View Full Version : The Royal Rumble Review Thread

Fanny Batter
January 5th, 2013, 7:00 PM
I was looking on another forum today and they've got a fantastic thread where a load of different people review an individual Royal Rumble in their own witty style. I like that idea. It's kind of arthouse. But more manly and less arthouse. I'll be doing a review of the Royal Rumble of 1989 (the first "proper" Rumble if you ask me, being 30 men and with the bloody PROMOS beforehand!) to get us rolling in an hour or so (after I watch it durrr), if you're interested in doing a review I'll assign you a Rumble and we can have some fun.

:heart: The Royal Rumble.


January 5th, 2013, 7:05 PM
I've already reviewed the Rumbles from 90, 2001, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 if you want any of those. :shifty:

January 5th, 2013, 7:06 PM
Count me in, I've always fancied reviewing something, but backed away at the high standards we already have

January 5th, 2013, 7:13 PM
Well for the record, we've never had a consistant weekly show reviewer on the forums for any length of time.

January 5th, 2013, 7:16 PM
Yeah ill do one. There is one i REALLY dont want but I wont say which one and take my chances.

The Rosk
January 5th, 2013, 7:24 PM
I will do one, happily. Just do lots.

Fanny Batter
January 5th, 2013, 8:10 PM
Finkel starting. He looks fresh. I always loved the rule part. It's such a simple thing but makes it seem much bigger.

And noooowww introducing the participant who drew number one....

DEMOLITION AXE. Best theme tune ever. If I saw Ax in a club I'd fuck right off. Man looks savage. Smash #2. I don't believe it. Gorilla shocked.

They start tearing shit out of each other, tongues out, pounding. As manly as you get with 2 guys wearing gimp uniforms. Ax was always the hard looking one. Just something about being a stock cunt. He got called Ex by Monsoon. Teddy DiBiase has bought a number. Nobody wants to see Demolition fight each other so this is awkward. Get some weak man out please.

Woah Andre looking like a disabled #3. Poor guy. Can't hardly get in the ring. Takes an awful bump from Demolition. Good luck getting him up. I don't like seeing this he's a weak old bastard here, getting beat up by two rugged men in gimp uniforms. Gimps beating up a fat old cripple, no wonder I loved wrestling as a kid.

4 is a singlet-less Mr Perfect. Nice pants. He doesn't quite look the part here though. Andre chucks Smash. Ax and Perfect beating up the poor old sod. I love Ax's offense. Haha first stupid Hennig bump. Fucking hell the headbutt he takes! Yaaaay Rugged Ronnie Garvin at 5. Saw him on Wrestling Supertape 2 first and hated him. You can't have hair like that as a wrestler, and no kneepads was for creeps. He looks so shit. Get some facepaint. Andre collapses his fat arse onto Ax. He's just about able to get up. Hahaha Perfect's bumps are outrageous. Ziggler has a lot to learn. Hopefully Dolph won't shit the bed when he's older though.

6 is The Hammer with Jimmy Hart. Valentine another prick with no kneepads. He hates Garvin. I prefer Greg. Has a wrestlers hair. Andre fucks off Garvin and collapses into the ropes again. Now getting chopped. Awful chokes. It can't be overstated how awful he was here. Ax clotheslines Perfect out of his boots. Perfect is the highlight here. Oh and Andre's angry face. Looks like he's got a big dump to come out.

JAKE THE SNAKE is pissed and falls into the ring. Goes after Andre his rival. Andre no sells The Hammer during this. Give it up Greg you nob. Andre choking Jake likes it's Survivor Series. CONTINUITY. Jake's alright, big time over back then. I love how we all have more money than him now.

The Outlaw Ron Bass. Think he's got leukemia. He'll never last. Jake is out ffs. Squashed by the disabled big un. Ax is still in. Andre is too. Please get this man out. Nobody is getting anything on him. Outlaw Ron Bass has to be the shittest wrestler ever, did anybody ever like him?

Shawn Michaels GIRLY SCREAM. Shawn was always class. Looks like a star with his hair. Perfect got rid of big Ax. SKINTHECAT by Shawn followed by some amazing punches to Perfect and a top notch escape by Perfect. These lads are made for this match. Greg looks awful, can't believe he was a top NWA star. YES the Bushwhacker Butch is in. Fucking love these pricks. Snake's got Damien and Andre eliminated himself. Thank fuck. I love snakes. Jake's moustache is up there. Butch by now is half cut or disabled, he moves awful. So you've got 2 athletes in Michaels and Perfect and three slugs, let's get some hard men out here #10.

Honky Tonk. Fresh off the Warrior squash. He did nothing once he lost that belt. I started watching in '91, thank god the midcard had improved by then. Honky's got heat but nothing else, he's not even Elvis with skidmarks. After getting squashed he's unredeemable. Hate him. Go on Perfect hit him you coiffed specimen.

CHICO SANTANA. Always liked him. Surviving the foreigners at Survivor Series 90 on videotape made him a made man for me. Top bloke. Good music. No music here. The time between entrants is notably off, very random. Get off Tito Greg. Look at this Butch, god bless race relations with New Zealand. One of my all time favourite spastics. Cuter than Luke like.

BAD NEWS BROWN. Glove on him. I loved his awful promos. Honky is gone I think Butch got him. Go on Butch. Man's man. Midcarders here all the way, we're meandering. Get a top bloke in there soon, Shawn and Curt are doing well mind. Shawn's elimination teases are great. MARTY FROM THE ROCKERS. Get off him Ron Bass. You are so shit. YES double dropkick from The Rockers gets him. Good lads. Hope Marty gets his ankles fixed, nice guy. EL PASO DEL MONTE. TITO. ARRIBA/

MACHO MAN. ORANGE GEAR. SUNGLASSES. CROWD LOSING SHIT. I LOVE YOU RANDY. My first ever hero. Going back this afternoon YEAH. Man what is it about this Rumble and killing babyface momentum immediately, let them smash some people! Get on that turnbuckle Mach. ARN ANDERSON next. Had his WCW figure, his arse wore off. Shitty WCW figures. No Hasbros. Greg Valentine is gone. I missed it. Shawn with a classic elimination, that guy was brilliant. Arn vs. Marty yes, always love that. So many of these were gone within a year or 2, shame because Arn and Tully were great. Tully is next actually. Brain was brilliant as well. Brainbusters teaming up. The match is still clearly finding its own identity, the elimination spots are fine but they're not making the individual entrances very exciting and nobody's getting much shine. Basically a restructured battle royal rather than the spectacle it has become.

AMAZING Marty elimination.

HOGAN in at 18. Oh he gets shine. Tada Perfect. Mega Powers in there. Bad News sandbagging Hogan. Tito's gone apparently. Arriba. OK Hogan doesn't get much shine he's already in peril! BNB has got him. And the Brainbusters. He survives though obviously.

Luke Bushwhacker. He's the creepy one. Looks too old to be doing this kind of thing while Butch looks like a scrotum. How a scrotum is less creepy than an old man, but kids logic here. Scrotum looking men are awesome. Butch has gone. Bollocks. Strength by Hogan and a vile press slam on Tully neck first on the ropes. Poor Tully. Actually fuck that, he's a priest now. Nonce. Get him Hulk.

BIRDMAN KOKO B WARE with class hair. Love it when wrestlers look shit but then get class hair. This is Koko here. Magic. Never liked him though, parrots are cheeky fuckers at the best of times, I can't be having them on my telly. He's gone by Hogan anyway. Hulk is hard. Luke gone. Hopefully not outside my window. I didn't mean it mate. Savage is just getting beaten up all match, poor booking.

Big Warlord here. Brainbusters gone by Hulk. Great beard on Warlord. He's gone. Hulk got Bad News and ALSO SAVAGE BY MISTAKE. SHIT IS ON. Liz is out here. I'd love to cook her a casserole. Lovely. This is no space for a woman though, this is 1989. At least she's not wearing heels. The lads will shake hands. Hulk was SUCH a cunt back then, never understood why he was a babyface compared to Savage when he was such an attention seeking American grandad. Bossman is out and Hogan is smashing him as well. Preferred Hogan when he was 50 to be honest, at least he was sympathetic then. Kill him Bossman. Carries a big stick a ball and chain too. Great theme music. He's fat here. Already sweating. Wellness failiure.

Big Akeem now. Hogan slams him. Just fuck off Hogan. Bossman nearly got him. DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER. The fat lads just fat him to pieces and chuck him out. Thank God. Oh and now Hulk the poor sport as Ventura says attacks Bossman after that. Hogan was a horrible man. Brutus Beefcake the legendary swordsman is next. Hogan helps get rid of Bossman then smashes him. JUST FUCK OFF HOGAN. And people hate Cena for being unlikable. BROTHER. Akeem vs. Brutus Beefcake in the ring, dream match. Get another lad in there. They're talking about Slick. Got a lot of time for Slick.

Red Rooster next. Just look at him. What are you doing. Judging by lack of boos he's already turned face. Not that it matters. On all the other tapes I had he was a jobber, I have no respect for him. Brutus I first knew as an idiot who failed at Wrestlemania 4 on my uncle's double taper, he gets no love either. Poor roster at this point in the Rumble, like Tyson Kidd, Tensai and JTG being in there at a late point. Barbarian is out. He always looked the business. Powers of Pain were rough men. Hard as nails. Shame they never lasted that long. It's a bit of a chore at this point, nobody's really taking control of the match and making it fun like Perfect was. I guess when Terry Taylor is your most competent wrestler that's what happens. Big John Studd is next. Never saw him before this. I like his hair. Crowd doesn't give a shit. Studd and Akeem big fighting like big men. Studd's strikes are alright. He died quite soon after this I think, a shame. Anybody who has Big in their name has my respect.

This. Lacks. Stars. Like last year at points but wrestled in treacle.

BIG HERC. He's strong. He's shit. Never liked this bloke, he's called Hercules which should make him a hard cunt, but anybody who teams with Paul Roma goes down in my estimation. He was a babyface here. Again the face goes in peril straight away. Nobody has got anything in this thing except Hogan. Beefcake is trying. Still a prick.

It's Rick Martel! At 29. Pre- Model. Now, The Model is a man you could admire. Good voice, nice hair, girly pants but you could deal with that. This Rick Martel is boring, he's wearing white pants which basically means you're just an undercarder. Talented man though. One of wrestlings success stories, still in decent shape nowadays and probably got a nice wife and a picket fence. Good for him.

Ted DiBiase with Wrestling Superstar Virgil. Crowd is dying a death. This is just flopping late after the Hogan/Savage and Jake/Andre developments. Brutus and DiBiase are the only names out there. Rooster is gone. Bye Rooster. Babyface Herc is one awkward man. Ridiculous gestures. Beefcake looks knackered, as I'm glad as a man of the people that I've got this one out of the way for you. DiBiase and Barbarian eliminate Bruti and Herc. Barbarian flying tackle = ratings. Teddy, Martel, Akeem, Barbarian and Studd are your final five. Barbarian making a late play for performer of the night with a flying headbutt. So naturally he goes next with a hideous elimination, jumped into it himself.



Martel gone by Akeem. DiBiase, the man on all the videos until 93, will win, right? Studd as sympathy babyface but nobody really knows who he is. Wrestling has took off and he's been gone. Akeem gone after dissension with DiBiase. Ted trying to buy him out. Ted's trying bless him. SCOOP SLAM. DOUBLE ARM SUPLEX. Smile. GUTWRENCH SUPLEX. CLOTHESLINE oversell. Simple throw out. Studd wins! Studd wins.

He went on to SPECIAL REFEREE the Snake vs. Andre match at Wrestlemania.

Good efforts by the talented tag team wrestlers, DiBiase and Perfect, but man this wasn't great! Big John Studd ffs. Booking misfire.

Fanny Batter
January 5th, 2013, 8:18 PM
Jaymz 1990, The Rosk 1994, MMH 1998. Let's start with that. Enjoy fellas. Let's have some more takers.

The Rosk
January 5th, 2013, 8:43 PM
That was some strong stream consciousness writing there mister.

January 5th, 2013, 10:00 PM
Gimme one, batman. Someone find psycho, i'm sure he'll do one.

get BERT HART to review one too. Mostly cause I wanna see Bert do something around here.

January 5th, 2013, 10:12 PM
Bert puts in 25 hours a week at work and 100 a week watching tv. Let the guy have his free time ffs.

I will do one

Brian M.
January 6th, 2013, 2:30 AM
I'll gladly do one as I have all of them save for last year's. I'd prefer to do one from 1997-on as I have more of a grasp of the people involved. K thanks.

Fanny Batter
January 6th, 2013, 9:46 AM
Hero 2001, virm 2002, Brian M. 2003. Lads.

January 6th, 2013, 9:47 AM
1998 eh? Fair enough ill watch it tonight.

January 6th, 2013, 10:53 AM
Ill do one, give me a toughie

January 6th, 2013, 11:37 AM
I'll take one, if you want an essay containing a load of unfunny jokes and boring statistics. I'd lean more toward recent-ish ones but whatever suits.

Peter Griffin
January 6th, 2013, 12:13 PM
Id take a stab at 2005 but i cant guarantee that it wont be an absolute pile of turd :shifty:

January 6th, 2013, 1:09 PM
Let me do one from '97 onwards please. The earlier year the better.

Fanny Batter
January 6th, 2013, 3:54 PM
chatty 2007, wardy 2000, HHHnFoley 2009, Griffin 2005. BALL GAME.

January 6th, 2013, 4:22 PM
Hero 2001, virm 2002, Brian M. 2003. Lads.

got it on download

January 6th, 2013, 5:28 PM
All I need now is to resurrect Pirate Bay, nowhere else seems to have a decent link to it!

..and by that I mean "go and retrieve my copy of the anthology DVD box-set I legally purchased but happen to have mislaid." :shifty:

Tainted Eclipse
January 6th, 2013, 7:09 PM
why not

Fanny Batter
January 6th, 2013, 7:13 PM
Tainted Eclipse 1996 my love.

January 6th, 2013, 7:51 PM
I'm down to do one, i have all of them

Tainted Eclipse
January 6th, 2013, 9:46 PM
Royal Rumble 1996


The Royal Rumble is a peculiar match. For bookers and performers, it provides more avenues for making it into an entertaining match despite its length. Weaknesses can easily be hidden, strengths can easily be emphasized, and the wrestlers don't really need to worry about competently building a match, paying attention to selling, or thinking of interesting spots to keep the match going nor worry about executing them well. At the same time, it's a very easy match to do wrong -- for much the same reason, really: the emphasis is decidedly off the wrestlers themselves. A great wrestler may be able to carry a weaker opponent in a one-on-one setting where he has a deal of creative leeway, but let him try to carry a crowded ring full of wrestlers; with another wrestler, or a group of wrestlers, doing their own thing at every turn, it's not too easy for individuals in the match to have entertaining segments of their own; without the focus on building a match, selling, spots, nearfalls, etc. as a traditional match has, you really better hope the match itself is competently booked and well organized beforehand. For the same reason the Rumble can be an immensely entertaining and exciting match in a very unique and special way, it can also be terribly boring -- in a uniquely insipid way.

You've probably guessed already from this little preamble. The 1996 Royal Rumble wasn't very good.

