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Thread: WWWK Farmageddon 3

  1. #11
    likes pies RabidWookie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rip View Post
    Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated...

    El Squirrelo Flies!!!!!!!!!!
    *deletes epic death scene*

  2. #12
    75% Insane Rip's Avatar
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    No, Dumbo don't sit...


    Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Dumboooooooooooo!

  3. #13
    2003 R-Fed Number 1
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    Dec 2002
    Britneys back garden with binoculars
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    Icon8 Do you know why the caged bird fights?

    Today, about 3.30ish

    Justin is sitting in his dressing room and for once his entourage is no where to be seen. No manicurists, no stylists, not even an astrologist to be seen. As the camera pans out we start to realise why. Justins facing the camera and we pan out to reveal a woman with her back to us with long blonde hair.

    JT: Look, I know you've never done this before and it might seem like I'm asking a lot but thats why I pay you. To do stuff like this. You might be scared but...well hell you're not the first to debase yourself like this. And you might even enjoy it....I mean you probably won't, nothing about this will be fun for you. I'd actually be a little concerned if this didnt leave you with mental scars for the rest of your life....but you've gotten plenty of those in your line of work! And think of your kids, the extra pay will mean so much to them....sure they'll also see it on local tv and lose all respect for you. But its what I want and thats what matters most!

    The blondes shoulders slump and her head sinks as it seems like she's about to give in to Justin.

    Before Farmageddon 2

    Justin exits the bathroom a shaken man. He walked in a global megastar full of confidence but now he's a half inch shorter and full of Wookie milk from Mother Wookie. He leans on the door frame for a moment and tries to collect himself, he burps and he can still taste the Wookie milk on his breath and shudders.

    JT: Ok...I'm ok.

    Justin seems to be trying to convince himself. Mother Wookie looks at him quizzically.

    MW: You look pale Justin, want another pint of milk?

    Mother Wookie starts to loosen her top.

    JT: NO!! ....I mean...I'm fine...thanks. We need to get moving here, we don't have much time. TO THE TIMBERLAKEMOBILE!!!!!!!

    MW: Where is it?

    JT: Parked outside.

    MW: Ok, just let me get my jacket, its a bit nippy out.

    Justin shudders once more at the thought of Mother Wookies nipples.

    JT: Come on Coach, its time for the big reveal!

    After Farmegeddon 3

    JT: The closet?

    MW: It seemed the best place, cosy, out of the way. Plus it's where I keep the cleaning supplies so its the last place Rabid would look. He can barely keep himself clean let alone anything else.

    The ominous thumping from the closet continues.

    JT: Well we've had a change of plan. Timmy Tunes must be dealt with. When you beat him down he should have stayed down. Now he's put himself front and center at the top of my list of lowdown nogoodnicks. We must make an example out of him!

    MW: That wasn't our plan Justin, we're here for one reason and one reason only. To get WWWS back on track the way it should be.

    A kitten strolls up like it owns the place in the way only a cat can. Mother Wookie growls at it but it doesnt take the hint and starts rubbing up against her leg. Mother Wookies leg jerks all of a sudden kicking Coach squarely in the crotch. He goes down in a heap clutching whats left of his manhood.

    MW: Sorry about that Coach, these damn things keep rubbing up against me and giving me static shock.

    Coach: *in a very high pitched voice* I....I think I'm bleeding internally.

    Mother Wookie pulls out a boob and squirts a shot of milk right in the cats eye and it scurries away.

    JT: You'll be ok Coach...right Mama Wookie?

    MW: Well...probably. Once his testicles descend in a couple hours he'll be ok and his voice will go back to normal. But Coach's injuries are no reason to distract from our plan.

    JT: Obviously, its time Mother Wookie, it has to be done.

    Coach: *high pitched voice* But won't Timmy be expecting something like this?

    MW: He's right, I never thought I'd say it but Coach is right.

    Justin strokes his one hair on his chin that he calls his goatee as he realises Coach has a point. These are indeed strange times.

    Coach: *high pitched voice* Maybe we need a distraction?

    Justin smiles, his grin widens as a plan comes to his mind.

    JT: And I think I know just the thing...

    He looks devilishly at Coach and starts to laugh maniacally

    Today, about 3.32ish

    The blonde looks in the mirror and we finally see that its actually Coach in drag, not very well done drag either.

    Coach: *high pitched voice* But you promised I wouldnt have to dress as Britney after last time

    Justin starts coughing loudly and looks panicked in the direction of the camera.


    As a promo narrator I've had to do many things, I've narrated beat downs, murder, digusting sexual acts and even Falconarrow promos, but I will not narrate this scene between Coach and Justin. You filthy animals can just use your imagination.

    Today. At the tone it will be 3.34............beeep.

