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ou[R] Fed presents...
**The Phoenix Cup Tournament**
SECOND ROUND: LADDER MATCH
MR. H versus THE JITTERMAN
aka @mth vs. @King Diamond
3 alternating promos from each competitor. Remember the criteria you will be judged on:
-Selling characters/story
-Selling the match
-Entertainment Value
-Grammar/Cohesion
First come, first serve to start the promos.
Black fades to white. We slowly pan up an expanse of white squares revealing it to be a tile floor as we come upon the clawed feet of a bathtub. As we draw closer, a familiar voice echoes within the room, singing a familiar tune,
“...my toe bones connect to my...foot bone,
my foot bone connects to my...ankle bone,
my ankle bone really...fucking hurts...
oooh thaaaanks a lot, Papa Riiiip!”
We pan up the side of the tub to reveal a bubbly mountain of suds and emerging from the top of it is the upper quarter of The Electric Hobgoblin himself, Mr. H. A handful of scrapes and bruises peek through the smeared and smudged remnants of facepaint that still cling to his face. He thrusts a leg straight up through the frothy heap and gently rubs a bar of soap on his exposed limb, his pink painted toes wiggling towards the ceiling.
“Welp, one round in the books and The Old Man took everything I had and then some.
Not surprised.
Life's been punching the poor bastard in the guts for years and he barely sells a lick of it. Man could take a hurricane to the face and you'd barely see an eyelid twitch. Then he'd grab that hurricane by the ballbag and teach it how to be a man.
Ya know, usually it's the proud pappa telling his boy how he feels but this go 'round, I'mma flip it: you see that twinkle in my eye, Ripper? That's for you. You may not have put me down but good gawd, man, you shut me up...”
This time his hands rise from the tub and he applauds, seemingly with sincerity.
“She'd be proud, Rip.”
The awkward moment of genuine sincerity hangs in the air for a second before he blinks and shakes his head.
“But now, now, now I am tubbin' it up because I gotta level: that first round, that first tangle, things got deep and dark and it seemed like just about everyone was talking about death and woof, me and the Old Man got right into the blood and guts personal shit and...and...
...well, ya boy needs a good scrubbin' to get the funk off.
This the Phoenix Cup, babycakes!
They shot a jolt of resurrection juice in the R-Feds' ass-cheek but here were are getting all sad and gritty and oh bloo-bloo-bloo! when we should be hooting and hollering and having a goddamn BALL!
So yeahyeahYEAH, good ol' Mr. H is gonna clean off this first round, soak his sore bones from a Grade A Ripper-brand thrashing, and then suit up in style, serve you that Neon Nightmare realness you paid to see and make this second round the celebratory shindig it oughtta be!”
He lays back in the tub and stares up with a smile,
“And I gotta say, Round 2 is looking mighty scrumptious to me.
I mean, truth be told, when I saw the roster for this tourny I prayed to the pipe-smoking rabbit of wrestling that I get matched up with this Jitterman and looks like ol' Santy Claus and/or lil' Baby Jeebus heard my cry and over stuffed my stocking...
...'cuz not only do I have this weird and wonderful whackjob, a man after my own heart (and other twitchy bits!), Lord knows I likes 'em SPOOKY...
...but they've iced the damn cake, my personal favorite stipulation has been slapped on the match to boot!
Mmmmm-hmmm, yesssssss, happiest of holidays to me...”
He sits up and looks square into the camera, his crooked grin gleaming,
“So, uh, what's the, uh, protocol here?
Do I introduce myself to you, uh, directly, Mr. Jitterman or do I, uh, gotta go through the lady first?
'Cuz there's room for two in this tub, I've been marinating for awhile now, steeeeeping, as it were, so c'mon in, the water is very fine indeed...
...would be glad to have either one of you drop in for a dip and we can...get acquainted.
Otherwise, well, otherwise we gotta save it for the ring and the lights and the crowds and the pomp...
...and yes, yes, yes I do have no problem making sure you're extremely aware of who in the hell I am between the bells and I'm more than happy to allow a little...feeling out process...to make sure I know just who and what I'm dancing with out there...
...but you know, out there, I'm on the clock, that's where the artist goes to work, that's when I'm putting brush to canvas and all eyes are on us...we're not afforded the same...intimacy, yeah?