We all know what makes a good Rumble, and I'm sure we can all very well write out a list of what we're expecting from one: a couple surprise entrances, the interjection of some big outside angles (ala the birth of the Shawn/Kurt feud), a standout individual performance (Kane, 2001), some surprise eliminations (Maven v. Taker), etc. In recognizing this, we can easily see that the Royal Rumble is really less like a wrestling match than a movie. We need some clear-cut roles for people to perform, an overall narrative, some twists and turns, and some sense of purpose throughout. And like a movie, the individual performers need to be on game, but ultimately the onus is on the directors and writers -- the bookers. In 1996, the bookers really weren't able to piece this together.

Toward the beginning things seemed to be going right. Trips and one of the Godwinns started out, soon the be joined by Backlund, and ran through some reasonable but not-noteworthy stuff. Lawler was soon to follow, drawing a huge reaction, and we got a nice 3-heels v. face Godwinn sequence built around Godwinn's slop bucket, ending with Godwinn throwing the slop on the three heels gathered outside the ring. Soon enough Jake Roberts came out to a huge ovation, and unleashed a huge snake, clearing the ring (through the middle and bottom ropes, of course) to huge crowd cheers. 123 Kid came out a bit later, followed by an angry Razor Ramon, who had been apparently screwed over by Kid earlier in the night, so we got some traction out to Razor chasing Kid, to keep things fresh while not much of anything went on in the ring. Soon after this, though, the structure of the match begins to fall apart.

In the Rumble, no matter how good it is, there's going to be no small amount of time where the ring is over-filled, no particularly exciting entrances are on the docket, and the whole thing slows down and gets less exciting for awhile. Good Rumbles will counteract this by milking the big spots for all they're worth, and retaining a general theme in the match to make the crowd still have a reason to care, be it a dominant monster, an underdog who has already lasted longer than expected, or the presence of a big star looking to win it all. This Rumble was not successful in this, and there were a lot of extended moments of boredom. They actually could have taken advantage of Triple H's ~50 minute presence, but instead of milking it to make the match continually interesting, we just got some commentary lip service -- lack of interesting near-eliminations, lack of a focus on Trips selling exhaustion, etc. made it hard for anyone to really care about it. Kane's 2001 Rumble domination isn't legendary JUST because he was in it for a long time, nor was Rey's performance remarkable JUST because he was small -- these things were special because there were special performances, and had interesting eliminations and near-elimination spots specifically booked for them.

The presence of some giants -- Mable, Vader, and Yokozua -- was also a missed opportunity. None were very well used for the obvious thematic role they should have been, rather they were just "there," for the most part. A Vader/Yokozuna confrontation was something that was a jumbled mess of a story half-paid off, something that was promising but completely bewildering in execution. They sort of fight for a little while, but not really, then Cornette backs them off each other (apparently he was manager of both). Then they sort of work together, but not really, before once again sort of going at each other, but not really. Soon Shawn Michaels enters and ends up eliminating both at once as they're against the ropes, in what was a good spot that got great crowd reaction, but in what could have been so much more if the Yoko/Vader dynamic had actually been appropriately capitalized on, in a match where capitalizing on special thematic elements is the key to making the match memorable.

This situation being something of a microcosm of the match itself is hardly the only example: there was a potentially fun segment where a team of twin-brother monsters both enter the match after one had been eliminated and another's entrance had just been announced, but instead of playing off any of the fun possible scenarios that could have been a welcome distraction from largely boring action, they are quickly eliminated. After going quite a lot time before the first elimination, a fact alluded to more than once by the announcers, the first elimination comes quickly and unremarkable. Etc. In a match where milking the few big, exceptional spots you have available and taking advantage of any interesting novelty to fend of the monotony that characterizes much of the in-ring action is so important, this is a pretty serious indictment.

The ending was abrupt, and while the very final moments were reasonably exciting, not well done at all. Once, after several minutes of basically nothing, McMahan announces that the soon-to-enter 30th competitor is Duke "The Dumpster" Drose, you know there's not much hope left to hold on to. In the final two minutes, the ring quickly thins out, and after a cool Bulldog elimination and Deisle tumbling over the ropes courtesy of a superkick, Shawn Michaels is going to Wrestlemania.

For a final, exhaustive, and completely scientific account of the pros and cons of this match, leading to a perfectly objective quality assessment, we will turn to my personal notes:


All told, about 2 inches of sucking. Unless you're Fanny Batter's girlfriend, you don't have to put yourself through that.


January 6th, 2013, 9:57 PM
Lets see, I have 2005 on DVD as well as 1992. I might have another somewhere, looking now but I will do 92 if no one else has.

mr sabu
January 6th, 2013, 10:09 PM
Someone should describe a rumble as painful as being fisted in the ass by potatos

January 6th, 2013, 11:02 PM
Actually just saw this. I'll take a Rumble!

January 7th, 2013, 12:08 AM
I figured to PM Mr. Batter but I'll put it in here as well that I'd love to have a go as well.

January 7th, 2013, 12:15 AM
So, cause I'm bored...

1989- Fanny Batter (Done)
1990- Jaymz
1994- Rosk
1996- Clipse (Done)
1998- MMH
2000- Wardy
2001- #Hero
2002- Virm
2003- Brian M.
2005- Peter Griffin
2007- Chatty
2009- HHHnFoley

January 7th, 2013, 4:03 AM
i dont see why everyone has to do one. several reviews and opinions on any year would be better than a stupid list.

January 7th, 2013, 7:09 AM
Saying that I am working on a 2010 one so get your fucking hands off cunts. It's massive though.

The Rosk
January 7th, 2013, 9:36 AM
I have 1994 m,dbn j,sbhf YES

Red Dog
January 7th, 2013, 9:53 AM
Id take a stab at 2005 but i cant guarantee that it wont be an absolute pile of turd :shifty:

It obviously will.

Fanny Batter
January 7th, 2013, 10:15 AM
Kneeneighbour 1992, Psychosoldier 1991, Kev 2004.

January 7th, 2013, 10:50 AM

Ok Royal Rumble 98, in the height of the attitude era. Should be good. Loads of top superstars and all that.

Before the match King and JR tell us that Stone Cold Steve Austin is a marked man going into the rumble basically because he has been a prick to everyone in the past couple of months. After seeing the highlights it's hard to argue with that.

Anyway Finkel runs down the rules, I don't know why but it always seems weird when Finkel does announcing in the attitude era. Like he doesn't quite belong. He still does it better than anybody though.

So it's time for us all to find out who drew number one....and I don't recognize the music, maybe they have changed it on the version I'm watching but its Cactus Jack and he is coming armed with garbage cans which makes him smarter than he looks. Nobody has ever said you can't bring weapons into a rumble before. And he is going to need them as number two is Chainsaw Charlie.

Seriously what kind if a name is that? JR and King don't even bother with this charade and just call him Terry Funk. The match starts and Funk tries to kill Cactus with his chainsaw luckily Jack brought those garbage cans with him so he could defend himself. The two idiots take turns in giving chairshots to each other and liking it. These chairshots are horrible to watch nowadays. Unprotected and straight to the head. The clock counts down and number three is....Tom Brandi.

Brandi is wearing Italian ring gear which isn't as nice as his Salvatore Sincere attire. Oh and he is also eliminated. Oh well. Funk and Foley seem to want to keep the ring to themselves. After this Tom Brandi went into the NFL and won the superbowl multiple times with the Patriots. Good for him.

At this point I must say I'm hating this start to the rumble. I know a lot of people enjoyed it but I hate hardcore stuff at the best of times and as much as I love Funk I hate watching him selling chairshots and the like with his wobbly leg schtick. I hope someone good comes in next to cheer me up.

It's time for number four and..get in there is The Rock! He is looking rather young here complete with hair and puppy fat. He is also great. This is just before he starts to take off as a legitimate superstar. He is the current Intercontinental Champion beating Ken Shamrock earlier in the night after a screwy finish. So Rock is pulling double duty from number 4 here. Rock slides in and lays boots to both Funk and Foley as the crowd chants Rocky Sucks. Foley almost kills Rock with a trash can to the head and then puts said rubbish receptacle on The Rocks head before he and Funk take turns at hitting him. This was amusing.

Number five is Headbanger Mosh who gets a pretty decent reaction actually. I always liked the Headbangers. The match turns into more of a regular rumble at this point. Number six is Phinnias Godwinn. 6 foot 7 inches tall according to JR. This was during the Godwinns heel run which was much less annoying than their babyface stuff. P.I.G kicks and punches like he usually does. Oh the Godwinns and Headbangers are feuding it seems.

Next in is 8 Ball of DOA. Fair enough. I never did quite get Skull and 8 Ball as they basically were taller versions of Steve Austin even wearing leather waistcoats like him. You wouldn't get stuff like that today. Anyway 8 Ball seems rather fired up tonight. Foley goes to clothesline Funk in the ropes but he ducks and Cactus is eliminated much to the chagrin if those in attendance.

Jerry Lawler has some news from his sources that Austin has been injured backstage and it may be at the hands of Ken Shamrock.

Here comes number 8 (I think, lost count already) and its Blackjack Bradshaw. One of my faves and he is absolutely massive here! Looks around 350lbs. He hits some stiff looking shots and the ring is beginning to fill up.

Oh yeah they keep showing shots of Mike Tyson in the crowd as he is going to be on Raw tomorrow night. He is rooting for Stone Cold. Lawler stays he had better stay out of his way tomorrow night or he will knock him out.

Next out is Owen Hart to a big pop. But he is attacked by the NWA champion Jeff Jarrett and manager Jim Cornette. After a tennis racquet shot and a couple of weak stomps by double J Owen is unable to compete. What a wimp Owen is! Foley, Funk and Rock took chairshots to the head and survived chainsaw attacks. Hart gits hit once and gives up. Pfft.

Steve Blackman is number 10 and attacks Funk with some nice looking kicks. He flips Funk over the top rope but Funk hangs on. Blackman visibly notices this yet just turns away and lets Funk get back in. Weird. 8 Ball hits Funk with a piledriver.

D-Lo Brown of the Nation of Domination is out at number 11 and goes straight for his stable mate The Rock which was pretty cool and nothing major happens until number 12. The monster that is Kurrgan. We now have three Hollywood movie stars in there (if we are counting Funk in Roadhouse.) Kurrgan does the usual big man spot where he throws out Mosh quickly just after this Blackman missed with a great looking roundhouse that the crowd "ooed" to.

Number 13 is out next and the crowd erupts as its Marc Mero! Well Ok they popped for Sable but it's the biggest reaction of the night so far. I would like to take this moment to mention how awesome Marc Mero is in this match. All he does is juke and jive around the ring doing his boxing moves without actually hitting anyone much. Anytime someone has someone else in trouble he just stands near them providing guidance on how to eliminate them and maybe laying in a cheap shot before running off again. It is one of my favourite Rumble performances.

Blackman goes after Mero before Kurrgan stops him and throws him out as Mero directs traffic and acts like it was all his handy work.

As one badass leaves another enters in the form of Ken Shamrock. He enters and goes straight for Kurrgan and knocks him off his feet which according to Lawler and Ross is the first time someone had done that. Then in the traditional giant spot he is tossed by Shamrock, 8-Ball, Godwinn, Bradshaw, Charlie and Rock. I like the giant spot but this one was kind of hard to accept as two of the guys throwing him out where just as big as him in the form of 8-Ball and Bradshaw.

Rock and Shamrock go at each other as Headbanger Thrasher enters the ring. Nothing of note happens until the next guy comes down and its Mankind. This was clever (if you ignore the obvious plot holes) he comes straight in and takes Funk out.

The clock counts down and some ugly music plays, it's the Artist Formerly Known as Goldust along with Luna Vachon. I loved this gimmick. Mero is still being awesome as Goldust eliminates Mankind.


Number 18 is Jeff Jarrett who oozes charisma coming down to the ring. He starts to strut and Owen Hart finally makes his way into the ring and lets loose on Jarrett. Jeff reverses an Irish whip and throws Owen over the top rope as Jarrett struts again with his back turned. Heels will never learn though as Owen skins the cat comes back in and eliminates Jarrett to a big reaction. But as one country and music star leaves another enters as the Honky Tonk Man comes in to only his second rumble appearance. In a rare moment Lawler admits Honky is his cousin and is rooting for him. Right behind Honky comes HHH on crutches with Chyna which was odd as the announcers tried to ignore it at first. Hunter is the European champion at the time and looks really weird compared to what he does now. As this happens Rock eliminates Shamrock. Sucks to be Ken tonight.

Owen sees HHH and sticks the fingers up to him. As Owen goes to eliminate Goldust Chyna swings at him with a crutch but Hart blocks only for HHH to hit him with the other one breaking it in half and eliminating The Sole Survivor from the match. HHH then has the problem of having only one crutch to walk back on whilst being legit hurt. Owen pops back up and chases HHH and Chyna to the back before tripping up behind the curtain which he probably would have got away with had Lawler not started laughing about it.

Ahmed Johnson is next out to hardly any reaction which is a shame as he was over a few months ago. He looks terrible here, lots of added weight and injuries had slowed him down. He also has a pair of trunks on that disappear up his arse crack in a very disturbing manner. he steps in and stares down Godwinn. It's hardly Andre vs Hogan.

Next out is Mark Henry fresh off his heel turn with the Nation. He looks weird without the dreadlocks now. His head is tiny. The nation now has a three man advantage in the ring which they don't use as Rock attacks Henry. Thankfully some nation members do realise they are a team. Mark Henry hits Johnson in the eyes with some form of powder like he is a sneaky Japanese heel or something and then he and D-Lo throw Johnson out.

Number 22 is...nobody. Lawler surmises that it must be Austin's number and somebody has indeed got to him during the day.

Henry low bridges Phinnias who is eliminated and wipes out Jack Doan in the process outside the ring. Ouch. For some reason Ahmed Johnson then attacks Godwinn and falls over before they brawl to the back for no apparent reason. Very strange.

Next out is Kama Mustafa as the nation grows to four people. Four people who keep fighting each other like morons. JR states Kama is the biggest member of the nation but then corrects himself as the biggest member is already in the ring.

The clock counts down and it's time for number 24. Glass smashes and holy shit this place erupts! Everyone pauses in the ring to await Stone Cold Steve Austin but Austin sneaks in from the other side and eliminates Marc Mero (boooo!). This was great at the time and still great today. He then eliminates 8-Ball who was in for an impressive 30:43 for stealing his gimmick. Actually this is half true. As it turns out number 22 was supposed to be 8-Balls twin brother Skull who was unable to compete after Los Boricuas attacked him backstage as they thought he was Austin.

Henry O Godwinn makes his way to the ring and swipes at a fans sign like all good heels do. he almost goes out straight away after tangling with Austin but survives. Next out is the aforementioned Los Boricuas, Savio Vega is the official entrant but his gang whose names I can't remember right now (Jesus was one, one had a very hair back...) all ran to the ring and attacked Austin who basically just laughs at them all and tosses the three non legal guys out before stunning Vega. Off the top of my head Vega may have been the last man to beat Austin at this point in a strap match a year or so earlier. Oh Bret Hart too of course... Jesus and company just leave. Quitters.