    JT: You better not have cut away was a trying time and we all make mistakes. Lets just leave the past where it belongs with Timmy Tunes career.

    Coach begins to sniffle.

    JT: Look Coach, this is going to be easy. Timmy Tunes is a manwhore, he'd get up on the crack of dawn if he could. The man has absolutely no standards, its disgraceful. he has absolutely no pride and will do anything. It's almost sad in a way that he has so little self respect.

    Last night

    3 women stand out side Justins dressing room excitedly. Justin stumbles out the door with a bottle of cooking sherry in his hand. He eyes each one of them up for a moment but it's slim pickings at Wookie Farms....well, slim's the wrong word...

    JT: You, with the unibrow and armpit hair, it's about to be your lucky night.

    Justin finishes his slurred charm and falls face forward in the doorway. The girl with unibrow takes off her eye patch and places it on Justin and drags him back into the dressing room by his leg as the other two women slink away wondering how Justin could turn down a winner of a Jeremy Clarkson lookalike contest and the girl known affectionately round the town as Grandma Death.

    Today, almost 3.35

    JT: He has no standards at all.

    He shakes his head sadly.

    *fade to Coach re-applying his make up*

    Last edited by Justin Timberlake; July 4th, 2017 at 6:58 PM.

  4. #14
    Cruiserweight Champion The Diamond's Avatar
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    The Talent Show

    A long time ago, me and Buddy went to talent show, we had nothing to lose, we were musicians, Jazz musicians baby. Man oh man could I play the keys Buddy was on Sax. We went and there we stood in front of some judges, judging us like they knew what talent was, like they thought themselves as Mr. Timberlake himself.

    “Rubbish, that was utter crap!”

    "Simon, Simon Trowel, You really think I’m going to take judgement from you? What do you other guys think? Let me guess, WASN’T soulful enough huh?
    You know what, Buddy play them some more Sax!"

    Buddy shook his head and was clearly upset about the whole thing, man it hit him hard. Sharon Frogspawn was legitimately going to town on his ass, I fucked her brains out later so it was all good, but man she ripped him a new one, and I never saw Buddy again.

    I fucked her brains out good, whilst Nicole Shirtswinger licked my balls, honey it was all sweet by the end of it. But still how was I supposed to know all they were looking for was singers, I thought at first they wanted some swingers…Hey I’m cool with that honey’s I’m down with that ya dig.

    No Talent!

    No Soul?

    No Rhythm?

    Man you just described Justin Timberlake to me fool. You looking at me with those beady little eyes Simon why don’t you come up here and do something about it? Of course Sharon Frogspawn and Nicole Shirtswinger put me through after having the balls to stand up to Simon but come on, we all know they really loved my balls…who doesn’t?

    Which now takes me to why I came here in the first place doesn’t it?

    You will never be Justin Timberlake, your rendition of Cry Me A River was plain awful, you know Justin…JT, it’s all because your music is the drizzling shits, we were young, god we were nave, I was a fan but something happened, something changed!

    You changed Justin, you started doing fucking movies, hanging out with THE COACH? Really dude? That shit is whack son. Coach wants to see me explode? Let him come a bit closer but tell him not to have his mouth open too wide, it get’s a bit salty.

    FUCK man, Justin Timberlake you fool, you think Mother Wookie is all dat? A hot ass mama?

    Why don’t you bring your lady down and I’ll bring my ladies to assist me too and we’ll compare who the real hot mama’s are?

    I’m glad Mother Wookie started this war between us though dude, man I’m so happy because my hatred for you goes way back, I’m going to make sure when I’m done with you and your looking up at me with your beady little eyes and your tongues gone all sore after licking mother wookies hairy ass, I’ll make sure you cry a waterfall of tears boy, now fuck off the stage and allow talent take it from here.



    I’m ready to explode, I’m coming, and soon very shortly…I will have arrived!

    War has begun, the explosions are going to go off in your faces, are you prepared sexy thangs?

    Are you ready to shake what ya momma gave ya?

    You damn should be sweet cheeks.

    Peace out sugars, Daddy’s coming for ya.
    Last edited by The Diamond; July 6th, 2017 at 11:03 AM.

  5. #15
    Cruiserweight Champion The Diamond's Avatar
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    The Stalker

    Almost 20 past Midnight and Mother Wookie has just gotten home from a long night out, probably a bingo hall or a Justin Timberlake concert. (which ever she finds more pleasurable.)

    She’s at home, oh man was she home, she looked like she’d enjoyed her night, oh man I could tell by her face she’d enjoyed herself. She was hot, sweaty and man the way she rubbed that extra virgin cooking oil all the way down her legs and then that chest, it made me feel so happy to be a stalker….this wasn’t recent by the way, this story is set when mother Wookie was a hot mama, not like she is now, she had class and a purpose then. A purpose I swore to keep private until thus day.

