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View Full Version : My last ditch attempt at learning to wrestle



Slare
October 16th, 2014, 9:06 AM
Note: I wrote this last week, the first class has been and gone and ill write something about that too, they'll all be up in full form on a website I write for that I wont advertise. Cheers

So, eh, I’m going to wrestling training this weekend.

This is a terrible idea. Obviously I love wrestling right. I’ve loved it since I was eight. I have a rainmanesque knowledge of completely pointless trivia that I constantly use to try and impress people without the self-awareness to realise that ‘wrestling trivia’ and ‘impress people’ don’t really gel.

I subscribe to ‘dirt-sheets’, post on forums, go to local shows, watch old school NWA on the network and try to pretend I know what’s happening in Japan. I am a complete walking stereo-type of a ‘smark’. Thing is, I fucking hate ‘smarks’, I hate people that use in-the-know phrases like they’re part of the business, I hate people that spray about internet rumours like their mate Hunter has told them personally, and I hate, hate, hate people that point out botches like they’re privy to some sort of unlockable cheat that’s allowed them to know the big secret – wrestling is fake.

Anyway, I do all of those things in abundance. The only way that this becomes remotely acceptable is if I can wrestle myself. I mean, that’s part of my reason for doing this. The rest is my love and respect for a business that’s brought me up and moulded part of the person I am today – but that’s much less fun to write about.

I’ve spent my full adult life cutting promos in front of a mirror, choosing my theme music, putting on Lucha masks when I’m drunk and messaging wrestlers on Facebook trying to be their pals. Whenever I walk down the street with headphones in, I will put said entrance theme on and hope nobody is watching me while I start gesturing to an invisible crowd trying to decide whether I would be better suited as a heel. I’ve laid there at night in bed and ‘worked’ complete matches in my head, from start to finish.

It borders on the obsessive sometimes. But why, at 25 years of age, clearly with my better years behind me, am I deciding to do it now?

First of all, up until about five or six years ago, I didn’t even know the British scene still existed – certainly not to the level it does now. And while it’s really easy to look at anyone starting off now as ‘bandwagon jumping’ based on the successes of ICW, PCW, Progress and the like – well – so? The more people getting involved increases the chances of uncovering real, genuine talent, thus helping the business grow.

Secondly, up until recently, there’s absolutely no chance I was remotely fit enough to give this a go. I’m still a bit of a tubby fucker as we speak, but two years ago I weighed the same as HHH’s worked weight, and it wasn’t made up of muscle. So I’ve worked hard at the gym and gotten generally a lot fitter, always with the end-game in the back of my mind of having a go it this whacky deal called wrestling.

I don’t want to be WWE Champion or main event Wrestlemania – not because they wouldn’t be lovely, but because I live on planet earth. I just want to go, learn, have some fun, have some matches and justify all that time spent mentally debating between entrances and costumes.

As a bonus, everyone I’ve spoken to over the past few months and gotten to know a bit, like Indy talent ‘Switch’ (Imagine early Mankind mixed with Golddust and Jason from them Halloween films), Graham Mckay (BCW Owner) and, more fleetingly, Grado (who is nice enough to comment on my weight loss during his entrance every time he wrestles in my home town. I’m usually very drunk by this point and take it as a solidification of our brotherly bond, brother) have been thoroughly nice chaps who look like they’re having a brilliant time of it. They’ve also been incredibly encouraging and have given me that wee nudge across the line I probably needed.

Anyway, this Sunday, I’ll head down to the Premier British Wrestling academy with a group of guys a lot younger, fitter and talented than me, and give this nonsense a go. For most of them, it’s just a Sunday morning up the wrestling, like any other sports club where they’re learning new skills with their pals. For me, like the twat I am, It’s taken the best part of a decade and a lot of soul searching or whatever you want to call it to pluck up the balls to give this a go. I think because, if I fail, I cant rest on the laurels of watching wrestling and saying “I could’ve done that”. Time to go fucking do it I guess.

