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Thread: "Mr. Partridge, that’s the kitchens!"

  1. #101
    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out...chests.

  2. #102
    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simmo Fortyone View Post
    She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out...chests.
    "Ohhhhhh Sex!"

  3. #103
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simmo Fortyone View Post
    She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out...chests.
    ... Mammary glands.

  4. #104
    Cruiserweight Champion gulfcoast_highwayman's Avatar
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    Yes, Michael, and I'm going to get a Ginsters out of the fridge, put it on the slate.

  5. #105
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    it's 4:35 in the a.m. - the queen is dead! long live the kingsmen

  6. #106
    I don't do tricks
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    No no no! Stop geting Partridge wrong!

  7. #107
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Second City Saint View Post
    it's 4:35 in the a.m. - the queen is dead! long live the kingsmen

  8. #108
    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    You work in a petrol station, Michael. It's not the Gulf War...which, ironically, is like a large petrol station.

  9. #109
    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    Take a Honeycombe Yorkie on the way out.

  10. #110
    I don't do tricks
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    Wrong again. God sake, I can tell these are wrong from memory. Look them up if you must.

  11. #111
    Bloof(ilter) Guy's Avatar
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    I'VE GOT CHEESE!!!!

  12. #112
    Legend Badger's Avatar
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    EAT MY GOAL!

  13. #113
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    I haven't got a tab. Wish I could! Wish I could afford a tab!

    I can..... I can afford one. I've got a six-figure income.

  14. #114
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cactus Lem View Post
    Take a Honeycombe Yorkie on the way out.

  15. #115
    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by turdpower View Post
    Correct it for me.....

  16. #116
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    FOR THE GLOVE BOX.

  17. #117
    Manure Cactus Lem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by turdpower View Post
    FOR THE GLOVE BOX.
    Ah yes.

    I'm rather annoyed I got a Partridge quote wrong.

    I also just informed the Yanks in the Asyum Jr in the Wrestling Forums, on the awesomeness of Lady Boys.

  18. #118
    Legend Badger's Avatar
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    No offence Lynn, but your life technically isn't worth insuring.

  19. #119
    Bloof(ilter) Guy's Avatar
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    I've dismantled my corgi trouser press


    I can't wait til october

  20. #120
    Legend Badger's Avatar
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    *Corby

  21. #121
    Legend Badger's Avatar
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    My packed lunch for tomorrow:


  22. #122
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    i think when i head over to london i'll ask for the following:

    A cheese sandwich. And cooked meat. And a hot egg. And a crescent of crisps, please. And a side clump of cress.

    ...any time in the next 15 minutes

  23. #123
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badger View Post
    My packed lunch for tomorrow:

    And a pickled onion?

  24. #124
    Legend Badger's Avatar
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    Stab a beefeater bear as well.

  25. #125
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    Soaked in bean juice.

  26. #126
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    I'm also going to microwave an apple pie for 8 minutes, then complain that it's hotter than the sun.

  27. #127
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Drive to Harrogate and eat some mini babybel

  28. #128
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    what time do you knock off?


    fancy a pint?

  29. #129
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    NO, ME EITHER.

  30. #130
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    In May 2008, it was revealed that a film adaptation of "I'm Alan Partridge" had been in pre-production "for an age" and that Victoria Beckham will be replacing Felicity Montagu as Lynn, as Felicity refuses to participate in a Hollywood Production, therefore assuming that the film is being filmed in America

    Surely not.

  31. #131
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    there goes that wonderful Bert Reynolds line...

  32. #132
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    In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded. I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies - Buckaroo!

    I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!"

    Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

  33. #133
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    Now fuck off!

  34. #134
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    KISS MY FACE

  35. #135
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    palestine
    any credible rumours regarding the recently confirmed Partridge film?

  36. #136
    AWOL
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    Coogan said last week it's going ahead - it'll be filmed in America but he won't change anything for the American audience.

  37. #137
    Legend Badger's Avatar
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    I can guess what the critics will rate it.

    THREE STAR!

  38. #138
    Main Eventer connorboy's Avatar
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    Shakin Stevens will call it "Lovely stuff"

  39. #139
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    I have never actually managed to COOK ALL THE FOOD.

    There's a few Partridge episodes on over Christmas lads

  40. #140
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    This is legitimately one of my favourite ever threads.