So c'mon, strip down and hop in the soup!
But Jitters, please, leave the mask on, hm?”
He winks and chuckles.
“Ahhh, we have fun, we're having a good time.
I know, I know, you two are probably busy, hell, probably having a bath together as we speak...I mean, I dunno if that's your angle, but I think I'm gonna spend the last few minutes in here thinking about that and...polishing up the last few pieces of myself, heh...
...and when I'm fresh and spiffy and the Round One funk's down the drain, I've got me a hot date.
Not with you two fine folks, no, not yet...
...no, with an old friend.
And old friend with a podcast.
Exclusive interview.
Kickout@2 with Molly Jacobs.
With special guest: Mr. mother-and-father-fucking H, kids.
Click onto it. Tune into it. Dial it effffff up.
Pop in your Air Pods, Jitterman, and give 'er a listen while you...
well, you probably just sit there and rock back and forth and she knits off to the side and it's all a little....
unsettling...
and...
...and god, you've got me all aflutter, Jitters! I hope you don't just bring me a bathtub of what you're all about....I want an Olympic swimming pool full of your creepshow, you get me?
I wanna backstroke in the pitch black void of your whole DEAL.
LET'S GET FREAKY.
Make me quiver.
Make me shriek.
Make me jelly, big fella.
Send a shiver up my spine...
...you know, the spine?
The Backbone?
Mmm...”
He once again reclines as his voice drifts back into a tune,
“Everything's connected to the...Backbone.
Now heeear the word of Mr. H...”
He laughs and sinks beneath the bubbles as we fade to black.
He'll Catch You Unawares
We see the old rocking horse positioned in front of the window on this dark still night, it suddenly moves on its own...back and forth...back and forth it rocks.
The curtains begin to blow but the windows are closed, so ask yourself, what is moving them?
Sudden loud banging comes from above…
Oh take no notice, he's just playing… so for now my little beauties focus on me...focus on what I have to tell you.
Alice sits on the old crooked chair, she sits folding her arms and looks down at her torn stockings.
oh these old things…been torn up for awhile now, I guess you could say they're needing to be put out to pasture, hmm speaking of being put out to pasture…
The old man was bound to come tumbling down, oh poor fool, I did enjoy the match though, very amusing to see.
The Jitterman appears from out of nowhere,, he begins to crawl towards Alice, putting one hand in front, each getting slower and slower each time. Alice meanwhile doesn't take any notice as she begins to pour herself a cup of tea.
You have to hand it to Mister H, he loves to make a lot of noise, likes to try and make a little splash if you catch my drift, The Jitterman however is nothing like you've ever met, nothing your tiny mind can comprehend, you must understand that Mister H, you must understand you will always be afraid of that unexplained fear, that fear of not knowing what will happen in your future.
That fear of how it will end for you? How will the mind of such a pretty and colourful storyteller as yourself end?
The answer is…
Alice gets up and saunters down a corridor, she walks into a room where there are tables and chairs and a blackboard.
The room is covered in dust and cobwebs, old dummies sit in the chairs as though ready to start the day's lesson.
The Jitterman appears again in the window which catches Alice off guard, she looks down at her feet as a cockroach passes her by.
Oh my, where was I? He creeps up on you at the worst of times doesn't he? He just catches you unawares!!
Good day class!
Very good, today we have a guest joining us from a bathtub, oh genius but can anyone solve the problem?
Yes Giles?
You're a dummy Giles excellent!
Nooo you see the problem is he invited us to join him for his little bathtime, the problem is The Jitterman loves to play...but bathtime oh there's one thing missing
Nooo not a rubber duck, oh rubber dub dub there's only room for one in the tub.
The problem is The Jitterman needs his roaches, The Jitterman needs to wash your sins away dear boy, The Jitterman is coming to play...I do hope you're prepared, remember what happened to Gardner afterall, oh we do miss that sweet sweet charm of his, pity he couldn't have stayed around to see the incredible colourful little prince, drowned in a bath of his own blood…
Oh…MY
He's here.
The Jitterman is standing at the back of the class tilting his head back and forth, back and forth…
The lights flicker before the classroom goes dark.
Settle down class, settle down!