Craig T. Nelson
October 16th, 2014, 9:28 AM
25 aint old bud

Nash Diesel
October 16th, 2014, 9:47 AM
One of my best friends thought at the ripe age of 33 that he would attempt to be a pro wrestler, for pretty much the same reasons you are. Not for fame and money but to live out a lifelong dream and learn the art and have at least one match. He didn't commit to it 110% but he managed to escape the training fee by helping promote, set up and tear down the ring, basically he was this indy promotion's bitch while they trained him for free lol. They even had some training sessions with Hacksaw Duggan, Davey Richards, and Kyle O'Reilly. When it was all said and done, he did a few battle royals, a few 6-man tags, got beat up by a heel stable on local t.v., and he was completely satisfied. He was actually behind the scenes when that whole Davey Richards/Kyle O'Reilly/Tony Kozina shit went down here in Iowa. But it was rough, I remember hearing he got knocked out by a clothesline after fucking up a bump prior so his trainer just blasted him lol.

It was one of many "dreams" this dude had that he lived out. He was pretty terrible, I'm talking like Vince taking that first stunner terrible lol, but shit he had a fun time and it was cool seeing this dude doing something at 33-34 that's as taxing on the body.

Peter Griffin
October 16th, 2014, 10:30 AM
I would love to go to Stixx's school in Nottingham, once I get a decent amount of cash together and drop about 6 stone :happysad:

Slare
October 16th, 2014, 10:38 AM
This one is only a tenner a week which I find very reasonable. ICW are opening up a school and asking for a ton up front, but Kid Fite (who runs this school) and the guys at Source, which is the other main scottish school, have said anyone who jumps ship will never work for PBW, BCW, SWA, or pretty much anyone that isnt ICW.

The_Mike
October 16th, 2014, 11:28 AM
Wish they had this sort of stuff when I lived there. Though obviously I'd never be in the physical shape to wrestle without shattering into a thousand pieces. Do they train managers?

This sounds like it's really worth making a go of, Slare, and I hope you really enjoy yourself and find it satisfying. And I imagine it's a pretty good way to keep fit.

Nash Diesel
October 16th, 2014, 11:32 AM
This one is only a tenner a week which I find very reasonable. ICW are opening up a school and asking for a ton up front, but Kid Fite (who runs this school) and the guys at Source, which is the other main scottish school, have said anyone who jumps ship will never work for PBW, BCW, SWA, or pretty much anyone that isnt ICW.

That happened with my friend. The promotion that was training him, 3XWrestling, told him when he talked about working a few shows for another promotion that they would stop training him and wouldn't book him on a 3X show if he went to the other one.

The Rosk
October 16th, 2014, 12:14 PM
SLARE they always need arrogant fat lads for jobbers. Just practice getting your arse handed to you and you'll be fine. I love selling. I once took 28 finishing moves in a Newcastle night club.

Slare
October 16th, 2014, 12:30 PM
Aye well thats the thinking, see to be honest, I went thinking I was out of shape and would get put to shame. Out of the 20 or so there, I'd genuinely say I'm in the top 5 look-wise. Obviously you can tell the ones who will make it and are by far and away more talented but if I pick up the basics fairly quickly and keep hammering the gym I fancy my chances of having a few matches at least.

Hero!
October 17th, 2014, 11:13 AM
Proud of you, bud. 25 isn't at all old. Two questions: 1) ring name bensico? 2) LINE IN THE SAND entrance theme? Yes plz.

Slare
October 17th, 2014, 11:36 AM
Proud of you, bud. 25 isn't at all old. Two questions: 1) ring name bensico? 2) LINE IN THE SAND entrance theme? Yes plz.

Well, the whole El Bensico deal is relatively well known (in very local circles) already because I keep sending promo videos to my two local promotors when I've had a few. Graeme who owns BCW loves it and wants it to be my gimmick if I get anywhere near a ring. I think I'd excel as an obnoxious, unlikeable, loudmouth prick. Early, early days yet, but never to early to start planning these things.

ps. Hero, Grado is giving me one of his singlets for halloween to dress up as him. I'll be meeting him to get it next week and will hopefully get a pic of him IN THE SHIRT. I bloody love Grado.

The Rosk
October 17th, 2014, 11:37 AM
You should have mentionedzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hero!
October 17th, 2014, 11:37 AM
Gary, please, for someone who has been your friend for many years now. Please, can you snap a quick video of Grado saying tha he loves Cewshcast? Or just me, but whichever works. :D

Slare
October 17th, 2014, 11:38 AM
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THE ROSK

Matthew
October 17th, 2014, 11:46 AM
i hope it works out well for you slare. good luck!

Slare
October 17th, 2014, 11:49 AM
i hope it works out well for you slare. good luck!

I preffered the rep.

Matthew
October 17th, 2014, 11:52 AM
i have full faith in you! go on son! i will live vicariously through you

Nash Diesel
October 17th, 2014, 12:05 PM
Rajah Dream Match:

Slare v. Takerson.

