The Eurovision Song Contest

[Mr McGregor]

This is happening again.

For those unfamiliar, the Eurovision Song Contest, established in 1956, is an annual music and television event where participating countries elect and enter a song into competition to be performed live and scored by the other competing nations at an internationally broadcast Grand Final, normally hosted by the previous year’s winning nation.

Basic rules are that the entrants must be members of the European Broadcasting Union (so some northern African and Asian countries are eligible), songs must be 3 minutes long with all vocals performed live and with no more than 6 performers on stage (including vocalists, dancers, acrobats, butter churners, epic sax guys etc). After all the songs are performed, each nation presents scores for their top 10 ranked songs (maximum 12 points, no 11 or 9 scores for some reason) determined by a 50/50 combination of national jury vote and public telephone vote. The country with the highest score at the end wins a cheap looking glass trophy with a bunch of flowers, the opportunity to perform the song again to close the show, and the responsibility of hosting the next show the following year (if they want).

Curious to know what people here think of this. Loads of people hate it or think it’s a waste of money. The contest goes way beyond being a song competition with gimmicks and political messages being a massive influence on scores, and people arguing that the voting is politically biased despite the genuinely better songs consistently winning the thing (ignoring last year’s gimmick beating out the best song).

Personally, I grew up watching it with my parents each year so I blame them, but I enjoy watching it for the commentary, the spectacle and seeing how batshit crazy the Europeans are. I think it used to be fairly popular here until it was presumed the UK’s political popularity was negatively affecting the results (couldn’t have been the fuck-awful songs then). I’ll usually watch the whole show with a few drinks, alone or better with mates. It’s easily the gayest thing I do outside of the bedroom.

I'm sure there used to a thread for this but I couldn't find it by searching.

Any thoughts on this? Memories etc?

[Simmo Fortyone]

Yeah I enjoy watching it each year. Good fun.

Australia's got an entry this year. And it will be very pedestrian.

[The_Mike]

Australia? And I thought Israel was pushing the definition of 'Euro'...

I was never a fan but it was always on in the house and I found the post-Iraq years pretty funny as nobody like Britain at all. Geez, you invade a country and kill a bunch of people and suddenly the Germans give you nil points...

[Mr McGregor]

Yeah, Australia have been invited to compete this year as a one-off for the 60th anniversary and because it's bizarrely popular there allegedly. If they win, they'll be allowed back to compete next year but they cannot host it. I reckon they might do okay, the singer has a decent voice but the song is pretty dated.

Not going to say the Iraq business didn't sour Europe against the UK, but did you hear the horrible shit UK entered in the noughties? Nil points deserved and Iraq forgivable by comparison.

The UK placed top 5 twice in amongst all of that garbage with fairly decent efforts so I don't see the politics being a major influence, not any more anyway. Russia have been getting loud negative reactions the past few years, presumably for their recent Ukraine invasion and their homophobic propaganda - they haven't dropped below top 10 recently.

[Mr McGregor]

Some pretty terrible songs went through in last night's semi, at least 4 of the 10 shouldn't have made the cut IMO (Armenia, Belgium, Romania, Serbia) though I guess the overall standard is fuckawful, especially the UK. Mel Giedroyc was pretty funny on commentary.

I heard that Sweden are the favourites again but I've got a feeling Russia could do it. They seem to want it, odd considering they'd have to accommodate all those child-raping gays next year.

[Mr McGregor]

Well fuck it, I'm aware that probably nobody else here watched this or gives a hoot, but we had a great time watching this and I don't have anywhere to put this so I'll just go ahead and reply to myself Just for closure, y'know

Real fun show I thought. Interesting. The songs definitely grow on you seeing them performed live after watching the promos. Actually felt as though there was a decent variety even though in reality the majority of them were ballads of various genres, sung by duets. Italy's and Russia's performances were crazy epic towards the end of the music section, and the Australian guy was brilliant - best vocal of the night. Coming fifth on their first attempt is ace, they should compete every year. Really liked the songs by Estonia, Norway, Georgia. Hungary and Lithuania were nice. Then there was some total garbage from UK, Poland, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Serbia, and Montenegro.

A few comical errors - Lithuania got carried away with a mid-performance PDA, missing their cue to resume singing, and someone went a bit OTT with the smoke machine on Georgia's entry to the point where the first verse was just cloud. The stream was lost with several of the scoring reps too, which I haven't seen happen for years, but they owned it immediately and went straight to the next country. The scoring itself was interesting, mostly defying the expected bloc voting with the more obscure songs from Latvia, Italy and Belgium scoring highly, although Austria getting nothing and coming last was odd. It's as if, for a change, the voting is still becoming more about the songs and less influenced by politics, as it should be.

Sweden next year. I didn't like the song but I can see why it won. Not a patch on Euphoria. It'd be cool if Australia return, they contributed a lot to the show. I heard even China are becoming interested. I'd quite like to see UK get in the spirit of the thing, pick a decent song, something current, maybe by public vote like every other nation does and not have some ageing BBC executive choose some shite that might have scored 15 years ago. Not take it too seriously, but mainly not to appear so bad at it. With the political elements on the way out we could stand a chance.