Who's messing with the lights? Who's messing with our minds?
Mister H are you ready to Jitter with him?
Do you feel that spine tingling feeling...OH IT'S FanTasTiC!
Come Play!
The lights come on and the blackboard suddenly has writing on it.
"Mister H, I admire your confidence, your wit and charm are pretty much why I wanted to play with the painted prince the most! All very important in this game those qualities you'll bring to this play date of ours. Ladders you'll climb but the snakes you shall fall...
Mister H considers this, consider The Jitterman your final playdate. He has come to end the reign of the poisonous grip mankind has on this world... he has come to end the legend that be... don't you get it now?"
The Jitterman appears with his back to us, as as he carries on the writing on the blackboard.
I belong in that deep part which you lock away, that part of you which you don't want to enter Mister H.
The part you choose to blank out, to ignore.
I am tHe JiTTERMan, REAdy OR Not...HERe I COMe.
The Jitterman leaves the room but not before chuckling away as the evil laughter echoes throughout Alice's house.
Water suddenly begins to pour in from the ceiling, filling the class room with water..the water begins to turn a hot pink and yellow now, the same colours that represent the man known as Mister H.
This is in homage to the man who held on to what he loved the most, he loved to come out and entertain you folks out there. Wowie wasn't he just that spoonful of sugar in your cup of tea…
Something's have to end.
Something's have to change.
Something's have to die.
Yes Mister H you want this darkness in The Jitterman but yet you do not understand…and will never understand HIM…
A little blonde haired girl is seen swinging on a swing in the playground. Her hair is in pig-tails and she is wearing a white dress with little red shoes. She begins to giggle before uttering the words...
When you go down into the woods today, YoU'rE SuRe Of A biG SurPRisE!
Come Jitter with HIm, I promise He Won't BitE
Well nOt Much anyways…
X
“Welcome back to Kickout@2, thanks again to Goober VPN for sponsoring today's episode and for keeping folks out of our data but mostly for letting us watch foreign Netflix. I'm still Molly Jacobs and we've come to the part of the show you've all been waiting for, please welcome to the studio, a multiple time champion everywhere he goes, a legend of the R-feds, The Painted Prince of Pandemonium, The Backbone of the Business, currently preparing for Round 2 of the Phoenix Cup tournament: Mr. H!”
“Reunited and it feels so very good, hmm?”
“Thank you for being on the show, Mr. H.”
“Ah yes, yes, yes, the consummate professional, Miss Molly Jacobs, a stark contrast to ol' H-face who's been advised to stay in the straight and narrow lane lest this show be reeeeaaally short. Mm, I will promise you this, friend, I will remain properly socially distanced over here's iffin' you can manage to keep yourself safely seated over yon, yes?”
“Of course.”
“Well, I know that past interactions betwixt us have not always gone so...smoothly. And I don't know if I ever apologized for that one time I-”
“It's fine. Now, congratulations on advancing in the first round of the Phoenix Cup...”
“Gracias and all but you know that round's in the pipes, let's just get right to Round 2, let's just get right to the real reason I'm here to talk about my new favorite thing in the world: The Jitterman!”
“Alright. Round 2 of the tournament sees you facing the strange and sinister Jitterman. Now, while what we're seeing from Jitterman is the stuff of nightmares to just about everyone, myself included, you seem...excited?...to face him?”
“He's done it, Molly, he's done what he said he would. He's given me the goddamn JITTERS. They should really nail me to this chair because I am vibrating over here!”
“I can see that you are indeed very...well, jittery.”
“It's gonna be Christmas fucking morning, Molly.
See, see, yeah, yeah, the dude is spooky, the dude is creepy, the dude's a big ol' monster freak boy living in Scarytown with roaches and cobwebs and Alice and I LOVE IT.
I want it. I need it.
YUM YUM YUM.
'Cuz yeah, yeah, that stuff'll shake the rest, that stuff'll spook 'em all, that'll rattle 'em, give 'em goosebumps, give 'em the shivers, keep 'em awake at night, get the piss runnin' down their leg, yeah, very much so....
...but that's my JAM, that's my SCENE, that's my KINK, baby.
Ssssssoooo, I can't lie, I can't deny ol' Jitterman gives me the hibbity-jibbities but that's what...well, that turns my crank.”