Book it.

Hero!
October 17th, 2014, 12:26 PM
Anyone know what ever happened to Sparky? I remember he was going through the FCW training school and then...nothing.

Rip
October 17th, 2014, 12:39 PM
Nice one mate, best of bloody luck.

All you need is Grado to win Bootcamp 2 and you can ride his coat-tails to the bright lights of TNA :yes:

Slare
October 17th, 2014, 1:13 PM
SPOILER: He doesn't :(

wardy
October 17th, 2014, 2:26 PM
I saw Grado at the pictures in Kilmarnock the other day. Gone Girl 7/10.

Glen
October 17th, 2014, 2:50 PM
It's a misconception that you need to be in perfect shape to train. Training HELPS you lose weight and take your body more seriously. Yes, you won;t be able to do neck bridges and nip ups at first, but you will be able to in time. It's as much about flexibility as conditioning when you first start out. Oh, and when you start running the ropes, remember, your underarms are going to be mincemeat.

Nash Diesel
October 17th, 2014, 2:58 PM
Yep, it's all about cardio and flexibility. Which I guess if you're not in good shape you're more than likely not going to have good cardio, and by "good shape" I don't mean looking like Randy Orton, just that if you look like Samoa Joe but have great cardio you'll be able to hang longer in the training. My buddy who I spoke of was in good shape but not wrestling good shape you know what I mean? He smoked weed all the time and would blow up in training or in a match within minutes but he looked like John Morrison without the bedazzle.

Slare
October 23rd, 2014, 12:57 PM
Week One


So I made it to the other side of week one.

I’m not going to lie, I’m quite sore. My right shoulder is in agony right now and my hamstrings are tighter than a mouse’s waistcoat.

However, after said training I went to watch my football team win a cup match on penalties, which lead to a few bottles of wine, which lead to butchering Perfect Gentleman by Wyclef Jean on karaoke, which lead to me taking bumps (falling down horribly) on a pub floor.

So I’ll put the pain down to that in the first instance.

However, that self-inflicted idiocy aside, I had a right good time at my first day of wrestling training.

First thing I noticed was the massive cross section of folk that were there. Our class has probably about twenty folk at it, ranging from guys my age to fifteen year old girls. So straight away I felt an utter idiot for shitting coming here for so long when teenage girls were getting right in amongst it.

Anyway, it was straight into a warm up of your usual stretches, squats, push ups, sit up and all that good stuff. It was at that point that year or so actually doing something in the gym really paid off because I would have been utterly blowing out of my arse trying that in days gone by. Then I attempted my first headstand and cartwheel for at least two decades. They were hugely successful, and by that, I mean I didn’t break my neck on either.

So the trainers split apart the six or so of us who were complete novices, including a young Asian chap called Assad and a fellow burly fellow called Kyle. Assad is thin and really quite athletic, he picked up flip bumps and back bumps almost embarrassingly quick and flew about the place like a Russian gymnast. Kyle, like myself, got the basics of back, front and flip bumps down fine, but executed them just as you would expect a pair of relatively non-athletic novices to do so.

Actually, that’s a wee bit harsh, we were pretty decent at them. Ish.

Then our pal Switch showed us the basics of chain wrestling. A bit of a lock up here, wrist lock there, and a headlock or two thrown in for good measure. Just the absolute pure basics but we’ve all got to start somewhere.

After that, we rounded our session off by talking about psychology and the inner workings of a wrestling match. This one was about ‘heat’, the part where we’re the bad cunt cutting off the good cunt and generally being cunts. So we looked at a stomp to the chest and back, and threw in a few clubbing blows. What amazed me here was how hard you actually hit people. It wasn’t about ‘fake’ hitting them, but hitting them pretty hard in safe places.

I reckon I picked that up relatively quickly, maybe erring on the side of hitting the pro too hard, but I’m fairly sure I read in many a wrestling autobiography that its better to hit a little harder and make it look real than hit a little softer and it look like shit.

The session finished up watching a few more of the advanced students put on a couple of matches while we took in the inner workings. This was pretty enlightening, watching spot-calling and seeing each section of a match broken down right in front of you.

That’s all been very descriptive there and not too emotive, but I don’t really know what else to do here except explain what we did and how we did it. I thoroughly enjoyed the lot of it. It was moderate work physically and didn’t hurt too much, but the real hard work is still miles away.