[ReDPath]

[Mr McGregor]

This is sounding particularly wanky this year. Really bad. Australia are returning, but China didn't make it in time, and it'll now also be broadcast live on US television for this first time ever. If you're really lucky, you'll get the Graham Norton commentary.

Nothing really stands out among the dross. Last year there were a number of fairly good duets influenced by the previous year's runner-up. This year is almost exclusively solo acts, influenced by last year's winner. One exception is the UK who got to vote for their entry in a national final for the first time in a few years, and then the song became over-produced. The favourites are Sweden (again) and Hungary but definitely more to do with who's singing rather than the actual songs. Ukraine and Azerbaijan sound more like current chart songs so they might do alright.

[Judas Iscariot]

Was AMERICA invited to win this year?

Also, I listened to a minute of that "Cry Baby" song and have never heard more off key singing before.

[Mr McGregor]

Amurrika won't be in it this year, unfortunately. But similar to Australia and China, as associate EBU members, they could probably if they really wanted to.

Cry Baby. I can't. Interestingly that was the year UK first claimed failure due to Iraq, not for being completely fucking horrible or anything. Unlike some other countries, UK hasn't taken it seriously in years, and then finds it unacceptably political when they lose. And then just re-enters the next year with more bollocks, and thus loses etc etc.

That was also the year of t.A.T.u or whatever, the Russian schoolgirl clam-jousters. They were apparently total bastards to the extent that the broadcasters had recorded a rehearsal to play live when they inevitably acted up on stage. They didn't in the end and it was fine and they lost to a Turkish song below.

The bit at the beginning is called a 'Postcard' and is how they present each song, every year, from every country. The song starts at 00:33 if you really want to play it.

[Grimario]

We're gonna win it this year

[Mr McGregor]

It's possible. You've already mastered playing the publicity game with your entry's not-so-controversial lyrics, and among the turds it's probably a type 5 on the Bristol Stool chart (lacking fibre). Your chap last year was ace I thought

[Grimario]

Guy Sebastian is pretty awesome for someone who won Australian Idol.

[Mr McGregor]

They're going to have to get through the 2nd Semi tonight, they probably will but it's a bit unpredictable considering some pure shite managed to knock out some lesser shite in the 1st one. Shit which included this from Iceland:



And this from the Epic Sax Guy nation of Moldova:



... we'll never have to see/hear again.

I was wrong about the favourites. Russia are touted to win but purely on the fact that the singer is dry-humping the special effects. The song is proper abysmal and if it does win it's going to make the contest look worse than ever. A proper step backwards. France are second favourite with a song that sounds like it wasn't an accident, so fingers-crossed for them not to ruin it.

Other than that, we have a decent commentary team and the hosts are pretty funny/dirty this year. Also funny, 200 million viewers globally and I'm the only one here who watches/comments

[Grimario]

What are your thoughts on Australia's inclusion again? There's been a bit of press here this week saying it's a bad thing.

I think the only bad thing about it is that we are sending musicians who sing good songs, not Eurovision worthy milk maids bouncing massive jubblies or people singing while some bloke is behind them running in massive hamster wheels.

[Mr McGregor]

Ha. Personally think it's a good thing, it might help develop it into something global and hopefully bring it back to being a music tournament thing with more credible music. It's a bit of a joke here in UK because we treat it that way, the acts will try to stand out by doing something mental in their performance and the voters will respond to that instead of the song. Some people will resent other countries participating, mistaking 'Eurovision' for meaning Europe, when it's just the name of a broadcasting union that's internationally available. Then the gays hijack it because these mental things are "omg outrageous, bitch" so a lot of blokes will dismiss it and watch some soccer. And then you have bloc voting, which is exaggerated as politically biased but is actually culturally influenced. So the songs become less important and the quality suffers.

Australia have been pretty successful musically here in parts of Europe so I reckon it'd be cool if you continued entering decent songs by decent performers, and you'll hopefully shift the focus back to music. Genuinely thought when Loreen won for Sweden with 'Euphoria' that it was heading in that direction, but then bearded novelty 'woman' beat out the better song of that year, so anything goes it seems.

What's the bad press for? The expense?

[Grimario]

Exactly what I said. Australia continuing to send serious musicians takes away from the spectacle of Eurovision.

Apparently Graham Norton had a whine about it as well. Think he's worried we'll win omw baddie England does.

[Mr McGregor]

Fucking Norton costing us Australian points. Knew he was on Ireland's side.

A decent non-gimmicky song could win the competition though. Ref: Loreen (again) - good song, good singer, no gimmick, minimal staging (the most minimal you can get), no political barminess, and then it scored something like the most points ever, raised the profile of the competition and even managed to chart in USA, which was unheard of since ABBA. That might've been the year of hamster-wheel and the Russian Grannies. It's funny stuff to some, really stupid to others, but essentially everyone's entertained.