“...yes, well, it's one thing to watch the promos, see the video clips of Alice and The Jitterman from the safety of a screen...but it's another thing to be in the ring with him. We saw how easily he dispatched Gherig Gardner in Round 1. As much as you might...enjoy...his aesthetic, are you concerned about what he can do in the ring?”
“Mmm, heh...how do I...how do I respond without being...disrespectful?
You know what, I'll just toot my own horn in response:
championship, championship, championship, championship,
accomplishment, accomplishment,
accolade, accolade, etc.
Nearly twenty years of THAT.
That is me.
They don't call me 'Mister' H for nothing. Mr. H was not my father. In this biz, I am daddy.
I earned that respect.
Yeah, maybe the tactics and the strategies and the approach were a little...unorthodox, less than admirable, weird and sticky at times, sure...but the best to play the game play by their own rules. And all the antics aside you can't deny what I can do inside those ropes. Take all the sizzle away, the steak is still cooked to perfection, ya dig?”
“So you're confidant you'll win this match?”
“I am The Backbone of the Business, Molly. That's not some cute thing to put on a t-shirt.
Everything's connected to The Backbone because all roads lead to Mr. H.
The R-feds have risen and fallen again and again and the only way to stand, the only way to be upright...you need a spine. And yeah, I was tooting my horn before and goddammit, I'll toot it until it's sore and bleeding:
I am here. Every time. Holding this shit up. Bearing the load.
Eager, happy, hungry willing, ready, and able to break my fucking back to do it.
So yeah, I'll take nothing away from The Jitterman, he's got a lot to offer, he's bringing a lot to the dance, he's a big beefy boy, he's got the creepshow factored cranked 'til the dial falls off and it's fucking KILLER.
And yeah, I've done the work, and the dude's mowed through the indy scene, sawing motherfuckers in half, leaving broken bodies and equally broken minds in his wake, and I applaud the shit out of that. I love to see it. I'm drooling at the idea of being across the ring from that. I want to see what this...kid...can do when he's in there with someone, something...unlike any dance partner he's ever had.
Come waltz with a legend, big boy.
'Cuz the scariest shit isn't in the shadows, it's dead-ass in the spotlight.
And I'm gonna melt that mask right off his face.
...but you know what?”
“What's that?”
“Truth is: they're right. Truth is, like Alice said, heh, a bit of fear is there. Truth is, he could win.
But you'll notice that as I am saying these words, there's a smile on my face. Because 'Ready or not'?
Maybe, heh, maybe I'm not. Heh heh.
Maybe I'm not so sure. Maybe...maybe there's a little part of me that's freaking right out.
And goddamn, that makes me feel alive...”
“What happens if you lose?”
“Consolation interview in the bathtub?”
“Hm, no, thanks.”
“Depends on if this is the R-fed's final hurrah or if we can keep the resurrection juice flowing. Either we all shine on or maybe I just set up my own ring somewhere with a perpetual open challenge.”
“If you do defeat The Jitterman, you will go on to face Tyson Bell or Kris Destiny in the finals. Your thoughts?”
“Meet me on the other side of Round 2. My place. Bathtub. Champagne and chocolate-covered gummy bears.”
“*ahem* Straight and narrow...?”
“Molly dearest, I would be and am offering that same proposition to any and all who want the sweet hot scoop from the soon to be Phoenix Cup winner. Hell, I win this thing in full: pool party and the world's invited. Freak flags flying high through the night and into the morning. Let's fucking go.”
“Well, we're just about out of time. Any final words, Mister H?”
“Jitterman.
Get in close.
I want you to feel my breath in your ear as I whisper these sweet nothings:
you, me, and a ladder.
Mmm, yessssss, and what am I gonna do with that ladder, hm?
Well, heh, I'm gonna take it,
set it up,
and then I'm gonna
CLIMB INSIDE YOUR SKULL AND SET YOUR MIND ON FIRE.
Class is indeed in session and your ass is about to get one hell of an education.”
“Well, on that note, thanks to my guest, R-fed superstar, Mr. H. Be sure you don't miss the second Round of the Phoenix Cup where he takes on The Jitterman in a Ladder Match. And we'll see you next time on Kickout@2 wherever you find your podcasts.”