  41. #141
    Legend
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    My mate told me this morning that Coogan confirmed it. Even if it is half as good as I expect it to be, it will be one of my favourite ever comedy films.

  42. #142
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    We had family round for a meal last week. Had to extend the table.

    Each time I pull that bad boy out. YES! It's an extender.

  43. #143
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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  44. #144
    World Champion Marlon Dingle's Avatar
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    scotland
    We should have a rule that when someone posts something it should make sense.

  45. #145
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Stick to your own rules and I'm sure it'll happen.

  46. #146
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    I'm afraid I can't view whatever turdpower posted.



  47. #147
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    No no it's different, it's called a Rover Metro now.

    They've rebadged it you fool!

  48. #148
    Shit is orrrn Simon's Avatar
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    zimbabwe
    I once told a therapist that her methods were barmy old cack.

  49. #149
    If it annoys you, kill it I steal cable's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Second City Saint View Post
    I'm afraid I can't view whatever turdpower posted.



  50. #150
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    Lynn's a hard worker...well I suppose she's a bit like Bert Reynolds. Dependable, but she has a mustache.

  51. #151
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    palestine
    - Alan I lahv you
    - Thanks a lot!

  52. #152
    Cirque du Soleil Chris's Avatar
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    What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think "Sunday, bloody Sunday!"

  53. #153
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Eurgh, massacre, I'm not listening to that again.

  54. #154
    Shit is orrrn Simon's Avatar
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    zimbabwe
    You'll never believe this, but I've actually got my girlfriend into Partridge, thus destroying the theory which I myself made. I have never previously known a female to enjoy the show.

  55. #155
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    That bird at work I had previously discussed a few times fucking loves Partridge. Quoted it like water from a tap. And she was fit. I should get one of my friends up her and then get him to tell me all about it.

  56. #156
    Legend Badger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon View Post
    You'll never believe this, but I've actually got my girlfriend into Partridge, thus destroying the theory which I myself made. I have never previously known a female to enjoy the show.
    I've got a female friend that enjoys it, though I don't know any others.

  57. #157
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...Partridge.html

    Not the movie, but it'll do for now.

  58. #158
    I don't do tricks
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon View Post
    You'll never believe this, but I've actually got my girlfriend into Partridge, thus destroying the theory which I myself made. I have never previously known a female to enjoy the show.
    I was first introduced to Partridge by a woman

  59. #159
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badger View Post
    He puts his hand up her skirt, gets a hold of the old meat and two veg right? Thinks hang on I've paid my money, I'm going to have something, so he flips him over, and he fu..........and funnily, and funnily enough, it lands on its wheels, and it starts first time and they just drive away.
    Strangest story I've ever heard.

    OH I SEE!

  60. #160
    Main Eventer connorboy's Avatar
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    I dont agree, he'd go Legoland bye.

  61. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by turdpower View Post
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...Partridge.html

    Not the movie, but it'll do for now.
    IN OFF THE RED!

  62. #162
    Cirque du Soleil Chris's Avatar
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    Have you got any more of this, or do you want to stop at quacking plums?

  63. #163
    Winston Nicks A Lilt. Alf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Rosk View Post
    That bird at work I had previously discussed a few times fucking loves Partridge. Quoted it like water from a tap. And she was fit. I should get one of my friends up her and then get him to tell me all about it.
    Helllooooooooooooooooooo...

  64. #164
    Hell is for Heroes Second City Saint's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by turdpower View Post
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...Partridge.html

    Not the movie, but it'll do for now.
    KISS MY FACE!


  65. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alf View Post
    Helllooooooooooooooooooo...
    She's got a fella now mate, and she lives in Cardiff. She was the one that GBF referred to as "the fittest woman ever posted on here aside from celebrities". Or something like that.

  66. #166
    Window Licker MikeHunt's Avatar
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    croatia
    this is fucking very good news.

    is armando involved also?

  67. #167
    I Went To America Gangers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Rosk View Post
    She's got a fella now mate, and she lives in Cardiff. She was the one that GBF referred to as "the fittest woman ever posted on here aside from celebrities". Or something like that.
    Fucking hell, kick a man while he's down why don't you?

  68. #168
    Shit is orrrn Simon's Avatar
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    zimbabwe
    "So, we've been shooting Alan Partridge's radio show all week. It'll pop up as 12 10-minute eps somewhere quite soon."

    From Armando Iannucci's Twitter.

  69. #169
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    The Sun in "getting something right" shocker.