So I guess I’ll finish up here by saying that, if you’ve ever thought of giving it a go, do it. It’s not half as scary as you’re probably thinking and it’s not a ‘Stu Hart Dungeon’ squatathon either. Everyone at the PBW academy in Barrhead was incredibly friendly, with most coming to say hello and introduce themselves throughout the session.


So yeah, have a bash. Otherwise there are at least two teenage girls with bigger balls than you.

Slare
October 27th, 2014, 11:00 AM
I don't know if Glen will have more experience of this, but fucking hell everyone hates everyone in Scottish wrestling, some amount of bitching and "politics" going on already and I've only been there three weeks. Its like Rajah 2006 in real life.

Hero!
October 27th, 2014, 11:16 AM
Have you sold off the rajah t-shirt to pay for kickpads yet?

Ringo
October 27th, 2014, 11:23 AM
I don't know if Glen will have more experience of this, but fucking hell everyone hates everyone in Scottish wrestling, some amount of bitching and "politics" going on already and I've only been there three weeks. Its like Rajah 2006 in real life.

So everyone just hates YOU?

Slare
October 27th, 2014, 12:13 PM
HOI.

Nah, I'm not even on the radar yet, just been listening and picking up bits of snidey wee comments about other wrestlers or promotors and the like.

Ringo
October 27th, 2014, 12:17 PM
:D

ICW owner came across as a potentially angry man in that documentary.

MikeHunt
October 27th, 2014, 12:30 PM
He come across very badly all the time. He seems to be a right bellend.

Slare
October 27th, 2014, 12:33 PM
Yeah I've heard a fairly universal opinion on him and it's not exactly flattering.

I'm sure he couldn't give a fuck though.

MikeHunt
October 27th, 2014, 1:39 PM
He doesn't give a fuck about much let's be honest. He dresses like shit, he talks a lot of bollocks, he looks like shit, his wrestling company is more important than his son, he's drinks faaaaaar to much, he acts like a wanker when he's drunk, he's a dumb bitch.

Ringo
October 27th, 2014, 1:41 PM
All that was obvious in the doc but to be honest I got future killer vibes too. If not people then animals at least.

Slare
October 28th, 2014, 10:37 AM
He's refferd to himself as "the British Vince Mcmahon" on a few occasions. Never met him personally but I know of a few promotors who really aren't big fans of him.

The Rosk
October 28th, 2014, 10:42 AM
He's no Glen fucking Joseph, that's for sure.

Kneeneighbor
October 28th, 2014, 10:48 AM
Who is this Glen and why is he having sex with Jacob?

Slare
October 28th, 2014, 10:52 AM
He's no Glen fucking Joseph, that's for sure.

Glen popped up on my facebook the other night and I really liked his beard. Thats all.

The Rogerer
October 28th, 2014, 11:11 AM
He's refferd to himself as "the British Vince Mcmahon" on a few occasions. Never met him personally but I know of a few promotors who really aren't big fans of him.He clearly wanted to be Paul Heyman

Slare
October 28th, 2014, 12:35 PM
I think, in his mind, hes surpassed the Paul Heyman underdogs thing and thinks hes Vince, expanding across the 'territories'

Matthew
October 29th, 2014, 9:28 AM
good luck slare!

The Rogerer
October 29th, 2014, 12:23 PM
Since you're an insider and baking cupcakes for the boys, do you know anything about Target Wrestling? They work Cumbria and SW Scotland and have had quite a few of the ICW crowd at past events. Paul London's at the next one.

Slare
October 30th, 2014, 3:39 PM
Since you're an insider and baking cupcakes for the boys, do you know anything about Target Wrestling? They work Cumbria and SW Scotland and have had quite a few of the ICW crowd at past events. Paul London's at the next one.

Paige loved my cupcakes and then I lost my trousers to a prostitute. I have no idea about Target though, anything you want me to ask/find out in particular?

Slare
October 30th, 2014, 3:39 PM
Where Can I buy Some Spandex: Week 2

I love the ‘wrasslin, so I do.

Week two at training there, and a thoroughly enjoyable one at that.

Once again, my neck is stiff and my shoulders are killing me (I’ve definitely got something wrong with my shoulder joints, they’ve been giving me grief for a few months now). Other than that, my lower back is in a decent amount of pain, due to attempts at doing a bridge and likely using muscles that had gathered a fair amount of dust over the years.

Balls to all that though, I feel good.