A Sight For Sore Eyes
They tell me you recently had time to do an interview on some TV Show. Yeah that sounds very interesting, let's give it a watch and we shall see if you can look at all so brave and calm before your encounter with him...The Jitterman.
Alice is sat on her crooked old chair in her lounge where she watches the interview of Mister H on an old television set.
Ah who would've thought it? We somehow manage to get the interview on this old thing, I know it's gathered dust, I know the picture is a little fuzzy but wow it still works and I guess the same can be said for Mister H, well for now anyways.
Hmm, you seem to like the sound of the ah's and the yums...oh does it taste just so sweet Mister H? Victories over the years must've felt like all your dreams all came true, everything you ever wanted to become, the backbone of the business as you so put it was what you dreamt of becoming, but then suddenly a nightmare creeps in.
I'm nailed to my chair just thinking of it!
The show freezes and then begins to rewind to mth first promo on The Jitterman where he soaks up the moment in a bathtub.
You seem relaxed...chilled, good boy.
You seem like you know exactly where this is going, like you've been here once before…
Believe me The Jitterman is not something you can understand, The Jitterman is nothing you can ever compare him too.
The monster under the bed, the monster in your closet, that sudden creaking noise you hear on the floorboards above...that is he, ooh it's all so spine tingling don't you think?
You see we just admire your confidence, we admire it just all so much...
So wash yourself down in that tub a bit more, we really want you to be nice, fresh and clean before the final days...things are going to be messy Mister H, I know you feel this too.
The Television set suddenly freezes once again making Alice leave her chair and walk towards the window before nodding her head.
He's here with us now.
Suddenly The Jittermans' demonic face appears in the window before disappearing once more.
Don't you feel the presence of Mister H? Don't you feel all warm and fuzzy inside at the mere sight of him?
Alice walks over and notices a load of cockroaches surrounding her old crooked chair. The Jitterman can be seen now in the doorway tilting his head back and forth.
He doesn't understand your intentions here though Mister H, he doesn't understand why you tease him so...did you do that with the monsters under your bed?
I think we all know that you threw the blanket over your head and pretended to sleep, pretended that the monster wasn't real, that the monsters don't exist.
Come out from under the covers Mister H, it's time to realise this is all so very real and it's very much time to play!
So yes, ready or not...here he comes.
The television set begins to play again which takes Alice by Surprise, giving her the jitters a little.
Come dance with him...
Play with him…
WElcOme to tHe eNd…MisTER H And WE Hope YOu EnjOy IT AS MucH AS WE DO.
A little girl with blonde hair peers in through the window behind Alice, she grins at Alice before rushing off.
Ahh of course you're here, of course you need to be in the story as well! We'll save that for another rainy day I think.
Mister H we tuned in and Mister H just so you are aware The Jitterman feels blessed to have seen you, he feels just so excited about your little play date more so now than ever before!
Ladders seem to be something you want to play with?
The Mr. H interview has now resumed, the Jitterman slowly begins to creep closer and closer to the television screen, not taking his eyes off the sight of Mister H.
Oh this is a sight to see!
Oh I've not seen this before, aah now this is tasty...this is a sight for sore eyes.
The Jitterman gently caresses the television screen with his hand before kneeling down to press his face closely to Mister H's.
I think he likes you Mister H!
I think he likes you a lot!
Climbing is so much fun, don't you think?
Falling...well you know the rhyme;
Down will come baby, cradle and all.
Suddenly the whole room goes dark.
The Jitterman does like the shadows, mth do you enjoy the shadows
The little girl is sitting on a rocking horse in the room, which is lit by a white spotlight.
MISTER H…
Oh Mister H…
You've met him, yesss you've met the end.
The little girl begins giggling as she puts her hand over her mouth.
Bask in the light and all its glory. You cling onto them memories, just remember the good old days of old. Just keep reminding yourself of what you once were and being that painted prince of old.
Above all else Mr. H just remember being brave!
You see...
I held his hand, I walked with him, he hid in my closet and he came from under my bed…
Oh my goodness he watched me sleep, just as he watches you…
He is my ickle Jitteryman and well... I promise you now he won't play nice!