The ring is getting far too full now as number 27 is Faarooq. I love Ron Simmons. He comes in and as Ross talks about strength in numbers the leader of the nation goes straight for The Rock and beats the shit out of him. This was another great moment so Rock bails and starts to attack Austin in the outside sending him into the steel steps.

Number 28 is Dude Love who comes straight in and eliminates Bradshaw after 35:45 another great showing. Goldust eats a clothesline from Austin that you can feel just by watching it. Number 29 comes down and it's the Undertaker! Wait no, it's Chainz. Not so good. Faarooq eliminates D-Lo Brown because as I have said already the Nation are idiots.

So we are down to the final man. And its Vader Time! Vader gets a good reaction and goes straight for Goldust who he was feuding with at the time. Honky attacks Vader which is dumb and Vader proves that by eliminating him. Ross says "there goes your cousin" to which Lawler replies "Honky Tonk is your cousin?" which I found amusing.

The rock hits a peoples elbow that nobody reacts to at all which feels really strange.

So we have 12 men left who can go to main event Wrestlemania. Lawler says Austin has no chance but Chainz could win. Alright then, well Thrasher won't be winning as Goldust throws him out before Austin eliminates Kama just after that. Austin then ducks a spin kick from Savio and tosses him out of the ring and we are down to 9, sorry make that 8 as Goldust clotheslines Vader out which recall really shocked me at the time. Goldust has been good tonight.

Foley ducks an attack by Henry Godwinn and has eliminated and Chainz of all people throws out Goldust. Chainzs!! Any hopes of a Chainz Mania main event are ruined when he gets thrown out by Austin which the camera crew misses and Henry gets tossed by Rock and Faarooq (WHY????) in what has to be one of the worst eliminations ever seen, someone misses their cue here and Henry basically just rolls himself off the apron.

So the final four is Austin, Dude Love, Faarooq and The Rock. They pair off as the nation finally decide to work together but they get flattened and Austin and Dude former tag team champions no less, go at it. Austin hits Foley with a low blow and Faarooq eliminates him. leaving the Nation against Austin. But of course Rock eliminates Faarooq (That one I can live with) and the end doesn't last long as Austin's throws Rock over the top. Rock survives runs back in and eats a Stunner before being thrown out for real this time. Austin wins!


My thoughts are that this match was good in places and the right guy won (though they made it really obvious he would) It dragged in parts too due to the cluttering up of the ring and the sheer amount of lower level guys in there. As much as the attitude era was loved by many the roster at this time was pretty dross. But this event was the catalyst to what launched WWF into orbit after a few years of struggle so for that it deserves an A+ alone.


The Rock 51:32
Blackjack Bradshaw 35:45
D-Lo Brown 32:21


Tom Brandi 00:12
Jeff Jarrett 01:12
Owen Hart 02:00


Steve Austin 7


The Rock


Marc Mero, Goldust, 8-Ball, Austin obviously.

January 7th, 2013, 11:29 AM
Great write-up, MMH. :yes:

Peter Griffin
January 7th, 2013, 11:44 AM
Royal Rumble 2005 Review
Welcome all to my review of the 2005 royal rumble match, id like to note that i havent watched it since 2007ish, so other than the winner and the unforgettable ending, it shall be as if for all intents and purposes im watching it as new..so without further ado,lets do a motherfucking review :shifty:...

Howard Finkel informs us that its now time for the royal rumble match..then precedes to go through the rules...who has drawn number one? its....

Entrant 1:

Eddie Guerrero-Eddie comes out to a decent pop in his lowrider,after his usual entrance,he awaits number two...

Entrant 2:Chris Benoit

the year before Benoit entered at number 1 and went on to win,could he go coast to coast again?
Of course the story of the first two entrants is that two best friends start things out,not only that,but they were amongst the elite workers in the company at this point.
As the bell ringsEddie looks pensive about getting in the ring,but eventually does so,they start off with a collar and elbow tie up,with Benoit getting the early advantage,forcing Eddie into the corner,Eddie reverses however,they stare eachother out for a while,then tie up again,Benoit hits a arm drag,they tie up again,and go into some very fluid chain wrestling,which should come as no great shock. After 30 odd seconds of this,entrant number 3 makes his way to the ring...

Entrant 3:Tough Enough winner Daniel Puder..

he comes out and proceeds to tell everyone that hes going to win,something tells me he is going to regret those words.
Benoit and Eddie look suitably unimpressed,and proceed to beat the crap out of him,hitting some of the stiffest chops ive ever heard,then they both hit various suplexes on him until entrant 4 enters the fray.

Entrant 4:Hardcore Holly

Seems like things are about to go from bad to worse for young mr puder!
Holly comes in with several chops to Puder,all three then gang up on him,taking it in turns to chop him,Holly then lays puder over the top rope,and then kicks him where it hurts,picks him up and hits the alabama slam,just in time for...

Entrant 5:Hurricane Helms

Just as Hurricanes music hits,holly tosses puder over the top to the floor

Elimination 1:Daniel Puder

Hurricane is still on his way to the ring,when Eddie and Benoit eliminate Holly

Elimination 2:Hardcore Holly

Hurricane finally enters the ring,to be greeted by a kick to the gut from Guerrero,He and Benoit then double team Helms,until Eddie tries to eliminate Benoit,which causes them to go after eachother,this gives Helms a chance to climb to the top rope and hit a Buff Blockbuster type move on Eddie, its not long however before Eddie and Benoit reconcile,with Benoit Irish-whipping Helms into Guerrero,who is stood at the ropes,he then proceeds to hoist Helms over the top and to the floor..Helms is gone

Elimination 3:Hurricane Helms

Just as Helms hits the floor,the countdown starts again and we have...

Entrant 6:Kenzo Suzuki

Kenzo came into the WWE with a fair bit of hype,there was even talk of him becoming a main eventer,but once he started to work WWE matches that seemingly all went to pot,his only success would come via winning the tag titles with Rene Dupree over on Smackdown.
By now,theres a obvious pattern emerging,with Eddie and Benoit trying to eliminate everyone and leave it between them two..just as i say that Benoit tries to eliminate eddie,but fails,a few seconds later we have...

Entrant 7:Edge

Fresh off a huge win over HBK earlier in the evening,and really starting to come into his own after his late 2004 Heel Turn, Edge comes running to the ring,upon entering he goes after everyone,nearly eliminating Eddie,who just hangs on,everyone is going at it at this point with no clear unions, its at this point we have..

Entrant 8:Rey Mysterio

Rey Wastes no time in quickening the pace,hitting a Bulldog on Edge,a Dropkick on Benoit and a Hurricanrana on Suzuki,which sends him over the top to the floor.

Elimination 4:Kenzo Suzuki

Its pointed out on commentary that although friends,Rey and Eddie have been having problems,this of course leads to a WM match between the two, and Eddies eventual turn and a series of good to Great matches between the two...anyway next up we have

Entrant 9:Shelton Benjamin

Shelton is Intercontinental champion at this point,and very much a crowd favourite,personally ive always been a fan of his,but i guess hes like marmite as far as the IWC goes,you either love him or hate him.
He goes straight after edge,then moves onto Eddie,hitting a high back body drop,he then goes back to working on Edge in the corner.
Meanwhile,on the other side of the ring,benoits got Rey in a precarious position in the ropes,but Rey hangs on,wrapping his lege around Benoits head,to try and eliminate him,they are both caught up in the ropes at this point,when Guerrero comes over,tries to eliminate Benoit, but both he and Rey end up getting free from the ropes.
In the other corner Shelton nearly has Edge over the top,but for some reason Rey comes running over,chopblocks Shelton,stopping the elimination.
We are now a 3rd of the way through as we have...

Entrant 10:Booker T

Booker comes in and goes straight to Edge,seems poor Mr Copeland is going to have a tough night of it, just as it looks as if Rey is about to eliminate Shelton, Raw GM Eric Bischoff comes down to ringside,for what reason? we dont yet know..though it would seem hes acting as cheerleader for the Raw talent.
Meanwhile,Benoit has Guerrero in a sharpshooter in the middle of the ring,but its broken up by a dropkick from Rey to Benoit,its now time for...

Entrant 11:Chris Jericho.

Even though he had it the majority of his career,its kind of strange seeing Y2J with long hair,anyway i digress,Jericho comes in and lays punches on everyone,nothing much is happening at this point in the match,other than ths shit banter between Taz and JR on commentary, Monsoon and Heenan this aint!anyway its time for

Entrant 12:Luther Reigns

Hes a big dude,and he was in the girl next door,theres not much else to say,though im pretty sure the entrances are getting closer together. :squint:
Ohhh wait a minute here,we have a standoff in the ring,all the Raw talent on one side and Smackdown on the other! the drama.Everyone is menacingly pointing at eachother until....Fighhhhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttttttttt :panic:
No one seems to be getting a decided advantage,and yet again we have another entrant

Entrant 13:Muhammad Hassan

Everyone in the ring stops what they are doing and turn their focus on Hassan, i think i see what maybe coming here,yup,after Hassan has a quick prayer to Allah,Every other competitor lays into him with kicks,till he ends up prone over the middle rope..this can mean only one thing..619..everyone then lifts Hassan in the air and promply launch him out of the ring

Elimination 5:Muhammad Hassan

Literally as Hassan hits the floor the countdown starts again,so we have ourselves

Entrant 14:Orlando Jordan

Orlando comes out to shitty generic music, and zero reaction,poor lamb.
Anyway not much is happening other than Edge working over Eddie in one corner, and Shelton working over Y2J in the other...the countdown starts up again..is anyone even timing the intervals here,they are all over the place!..anyhow we have

Entrant 15:Scotty 2 Hotty

Decent worker,and part of one of my favorite teams back in the day, could Scotty be a dark horse in this rumble?...im going to say no,as he comes dancing to the ring,Hassan who hasnt left the ringside area, hits him with a vicious clothesline from behind,and lays into him with several kicks and punches before applying the camel clutch, whilst Davairi screams obscenitys at him...the countdown begins again and we have

Entrant 16:Charlie Haas

The most charasmatic wrestler since Lance Storm comes in,and gets flattened by a Booker T axe kick,within 5 seconds,Booker then eliminates Luther Reigns and Orlando Jordan in quick succsession,as Scotty is being helped to the back,so i guess that makes it..

Elimination 6:Scotty 2 Hotty (never made it to the ring)
Eliminations 7 and 8: Luther reigns and Orlando Jordan

Booker T decided to do a spinaroonie in the middle of the royal rumble and promptly pays for it by getting eliminated by Eddie

Elimination 9:Booker T

Booker looks back at Eddie in disgust as Taz Observes "They are meant to be friends" less than 5 minutes after declaring it to be every man for himself..back in the ring Shelton hits a nice T-Bone suplex on Mysterio..
After watching the replay i missed something from Bookers elimination,as he finished his spinaroonie, Rey dropkicked him in the back sending him towards the ropes where Eddie low bridged,causing Booker to tumble over.
Anyway back to the action,its worth noting Benoit and Guerrero are still in there,they are the workhorses of this rumble i guess you could say,anyway the countdown begins again and we have

Entrant 17:Rene Dupree (w/Fifi the dog)

You read that right,Rene Dupree comes down to the ring with a black poodle in toe,as he enters he gets promptly double teamed by Haas and Benjamin, its a mark out moment for me as the Worlds Greatest Tag Team have a reunion of sorts.
Not long thereafter,Shelton takes a risk by going up top and gets eliminated by Edge

Elimination 10:Shelton Benjamin

*Just a quick sidethought,it never really bothered me at the time but my god Taz is fucking dreadful on commentary,hes like The Red Dog of the WWE,he sits out there slagging off Raw for the entire match,but Jr makes one comment about SD and he throws a hissy fit,just a dreadful announcer*

The countdown starts again as we have

Entrant 18: Simon Dean

Simon Dean comes to the ring,but before entering,he obviously needs to warm up using his Patented Simon System,during all this,Edge tosses Eddie over the top and to the floor

Elimination 11:Eddie Guerrero

Dean is doing pressups,and just makes it into the ring as the countdown hits 0

Entrant 19: Shawn Michaels

Unsuprisingly he goes straight after Edge with a few right hand but then turns around and eliminates Simion Dean

Elimination 12:Simon Dean

loud chants for Eddie as he leaves ringside,sadly this would be his last rumble. HBK eliminates Haas as the countdown hits once more

Elimination 13:Charlie Haas

Entrant 20:Kurt Angle

Easily one of my all time favourites wastes no time in getting into the ring and delivering a german suplex to Benoit,then a belly to belly to rey another german to y2j then Angle slams to Edge and Dupree,before trying to hit one on HBK,who reverses,goes for SCM,but Angle reverses that into a ankle lock,but only for a short time as HBK kicks him off to the ropes,delivers SCM and eliminates Angle,who is pissed to say the least,this all lead upto their WM match of course,which was one of my personal favorite matches of all time.

Elimination 14: Kurt Angle

The countdown starts again as we get

Entrant 21: Jonathan Coachman

Thats right,one time sunday night heat commentator Coachman is in the rumble folks
He goes straight after Benoit,smooth move coach,Benoit gets Coach in the corner and gives him a good beating,as we get another new entrant

Entrant 22:Jindrak

Jindrak comes running into the ring,just as Angle re-enters.Angle tosses HBK over the top,grabs the steel steps and proceeds to ram HBK in the head,even though Michaels is bleeding,Kurt is still not satisfied,and tries to widen the cut by laying punches on him,before laying a prone michaels over the steps and applying the ankle lock,he leaves it on for a good while before officials drag him away!..

I think at this point HBK doesnt return so
Elimination 15:HBK (can not continue)

Time for another entrant

Entrant 23:Viscera

He comes into the ring and body slams Rey,then tries to eliminate Jindrak,before we get yet another entrant

Entrant 24:Paul London

If i didnt know better id swear London was stoned,as he comes prancing to the ring,at one point putting his hands under his armpits in a gorilla pose,anyway,i digress..London comes in and goes straight at it with rene dupree who promptly takes him to the mat,and then whilst standing over him,Dupree proceeds to do his French Tickle pose (real name,i didnt make it up)..but after posing a couple of seconds to long,Dupree gets dumped out by Y2J who then mocks Duprees tickle

Elimination 16:Rene Dupree

time for a new entrant

Entrant 25:John Cena

This is back when it was the cool thing to like Cena,anyway Cena goes straight after viscera and dumps him over the top rope

Elimination 17:Viscera

The countdown starts again

Entrant 26: Snitsky

Snitsky comes down and beats on pretty much everyone,London then decides it would be a really good idea to jump on Snitskys back,he applies a sleeper ,but Snitsky manages to dump London over the rope,he lands on the apron however.No matter though as Snitsky prompltly clotheslines him off the apron and London does a 360 in mid air and lands on his face,in a spot almost as good as Taka Michinoku a few years previous.