I reckon I’m getting my head around it at a fairly alright pace. I’m by no means a ‘natural’ when it comes to the physical stuff, because I’m as clumsy and uncoordinated as they come, but I’ve surprised myself a bit at how willingly I’m throwing myself about.

I’ve always been a large fella – always bigger than my friends – so even when we played wrestling when I was younger, I was never the one being lifted, slammed or doing any manner of flips. So at 25, I’m working my way through my first front flips and being lifted for the first time (sober).

So the experience of taking a proper slam and a suplex was an odd one, and diving head first off a stage into a front flip was a bit weird, but I’ve given myself the mindset here of “you’re getting old, you look like shit, just throw yourself into these things and it’ll work…and if it all goes tits up, it goes tits up”.

After the usual warming up and stretching and working through our bumps – which I felt a lot better about this week – we got a chance to learn some moves like the aforementioned.

Now, there are six of us in the ‘novice’ crew, and what a cavalcade it is. There’s myself, Big Kyle, Asian Assad, a young lady called Karlin, a guy at about 21 I reckon called Mark (or Matt, I’m shit with names) and a wee 13 year old guy who’s a total wideo but in a really funny way. It’s quite the crew, 13-25, guys and girls, all brought together by a love of chucking each other about.

So obviously, being the larger duo of the group, its me and Big Kyle that get paired off. Watching the two of us trying to slam and suplex each other was probably a cracking comedy of errors to watch, but again, after a few attempts and Kyle trying to suplex me on the floor instead of the crash mat, we got there in the end.

It was better than the alternative, which was me trying to give a back elbow to Assad and nearly knocking his Adams apple clean off (I’m clumsy, uncoordinated etc). At least Kyle and I can knock each other about a bit without worrying too much.

Owner Ross Watson (Kid Fite) popped in and ran through a bit of business with the more experienced boys, making it pretty apparent that in a locally run organisation like this, trainees need to do a lot more than learning to wrestle. They’re expected to get out and flyer, poster and promote upcoming shows, as well as being there on show days to help set up, work security and try to get folk in the building. Its all part of ‘paying your dues’ and – I reckon – separates those who really want to be involved with folk just in it for a laugh.

Then I really got to enjoy myself. See I have this drunk alter ego – El Bensico. I can try and dress it up as an elaborate and incredibly smart and funny bit of satire, but basically, I’m a fat, seedy, loveable luchadore. I have a sidekick called Senior Moustache – an empty pipe of Pringles. I sing Enrique Iglesias to girls, I call myself the ‘King of the Winch’ and generally annoy people.

So we’re asked to display some character work, just a simple lock up/head lock/wrist lock combo with some showmanship. For some reason, I just became El Bensico. I adopted a really terrible Spanish Borat accent and turned incredibly camp, doing dodgy forward rolls across the ring.

I’m describing this terribly, but it worked. I’m 5”11 and pudgy. I’m a complete goofball in real life and get by on a bit of wit. I’m never going to be a tough guy or a hard-man, but there’s always room in wrestling for someone to put a smile on faces – look at Grado – so I reckon I’ve got a foundation of something to work with going forward.

Who knows, it’s incredibly early days yet.

Anyway, we’ve had an introduction into bumping, chain wrestling and moves so far as well as a look into some character work. Despite my limited knowledge of all things wrestling, I’m genuinely really impressed by how its all run and has been done.

Personally, I think a lot of people are maybe put off starting to wrestling, thinking they’d be intimidated, run into the ground, abused and all that sort of shit you hear from horror stories. Don’t get me wrong, people are there to work, but it’s done in the most fun (and safest) manner possible. And at the end of the day, if it’s not fun, what is the point?

So this weekend I’m off up to Greenock on Saturday to help (and by that I mean turn up and be a complete skivvy for the day – gotta pay dem dues brothaaa!) with PBW’s huge Maximum Impact show, then its back down to training on Sunday, and off to ICW’s massive sold out Barralands show on Sunday night.

So eh, aye. Sound.

Craig T. Nelson
November 2nd, 2014, 11:17 AM
How'd it go? And once again, 25 is not old.

mth
November 2nd, 2014, 1:06 PM
Fascinating and compelling stuff. Will deifintely be checking in on this thread and your journey, Slare. :yes: Nothing but respect for you going balls to the wall and having a go at this. Glad you're enjoying it thus far.