Goodbye for now Mister H for soon you'll be his!
The room is now brought back to daylight as Alice is sat watching the television set once more.
The heavens may shine down on you my boy, the spotlight may beam brighter than ever...but my dear boy there will always be that shadow that lurks in the background, there will always be that darkness you cannot fathom.
I'll leave you to think about that Mister H.
Now sweet dreams, let us tuck you into sleep.
Kiss...kiss my boy.
Kiss!
Kiss!
Mwah!
X
The camera pans over the darkened rows of empty seats in the Rajah Family Ballroom. The dead silence that fills the vacant and barely lit facility is interrupted by a spotlight clicking on. A beam of light swells down from the rafters to the left-hand side of the ring, illuminating the lone steel chair set up there. A figure steps into the light, draped in a flowing black ball gown, a top hat keeps his face in shadow but the muscular arms, one of which is sleeved in familiar colorful tattoos, make it clear it's Mr. H taking a seat.
“Mm-hmm, heh, ssssooo, so this is...well, this is kind of funny.
I'm sorry, Jitterman, I'm sorry if I'm laughing and maybe...maybe you don't like that, maybe that's not what you're used to, maybe...maybe that ruffles your feathers but, heh...
..I mean, c'mon, son, c'mon, you're gonna get Alice talking about monsters in the closet, hmm? Monsters under the bed?
You're going to bring up boogeymen....with me?”
He tilts his head up enough to let some light catch his face and we see colors that may be familiar to long time R-fed fans: black, blue, and yellow, spots and stripes that were his calling card for many years.
“Hehhehaha...oh, Jitters, Jitters, no, no, no, I never teased the monsters, I never hid from them, no, I danced with them, I dined with them, I embraced them,
I BECAME them, my friend.”
The picture flutters and flickers, an image briefly flashing over it:
Mr. H's grin gleams from beneath his hat brim,
“I was that boogeyman, Jitters, I was the one slithering in the shadows, lurking in the night, hiding under the bed...
...see, see, that's a good chunk of why I really love what you're doing, Jits, is because, well...
...because I already did it myself about ten years ago.
I see myself in you, kiddo, and I dig it. Keep at it, keep at it and maybe one day they'll say, 'Jitterman's the new Mr. H.'”
He raises his head a bit higher, the light illuminating his old school facepaint and we can see that maybe it's not quite what we think,
“You and me, Jitters, you and me...we're not so different in a lot of ways...
...tell me, tell me, when it comes to that mask...what do they say?
Do they tell you you're hiding? Do they tell you you're a coward?
Do they tell you that that behind it, beneath it, there's the real you, there's just a man, there's some scared little boy that they're going to expose?
Are those the...lies...the complete misunderstandings...misjudgings...is that the ABSOLUTE HORSE SHIT they like to spit when you come a-calling, Jitters?
Because I get it, I understand, because I was and is and am.
Soon as I donned the paint they went straight for it, they saw it as a chink in the armor, a weakness, a target to exploit...
...said it was a shield, a wall I'd built to hide behind, said they knew that behind the colors was plain ol' skin and meat and bones...
...yessir, that's what they said. Time and time again.
And I bet they try that ol' chestnut on you, too, don't they?
And then...well, then what do you do?
I reckon you break them clean in half and drink their blood.
Maybe toss the scraps to Alice to make some soup, hmm?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, 'cuz see they tried that with me, oh how they tried...but when the spotlight came on bright, when they came nose to painted nose with me, well...
...well, they found the truth staring them square in the face and they shit their goddamn pants.
'Cuz you know where I'm going with this, don't you?
Because the truth, the truth is not BEHIND or BENEATH...isn't it?
No, no, the truth IS the mask, IS the paint, isn't it?
Because when you strip the skin, the meat, the bones away...and the colors, the mask, the TRUE FACE lies beneath and we don this shit to show our heart, our soul, our guts to the world, don't we, Jitterman?
You don't put that mask on to hide...no, no, you put that mask on to rip the false face away...
...to put the inside on the outside.
Because you've reached down deep in your core, torn your pulsing blackened guts loose and slapped 'em on, strapped 'em on, your goddamn skull so the world can see who you really truly are...”
He slowly reaches up behind his head.