  70. #170
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UmYOmTG3B0"]YouTube - Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partridge - Trailer[/ame]


  71. #171
    BC 4 Lyfe
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    Looks good. Fosters is piss though.

  72. #172
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Just pretend it's Directors Bitter.

  73. #173
    Shit is orrrn Simon's Avatar
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    zimbabwe
    Looks like they have got Tim Key on board as one of his regulars on the radio show, should be good. Look out for his laugh if you haven't seen him before, it's mad.

  74. #174
    Bloof(ilter) Guy's Avatar
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    I'm honestly waiting for Angelous Epithemou to breakout into the next Alan Partridge.

    I found his online stuff to be hilarious

  75. #175
    The Thinking Man's Idiot Simmo Fortyone's Avatar
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    So is this going to be an online series or something?

  76. #176
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    Yep.

  77. #177
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    I hope Michael makes an appearance to tell the real ending to that war story that Lynn ruined.

  78. #178
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  79. #179
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVWHaMbbzGs"]YouTube - Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partridge - Episode 1 Clip[/ame]

  80. #180
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    It's fucking here lads. It's here.

    www.fostersfunny.co.uk

  81. #181
    Bloof(ilter) Guy's Avatar
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    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucrpgmJxx0E"]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]

  82. #182
    The Beast From Belarus Hlebsfall's Avatar
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    nepal
    That was pretty shit I thought. The 'hot sauce' line was the funniest bit, and that came about 20 seconds in.

  83. #183
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    Yeah but Hlebsy mate you think that Roy Chubby Brown is funny.

  84. #184
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    Jim Jones: "I took them them on a long cycle ride, we cycled from Land's End to John O'Groats, a group of 11-12 year olds."
    Patridge: "I'm planning on doing the very same journey myself next year."
    Jim Jones:"What you're going from Land's End to John O'Groats on a bicycle?"
    Partridge: "No, in a Toyota Avensis."


  85. #185
    Bloof(ilter) Guy's Avatar
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    "This is North Norfolk Digital, sustaining and maintaining our core listener-ship in an increasingly fragmented marketplace...I just realised I read that from an internal memo"

  86. #186
    Winston Nicks A Lilt. Alf's Avatar
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    That was great.

  87. #187
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    Loved it.

  88. #188
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    Yes great stuff. The forced banter at the start especially, Tim Key is a champ.

  89. #189
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    "I can cycle 30 miles in 10 minutes."
    "But that'd be 180 miles an hour!"

  90. #190
    Simone turdpower's Avatar
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    Amazing.

  91. #191
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    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbiSJE6Dw_k"]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]

  92. #192
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    Lovely stuff.

  93. #193
    Window Licker MikeHunt's Avatar
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    croatia
    much better than the first one.

  94. #194
    Bloof(ilter) Guy's Avatar
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    The final sign off line is brilliant.

  95. #195
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    "Keep your clubs away from your young, it's Seal!"



    Liked the Syphilus bit at the end too.

  96. #196
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    Loved both of them tbh.

  97. #197
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    Sidekick Siiiiiiimon!

  98. #198
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    I loved him stealing Simon's gag.

  99. #199
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    zimbabwe
    http://www.shortlist.com/entertainme...tridge-is-back

    Has he left the BBC for good? What became of Monkey Tennis? Will there ever be a follow-up to Bouncing Back? Alan Partridge's triumphant return in new online show Mid-Morning Matters has thrown up some big questions. ShortList shared a Blue Nun with Norfolk's premier broadcaster to find the answers. And he's keen to set the record straight.


    Why have you been off our screens and airwaves for so long?

    Far from being “off” the airwaves – which’d be news to the listeners who’ve spent their mid-mornings with me for the last four years – I’ve actually broadened my audience massively. My BBC chatshow was watched by a cool 900,000 viewers. Mid-Morning Matters, available online, has a potential audience of 1.9 billion. That’s an increase of 211,000% – the kind of numbers BBC execs would cream themselves over.


    You’ve had trouble with commissioners in the past. Can you let us in on any recent show ideas that were rejected?

    If you want to sneer at me about Monkey Tennis, come out and say it. Because my response is easy. Ridiculed by the British cleverati, Monkey Tennis was snapped up by TV stations in Laos and Taiwan and ran for two successful years. I exec produced for a fee that almost exactly covered the cost of my air fare. After two series, the format reached the end of its natural life and the monkeys were quickly and humanely destroyed.