Slare
November 2nd, 2014, 1:49 PM
I'm so tired and so sore but I got to do Grados merch stand on Sat and spend most of the evening with him ;) off to ICW now so will write an actual thing tomorrow. Wresssssslin

Melly
November 2nd, 2014, 7:31 PM
I really admire you for going for your dreams. I look forward to reading more of your adventures.

Mills
November 2nd, 2014, 7:57 PM
This is a very enlightening read SLARE, keep it up!

OD50
November 3rd, 2014, 7:01 AM
Good stuff.

Slare
November 5th, 2014, 2:44 PM
Where Can I Buy Some Spandex: Week Three

Its 4pm on Saturday afternoon. There’s a typically overcast murky grey landscape in the scenic Greenock bay and its just beginning to get dark. I’ve got a hangover and I’ve been on the go since 9am. I’ve been flyering in Dumbarton, picked up a wrestler from the airport and now we’re heading into Tesco.

Five wandering the aisles for fake tan and trying to fashion a mitten out of rubber gloves and cotton wool. This is the real world of the weekend warrior.

I’m going to preface what sounds a lot like moaning here by saying that I had an amazing weekend. I’m absolutely knackered and – once again – in agony, but I had a brilliant time.

So first of all Grado – who I’m an unashamed mark for – gave me a loan of one of his singlets for Halloween. I barely took it off all weekend. I went out in it on Friday night, which lead to the hangover that beleaguered me for most of Saturday.

Premier British Wrestling held their biggest show of the year on Saturday – Maximum Impact. Being right keen to get involved, I put myself and my car forward to help in anyway. So off we went loading the ring into the van, passing out flyers, picking wrestlers up from the airport, helping with security, driving back, loading the ring back into storage and home for about 2am. A solid 15 hour day that promoter Ross Watson and his merry band of wrestlers and trainees do year round.

You really have to love the wrestling to understand the motivation for it all.

On the night, I got to do Grados merch stall - making a cool £6.50 in change in the process - and heeding some words of advice from the man himself as I carried his stuff back to his car like a proper skivvy.

After a solid couple of hours sleep, we were off to training on the Sunday morning. This week we had a seminar with Irish wrestling star Sean Maxer (incidentally who I had picked up at the airport the day prior and searched for fake tan with).

I don’t know if it was because I was tired or because I was expecting too much out of myself for it being my third week there, but I felt like I struggled. Firstly, I heard my neck crack on my first proper bump on the ring mats rather than the crash mats. After that, I just about managed five squats with big Kyle (about 19/20 stone prob) on my shoulders.

From there, Sean had us trying hiptoss and armdrag sequences that even the boys at it for a year were struggling a little with. It’s baptism of fire stuff but, well, fuck it, there’s no such thing as “no” or “I can’t” in the early days if you want to be something in this game.

You watch an armdrag on tv and think it looks like the simplest thing in the world, but all at once I’m trying to concentrate on locking arms tight, posting on his shoulder with my free hand, looking straight ahead, timing it to go when he drops, rolling properly, planting my feet properly, slapping my hands on the mat on time and then immediately feeding for him in the right direction. That’s a single armdrag. Eventually it will hopefully all be second nature, but it’s a lot to take in right now.

Sean was an absolute gentleman by the way and couldn’t have been nicer to all the guys and how he went about his business.

However, I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to learn this quickly and get baw-deep in the business quick, so it’s the only way.

We worked on our lock-ups some more, did a bit of this and that, then settled down to watch the more experienced boys put on some matches. Then it was back on with my Grado singlet and into town for ICW at the Barralands – one of the biggest shows in British wrestling history.

In all honesty, when I left training I was a little disheartened. I thought, I’m not picking up on this as quickly as I want to, I’m in fucking agony, I’m too old, I’m not in good enough shape and really, I’m absolutely knackered and spent about £30 quid on petrol for fuck all the night before, when really, what’s the point?

The minute shit kicked off in the Barralands, I was back in the room. This was what it was all about. 1700 wrestling fans losing their collective shit for four hours solid was all the incentive I needed to give me a wee boost. Standing watching Ross, who had been sitting shit-chatting to us in joggies at training earlier that day taking in an incredible ovation from the Glasgow loyal was an amazing sight.

For me though, being the total Grado fanboy that I am, it was all about those opening bars of ‘Like A Prayer’ blasting through the sound system, having every person in there singing along and giving me goosebumps through my ill-fitting spandex.