“...but here's the thing, Jitterman, Alice, my new friends..
...I USED TO be that spooky fella that slinked about in the night...I used to be that monster...
…but the difference between us is this: this monster came out of the fucking closet.”
He unclasps the straps and removes the old school mth mask, tossing it to the mat with one hand while the other flings his top hat aside. His true face now exposed, enveloped with black and white, accented with hot pink and electric blue, jagged and toothy, somewhere between devil, clown, and drag queen,
“But like I said, my dear sweet silly friends, the scariest shit isn't in the shadows...
...I'm in the spotlight.
And the boogeyman checks his closet for ME.
Because I dig what you do and what you are but I'm gonna drag your big ass out of the cobwebs and cockroaches, out of the shadows that keep you safe and comfy...
….and I'm gonna throw you under the brightest lights...
...and you're gonna be masked nose to painted nose with someone who understands you FAR MORE than you could possibly realize...
...because YES, this is our first time, I am a virgin when it comes to dancing with The Jitterman, yessssss....
...but truth be told, there'd be no you if it weren't for me.
The Galactic Jackalope, good ol' mth, walked so that The Jitterman could run.
But no matter how fast ol' Jitters big horse legs can go...
….he'll never catch up to Mr. H.
Because I paved the road for you, boy-o, and I'll watch you follow, clapping all the way, I'm rooting for you, I really am, but I'll always be looking back...a proud papa if you will....mm, yes, I do believe I might know how Old Man Ripper felt...
….because I'm still blazing the trail and you, you'll always be following my lead.”
The camera pans down to the mat where the mask of his old colors lies, he rises from his chair, and his high heeled boot suddenly stomps it into fragments. The camera snaps up to his smiling face,
“I've got no need for hiding under beds.
I've burned the closet to the ground.
Shadows be damned.
I'm out here in the white-hot lights...
...blazing bright...
...and I'm pumping out something far more potent than those trappings could ever afford me...
...I'm not catching folks in cobwebs, I'm burning them alive...
...because there's no darkness here, Jits, and I assure you, you won't so much as cast a shadow when you're thrown into the sun.”
He half sighs, half laughs as he sinks back into the chair,
“...and yeah, yeah, I said there's that little bitty piece of me that's having a damned panic attack that you might just put me down in this Round...
...and that's making my heart race, my blood surge through me, and my dick..well, let me keep it classy, heh...
...'Cuz it's that little bitty piece, that trembling, squirming, JITTERING little morsel of Mr. H meat...
...that I need to silence.
Every punch, every kick, everything I throw at you, each of them an attempt to reassure that jittery bit of doubt that I am everything I say I am, everything I know I am...
Confidence is weakness.
Doubt is strength.
Fear is fuel.
I've got the jitters, baby.
And I fucking love it.”
A second spotlight clicks on in the ring-hand side of the ring, casting its glow onto an erected ladder. Mr. H rises and strolls over, snuggle up to it,
“Jitterman, Alice, my new friends...
...meet my old friend, a near and dear friend.
And much like a, well, Backbone, heh, this ol' pal o' mine's gonna hold me up and help me stand tall...
...ten, fifteen feet above the ring...
...I mean, after it helps me beat the ever-loving spook juice out of your meaty carcass, of course...
...and when I'm up there, getting my stinky little monkey paws on that final round contract...
...I won't be jittering any more.
Oh I cannot wait to play...”
He grins and licks the ladder as the spotlights click off.
My JiTTERYMaN
HELLo *GIGGLes*
Well I'm Nancy gladly to finally introduce myself.
We see the little blonde haired girl with pig-tails sitting on the floor next to a doll's House.
I know I've been hanging around, causing quite a disturbance, maybe a bit of confusion...but oh well now is the time to introduce myself properly.
You see I remember when I first met him, do you want to hear about it Mr. H? Oh tough luck I'm going to tell you about it anyways.
That day was chilling, oh but it was scrumptious and warm too.
I laid in my bed at night, mummy had read me a bedtime story, oh it was such a great story and yes I'm going to get to the best bit but stay patient please.
Oh it began in my bedroom, I had trouble sleeping and just like every little girl I needed my mummy to read me a story to help me relax, to allow me to dream of things that could be.