Elimination 18:Paul London

Back in the ring Cena and Snitsky have a staredown,and go at it,just as we get another countdown

Entrant 27:Kane

Kane stares out Snitsky as he enters the ring, and the two go at it,not for long though as Kane chokeslams everyone in sight,whilst the stretcher carts London away,back in the ring Kane eliminates Jindrak

Elimination 19:Jindrak

Coach now decides its a really good idea to attack Kane from behind,nothing comes of it though as Snitskys attacks Kane and gives him a pump handle slam,just as we get another countdown

Entrant 28:Batista

Batista came into the rumble as hot as anyone,and promptly clotheslines the next biggest guy (other than kane),Snitsky over the top

Elimination 20:Snitsky

He then goes after Kane and they Slug it out,Batista then delivers a Batista bomb to Kane,When he turns around Jericho attempts a cross body block,but gets caught,Batista then gorilla presses Y2J over the top

Elimination 21:Chris Jericho

We then have another entrant

Entrant 29:Christian

Christian comes out with his problem solver Tomko (remember him?), he goes straight after Cena who proceeds to give him a good kicking in the corner,Cena then turns his attention on Kane and dumps him over the top with a FU,

Elimination 22:Kane

time for number 30

Entrant 30:Ric Flair

Woooooooooooooooooo,Flair comes in and high fives his Evolution stablemate Batista,Batista gives a spinebuster to Coach and Flair dumps him out

Elimination 23:Coachman

Batista presses Christian over the top

Elimination 24:Christian

Benoit lays some knife edge chops on Flair in the corner before Batista comes to his aid,and delivers a spinebuster to Benoit,they both dump Benoit out

Elimination 25:Chris Benoit

Flair then decided to stab Batista in the back,but fails miserably,Batista looks suitably unimpressed,but before Batista can get to Flair, Edge and Rey double dropkick Batista then dump Flair out

Elimination 26:Ric Flair

We are down to the final 4 Edge,Cena,Batista and Mysterio..they stare eachother out for a while,then go at it,with Edge hitting spears on Batista and Cena,before attempting a spear on Rey in the corner but missing as Rey rolls out of the way,Rey hits a 619 on Edge,Rey goes for the west coast pop,but Edge moves and tosses Rey over the top but he lands on the apron,no matter,Edge spears him off the apron

Elimination 27:Rey Mysterio

Edge then runs towards Cena and Batista but gets double back body dropped over the top

Elimination 28: Edge

So here we have it , the final two, Either Batista or Cena will main event Wrestlemania,which one will it be?
They have a brief stare down,and talk some smack,they exchange punches,and Batista seemingly gets the advantage,he goes to deck Cena one more time but Cena ducks and lifts Batista onto his shoulders,he tries to dump Batista out,but he holds onhe takes him to the other side of the ring,but the same thing happens,Batista lays some elbows to Cenas head and gets free,Batista lays some knees to Cena and sets up for the Batistabomb,but ends up stumbleing backwards,and channeling the spirit of Luger and Hart in 1994 both Cena and Batista go over the top at the same time,of course the Raw referees declare Batista the winner and the SD referees declare Cena the winner, we need someone to sort out this controversy,who could it be..why its..
Vince!!! He looks pretty pissed,he throws his jacket to the floor and runs into the ring,but wait somethings wrong,its seems vince has hurt himself

as it turns out he tore both quadriceps,a extremely nasty injury..but anyway,we now have the chairman of the board sat in the ring,amongst mass confusion.Both sets of refs plead the respective case, Batista then tosses Cena over the top,Cena returns the favour,its then announced that the match be restarted,as Vince is helped to the back.

After a bit of posturing Batista hits a spinebuster on Cena and eliminates him

Elimination 29:John Cena


There you have it folks,Batista would go on to leave evoloution and beat Triple H for the world title at Wrestlemania.
To Summarise,this certainly wasnt the best royal rumble of all time,but it certainly wasnt the worst,it lulled to much at certain points for me,but it certainly had some good spots in it as well.To me the ending really hurt it though, Final score 6.5/10

Peter Griffin
January 7th, 2013, 11:52 AM
Sorry for the double post,said it didnt post the first time..anyhow Red Dog,heres the deal,from now on we have no interaction whatsoever,i wont reply to your posts or mention you, and you do the same,because frankly i cant deal with your bullshit anymore :yes:

January 7th, 2013, 12:06 PM
Appreciate the shout in there, amigo. ;)

January 7th, 2013, 12:31 PM
Good reviews.

Though MMH claiming he couldn't think of Savio's stable's name when he'd mentioned them by name in the previous paragraph made me laugh.

January 7th, 2013, 12:34 PM
Good reviews.

Though MMH claiming he couldn't think of Savio's stable's name when he'd mentioned them by name in the previous paragraph made me laugh.

I meant their actual names!

Peter Griffin
January 7th, 2013, 12:36 PM
going slightly off tangent here,but at the 2005 event there was a contender for worst promo of all time, namely Heidenrich and Snitsky-"I hate caskets" " i know you do john" ffs :rofl:

January 7th, 2013, 12:38 PM
I meant their actual names!

Savio, Miguel (Perez Jr), Jesus Castillo and I want to say Jose Estrada, he sounds familiar in that context.

Underrated bunch actually, but once Savio and the one Edge killed got injured, it was dead in the water.

going slightly off tangent here,but at the 2005 event there was a contender for worst promo of all time, namely Heidenrich and Snitsky-"I hate caskets" " i know you do john" ffs :rofl:

Edge's promo at the 02 rumble was as bad.

"That's a steel chair!"

Peter Griffin
January 7th, 2013, 12:41 PM
Appreciate the shout in there, amigo. ;)

your welcome,i wasnt sure if i was infringing copyright to be honest :D

January 7th, 2013, 12:42 PM
Shout out, or plagiarism? You decide, Cewsh. And when you do, be sure to bring the HAMMER DOWN ON GRIFFIN. lol.

January 7th, 2013, 12:48 PM
Haha, I've actually seen people using it around in some weird places. I'm just glad I came up with something that catchy.

Honestly, the first paragraph of all of my reviews are like Mad Libs at this point. Just insert the new show name and two lines about the top storyline and BOOM. Done.

January 7th, 2013, 12:49 PM
I've got my 2010 one finished just need to proof read it. Will post it later on today or tomorrow.

Peter Griffin
January 7th, 2013, 12:53 PM
I have to give you major props cewsh,it took me 3 hours to review a one hour rumble match,having to paus it every minute to make sure i didnt miss anything, i dont know how you find the time,not to mention all your reviews are of the highest standard :yes: unlike my car wreck of a write up :shifty:

January 7th, 2013, 12:59 PM

Though if it helps, it generally takes me a solid 3-4 hours to write each review, not including how long it takes to watch the show (3 hours if I can watch it straight through) and how long it takes to format the reviews and get them posted various places (1-2 hours on a decent computer, 4-5 on the computer I'm replacing today).

So all in all, it's generally a 10 hour process all told. Which is why there's only one a week at maximum.

One Man Gang
January 7th, 2013, 1:10 PM
I'll review the 2008 Rumble if nobody wants it.

Fun fact about the 1998 Royal Rumble. Just a few days after it, Ricky Steamboat and The One Man Gang worked a house show for WWF. I seriously think we could have gone without Tom Brandi for Rumble night....

Peter Griffin
January 7th, 2013, 1:12 PM
i think i need new glasses,i thought that was Cris Kamara in your avatar for a minute :shifty:

January 7th, 2013, 1:26 PM
Unbelievable, Peter!

January 7th, 2013, 1:26 PM
Well, someone had to do it, and the joke would go over Cewsh and OMG's heads...

One Man Gang
January 7th, 2013, 1:30 PM
I looked him up. Ugly sod. Certainly not dashing.

One Man Gang
January 7th, 2013, 1:44 PM
Also, interesting reviews so far. Quite the spectrum of opinions.

January 7th, 2013, 4:19 PM
Its the 2007 Royal Rumble and Ric Flair's getting ready by dancing around with a load of divas like the legend he is. We get a history package showing Hogan and Warrior,Shawn booting Nash's head off, HHH and Ric Flair winning, Hogan being a bad sport and pulling Sid out because he eliminated him and other such classic moments.

We then get another promo telling ushow this is the most star studded Royal Rumble in history featuringUndertaker, Orton, King Booker, Edge, Benoit, HBK, Ric Flair, JeffHardy, CM Punk erm Hardcore Holly, Carlito, Chris Masters, Finlay andChavo Guerrero.

Michaels, Edge, Khali, Benoit, Kane,Booker, Undertaker and Kenny Dykstra get extended promo time tellingus why they are going to win, I guess all these legends are thefavourites then.

So all that aside, we're now ready togo and Lillian Garcia announces the number one entrant, the limousineridin, jet flyin......it's RIC FLAIR if you haven't watched wrestlingbefore. I hope he didn't use all his energy backstage with the divas,at his age and all, he's got a long night ahead of him.

FINLAY's out next and loves to fight,luckily for him 29 other people want to fight him. Anyway, the twotrade up and we get some Flair chops WOOOOO before Finlay sends himto the rope for a back bodydrop. Finlay's got Flair up and gonnaattempt to get him out early but instead of simply flicking Flair outhe decides just to stand next to the ropes until Flair claws hiseyes.

Anyway one of the favourites is outnext, KENNY DYKSTRA is looking to win it and he's only twenty yearold, if you didn't know from from the earlier promos. He joins Finlayin attacking Flair but then Finlay pulls the double cross andattempts to eliminate Kenny.

Flair's back up and despite winningthis years ago, he seems to have forgotten how to eliminate people ashe pulls Finlays leg further into the ring than pushing him. Allsforgiven and Dykstra and Finlay beat on Flair again as number fourenters.

MATT HARDY is out and is in a rush toget into the action, despite already wrestling once. He gets Dykstraover the top but he rolls back in and the mid-carders do nothingexciting before EDGE enters at number five.

Spear to Flair, spear to Finlay, goesto the spear on hardy but he's played his cards to early, bites thering post and gets a twist of fate for his troubles. So we have threemen out after tasting finishers and hardy and Dykstra are gonna throwthem out of there. No, there gonna fight each other and ignore thethree near unconscious men on the floor.

Flairs had enough and goes and getssome chairs but decides to throw some slaps about instead as thechairs get chucked straight back out the ring and then Edge andDykstra eliminates him to put the topping on the cake. Never mindnaitch, I'm sure those divas are still hanging around backstage.

Dykstra gives Edge a high five and thenmocks Flair's strut nly to forget about everyone else in the ring andget himself tossed out by Edge. Out come TOMMY DREAMER to ECW chants,King reckons its gonna get extreme and Edge gets hung upside down inthe corner for a running drop kick. Hardy gets Edge over the rope butinstead of just chucking him, he holds him up so as he can climb backthrough the ropes and avoid elimination.

Next in is SABU who sets a table upoutside the ring, he's wanting to send someone out with a bang but hedoesn't do much other than springboard about of the ropes and nearlygets eliminated by Hardy who still hasn't worked out he has to throwthem to the floor and not help them climb back through the ropes.

Anyway, GREGORY HELMS is out next andhe's Smackdown's biggest secret despite being on the roster foraround five plus years at this point. Helms is also going to step upt heavyweight like Bernard Hopkins, a guy who has never boxed at theheavyweight limit (or the one below that for that matter).

Everyone takes a turn going over the top and back through the bottom before we're joined by SHELTON BENJAMIN who attempts to get a few out but has no joy before nearly getting eliminated himself by the hands of Finlay. But whose this form behind, it's Matt hardy and he's got Finlay over the top, only to again forget the rules and guide him back in through the ropes. He must be questioning why these tactics aren't working by now.

Hardy and Shelton have a contest to seewho can back bodydrop each other out and through the table but can'tlift each other up and then out comes KANE, the guy with the mosteliminations in one match, maybes he can tell Hardy what he's doingwrong.

Kanes kicking off, beating everyone down, chokeslam for Edge, gets hold of Dreamer and he's out of there and didn't do anything extreme at all. Kane hates mid-carders and gets in a scrap with Sabu which ends up with the homicidal, suicidal,genocidal death defying man is chokeslammed out the ring and through the table he set up, aint karma a bitch.

CM PUNK is out at 11 followed by KINGBOOKER at 12. Booker quickly gets rid of Helms who must have had abad landing cause he's trying to get back in the ring and we arejoined by SUPER CRAZY number 14.

Hardy has Shelton over the top and this time he's not helping him back in but he still cant get him out and he escapes. 15 and its JEFF HARDY, hopefully he can tell Matt what he's doing wrong. It doesn't look like it though as they just team up and beat on people instead of trying to throw anyone out.

SANDMAN is in through the crowd with a Singapore cane in hand as he starts to batter mid card brains before getting immediately thrown out by Booker after 13 seconds. Finlay throws Jeff out and we get some Skinthecat before RANDY ORTON comes out to join the party.

Orton and Edge team up to say goodbyeto Super Crazy and then the two Hardy brothers who I presumed wentback stage, read the rule book and then kicked themselves for gettingit so wrong.

Benoit gets in the mix followed by RVD who goes around kicking everybody in the mush and ends up aiding Kanewho chucks a stunned Booker out of the match. Bookers pissed though and he's back in the ring whupping Kane big time and eliminates himwith a clothesline.

Whilst they scrap on the outside, the world's largest love machine BIG DADDY V is on his way down. Kings not sure if anyone can get Viscera out of there but Coles on hand to tell him seven got him out before several times before they drop the subject.

Number 20 and JOHNNYNITRO/SPADE/BLAZE/MORRISON/HEENIGAN makes an appearance followed by KEVIN THORN. Nothing much is happening and the 90 seconds pass before HARDCORE HOLLY joins the mix.

JBL is trying to convince us that Holly could be the man to go to mania when HBK turns the match up a notch and eliminates Finlay who has lasted 32 minutes. The ring looks empty as it seems the other ten or so men have squashed themselves in the corner so Shawn can have some space.

Anyhow, he gives big Mable some sweet chin music and the rest of guys throw him out, all looking very pleased with themselves afterwards. Shelton thinks just running straight into Shawn is the key to a big elimination but it just gets him chucked out instead.

CHRIS MASTERS is in and Henningan is out after making the age old mistake of climbing the ropes andgetting pushed over by Benoit. Out comes CHAVO and Thorn is gone within seconds as he seems to just fall out the ring, guess hiscrusade to rid the word of sin was never going to come t much when he can't even balance on the ringside.

Out comes MVP who apparently is wrestling with third degree burns and he gets in the ring in time tosee RVD eliminate Masters. CARLITO and GREAT KHALI join the fray and Cole reckons no one has a chance at getting Khali out.

Khali gets straight to work destroying everyone with the two moves he knows before eliminating Holly and outcomes Miz who looked like a right jackass back in 2007, he's thrown out by Khali in 7 seconds.

RVD, Punk, Carlito and Chavo join him as Khali cleans house. Khali is standing strong in the centre of the ring, the commentators asking 'who can stop him' then guess what? Outcomes his old nemesis the UNDERTAKER at number 30.

The pair go back and forth until Takers end him over the top, Khali making an absolute meal out of it in oneof the worst looking eliminations ever. Old school to MVP who makes no attempt to just push taker of the ropes and he's flung out to leave Taker, Edge, Orton and Michaels as the final four.

Edge gets thrown by taker but is hangingon by one hand when MVP gives Orton a chair to take Takers head off. Edge sets up to spear Orton but gets caught, they argue but Michaels stumbles in the way and gets an RKO and rolls out the ring.

The heels double team Taker, who's now busted open but they get too cocky and start to take a kicking. Taker has Orton up ready for a chokeslam but instead gets a spear of Edge followed by another chair shot.