The weekend as a whole encapsulated the world of wrestling for me. Travelling, chatting shit and getting to know some right good folks like Muff, Billy, Krissy, Kyle, Ali, Sean, Matt, Edward and whoever else I was blethering to, lobbing yourself all over the place, working hard, feeling like shit – but having it end with that period of pure euphoria when it all comes together like it did for ICW.

That’s fucking wrestling and I love it.

Mills
November 5th, 2014, 3:45 PM
POTTY level stuff here

Slare
November 5th, 2014, 6:36 PM
Late charge

The Rosk
November 6th, 2014, 9:33 AM
Any chance you could do a late charge to the post office and send OD50 the Rajah T-Shirt ffs

Slare
November 6th, 2014, 9:43 AM
Should be with him soon depending on the tide.

Sancty
November 9th, 2014, 5:08 AM
This has been a great read. As a 35 year old who wishes he'd found something like this in Canada, let me assure you. 25 is not too old.

LOCONUT
November 9th, 2014, 5:39 AM
Well written, Slare. Compelling stuff. I'm very impressed. :yes:

The_Mike
November 9th, 2014, 1:19 PM
It's only your third week and you're worried about not picking it up quickly enough? You need to give yourself a break, Slare. You're in no rush yet. Look at how old Big Dave was when he started.

Sounds like a great show, wish I could've been there. Your description of how complex a simple armdrag is gives us a great insight into what it must be like to be in the head of a wrestler for a split second. It is stunning the kind of coordination a wrestler must have. I wish there were a wrestling documentary that went more into this aspect of learning the craft - the significant difficulty of just moving around the ring and being in position for your opponent, which would be compounded with a live crowd to entertain and a story to tell. Do you ever think of writing a wee book or filming a vlog about your experience?

Slare
November 9th, 2014, 5:26 PM
Thanks for the kind words. Well I'll hopefully be keeping all of these articles as they go along and they'll be a bit more interesting as time goes on. A guy snapped his arm in half today reaching down on a bump instead of taking it on his back, so that was fairly horrible. On the bright side I learned how to PUNCH

mth
November 9th, 2014, 6:46 PM
That part about the armdrag was fascinating and the type of stuff that your average joe wouldn't even think to think about. There's definitely some underappreciated aspects you're bringing to light. Would love to learn more about these sorts of intricacies and the technique.

MikeHunt
November 9th, 2014, 7:23 PM
Slare tell us when you're having a scrap and I'll come along and film it for the people of rajah.

The Rogerer
November 9th, 2014, 7:33 PM
I tried a hiptoss once, kneed myself in the jaw and knocked a bit of tooth off.

Slare
November 10th, 2014, 5:33 AM
That part about the armdrag was fascinating and the type of stuff that your average joe wouldn't even think to think about. There's definitely some underappreciated aspects you're bringing to light. Would love to learn more about these sorts of intricacies and the technique.

I will do. I'm guessing that after a length of time it all becomes second nature, but a lot like driving there's about 5 or different things going on at once that all require your attention early on.


Slare tell us when you're having a scrap and I'll come along and film it for the people of rajah.

Be a while yet but absolutely

Slare
November 11th, 2014, 8:56 AM
Where Can I Buy Some Spandex: Week 4


I’m so shit at dropkicks.

It was laughable. Have you ever seen Mick Foley circa 1998 doing a ‘Sweet Shin Music’ as a parody of Shawn Michaels? Where he basically lands a super kick to the knee? Right imagine that, but before it I’ve spent a good ten seconds gearing up for a massive jump before it, and landed directly on my face straight after it.

That is my dropkick. There are many dropkicks like it, etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, week four of the wrestling down and that’s us officially a month in. I’m quite happy with what I’ve learned in the month, but more than anything, have realised how long a slog this is going to be to get anywhere near match ready.

A lot of the feedback I’ve gotten on this has been fascination at the intricacies that go into simple moves like arm drags and suplexes. I reckon its like driving. When you start learning to drive, you’re checking mirrors, working two pedals, steering, being aware of everything around you and making a conscious effort to do all of this, which makes it fairly stressful.

After some time though, its all second nature and you’ve got a can of Red Bull in one hand, your phone in the other and are steering with your knees.

So hopefully before long Ill be knee steering through the arm drags and hip tosses of the world, but for now its giving me a real appreciation of the guys out there who do this well.

So far, I’ve pretty much unlocked a basic move-set on WWF Attitude, the PS1 game. I can fall on my back, my front and flip into it relatively well for my size. We’ve covered some chain (still baffles me), clotheslines, shoulder blocks, arm drags, hip tosses, suplexes, body slams and basic strikes.