I remember the stories Mr. H did your mummy tell you sweet...relaxing stories?
Well let me get to the day I met him, Jitteryman...do the bed bugs bite yet, my ickle
Mr. H?
Nancy looks over to the dolls house and sees cockroaches scurrying about inside.
I have a story to tell. I mustn't get distracted…
I was all tucked up warm in bed that night, when suddenly everything was about to change, everything was about to be different Mr. H!
You see it was stormy outside that night, the rain was pouring and the wind was howling…
Stormy nights were the worst for me, I remember feeling so scared, so worried I was going to be taken away.
That's when I met him…
That's when my life changed, and soon yours will too Mr. H.
Nancy's bedroom suddenly goes all dark and the only source of light is that lit by candlelight.
He came to me when I was most scared, he found me when I was at my weakest, there he stood at the foot of my bed, there he stood watching over me...waiting for my tears, waiting for my screams, waiting for the jitters to truly begin.
You seem like a brave man though Mr. H, but behind it all you're just like me, you're afraid of the big bad wolf, you're afraid of the unknown…
You claim to understand him, you call him the Boogeyman...he's neither of those things, you see The Jitterman isn't like anything you've ever seen, you can't compare it because The Jitterman is just that, HE's THe JiTTERMan...and he's so ready to play.
I remember how I felt that night I met him, I remember my heart pounding out of my chest, the fear was nothing like I'd ever felt before, is that how they felt about you Mr. H?
The Jitterman is watching Nancy from behind in the doorway, just observing as she talks to us.
The Jitterman is an entity Mr. H, you on the other hand are a manifestation, you're a showman who masks his face with paint to show you're something to be afraid of, something to just be a tincy bit wary of.
The Jitterman now walks closer and closer before touching Nancy on the shoulder.
I think it's time to wake up Mr. H don't you? Unfortunately when you do this nightmare continues and it will do until that very day you meet him, then Mr. H you will realise this is your last hurrah!
Suddenly the doll's house bursts into flames, Nancy wipes a tear away from her eye before looking up to The Jitterman…
It's all so sad isn't it my JiTTERYMaN
Why do they do it?
Why do they try and upset you so?
Oh My JiTTERYMaN.
Destroy them, burn them, they're your Dolly's now.
The candles burnout and darkness consumes the room.
We are now outside of the house in a quiet street, a lady wearing a black dress and a veil covering her face approaches slowly…
Meet him in the shadows…
Meet him in the streets…
Meet him in the meadows…
And meet him in the woods.
The Jitterman is all around you, The Jitterman is your salvation...you have to understand this.
The lady stops as she notices a large shadow standing next to hers.
We've all heard footsteps follow us down a lonely dark street, we've all noticed the flicker of that one Street light, we've seen that shadow cast next to ours...too hard to resist it...too hard to block it out of your mortal little minds.
That is the fear of the unknown, that is The Jitterman.
Alice removes her veil, revealing her eyes that are freakishly
completely white. She holds out her crooked hand and proceeds to walk through the creaky wooden garden gate.
Alice begins to look up at the bedroom window to see The Jitterman staring back out at her. He watches her from down below, tilting his head backwards and forwards.
Mr. H he stands there with a purpose, he stands there watching and he stands there to tell you he's already at the top looking down…
You want to laugh, you make noises and joke at how yummy this all feels for you but the reality of it all is your weakness is your bravery…
Understand one thing he will not stop, he will never stop...playtime has just begun Mr. H, but for you... playtime is about to soon end.
Alice reveals a picture from out of her hand woven handbag.
He shall cherish this sweet little picture, when your world seemed to just make sense.
I will hold onto it for now, I will keep it safe.
Alice brings the picture close to her wrinkled mouth before giving it a massive lick.
Sweet!
Oh just so ever so sweet!
Mr. H
I am Alice
I bid you farewell, goodbye and sweet dreams!
X
PROMOS FOR THIS MATCH ARE ARE NOW CLOSED.
Judges/Bookers @Mazer @TimeSplitter @Psycho666Soldier
Please read through the promos, judge them based on the established criteria, and determine who you think should win the match. PM @Caito with your judgement/winner and any ideas you have for how the match should play out based on the promos and story being presented.