    I no longer pitch television shows.


    Had any reality TV offers you’ve turned down?

    I wouldn’t have time to take part in any. Period. The diaries of other celebs might be empty, but mine is ram-a-jammed. On Saturday, for example, I saw that Strictly Come Dancing was on. How could I have found time go along and do a rhumba this weekend? I had to re-grout the downstairs Khazi.


    Mid-Morning Matters will see you make your online debut. What’s the best and worst thing about the Internet age?

    Good question(s)! The worst thing is the paranoia. For some time, I refused to point the webcam directly at me because I was told that doing so would reveal my banking details. In actual fact, if someone points a webcam directly at you, it does not reveal your banking details.


    You’ve bounced back again, have you got any more books in the pipeline?

    Nothing concrete. I submitted a few pages of a novel to a publisher friend who described it as ‘Titchmarsh Lite’. Pretty encouraged by that, so I think I might pursue it. I read the Independent Lite the other day and it’s much better than The Independent.


    A new government has been installed since we last saw you. What do you think of them and the recent cuts?

    I’m just delighted that Cleggy’s got himself involved. Seems like a thoroughly OK chap to me. He has no real power but he gets to swan around Downing Street. Think about it – free teas and coffees, use of the photocopier, if he runs out of loo roll at home he can just nick some from number 10, that kind of thing. It sounds very pleasant to me.


    What have you had to give up because of the recession?

    My monthly donation to Oxfam. Very sad, but with the price of petrol ever-rising, I really do need that pound.


    You recently made an angry phone call to Kasabian’s Tom Meighan, what went on there? Which modern music acts are you a fan of and which can’t you stand?

    I’m actually thinking of going into music management. Last Wednesday I saw a mind-blowing new band called Dr Phil. Rather wonderfully, the lead singer is actually a doctor. (Though he’s not called Phil.)

    How can I describe their sound? Well other than just using the word ‘incredible’, I’d say they were like a cross between the best of the Tears for Fears (the band, not the album) and the best of Genesis (the album).


    If you had been trapped in with the Chilean miners how would you have passed the time?

    By mining.


    What’s your love life like at the moment and are there any women in the public eye you’re particularly fond of?

    Hey, I’m not ashamed to say I lead a healthy sex life. Fact is, women prefer men of a certain age. We take our time – have to, for cardiovascular reasons. But time has been kind to me, and I’ve morphed into a fairly attentive and quite generous lover. Have I shocked you? Are you shocked by this? I offer no apology. Yesteryear I’d never have dreamt about broaching this subject, but right now I take pride in my lovemaking. Next question.


    It’s two years since Sachsgate. Tell us about your biggest on-air blunder.

    On my TV chat show, I accidentally shot a man dead with a gun. Does that count or do want me to say another one?


    As a former sports broadcaster, what was your take on recent sporting scandals involving Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney and John terry?

    Each of those guys are big. And big men have needs. Especially when they’re fit. Quite simply, if you get a big man in shape he’s going to have sex. My question is more about just how rampant these men are. For example, what would happen if you locked Tiger Woods in a room with Wayne Rooney, but Wayne Rooney was wearing a dress and a full face of make-up? Certainly makes you think.


    Chris Moyles recently complained on air about not getting paid. Did you understand where he was coming from and have you experienced anything similar?

    Chris Moyles reminds me very much of me when I was younger. He’s probably my favourite modern disc jockey – edgy, knowing and cool. They should pay him on time. Come on BBC! Pay Chris on time!

    North Norfolk Digital is owned by Gordale Media – and they’re famously prompt payers. Besides, their CFO lives round the corner so I sometimes pop round and collect it.


    Did you throw your hat in the ring to replace Jonathan Ross at the BBC?

    Chat can be a very powerful thing. Like a new-born baby or nuclear waste, it needs to be handled with care. That’s why I’m delighted that Ross is to be replaced by Norton. Yes he’ll take prime time-chat in a new, more Irish direction. But I’m fine with that. He’s served his time on BBC2, now he’s ready to cross-over to BBC1 and play with the big boys. (Not literally. His sexuality is neither here nor there.)

  100. #200
    Streetwalker
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badger View Post
    "Keep your clubs away from your young, it's Seal!"



    Liked the Syphilus bit at the end too.
    Misquoted and misspelt.

    What a post

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