It's looking grim for the deadman now as Edge gets another chair, readying up for the conchairto but Michaels is back in and bang, Orton is out, Edge misses his atattck and a superkick sends him out as well.

Taker and HBK are the final two, both get up and here we go for the big finale. They go back and forth inthe corner until Shawn decides to try and eliminate himself, luckily for him Taker is on hand to save him.

Michaels ends up on the outside of the ropes and Taker goes for the kill but misses and ends up on the outside himself, HBK tries the same thing to no avail and there both back in the ring. JBL's stoked because his witnessing these two mid-forties guys wrestling in their prime.

We get an elimination tease at the topof the turnbuckle but Takers threw into the ring and Shawn hits his elbow from the top rope. He goes for SCM but gets countered and takes a chokeslam. He goes to throw him out but gets countered himself and walks right into SCM.

Taker gets up on the ropes and Michaels tunes up the band, he goes to kick him out the ring after a great battle but they completely botch the finish and Michaels just sort of gets chucked out without putting up a fight.

It was a pretty fun Rumble despite it being filled with mid card no hoper's. It was a bit obvious who was going to win but we all love Taker so I don't think there we're many complaints. Pity about the screwy ending, they sort of got away with it but it looked awkward as hell.

January 7th, 2013, 8:07 PM
blah blah blah

January 7th, 2013, 8:07 PM
Introducing the 2010 rumble review with MIKEHUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

January 7th, 2013, 8:08 PM
Welcome to hot-lanta and the royalrumble 2010. Cole, King and Striker lead us into the now standardnumbers segment about the records from previous rumbles. love thesegment and gets me pumped for the rumble.

we are reminded that HHH won in 2002 bythe video last time the rumble was in hot-lanta, could that be asign?

Justin Roberts gives us a run down ofthe rules, not the same as the fink but his ROOOOOOOOYAL RUMBLE ispretty great. Crowd is pretty silent as the number 1 and 2 entrantscome out;

1 - Dolph Ziggler
2 - Evan Bourne

Both guys trash talk and bit and lookat the WrestleMania sign before getting down to business. Ziggler andBourne start off on a quick pace and the zig-zag and shooting starpress hit before........BUZZZZER


Punk makes quick work of ziggler andbourne and grabs the mic and begins a promo about saving the WWE andthe universe as............BUZZER

4 - JTG

Quick back and forth and Punkeliminates JTG with ease before heading back to his mic.
just before JGT get eliminated Strikermakes a stupid comment about how Punk hates JGT cause he goes to thedisco, what a fanny...........BUZZER

5 - The Great Khali

Punk keeps the mic and trys to saveKhali and asks him to raise his right hand which leads to a giantchop and vice grip held until.............BUZZER

6 - Beth Phoenix

2nd ever female entry in the rumble.Khali's playboy gimmick sees him try to save Beth by placing her overthe ropes onto the edge of the mat. Beth sticks the lips right on himand Khali gets a semi and is pulled over the top by Beth. The crowdloves the first spot of the Rumble.

Beth then works her way to punk, anattempted elimination is wriggled out of by Punk Beth and eats knee.Punk has an amazing look on his face which can only be described asfull on creep...................BUZZER

7 - Zac Ryder

Striker just about creams his pants asRyder makes his way to the ring. Punk tosses Phoenix and grabs themic again.
Punk starts a saviour promo on Rydertelling him he "has potential" before crashing the mic intoZac's skull.
The crowd loves Punk and Ryder iseliminated, the mic is back in our saviours hands.
he tells us to watch him rise andreminds us how much better he is.................BUZZER

8 - HHH

Punk taunts HHH on the way to the ring.HHH looks bloated and takes ages to get to the ring. HHH and Punkstand nose to nose and they hit some signature moves finished withHHH spinebuster...............BUZZER

9 - Drew McIntyre

I like Drew, he's Scottish. Punk getstossed by HHH after a nice reversal combo of finishers between thetwo.
Punks exit draws to a close one of myfavourite rumble moments, Punks ongoing promo while tossing peopleleft right and centre certified me as a believer in CMPunk.................BUZZER

10 - Ted Dibiase Jr

We are reminded that he is the marineand my interest has dropped significantly at this point. double teamby our now Rock-star and Mr MIA on HHH until........BUZZER

11 - John Morrison

He sprints to the ring and we arereminded of the really good Morrison and McIntyre feud from 2010.
We are 21 mins through and we have only4 men in the ring the most, up to this point, pretty unusual.
Morrison hits a sexy Pele kick andcompletely misses the starship pain on Drew. Luckily know one saw itdue to the nonsense streaming out of Strikers mouth,
"Ground control to Major John,thiscould be starship pain!!!"
Uggggggggh what a cock, as I bury myface in my hands something drowns out Striker and mygroans...BUZZZZZZER

12 - KANE

12th rumble appearance for Kane andhe's on a mission. Straight to the top rope and Striker makes him thefavourite for the rumble at this point. Double chokeslam to Morrisonand Drew and lays waste to everyone until HHH makes a save midelimination of Dibiase and HHH eats a chokeslam for spoilingit...........BUZZER

13 - Cody Rhodes

Cody saves Ted jr from anotherelimination attempt from Kane before he enters the ring, Cody and Teddouble team on Kane. Cody has really made leaps and bounds physicallysince here. Nice high-flying interlude from Cody and Morrison beforeHHH almost eliminates Cody but he just hangs on...............BUZZER

14 - MVP

Actually MVP isn't coming as he getsblind sided by Miz before he even reaches the ring. Clobbered withthe USA title and back to the ring we head where Legacy are trying todouble up and eliminate HHH in the comer but Kane saves thesave....... BUZZER

15 - Carlito

We haven't had an elimination in ages.
Looking at the wrestlers in the ringthe amount of lost opportunities and promise from the majority ofthese guys is pretty sad. Only Cody remains prominent today in WWE.Carlito handing out backstabber’s to HHH, Drew andTed...........BUZZER

16 - The Miz

Skull crushing finale to Carlito aftera quick entry for The Miz and then he is straight to Morrison.
Hold on, OOOOOOFA here come MVP seekingrevenge and heading straight for The Miz. MVP beats Miz over the topand goes with him. Drew, HHH and Carltio all survive eliminationbefore........ BUZZZZZZZZZER

17 - Matt Hardy

Baby blue tights and greasy hair”(me) or “The heart and soul of smackdown” (Striker). I like minebetter.
He enters and drops a Twist of Fate onDrew who it feels has taken just about everyone finishing manoeuvreand survived. |This is because he's Scottish and hard, like MelGibson and Me.
As Hardy starts to gain a lot ofmomentum, he waddles to the second rope and Kane pushes him over theropes. THANK YOU KANE!
Kane is then ambushed by HHH and isalso eliminated himself.
Carlito, Cody, Ted and Morrison all eatspinebuster, HHH try a Pedigree on Cody but Drew stops him and thebeat down starts on HHH from those in the ring until..........BUZZER

18 - HBK

Here to save his boyfriend frominevitable elimination from the now forgotten/released mid cardersand Cody Rhodes. Cole informs us of the importance of winning therumble to HBK so he can get his rematch with Taker at Mania. Shawnsprints to thing ring and dumps Carlito, Cody and Ted quickly beforemoving onto Drew whilst also avoiding a springboard kick fromMorrison and eliminating him in the process, is HBK going for kanesrecord???
We are now down to Drew, HHH and HBK,lots of quick eliminations which were more than necessary and a DXdouble clothesline drops Drew to the floor, (BOOOOOOOOOOOO, SCOTLANDHATES DX!!!)
Only hhh and hbk survived that minuetas they slowly turn to face each other....................BUZZER


The crowd goes nuts as cena enters andhe makes light work of dx and hits a double 5 knuckle shuffle, nicespot. Cena trys to dump Shawn with the AA but life partner HHH makesthe saves. Cena eats a pedigree for hurting Shawn and HHH eats sweetchin music in a case of domestic abuse. HHH tumbles over the top tothe ground and without a chance to catch yourbreath..............BUZZZZZWEWWEWSDARFER

20 - Shelton Benjamin

That was brilliant from Cena, HHH andHBK as one would expect, but moving on.
Shelton enters and goes straight forCena then HBK and takes control even hitting a Paydirt on Shawn.
Shelton stalks Cena and makes anattempt at the Paydirt but Cena catches him mid-air and dumps himover the top.
Cena and Shawn sell the effects of therumble and eliminating mid carders and your civilpartner..............BUZZZER

21 - Yoshi Tatsu

"the poison fist of the pacificrim" - FUCK OFF MATT STRIKER.
Yoshi takes control with kicks for afew seconds before cena makes light work of him and again we are leftwith HBK and Cena. Since HBK entered we have been reminded about howthis is so important to him to gain revenge and settle his scoreroughly 965 times. Cena hits a his trademarkbulldog........................BUZZZZZZZZ ER

22 – The Big Show.

Cena has a tremendous look of "OHSHIT" as Show makes his entrance, who said the man can't act.
Big Show handles Cena and HBK with easebefore a great sequence of close eliminations which ends with one ofmy favourite rumble traditions, HBK skinning the cat.
Well nearly, as Show grabs him andflings him the length of the ring to only reaffirm his status betweenthe three men, nothing else happens until.......BUZZZZZZZER

23 - Mark Henry

Mark makes his way to the ring wearinghis stupid red singlet and slides under the ropes and goes right toShow.
The two square off and Cena joins,combining forces with Henry to take Show off his feet, two HUUUUUUUGEshoulder blocks from Cena and head butts and a slam from Henryrespectively, does the job. Cena then lifts Henry for the AA butcan't hold his weight and they fall and ................BUZZER

24 - Chris Masters

Masters in and heads straight for theonly man standing HBK, Masters forgets about HBK once he’s down andtrys to slap the masterlock on Show. Masters got into the rumble viawin on superstars, HOW INTERESTING!
The attempt at the masterlock on showis foiled and inevitably leads to Mr masters being eliminated.
Henry trys to rid the ring of Show andHBK joins him but for some reason HBK loses interest as he is rudelyinterrupted by the................BUZZZZZZZER, (PARKLIFE)

25 - R-Truth

R-Truth next and surprisingly dumpsShow and Henry who were still tangled in the ropes. Massive momentfor Truth the crowd goes fucking nuts. Cena and HBK take both Truth'sfinishers and sig and he asks the crowd "WHATS UP?" beforegoing back to work on HBK............. BUZZER

26 – Jack Swagger

Swagger means business and sprints tothe ring and destroys the three men. Swagger taunts and the crowdboos, he comes so close to taking out HBK who hangs on by a nail andno more...........BUZZZZER

27 - Kofi Kingston

As Kofi makes his way to the ringStriker remind us that number 27 has more winners than any other inthe rumble history, I don’t think that number will be added tohere, sorry Kofi.
Kofi delivers the boom drop to Swaggerbut quickly recovers and gets Kofi in the air, Kofi reverses andSwagger heads over the top rope.
Kofi and Truth square off which ends inthe unique but shit elimination of R-Truth...........BUZZER

28 - Y2J

Striker channels the great AlanPartridge and describes Jericho as a mentalist, proper belly laughfrom me, regardless of its sinister intentions.
Y2J goes right at it and he looks firedup until an AA from Cena, followed by a vintage HBK elbow drop andthe “tuning up of the band”.
As HBK hurdles towards Jericho withSweet Chin Music on his mind, Kofi leathers him with Trouble inParadise, massive moment for Kofi, can he do it????
Cena catches him on the rebound and outhe goes with the AA. Cena then walks right into a code breaker andJericho slowly makes his way to his feet..........BUZZZZZER

29 - EDGE

The crowd goes apeshit easily thebiggest pop of the night.
Cole nearly holy shits and acts as ifhe is genuinely surprised pretty bloody well, Jericho also sells thesurprise return brilliantly. Edge hands all three spears and tossesY2J.
Edge then hits some sigs on Cena andHBK and the crowd continues to pop for these massively.
Edge stands tall and there’s a bit ofback and forth between HBK and Edge then.......

30 - Batista

Batista is a fucking animal anddestroys the three men left for him, he then taunts on the ropesbefore taking a shit looking spear from Edge, who t then gets hisattitude adjusted.
All of the final four are on theground, HBK and Cena get up first and start a sequence whichincludes; Shawn kipping up.
Batista gets up now and is controlledby Shawn, who heads to the top rope for the second time in thisrumble. Elbow drop to cena, figurine to Batista and looks to go tothe top for the 3rd time in this rumble, elbow drop to batista.
Shawn starts tuning up the band, SCM toboth Cena and Batista.
Then out of the blue Edge with aclothesline for HBK and they both go over the top but hold on. On thering edge both steady and BOOM! HBK with a SCM which sends Edge backinto the ring and WHAT THE FUCK........

Batista staggers to his feet and knocksShawn on the back, Shawn tries to hold on but falls to the floorfollowing a flurry of punches from Batistia to Shawn hands causinghim to release.

HUGE SHOCK, from way way way before therumble I and many others had HBK winning this rumble to set up arematch with Taker at WM, alas we were all fucking wrong. Shawn sellsthe elimination like someone shot not only his dog but also hisMother, Father, Son, Wife and HHH. Absolutely brilliant. Shawn losesit and throws a ref against the announce table and gets back in thering and delivers a SCM to Charles Robinson, who as per sells it likea fucking champ. Shawn exits with anger, disappointment and disbeliefthat his dream is over.

Now the final three.

Reversed Batista bomb followed by areversed AA leads to Batista making a charge at Cena who pulls downthe ropes and Batista goes over.

Final two.

The camera focuses on Cena's upper bodyand head and in the comer the ultimate opportunist pops his head in,great shot.
Cena exhausted does not see Edgestirring behind him and lining up another trademark spear but as Edgeruns towards Cena, his spider senses kick in and he delivers a kickto the midsection to stop Edges attack. Cena then charges at Edge whois at the ropes, Edge spins and tosses cena over the top and we haveour winner of the Royal Rumble 2010.


This is the first time I’ve watchedthis rumble since it aired and I genuinely enjoyed the re-watch.
The pure awesomeness of Punk, thefinisher madness, shawns story and edges return all make this rumblebetter than average. This rumble does however have one major problemand his name is matt striker. Stupid line, after stupid quip, aftermeaningless nonsensical pop culture references, after bollocks, afterbollocks. I'm so glad he is not really prominent on WWE TV any more,fucking brutal.

anyway I give this Rumble a better thandecent,

7 out of 10 hunts.

bye bye.

January 7th, 2013, 8:09 PM
Brilliant review mike.


January 7th, 2013, 8:10 PM
although im not sure why some of the spaces are missing in the sentences. i'll dock a point for my mothers shit computer.


January 7th, 2013, 8:15 PM
Nice work Chatty. I do remember that Rumble vaguely, but it's always good reading different opinions about what happened and what nuances in the match that you notice that I miss and vice-versa. God that Khali push was terrible back in the day. Thank Christ he's a comedy act.

January 7th, 2013, 8:22 PM
Yeah, good stuff chats. Really enjoyed it. I apparently forgot all about that one.

January 7th, 2013, 8:41 PM
Also MikeHunt, you are bloody brilliant.