On strikes – see when you see guys hit each other with uppercuts and forearms and you go ‘god that looks really real, like he’s actually hit him there’. He has. We’re hitting in safe places and pulling away fairly quickly, but I caught a few stray forearms to the jaw on Sunday, and it’s anything but fake.

That’s where it comes down to trust I guess. Trusting the guy beside you to know what he’s doing, hit you in the right place, with the right amount of force, while he trusts you to make him look as good as possible while doing it.

Anyway, this Sunday I took my mate Grieg Ramage along to training after he realised that if I could do it in my physical condition, he could. He done well. Despite his very first bump looking like he had been taken out by a well-hidden sniper, and him clearing the crash mat and very nearly landing flat on his arse on the cold concrete (wooden) floor on a flip bump, I thought he picked it up quick.

Annoyingly quick in fact. I’m not bitter…

Our warm up, thanks to Mark, who I liked until Sunday, was to create a circle of around 15 of us and for everyone to pick a style of push ups and do ten each – or 150 in total. Now, until about nine months ago, I literally couldn’t do a push up. Genuinely not one proper push up. Sit ups? No bother. Crunches? Sound. Landing flat on my arse again and again? Walk in the sore bummed park, but push ups? I’d love this tale of courage to end with me sweating my way through them and impressing the boys in the back, but I reckon I got to about 60, hit a dizzy spell, went to spew my load and came back at the end for the last five with my tail between my legs.

Fuck push ups.

I’m really gaining a lot more from watching wrestling now, whether its on the WWE Network, the probably better ICW On Demand service or out end of session matches between trainees. Structure and spots and what to do where and when is all slowly but surely falling into place.

I know full well Ill never be the most technically proficient or agile wrestler in the world, but I reckon If I can get the charisma, character and psychology down, along with a decent grasp of the physical stuff, then I’m in with a sniff.

The next few weeks are going to be properly busy with PBW shows over the next couple of weekends, BCW live in my home town of East Kilbride featuring Hardcore Holly, Chavo Guererro and not me, and Academy Attack, where the brightest and finest from the training school showcase their talents (again, not me).

I’ll also take questions from anyone if they have them on the various places I post this, just contact me wherever, and I’ll hopefully have a few interviews coming up soon with some of the brightest young stars in Scottish professional wrestling.

Bit of an incoherent ramble there, but the moral of today’s tale is fuck dropkicks and fuck push ups.

Slare
November 18th, 2014, 11:47 AM
Week Five: Scabby Elbow

http://wherecanibuysomespandex.wordpress.com/

Hero!
November 18th, 2014, 11:54 AM
"Do you think a fat shit luchador will actually work"

agahaghahahahs LOL. Best part of that whole thing. Love it. Step aside, Super Porky, here comes EL FUCKING BENSICO.

Slare
November 18th, 2014, 12:10 PM
I don't even take that as an insult, thats basically what I want to be haha.

Hero!
November 18th, 2014, 12:30 PM
It's not a bad goal, honestly. Fat (pudgy) Scottish Luchador is certainly unique

Slare
November 18th, 2014, 12:41 PM
Be realistic, dont try to be something you're not, play to your strengths and all that. I'm not cool or angry or tough or ripped or anything like that, I am a clumsy banana skin dafty, it works.

Nash Diesel
November 18th, 2014, 12:59 PM
There are a lot of pudgy luchadores. I remember guys like El Dandy, Silver King, Villanos 1-90, Super Calo, El Hijo Del Santo, Blue Demon Jr., Dr. Wagner Jr, Halloween, they were all little fat dudes flying around killing it.

Hero!
November 18th, 2014, 2:55 PM
Flying around is a bit much.

unless it's on a banana peel, that is.

Ringo
November 18th, 2014, 6:59 PM
How could Iowan leave out LOS BRAZOS (inc. Super Porky)?

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BKc27pGkbb8/UFfzZzOT20I/AAAAAAAAA_g/nnHAAhwXVoA/s400/Los+Brazos+dinast%C3%ADa.jpg

BBF
December 20th, 2014, 7:16 AM
Slare you shitbag?

Slare
January 23rd, 2017, 6:20 AM
Went back to this, will write up my huge return soon when my neck can move again.

(I didn't only go for 6 weeks last time btw I was there about 5 months I just stopped writing about it because I was shit)