    I’ve know Mother Wookie for 11 years I was her stalker, I know her favorite color was Orange and that her dream was to always meet Justin Timberlake.

    Her son Rabid, well her son could very well be the son Justin always wanted to have…come to think about it? No it can’t possibly be can it? Mother Wookie have you been a bad girl?

    Man she was a hot lady, she caressed the oil in and I stood there, I wanted to offer my assistance but man I was so hard, so stiff…I could barely move ya dig. I was so hot, so ready to knock on her bedroom window and hope to have her then and then.

    This time, this time the clock ticked for too long, man the clock kept ticking, it ticked and ticked but recently I could not take it, I had to let my actions speak, I revealed that I would have her and it would happen at Farmaggeddon.
    She betrayed me, used me just so she could have Justin Timberlake’s T-Shirt, you strangled me with that and I fell for it, I’d never felt so heartbroken, ashamed!

    Used like a piece of meat, you fucking whore, nobody has ever done that to TIMEBOMB! I will explode in your hairy little face, I’ll fucking make sure you gag on it bitch and then I’ll make you drown, yes choke on it you little slutty whore. Man I’m fucking down with you, nah nobody treats me that way.

    Timebomb was there, he was young and he smelt his fingers after fiddling with your panties in the window, it was all sweet, but then you had to put the dagger in didn’t you? JT, Mama Wookie I’ve got two nuts for you to come and choke on and yes don’t worry there’s plenty enough for the squirrel to get some also.

    The milks now sour though baby, I’m tired of playing these little games, you wanna fuck, or you don’t wanna I could care less, we gonna fuck, but not in the way it was intended!
    Man it was a hot and sweaty last night though Justin, tell Coach that his sister and mother were taking an ice bath when I was through with them, sorry about the red marks on their backs by the way, they liked being whipped…oh boy did they enjoy that shit.

    It was all good homeboy, I sure made them cry a river.

    Tick Tock….

    Tick Tock...

    Tick Tock…

    Your about to suck my….
    Last edited by The Diamond; July 6th, 2017 at 11:37 AM.

  6. #16
    godless mth's Avatar
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    I don't know what demons do in their spare time since they're not really real and I'm not a nutty religious person who believes in, uh, Cactus Black is just roaming the streets at night and eating stray cats, I guess. Anyway, he pauses for a milkshake when suddenly there is a blinding flash of light behind him and it fades to reveal...

    The tiny adorable angel takes a seat on the picnic table beside the hideous hell-cactus.

    "He's just using you, you know. You're a means to an end. You're a tool, a pawn, a puppet."

    Cactus whirls around, rearing up with spiny tendrils all writhing and extra spiny.

    "Easy. We're in the same boat. You, me, we're the same. We're just cogs in the machine.
    This...battle, this war, been going on since forever and will keep going on for forever. There's never going to be an end, there's never going to be a winner.
    When you're eternal, you get bored real quick, and you've got to amuse yourself somehow or you have to stop and stare that eternity in the face and believe me, I saw the Big Guy looking in the mirror once and He was *this* close to cracking...
    You know my boss made your boss to give himself a project so he wouldn't go insane, right?
    And so you look around and you see it...the never ending struggle of good versus evil...played out in every one of these poor skin sacks walking around this planet.
    But it's all just a perpetual game of checkers with unlimited squares and unlimited pieces.
    So what the fuck are we supposed to do?"

    I'm sorry this promo's not really funny. Bit dark and deep, really.

    "Well, that's why I'm here. Trying to disrupt the system just a bit. Trying to wake you up just a bit.
    Maybe there really are Very Big PlansTM, maybe not, it doesn't matter.
    What matters is you.
    You don't have to do this for them.
    You don't have to do this for him.
    You can do this for you.
    We're just cogs in the machine but what's a machine without cogs?
    ...maybe somewhere inside you there's still Cactus "The Cactus" Cactus, hero to millions, vigilant do-gooder...
    ...and maybe his bravery and courage and prickly pride are still stewing inside of you...
    ...and maybe he'll want to think for a minute and give those supposed Very Big PlansTM and the selfish asshole behind them the finger...err, whatever the cactus-given equivalent to the finger is.
    And maybe he'll go win that Championship Cat because he wants to.
    For himself.

    Cactus Black hesitates for a moment...
    ...then whips a tendril and rips her skeleton out through her mouth.

  7. #17
    likes pies RabidWookie's Avatar
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    Great stuff so far guys

    I've had a hectic couple of weeks prepping for and exhbiting at Oz Comic Con so I haven't had a chance to do much with the next show yet, but I'll be getting to work on it tomorrow.

  8. #18
    likes pies RabidWookie's Avatar
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    I'm almost done with Hook, Line & Sinker so it'll be up later this week.

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