January 7th, 2013, 10:34 PM
I should have mine up tomorrow night. I could probably review the whole thing with out watching it again but it brings me much joy so I am gonna hit that up tomorrow night.

January 8th, 2013, 12:55 PM
Cheers guys. I haven't watched it or anything from around that time other than Mania since back then so when Khali came out I was expecting him to be the comedy guy thats about today and it brought all the memories back from that era where Khali got his push. Watching old PPv's back, you have to reset the clock and work out what guys we're like back at period. Kane and Big Show can be anything from a top level monster to a lower mid-card comedy act depending on when you watch them.

January 8th, 2013, 2:22 PM
When you guys wrote yours anyone do it in word first? If so how long was yours? Im on page 4 and i just got to #15. I fear I am being to long winded.

One Man Gang
January 8th, 2013, 2:26 PM
Click Go Advanced on the bottom right. Then copy and paste what you've written to the reply box. Then instead of clicking submit, just hit preview instead to see how long your post looks on here.

January 8th, 2013, 9:59 PM
Hopefully the tagging works...

January 8th, 2013, 9:59 PM
I'm just going to jump straight into this crew, I'll offer some additional words at the end simply because I believe they need to be said about this particular Rumble, this particular year in wrestling.


Chris Benoit is No. 1, walking out quite determined. Prior to this match he was in a segment with none other than Ric Flair, who puts over Benoit's skill level, but inability to grab hold of the brass ring that is above him, never quite able to break through that glass ceilling. Ric's words aren't heelish so much as they are true, as up until this point we've seen Benoit make anyone and everyone tap out to his Crossface. Not just the other five of the "Smackdown Six" (Angle, Eddie, Edge, Rey & Chavo), but bonafide long-term Main Eventers like The Rock (on a Smackdown Episode) and Brock Lesnar (At Survivor Series). In the weeks building up, Paul Heyman is intent on making Benoit's life hell, hence the No. 1 entry this year. He had done everything he could to ensure that he wouldn't even make it to the rumble prior to this, including 2/3 handicap matches that if he and Cena had lost, would prevent them from participating in the Rumble. Nonetheless, Benoit is here and with a somewhat quiet reaction from the crowd no less.

The second entrant: Randy Orton on the other hand is on the opposite end of the spectrum. He has everything going for him. He is 23 years old at this time, the current Intercontinental Champion and is in a stable with Ric Flair and Triple H - the Current World Heavyweight Champion. Smugness is dripping off of him. Or that might be baby oil. He is not a completely polished performer by any means, but he's already proven to be capable of decent matches after having some solid bouts with RVD over the IC belt. They have a bash at each other and it's good stuff. Benoit has the upper hand. I should note that an-Lawlered JR and a motivated Tazz are on commentary and they are bloody magnificent.

BIG MAWK is here, and before he can truly stink the match out, Tajiri is in this badboy. He is an absolute beast, throwing kicks left and right with TERMINAL FEROCITY that even Low Ki would have to be impressed by. I think he's heel here but I can't quite remember. He is scowling just a touch. Orton gets thrown over the top but he holds on and gets back in the ring. Orton belts on Mark for being absolute shite when not just Bradshaw but..


...enters the fray. He is a lariating machine. Taking down Henry, Tajiri, Orton and Ben--no, no, it's a Crippler Crossface instead! Benoit with a reversal for a lovely response from the crowd, reminding them why they should love the canadian midget. Bradshaw, for all his raw strength is attempting to power out of the submission, but Benoit simply leverages him over the top and out on to the floor for the first Rumble elimination of the night. RHYNO is in at No. 6, and for some unknown reason, the crowd are quite into him.

Could be that he's about as fat as everyone in the crowd.

While he is attending to Orton and Benoit, Tajiri is attempting to put BIG MAWK in the Tarantula. The crowd love the spot, but Henry is having none of it as Rhyno comes running in with the GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE, eliminating Tajiri, what with him being a twat hanging upside down on the ropes on the wrong side of the ring.


Probably not the brightest idea that you've had there chap.

An absolute workhorse, but one of the biggest dingbats in wrestling is contestant No. 7, Matt Hardy, in his full Version 1.0 persona, which is easily the most entertaining thing he's ever done in wrestling. After getting a bit of offense in, Benoit decides he's had enough Mattitude for one night and tosses him over the top rope. Mr. WILL NOT DIE (great catchphrase m8) hangs on and HERE COMES MY PICK.


Good Christ it's a bit of a rush watching this bloke in the openings of matches. Sure he gets gassed quick, but hey, it's fifteen seconds of goodness. Twisting belly to belly suplexes, snap suplexes and yes that's right OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES. Good Christ, why won't anyone do those anymore? Anyway, Steiner goes for Benoit, but Benoit is one crafty bastard who delivers Multiple German Suplexes to Steiner. I've always questioned Steiner's health since his return in '02 to the 'E so I legitimately cringed as he took these. With Steiner down, Matt is attempting to get Orton out of the ring, quite close to it in fact, Benoit, who has been booked as an absolute rumble genius, decides to save Orton by hitting Matt with a Back Suplex. Still, better a suplex than no suplex.


Ah yes, the Blueprint, or something to that effect. He gets some heat by planting Benoit with a Sit-down Powerbomb, refuses to acknowledge the offence of Matt Hardy and basically pretends to be a younger Kevin Nash in the ring. While Morgan was nowhere near ready to be called up, kudos to WWE for giving it a crack, they had their next crop of top-tier talent coming through in Benoit, Lesnar, Guerrero and shortly Cena... but they were trying things out with guys like Morgan and Reigns at the same time, even if it didn't quite work out. On the tail end of Morgan's offense, Rhyno spits on Benoit for no apparent reason.


Your friend and mine, Gregory Helms, err, THE HURRICANE flies into the ring (via High Cross-body from the top) and lands on top of Hardy, but he's Hurri-outta here within moments thanks to the one big man we all forget about in wrestling ,Matt Morgan. As I typed that, Hardy tries to hit him with a chopblock, going to take the legs out from underneath him and Morgan... well, let's just say he's not quite sure what to do.

I am only ten people in, and I feel like I've written enough to last a lifetime. Seriously, how do people do this regularly. Do they get paid for this, and if not how the heck do they make a living? Anyway, the highly coveted spot of NUMBER ELEVEN is none other than Mr Ebonics himself, Booker T. He makes a beeline for Steiner and baby, it's THE LAST EVER NITRO ALL OVER AGAIN. Only, they're older, slower and most 'E fans don't really remember their feud. Booker turns his attention to Orton and promptly drops him with a Scissor Kick (quite possibly the worst finisher in all of wrestling). KANE enters, having previously KILLED* the Undertaker by assisting Vince in BURYING HIM ALIVE at Survivor Series. Kane chokeslams everything around him to the point where if he got away with chokeslamming the camera guys, it'd be seen as normal. His character is so insane at this time, fresh off of looking strong in feuds against, RVD, Triple H, Goldberg and STONE COLD SHANE McMAHON. Yes, what an amazing heel run he has had up until this point. On a somewhat related note, both Kane and Booker have promised to eliminate one another. While Kane is dominating, the lights go out and



Oh, it's Spike Dudley. Nvm. Kane's obviously shaken up by a sound that he knows all too well and for the first time in his heel run, shows fear. So off his game is this monster, that Booker T fulfills his promise of eliminating Kane. Spike Dudley may quite possibly have the spirit of THE UNDERTAKER in him and win this whole bloody thing!

Wouldn't that be an amazing storyline.

Spikertaker unfortunately never makes it into the match as he is hit harder than a priest next to a choir boy, as Kane takes all of his frustration out on the young lad. Somehow we're at No. 14 and Rikishi dances his way down the ramp. Benoit gets rid of Rhyno and Rikishi comes in to get his shine, cleaning house, opening a can of whoop-ass and whatever other terrible metaphors you can think of for putting a hurting on everyone in the ring. Stinkface to Morgan and MY PICK FOR THIS WHOLE THING IS HERE, FINALLY.

If you guessed The Rock then you would be one hundred percent wrong, no, it's RENE DUPREE. There he is, praying to himself that he doesn't crack a hard one while walking down to the ring, thinking of dead animals and DOING THE DANCE.


Mr. Version 1.0 is eliminated but then Dupree sadly has his future Wrestlemania main event hope dashed courtesy of a Superkick from Rikishi. Bit shattered, but here's A-Train at No. 16 and he gets revenge on Rikishi by smacking him around. Out of nowhere Morgan attempts to floor Benoit, but Benoit, doing everyone watching a favour, moves out of the way and drops him to the outside. Everyone apart from A-Train goes to gang up on him, but Orton decides to say STUFF THAT and surprises both Orton, then Booker T with quick eliminations. Orton is really being earmarked by the company as the future, it's so obvious I'm surprised they didn't write FUTURE MAIN EVENTER on his tights, or give him the title THE CHOSEN ONE.


One half of the World's Greatest Tag Team is none other than your favourite Dragon Whipper and mine, Shelton Benjamin. Seriously, apart from a jumping clothesline from time to time, that's ALL. HE. BLOODY. DID. at that point. Before he gets to the ring, Benoit gets rid of A-Train (yeah I'm going to avoid pointing out all of his failed gimmicks and monikers). Shelton gets the better of Orton with a few right hands and then goes for a kick (I'm presuming the DRAGON WHIP of course), but we never get to find out, as Orton dodges the kick, leaving Shelton in a bad position over the top rope and quickly eliminated. Benoit and Orton go at it again, run fult pelt into each other and collide big time, knocking each other into 2015, where flying deloreans rule the world and whatnot. This is a really opportune moment for someone to come in and take advantage of the situation, the clock counts down and that's some familar musi-- OMG IT'S BRODUS CLAY what the-- no wait, it's Ernest Miller.

And his butler guy, Lamont! Don't forget him!

They have a bit of a dance, because Ernest Miller is the hardest working man in show-business, but Benoit and Orton are awake now, and promptly dump both esteemed gentlemen over the top rope and into the abyss. The clock counts down and BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP as No. 19 is... THIS GUY


No wait,



Benoit and Angle belt the tar out of one another while Orton watches in the corner, taking notes. Benoit with knife-edged chops and lotsa WOOing, only to get knocked down with a clothesline. A slightly delayed suplex and an elimination attempt, but Orton breaks that up. Even today I struggle with this whole breaking up elimination thing. Back when I used to play Smackdown Vs. Raw I would NEVER interrupt an elimination attempt but rather HELP. Benoit did it before, it's just stupid.

No. 20 is Rico Constantino and Orton is having absolutely none of this guy, clearly growing more and more confident in the ring. His presence in there is unmistakable by this point. Rico gets a little bit of love in figuratively with a corner kick, and then literally with some hardcore groping, but Orton doesn't seem to plussed, as he looks like he may have swung that way at some point, ending Rico's time in the rumble quickly after cutting his offense off with an RKO. Meanwhile Benoit is Germaning the TAR out of Angle, and I don't mean that in some kinky way. Benoit goes for his Diving Headbutt, but he gets crotched and almost eliminated. The countdown takes place and Test's music hits and he comes out. Or rather, he would come out but he's been ambushed backstage.


Was probably dem Gremlins.

Anyway it's Mick Foley who is Test's replacement, courtesy of Co-General Manager Steve Austin. I failed to mention that in late '03, Orton almost drew a match out of Foley on RAW. He spat on him and was generally quite mean, and when the match didn't take place Orton went on a tirade calling Foley a coward. So here's Orton, he's been through 20 people and while he's more than held his own he's got to be physically spent. You'd think though, 20 people in, he's got to start to get slightly confident, even if his nemesis (who is not fatigued in the slightest bit) is in the match, right?


Not quite. Foley is in and '04 is really the last time we see flashes of brilliance from him. Fortunately, we are in '04 for this review and he DEMOLISHES Orton. Foley, not interested in the belt, but interested in RUINING ORTON'S LIFE takes him out with a clothesline over the top that sends him spilling out too. They continue fighting on the outside while Christian makes his entrance. Fricken, they're still going at it, chairs being thrown into the mix, the sock being brought out and a low blow being implemented. Oh, and Nunzio is No. 23. He stays on the outside though while Benoit and Christian team up on Angle, showing some Canadian solidarity.... despite the fact that Christian lives in Florida. Angle switches into high gear and once again breaks out the German Suplexes on both of those mofo's and then turns his attention to Sgt. Charisma (not quite Captain), attempting to eliminate him. Christian however levels up (health replenishes, strength and defence slightly increases, more MP, etc.) and CHRISTIAN IS STILL IN THIS THING BABY.

Show is in this thing now and he throws everyone around. Somewhat slowly, but that's okay, he's got a higher purpose to serve in this rumble. After knocking Christian about the countdown hits and it's JERICHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (ahem) at No. 25. He takes out Angle and together with Christian they put THE STEPPIN' on old Kurty NoLocks in the corner when Big Show makes the save (?) by grabbing them both and attempting to fuse them into one person. By this point everyone seems to realise that Big Show is the man to get rid of and gang up on him, but Show easily fends them off, still quite fresh.

It's ya boy, Charlie Haas (remember him? No? Apparently he's in ROH at the moment helping with their tag division) and he's GOING TO SET THE WORLD ON FIRE WITH OFFENCE LIGHTER THAN LANCE STORM. Or he would, if he wasn't met with a double suplex from Vitamin C (Jericho/Christian's pretend tag team name). The Vitamic Duo go to eliminate Benoit but can't seem to cut the mustard. Christian then TURNS ON HIS TAG PARTNER and tries to toss him out, but Jericho holds on and casually eliminates Christian. There appears to be still much love between the two so all is right, fear not lads and ladettes. That leaves us with the coveted entrance spot of No. 27. It could be THE ROCK, UNDERTAKER, GILLBERG, any of those stars!

But no, it's Billy Gunn. He hits the Fameasser on a few peeps and while he does have a bit of charisma, the crowd just don't care as he hasn't truly been relevant since 1999. Prior to this match he was putting over guys like Big Show and Brock Lesnar and doing a solid job as a low mid-card-face, busting out an ace crusher or two whenever he felt like it. He didn't really do much else in 2004. No. 28 is BIG JOHN CENA who is somewhat title-less in this season of his career, he's somewhat fresh to the audience and everyone seems to love this whiteboy rapper. Christ he looks even stupider than he does today. He goes after Nunzio who has been hiding all this time, but Big Show obviously isn't impressed and gets blindsided by Big Show (which you'd think is impossible). Nunzio decides to have a crack at Big Show but has has absolutely no luck.

The 29th entrant is Rob Van Dam and he too goes after Big Show. Cena gives Angle what is now known as the Attitude Adjustment as the countdown hits and No. 30 is here and it is none other than Goldberg. With no more entrants, its time to clean house (BAYBAY). Spear on Big Show! Out goes Haas! Out goes Billy! Out goes Nunzio! Goldberg getting rid of the dead weight and the crowd loving every moment of it, only for your favourite non-entrant and future Penis-Sword-Tattoo-Wearer friendly neighbourhood champion BROCK LESNAR to run in and wipe Goldberg out with an F-5. Goldberg is up and pissed, but he's quite casually dumped over the top and onto the floor by Kurt Angle.