EDIT: So here after re-watching, I've just realised that Croatia's song is bloody lovely...



... but right before this went live, the commentators were joking about what she was wearing and to expect a comedy costume-change, so initially I dismissed it and probably wouldn't have voted for it if that was possible.

Conversely, I didn't think Moldova were doing horrifically until that fucking spaceman showed up, then it automatically became a nil points. Gimmicks wreck everything.

[Mr McGregor]

OK yep, Australia top 3 unquestionably. Really impressive. I missed it live because Lithuania broke my flash player, but after watching on YouTube it's a winner. Thought it was a bit of a mean trick to leave her perched on that box though. Bit harsh.

I reckon it could even beat France, who are second favourite. The Russia thing is frustrating me more than it should. It's such a truly fuckawful horrible song, genuinely one of the worst I've ever heard even by Eurovision standards, so I just really cannot understand how it's so popular and expected to win. It's giving me emotions.

Poland shouldn't have got through, but they like winding people up. Glad Latvia got through, it has some different sounds. That Ireland chap off of Westlife was pretty bad.

[Mr McGregor]

Crazy show. Completely unexpected result. The way they decided to announce the votes was legit edge-of-your-seat intense compared to previous years, especially when it seemed like Australia was the obvious winner.

The popularity of both Ukraine and Russia's songs is baffling. Russia's sounded like an entry from the nineties, deliberately pandering with a horrible tempo, random arrangement and irritating as fuck voice, while Ukraine's had a really unique sound, decent singer, but the song kind of felt mediocre while completely depressing. If it had to become political to score higher than than that hideous Russian song then I'm glad about it. And Russia's complaining is only drawing more attention to the fact. But both of these placings prove that neither the juries nor the public are voting for the songs this year.

Poland I also don't understand how they scored so highly. Similarly, Latvia and Croatia scored unexpectedly low. A lot of crap, out of the 26 songs there may be 5 or so I'd watch again if they appeared on the YouTube recommendations, but I wouldn't search for them deliberately. Unpredictable, weird, confusing, funny, and intriguing is about the gist of it.

Looking forward to hearing the winner in a GTA game in 5 years time

[wardy]

I'm quite gay for a straight man, but Eurovision is fucking crap.

[Grimario]

Ffs.

[Mr McGregor]

Funny you say that wardy, yet I'm not in the slightest bit gay for a homosexual man, but Eurovision is cool.

I confess it's not my taste in music, but that just means I can remain objective about it. I get the 'gay' thing but I wish that had less to do with it. Certainly hadn't thought about bums and willies, definitely not when I started watching at 5 years old with the family, same time as pro wrestling so I guess it has that nostalgia. Also enjoy all the broken English, the big crowds, the pretty lights, and all the hiccups that come along with a live international broadcast. Awkward verbal exchanges, farcical competition, excessive pyro, terrible choreography, pointless acrobatics - it's basically wrestling in music form, no?

[Grimario]

I'd like to have Sweden host forever. Mans and Petra are wonderful and their number was the second best song of the night.

[Mr McGregor]

I'd like to have Sweden host forever. Mans and Petra are wonderful and their number was the second best song of the night.

Much. They were excellent, the best by comparison. Usually the hosts are kind of stiff, these were like cartoons. I'm pretty sure last time in Sweden Petra did a song about Australia during the interval? The Globe and the set and production stuff all looked ace also, tons better than last time in Malmö. Your woman got to do some almost-nifty hologram shit. It still impresses me that she sang most of that on that box, and I'm trying to work out how she got down from it.



I read earlier that if last year's scoring hadn't changed, Australia would've won this, something to do with combining and now not-combining the public votes with the juries'. That sucks if true.

[Mr McGregor]

Won't be bumping this thread again this year. Portugal to win please.

[Dreyski]

It's certainly no 2013.

[Dreyski]

One bottle of wine in, and it's not so bad.

Half a dozen decent songs. No idea who will win.

[Mr McGregor]

What was 2013? The Malmö one?

Fucking elated Portugal won after reading the Robbie Williams gimmicky shit from Italy was going to take it. UK not doing too terribly either for a change. But the winning song usually influences future entries, so the contest could possibly be heading in an interesting direction for the next year. Maybe bring back the orchestra?

[Darkoke]

Spain and Ukraine were my picks

[Clive Plasma]

Moldova were robbed

[Mr McGregor]

I liked that Ukraine's wasn't so stereotypical, don't think it deserved so few points but then voters are more enamoured to the stereotypes for some reason. Spain was fine but I think there was some controversy about their national selection in that most Spanish wanted to send a different song?

Hungary, Belgium and France were decent. I don't know how the fuck Croatia's hideous Jekyll & Hyde conversion therapy song scored so well. My dad wanted the yodelling to win...

[Simmo Fortyone]

Romania

The Croatia one was clearly a duet but they could only afford to send one of them.

Australian entry was shiiiiiit. I don't know why SBS have a hard-on for sending Idol/Voice winners.