why, *I pick one up* what's wrong it?"
    "IT'S TOO BIG".

    I then pissed myself at the Partridge reference, which annoyed her even more.

  98. #98
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    Yes it's an extender!

  99. #99
    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    Dere's more to Oireland...dan dis.

  100. #100
    BC 4 Lyfe
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    I've seen the big eared boys on farms.

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