We open outside the Landmark Theatre in Chicago across the lake.
Mr. Showtime: Welcome to another edition of the huRt!
Katie Holmes: Is that the name of the federation or the show?
Mr Showtime: I'm not sure, Kev's pm box was full when I tried to pm him this week
Katie Holmes: Breaking the 4th wall already?
Mr Showtime: Breaking it? I don't even have one. I live in the park here across from the theatre
Katie Holmes: And why are we even shooting from here?
We cut to inside the building. The fans go crazy at the return to r-fedding of 9 time Grammy award winner, 3 time Brit award winner, 4 time Emmy award winner, 7 time nominee for Times Most Influential Person award, URW Survivor winner, former XRF Hardcore Champion and 2003 R fed Number 1: Justin Timberlake. Although it has to be said that most of the crowd seem to be pre teen girls wearing JT t shirts although there are a few 40 somethings and Revol wearing N*Sync t shirts as well.
Justin walks down the aisle wearing his rebellious leather jacket rebelliously and by his side, the ever present Jonathan "The Coach" Coachman.
Mr. Showtime: Fun fact, The Coachs real name isn't actually Coachman, he changed it to that so it was more relevant to wrestling
Katie Holmes: What was his name before?
Showtime: Jonathan Fightmaster
Showtime: We don't have a titantron or anything here but it looks like J.T. has brought his own.
Katie: That doesn't seem very realistic for a small time wrestling organisation...
Showtime: Well it's the budget version...
Showtime is right as a big screen TV is wheeled out onto the stage and blazes into life as Justin points to it as the crowd roar in anticipation.
The Coach looks around beaming at the crowd, the crowd looks back at him slightly confused and J.T. just stares. He starts arguing at Coach who tries to get him to re-create the pose but Justin is having none of it.
Justin: God damnit Coach, that is not what I wanted for my triumphant return. You had one job! I should have left you begging for scraps outside the Amsterdam Arena where i found you.
Coach looks sadly down at his feet.
Showtime: Fun fact, The Coach's top begging strategy involves him dressing as a little old lady and chatting up naive college students
Katie: Why do you even know that?
Showtime: My strategies weren't working and I needed the money
Justin: It's me, it's me, Justin T in the place to be...the only place left to be at the moment. The great R Feds of years past have fallen by the wayside. XRF, RWA, URW and RWF. Once titans of the industry and now, almost forgotten memories. Of course thats no surprise. Once I left URW it fell apart, once I left XRF it died. And RWF and RWA never even had my star power to get them through the dark times.
Coach enthusiastically nods behind Justin T, until his glasses fall off his head. JT looks at him as he starts to remember why he fired him in the first place.
JT: When I started here, everyone thought i was a joke. No one saw the danger in URW survivor until I stood triumphant at the end of it as the last man there.
Coach: But didn't you win that just because you refused to leave the building unless Jarvis Jones declared you the winner.
JT: A wins a win Coach, you'd know that if you'd ever won anything.
Coach: But he didn't do it, he just went home and the cleaning staff just told you you'd won so they could close up for the night.
JT: Yes and then I went on to be one of Time magazines 100 most influential people in the world 7 times in a row.
Katie: Its a scary world when a washed up R Fedder can be that influential
Showtime: I'm influential?
Katie: Different washed up R-Fedder...
JT: And just like in URW I'm here to take over the R-Fedding world and bring it back to the glory days.
Coach suddenly looks up guiltily.
JT: Glory days, Coach. Days.
Showtime: You know-
Katie: If you say you've got a fun fact one more time I'll stab you with my pen
Showtime: ...never mind...
JT: I don't know who my first opponent is going to be, but I do know that I will prevail, I will make an example of them and I will be the first huRt champion.
Justin drops the mic dramatically and starts to leave.
Coach: Yeah! Thats exactly what he'll do!
JT: Damnit Coach...you ruined a perfectly good ending.
Coach: Well I promised myself my days of giving happy endings were over when I came back here!
JT: You disgust me Coach.
Coach: I keep showering but I never feel clean.
JT and Coach walk behind the curtain, still arguing.
Xavier "Phoenix" Life walks out to the crowd but the entire pre-teen crowd is already finding their way out of the theatre now the man they came to see, Justin Timberlake, has finished up. The backstage staff are already removing the tv and are cleaning up after the huge firework display as Xavier walks to the ring sadly. The newcomer who many haven't heard about yet just can't compete with a world wide megastar like Justin Timberlake.
Xavier: Damn you Justin Timberlake, and I didn't even give you permission to use me in this promo!
Xaviers face is blurred out but it's too late at this stage as Xavier storms to the back.
Showtime: Fun fact abowwwwwww!!!!
Katie: I warned you
Showtime pulls the pen out of his leg as we fade to Coach outside selling Two Dudes With Attitudes t-shirts.