This leaves us in Upper Midcard heaven really, as RVD, Show, Cena, Angle, Benoit and JERICHOOOOO(tm) are left in the ring. The smaller 5 team up and attempt to have another crack against Big Show and he is all just like "DON'T GO THERE GIRLFRIEND" on them. Jericho, with the power of one billion exploding suns begins a finisher trend on Show, firing off with a Lionsault. Then a Frog Splash from RVD. Five Knuckle Shuffle (which looks so weak compared to even the Lionsault). Flying Headbutt by Benoit. Olympic Slam by Angle. I LOVE finisher frenzies. There's one small problem though.

Big Show is dead weight.

Generally big men require some sort of momentum from their own part to be their own undoing in order to have them eliminated. Angle for all his good intent bless his heart, organises him and the four other lads to carry Show over the top, but Big Show gets pissed. He tosses Cena out and while RVD makes a play for something with a bit of a jump in it, he too is casually swatted over the top rope and his dreams of main eventing Wrestlemania (AHAHAHAHA) are crushed. Show tosses Jericho, but Jericho the savage beast that he is, the incredible genius that he is, the UNSTOPPABLE FORCE THAT HE IS.. ahem. Jericho holds on and we have our final four.

Big Show, our dragon.
Benoit, our knight.
Angle, our rabid princess.
And Jericho, our wizard.

Jericho gets backdropped over the top but he slides back through. Big Show throws him into the corner but BABY IT'S TIME FOR MY BOY TO SHINE! Jericho lands a Bulldog on Show and puts him in the Walls while I scream at my TV. "TAP! TAP! TAAAAAAAAAAP!" It puts Big Show down temporarily and while in any other match this would be sound strategy we are once again at a dilemma.

Big Show is dead weight.

Angle obviously not impressed by Jericho's tactics takes the fight to him and pulls Jericho over to the ropes. Jericho fights back, but Big Show is up and immediately goes after him, grabbing him by his neck and chokeslamming him to the outside of the ring, leaving three men still in contention for the Main Event of Wrestlemania. Show hits a quick sidewalk slam on Angle and then Chokeslams Benoit. Angle gets up and goes for a Suplex but that's a bit silly when you think about it. Instead he opts for an Olympic Slam and NAILS it. Benoit pops up, but he too is caugh by an Olympic/Angle Slam. Can't quite remember when they changed the name of it. Angle plays to the crowd who are quite chuffed with his efforts by this point, and rewards them by locking in the Anklelock on Big Show. Sure, it isn't going to eliminate him but it's doing damage. How much though is another thing. Angle is tenacious and keeps the anklelock synched in to the best of his ability. Tenacity has it's perils however and Big Show powers him to the ropes. Angle attempts to hang on, but Big Show eliminates him, leaving it to be Show and Benoit as the final two.

Benoit, the No. 1 entrant of the 2004 Royal Rumble. Had to work hard just to make it into the least coveted spot in the match. Show, gifted with amazing genetics, fending off numerous multi-man elimination attempts, withstanding finisher frenzies, submission holds that have put away the best of the best and looking like a monster from the moment he stepped into the ring. Show is exhausted, hung over the top rope, Benoit on the top turnbuckle. Diving headbutt. Big Show falls, but it's back into the ring. Benoit is thinking crossface but he's met with a giant hand around his throat, Show with the Chokeslam, but Benoit AGAIN goes for the Crossface. The crowd love it, and here is Show in agony, but he powers out of the submission, up to his feet and drives Benoit into the mat with a sidewalk slam. Show scoops him up, millitary press slam to the outside coming up, but Benoit AGAIN counters, dropping down with a Standing Guillotine Choke (similar to a front face lock). Show starts to fade. Benoit like a pitbull and pulling Show over to the apron, he's hanging over the top rope and pulling for all his life. Show is quite clearly done for here, he passes out and falls past the Rabid Wolverine to the ground on the outside, to make Chris Benoit the man who will face the Champion on the 20th anniversary of Wrestlemania. The crowd are on their feet and Benoit is triumphant, if he wasn't made prior to that match (and you could argue that he was before), then he sure as anything was made in the 60 odd minutes that took place there. Amazing, amazing match.

THOUGHTS: Re-watching this was quite difficult for me. Writing it I had to put myself in another train of thought. I regretted it as soon as I saw Batter's post.

I started watching wrestling consistently on the tail end of 2000 so I was quite warm to Benoit being one of my favourite wrestlers of all time. I bought his DVD, contemplated getting his lame T-Shirt and loved his title win in two months time, his moment with Eddie at the end, if I was a crying man, would have brought me to tears.

But I can't forget 2007. I understand people can get past this and enjoy his matches for what they were. I understand that we as humans are flawed and we have made great mistakes in our life and that mental illness in the form of an advanced dementia that Benoit had when he committed those horrid acts contributed to what happened, but I can't celebrate this man like a hero. The same way I can't celebrate Ric Flair or Austin after learning of them beating their wives, I can't celebrate Chris Benoit's achievements. I watched my father beat my mother day in, day out and while I'm past it and believe in forgiveness, the end result is my mum's health will never be the same. The end result is Benoit's family are gone.

If you asked me what I'd rate this rumble I'd say that it was a 10/10 performance on everyone's part, but I regret it taking place. Regret every contributing hold, strike, diving headbutt and each time his head was driven into the canvas I thought about his family. Thought about him.

What's the price of great wrestling when it contributes to the cost of a person's life?

I don't want to debate what I've written honestly. It's just not a place I'd like to go again.

Thank you for reading this monster text and letting me say what I've had to say.


- Kev

Simmo Fortyone
January 8th, 2013, 10:23 PM
I'll do one. What's left?

January 8th, 2013, 10:26 PM
Great review, Kev. Loved it.

January 9th, 2013, 2:23 PM
I called in sick today and my write up is on my work computer so it will have to wait a day unless I pull it up when I go in for basketball practice tonight. . . Thats right, I can use a sick day at our school and still come in at night and coach.

Side note I have made good use of the day so far... picked up History of the Intercontinental Championship for $5 at half price books.

January 9th, 2013, 3:25 PM
Doing mine Friday, since I have that day off work

January 10th, 2013, 1:47 AM
Thanks Cewsh. Man writing that thing felt draining. I can't believe some of you guys do it on a regular basis.

January 10th, 2013, 9:41 PM
Royal Rumble 2000

#1 is D’Lo Brown who comes out to a decent reaction. I fucking loved this cunt. He looks happy to be there; a bit too happy for a guy who turned another guy into a full body spastic only a few months previously.

#2 is Grandmaster Sexay who jives out to a MASSIVE pop. I liked Too Cool but they were basically a fad that didn’t last very long. They were fucking huge at this point though. King is gutted that his boy is in so early.
The bell rings and they get started. It’s a bit back and forth to little reaction from the crowd until D’Lo tries to murder Grandmaster with his running powerbomb but it’s reversed into a huricanrana. King talks about Mae Young getting her baps out earlier in the night. Good god. It would only be a few years before a very similar pair of tits became infamous on rajahwwf.com/forums…Grandmaster does his irritating laugh to a big cheer from the crowd and King shouts encouragement to his son.

Out comes #3 and it’s HEADBANGER MOSH and he’s got a pair of massive fake furry tit things. He seems like a good laugh. In his pre-rumble interview The Rock personally identified Mosh as one of his main threats so I can see him doing well here. Mosh and D’Lo are kicking Grandmaster’s head when HOLD ON? WHO PHONED A FUCKING CHINKY? It’s Kaienti for some reason! The guys in the ring make light work of them and the're gone pretty quickly. Apparently they weren’t allowed in the rumble or something; bloody racist Vince at it again. Mosh and D’Lo go at it now as Grandmaster has a wank in the corner. Mosh starts going to town on both of them but then walks in to a textbook Sky High by D’Lo, which J.R. calls a powerbomb to my annoyance. Loved that move! Mosh’s tits have fallen off and he leans into the ropes looking drunk.

#4 is Christian who comes out to a decent reaction despite his shit generic sounding music. I’m sure it made it on to one of the CDs for some reason. This is when Edge & Christian were pretty bland faces but had just started making a name for themselves in some quality matches. The heel turn and rise to become the best tag team ever was just around the corner! Mosh goes straight after him and attempts a powerbomb but Christian reverses into that cool falling-inverted-DDT thing he does. Mosh has fucked his ankle according to J.R. Good going Mosh you prick.

#5 is Rikishi who enters to the biggest reaction so far. Everybody loved the fat man at this point, me included. Superkick to Mosh and he gets tossed out. Belly to belly to Christian and he’s gone too. D’Lo hits him with a neckbreaker followed by his signature leg drop then starts taking the piss out of Too Cool to Grandmaster Sexay. Bad move because he’s about to walk into a Rikishi Driver then gets chucked out for his cheek. Now it’s just Rikishi and Grandmaster Sexay with Jerry’s kid trying to talk his pal out of sitting on his face by reminding him that he likes a dance.

Luckily for him the third member of Too Cool Scotty Too Hotty comes in at #6 to save the day! What are the chances??? The lights go out, the music comes on and it’s time to get down like a clown Charlie Brown! They do the usual shtick around the ring before Rikishi decides enough is a bloody nuff and gets rid of his 2 ridiculously dressed mates. Now he’s dancing himself and he’s saying (in his head), “I’m the best cunt in Too Cool, you 2 can piss off.”

#7 is out now and it’s only the Lethal Weapon Steve Blackman to absolutely no reaction. Really liked this guy, even before he got over with the Hardcore title and it became cool to like him. He martial arts’ the shit out of Rikishi for a bit, inciting a ‘Blackman sucks’ chant before he eats a Rikishi Driver and goes flying over the top.

#8 is that big fat wanker Viscera, wearing his trademark pvc bin bag, and the crowd does a massive “OOOOOOOHHHHHH” as if Rikishi’s finally met his match. I can tell you for a fact that he has not. Viscera beats him up a bit before Rikishi hits him with about 10 superkicks and tosses him out. That last push looked like a real struggle; I think Rikishi might be a bit knackered.

Out comes #9 and to MASSIVE heat it’s THE BIG BLOODY BOSSMAN. I loved this cunt. This was not long after he’d cooked Al Snow’s dog and fed it to him then gatecrasher Big Show’s da’s funeral and drove away with the coffin. Legend. He’s not getting in the ring immediately because he’s too smart. He’s got a bandage on his arm for some reason. If you’re playing the Royal Rumble drinking game, a dead wrestler = down your glass.

You’re going to be pissed out your head soon because #10 is that dead prick Test so you need to down a full drink this time. He is scarily over for a big goofy prick whose gimmick is not ‘big goofy prick’. He was feuding with Bossman at the time so he goes straight after him on the outside. I liked Test round about this time but beyond T&A and all that I never gave a shit. He takes his vest off to strangle Bossman with and the birds love it. Rikishi has been chilling the fuck out this whole time. They end up in the ring eventually and Bossman kicks arse.

Oh for fucksake #11 is the British Bulldog and the last time I checked he was pretty fucking dead. Good riddance I say. Fuck him and fuck the queen. Rikishi was going up on the turnbuckle for some reason but Bulldog just punched him in the balls. Bulldog must still be on crack at this point because he’s trying to get Rikishi out all by himself. Tit.

#12 is Gangrel. Thank god he’s still alive! Never really liked him at the time but when I look back I seem to enjoy him more, and his music is probably the best ever! He spits the blood towards the fans which seems to piss off Test and Bossman who try to grab him before he’s even got in the ring. Haha here come Kaienti again for round 2. I think I know what’s coming up! Test sends Funaki flying then Bossman and Gangrel get rid of Taka. Hmm, maybe I jumped the gun a bit. Rikishi chucks his arse about a bit, and then they show us a replay of Taka. YES! They obviously didn’t pick it up the first time but this is the legendary moment where he smashes his face off the floor. I expect to see more of this. King isn’t really jizzing over it yet.

Edge comes out at #13 to a massive girly cheer. Always loved Edge! Everybody pairs off and Rikishi does the Banzai drop to Bossman before King gets them to show Taka again.

#14 is somebody’s dad! No wait it’s Bob Backlund who gets a surprisingly big cheer. Never really knew who this guy was at the time. He looks a bit weird. Just checked and he’s still alive thankfully. Rikishi goes for a big running arse move to Backlund in the corner but he moves out of the way and a stunned Rikishi ends up getting thrown out by every other guy in the ring. 6 men to be exact! Not much else happens until…

CHRIS JERICHO comes out at #15! The fans all have boners and so do I! He eliminates Backlund then has a back and forth with Edge. Bossman and Jericho double team Edge then the big man punches Jericho in a nice wee moment. Bob Backlund is leaving through the crowd for some reason. I think he might have Alzheimer’s.

#16 is the Houdini of Hardcore himself Crash Holly (dead guy) to a decent reaction. This is another one of the guys Rocky singled out; let’s hope he lasts a bit longer than that PLONKER Mosh. Edge and Bossman nearly have him out immediately and Edge slaps him on the arse a few times for the hell of it.

King thinks #17 is The Rock but it’s not it’s Chyna. Jesus. I’m not afraid to admit that I would bang her here. I think she was at her perfect plastic surgery point (enough but not too much) and her frame isn’t as muscular as it had been in previous years. She’s defo got a cock though. She goes straight after Jericho who J.R. reminds us she has already lost to earlier in an Intercontinental title match that also involved Hardcore Holly. Jericho thinks he’s got her eliminated but Chyna hangs on and suplexes Jericho out from the apron. Slut. But then Bossman knocks her out with an elbow on the fly. In there big man!

#18 is Faarooq to hardly any reaction which is a shame. He goes straight to work on Edge but here come the MEAN STREET POSSE to get him for some reason. The refs force them to leave but the damage is done and Bossman eliminates him. Don’t have a clue what that was about, but I loved the Posse, they need to bring them back. Everyone in the ring looks pretty knackered at this point; we need someone with a bit of energy to stay in for a while.

OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW? Road Dogg is out at #19 and he looks energied up to the eyeballs. Here we go! He goes after Test but gets low blowed and ends up clinging on to the bottom turnbuckle for the next 6 hours. No wait; he’s back up and going after Test again. Road Dogg was the man! Even when he was a heel the fans couldn’t help but cheer him and copy his catchphrases. I came in my pants when he returned at this year’s Rumble and I’ll gladly do it again this year.

Some weird music plays and it’s Al Snow at #20. I don’t think it lasted long but I remember this was round about the time he got jealous of The Rock being pals with Mick Foley and turned heel. I always liked Al, but not as a heel, it just doesn’t feel right. Snow goes straight after Test who I believe he defeated on Heat earlier on in the night. Bulldog goes out, I didn’t catch who done it but J.R. assures us it was Road Dogg who is now having his infamous breather in the corner. By the way, you have to down your drink when a dead guy gets eliminated too so bottoms up. Edge hits a half-hearted cross body on Bossman and not much else happens.

HELLO LADIES #21 is Val Venis. YES! Someone is getting shagged tonight. He gets a decent cheer which leads me to believe he must have already turned face again after his short heel run towards the end of ’99. King says he can ‘rise to the occasion’.lol. FUNAKI is back trying to sell DVD’s to folk but Bossman chucks him straight out as J.R. informs us that TAKA is off to the hospital. King is delighted as they show him landing face first on the floor again. It really is brilliant.

#22 is Prince Albert/Albert/A-Train/Lord Tensai/Tensai and he looks ridiculous. This guy is seriously shit and always has been. I hope he goes early. Edge runs at Bossman who gives him the old ‘low bridge’ on the ropes and sends him over the top. Bossman has been absolute top drawer in this match while everyone else apart from Rikishi has been so-so. Road Dogg is up for about 4 seconds before Bossman puts him straight back in his place. I really don’t see why they didn’t just have him eliminated earlier if he was truly as fucked as was rumoured. Gangrel and Test fight into the corner Road Dogg had himself parked in so he just crawls over to the next one.

#23 is Hardcore Holly and no-one gives a shit. I think that’s been the problem with this Rumble – far too many midcarders and not enough stars! Not enough is happening between eliminations either; I think we need one of the big cheeses in next!

IF YA SMELLLLL… #24 is THE ROCK and I think he’s about to clean house. With Austin taking time out due to injury, Rocky is well and truly the top boy at this point. I loved The Rock and still do but I’ll always be an Austin guy. Bossman is first to go (boooo) after a few trademark punches but now Test and Val Venis are working together to try and get him out in the corner. Now Hardcore Holly thinks he’s going to eliminate The Great One but that jabroni should’ve known better.

AM AN ASS MAN #25 is The One Badd Ass RockaBilly Mr Ass Gunn and I fucking hate him. Really wish I was having to down my drink here. I loved The New Age Outlaws but that’s basically only because of how awesome Road Dogg is. He goes straight for The Rock while his tag partner rises from the dead, punches Hardcore Holly then falls down in to the opposite corner. FINALLY, The Rock and Crash come face to face! Here we go people. The Rock DDT’s him then chucks him straight out. Oh well then.

WEEEELLL IT’S THE BIG SHOW at #26 and business just picked up! He and The Rock were feuding at this point to from now on it should be interesting. He quickly eliminates Test and Gangrel before going after The Most Electrifying Man In Sports Entertainment.

#27 is another Acolyte no-one seems to care about: Bradshaw. The Mean Street Posse pop up again but the big hoss from Texas is more aware than his black pal Faarooq, and tosses them all out 1 by 1 before being eliminated from behind by the Outlaws who beat the Acolytes earlier in the night to retain the Tag Titles. Faarooq is out there now and the Acolytes are beating up the Posse. Still have no idea what that was all about. Road Dogg is reading a copy of The Daily Record with a fag as everything calms down again.

BOOM! #28 THAT'S GOTTA BE KANE with the lovely Tori who dumped him for that wee rat X-Pac not long after this. Kane chucks out Val then goes after Prince Albert. Kane is crazy over at this point, not bad for a guy who was also an evil dentist, the fake Diesel and THE CHRISTMAS CREATURE.

COME GET ON THE HOOOOO TRAIN! The Godfather is out at #29 as Kane eliminates Albert. Thank fuck. Godfather has brought some rough looking slags with him as he circles the ring and that gimp Funaki is back for his change! Al Snow flings him to fuck and as we see TAKA’s big moment for the 86th time. J.R. informs us that TAKA has checked himself out of the hospital and made his way to the local bookies.

#30 as we already knew is X-Pac! Al Snow gets rid of Hardcore Holly and Show eliminates The Godfather to huge heat from the crowd. The Rock clotheslines Snow out and Road Dogg decides to get off his arse to point and laugh allowing his SO CALLED PAL Billy Gunn to chuck him out. Kane makes sure Mr. Ass follows suit giving us our final 4 of: Kane, Big Show, X-Pac and The Rock. The Outlaws have pulled Kane under the ropes and are giving him what for on the outside. This diverts the officials’ attention away from the ring where X-Pac has just been sent into orbit courtesy of The Rock but because the refs didn’t see it he sneaks back in. Rocky and Show finally go at it but X-Pac soon makes it a 2 on 1 on The Brahma Bull. Kane is back in now and giving it to his old tag partner Pac, who he was feuding with at the time. Now The Rock and Pac are going at it and Kane goes for a chokeslam on Show but the big yin tries to reverse it into one of his own but Kane breaks free and hits him with an impressive enzugiri. Kane bodyslams the Big Show but then X-Pac pops up and eliminates the Big Red Retard with a spinning heel kick. Big Show’s down in the corner and X-Pac gives him a bronco buster but Show completely no sells and lifts him high above his head before tossing him out.

We are down to the (predictable) final 2: The Big Show and The Rock. Rock hits the spinebuster followed by the People’s Elbow and goes to throw the Big Show out but it’s reversed into a chokeslam and the fans boo as Show laps it up. Big Show picks The Rock up over his shoulder and stalls a bit before running to throw him out, running powerslam style, but The Rock holds on to the top rope sending The Big Show over and out. J.R. is going nuts. So much so that his face falls off again and one of the referees has to run over and put it back on for him.

Despite this being my first Rumble, and loving it at the time, it isn’t one of the best Rumble matches. The Rock, Big Show and Kane were the guys you could call main eventers in the whole match and nothing much really happened in between eliminations, but it still seems to click much like a lot of the shit from the Attitude Era. Still, I thoroughly enjoyed watching it again and I enjoyed writing this review almost as much as you will reading it. Cheers.

Main Man: Big Bossman
Longest Time In: Big Bossman
Best Dead Guy: Big Bossman
Most Eliminations: Rikishi (7)
Best Beard: Big Bossman

January 10th, 2013, 9:41 PM
Piss off double post.

Simmo Fortyone
January 10th, 2013, 9:55 PM
Great review wardy :yes:

If you look closely at Pete Gas during one of the MSP run-ins, he tries to slide into the ring but gets comically hung up face-first on the bottom rope.

January 10th, 2013, 10:05 PM
I am loving this thread. The differing writing styles are refreshing and very entertaining. :yes: Keep up the good work, everyone.

January 10th, 2013, 10:12 PM
Great review wardy :yes:

If you look closely at Pete Gas during one of the MSP run-ins, he tries to slide into the ring but gets comically hung up face-first on the bottom rope.
Cheers. Didn't notice that, I'll need to go back and look for that.

I've noticed there's a few mistakes in the grammar and what have you but it won't let me edit the post anymore without deleting all the text, anyone know what that's all about?

Brian M.
January 10th, 2013, 11:26 PM
I'm hoping mine will be up sometime before the weekend is over. I've got it half done, but it's pretty difficult work. Will definitely have more respect for what Cewsh does on a regular basis after this.

January 10th, 2013, 11:42 PM
I love that I'm getting more compliments as a result of this thread than I do in my own. You guys are killing it. Keep it up!

January 11th, 2013, 4:27 AM
Love all the Bossman appreciation, he was great.

January 11th, 2013, 7:52 AM
Fuck. I just typed it out in real time and it's like 9 pages long. I think I just wrote what happened without any attempts to be funny... :nono:

January 11th, 2013, 11:12 AM
I dont have much humor in mine but some analysis as I go. I also spent about a page just setting everything up heading into the rumble, talking about on going feuds and such.

January 11th, 2013, 11:18 AM
Really good read wardy, but...

#27 is another Acolyte no-one seems to care about: Bradshaw.


January 11th, 2013, 11:19 AM
Also MikeHunt's was insane, loved it. The entrance music :lol:

January 11th, 2013, 11:31 AM
Really good read wardy, but...

I like Bradshaw mate, I was talking about the live crowd. The 2 of them came out to complete indifference from the fans. I think they were in a post-ministry pre-APA tweener phase.

January 11th, 2013, 11:49 AM
I'll take one. Which years are left?

January 11th, 2013, 12:34 PM
The 1992 Royal Rumble


Welcome to the 1992 Royal Rumble. Not only my favorite Rumble of all time but perhaps my favorite wrestling match of all time. That being the case, I apologize ahead of time if I seem a bit long winded. Before we get to the match it self let me give you a little back ground heading into the Rumble.

Leading up to things Hulk Hogan lost his title to the Undertaker at Survivor Series via some blatant cheating. That was followed up by Tuesday in Texas where Hogan got the belt back using some underhanded tactics of his own. That lead to President Jack Tunney stripping him of the belt and putting it up in the Royal Rumble match. This is the first and only time this has been the case. After this Rumble all future winners were garneted a title shot. Since Hogan and Undertaker were the champions pervious to this and were apart of the match that ended in controversy they were given preferential treatment and were told they would have a number between 20-30.

Other hot rivalries at the time include Jake The Snake Roberts and the Macho Man, stemming from the snake biting incident and Jake’s slapping of Mrs. Elizabeth. There was also still some lingering heat between Roddy Piper and Ric Flair. At this time Flair was still carrying around “the real worlds championship” from WCW which he never lost before leaving there. Mr. Perfect and Bobby the Brain Heenan were managing Flair and the hatred for Flair was pretty high at this time.

Finally as for the PPV it self, the undercard featured 3 tag matches and an IC title match between the Champion the Mountie and Roddy Piper. (When is the last time a WWE PPV featured 3 tag matches?) The Mountie had defeated Bret Hart earlier in the week when Bret ignored doctors orders and wrestled with a high fever. The Mountie used his cattle prod after the match and Roddy made the save and here we are with a match. Piper would go on to win and become IC champion and he was up to serve double duty and would participate in the Rumble as well giving him a chance to win both straps in one night.

Okay that was a lot but I think we are ready to go. Because of the wealth of tag matches virtually everyone who is anyone is in the Rumble. I scanned the list and it appears to me only 5 of the 30 men who participate did not hold the Tag Team, IC or World Title at some point.

The Fink comes out and does his normal shtick, which is followed by Jack Tunney who stumbles all over his lines. Gorilla Monsoon, and the Brain are on commentary tonight and Heenan is blatantly lobbying for the Flair win. For those of you who never had the honor of listening to these two work together it is a shame. Truly my favorite team of all time and they add a lot to this match.

#1 is The British Bulldog who gets a good reaction from the crowd. They mention he won a 19 man battle royal earlier in England which I found one day while stumbling around daily motion. Good match but I digress.

# 2 is the Million Dollar Man along with Sherri, which is great writing because last year Ted bought the perfect number and came in at 30. Gorilla seems to remember this too and he makes a crack about it and the Brain says “holy look at them” as they zoom in on Sherri’s cleavage as she walks to the ring. Her outfit is pushing the envelope here in 1992.

They waste no time exchanging blows and Heenan says his strategy would be to go between the ropes and take a walk. Monsoon mentions the record is held by the Model at 53:14 and Bushwacker Luke holds the record for shortest at 4.8 seconds. The Million Dollar Man tosses Bulldog over the ropes but Bulldog holds on. Ted turns his back to him and his tossed out and just like that, one of the major threats in the Rumble is gone.

The buzzer goes off and Flair is out at #3. The Brain goes crazy and drops a Dammit on us all. He is pissed and Monsson tells him “he can kiss it good bye, no one has ever drawn 1-5 and made it to the end.” Heenan apologizes to the people and says he doesn’t think he can be objective. Perfect!

Bulldog presses Flair above his head 4 times and slams him to the mat. Flair gets an eye poke and gains the advantage. Flair skins the cat, and out comes Saggs of the Nasty boys. This furthers my point about how good the tag division was at the time. The Nasty Boys don’t even have a tag match on the PPV and Saggs is able to be in the Rumble.

Heels gain the advantage but shortly Saggs goes over the ropes but is able to stand on the apron. He poses to the crowd but Bullgod hits him with a dropkick to the back and hes gone. A Flair chop and the buzzer sounds again and its Haku at #4. Again the Heels work over Bulldog but then Flair chops Haku and chaos breaks lose again. So Flair ducks under the ropes and takes a walk.

Bulldog dumps Haku and the buzzer sounds for Shawn Michales. He is pelted with some garbage on his way to the ring. But being the young naive fool that he is in his career he goes after Flair and pounds him which kills any heat he has coming down to the ring. He does hit a crescent kick on Flair but the camera angle is brutal and you can tell he didn’t hit much.

Bulldog dominates Shawn, and tosses him over but Shawn skins the cat. As he does, Flair grabs Bulldog’s ankle and Shawn buries him with a crescent kick. It should be noted that Sweet Chin Music was not Shawn’s finisher at the time. Shawn botches a sequence near the ropes but he eventually ends up crotching the top rope, a signature of his at the time.

Flair tosses Shawn who skins the cat again, and out come Tito Santana.who pounds on Flair. It is almost as though everyone was told, when you get out there pound on Flair for the first min. Flair is in trouble and Heenan yells for Perfect to get out here.
Some scuffling ensues and Flair hits the biggest, most obvious low blow ever on Bulldog right in the center of the ring. You can hear the crowd gasp. The Brain says he would do it to his grandma if he had to. Meanwhile Shawn has taken such a beating he stumbles around the ring and takes a swing at no one. Santana hits a flying forearm on Flair which was his finisher at the time. The Barbarian is down next and I realize there is a lot of talent still to come in this match, right now it has been mostly mid carders in there with the exception of Flair. That is not a knock on the quality so far either.

Shawn hops up on the 2nd rope but never really does anything and eventually comes down. Sorta awkward but he is getting a lot of face time tonight. The Texas Tornado is out next at #9 and is mega over. He of course beats the hell out of Flair. Heenan says the way to win it is to bring a wrench to the ring. Flair flops down mid ring face down and just lays there.

#10 is the Repo Man who sneaks his way around the ring and eventually into it. We are a third of the way in and the ring is really filling up. Flair chops away on Kerry Von Erich and I dream about a series of matches between the two. Greg the Hammer Valentine is out next and they tout his former IC title run and the fact that he was in over 40 min last year.

Hennan mentions that the plan was for Flair to get a number in the late teens early twenties and that they would be able to win from there but he never thought Flair would get jobbed like this. It brings up an interesting side bar, how does a wrestler train and prepare for the Rumble?

Nikolai Volkoff is out next fresh of a face turn and no one cares. Evil Russians were gold in the 80’s but when the cold war died so did any relevance for Volkoff. One could make the argument that Volkoff is the worst participant in this match and even his name has some cache. Or at least you could argue that until the Alligator Man Skinner comes in later.

Valentine slaps the figure 4 on Flair and a major booking period begins. Volkoff is tossed, The Big Boss Man joins the fray, beats on Flair. The Hammer goes over, followed by The Repo Man courtesy of the Bossman, Flair finally eliminates the Bulldog with a back flip. An impressive 23:33 for him. Flair dumps the Tornado shortly after as well which makes his first two eliminations on the night. Shawn and Tito Santana spill out together which leaves Flair, Bossman, and Barbarian.

Hercules joins them. The barbarian and Flair high five and Flair immediately begins to chop away on him. Classic Flair stuff. The Barbarian press slams him for his troubles. The Barbarian has Flair over the ropes but Hercules comes and dumps the Barbarian while Flair sneaks under the ropes. Bossman eliminates Hercules in the same way and we are down to Bossman and Flair. Bossman misses a splash and tumbles over the ropes leaving Flair alone in the ring.

Hennan proclaims Flair the winner as he gasps for air on the mat. Of course we still have lots of wrestlers to go but it was a great reaction for Brain. This is a good spot to break as we are near half way and while that action has been fun there are still a few heavy hitters to come. Hogan, Undertaker, Macho Man, Sargent Slaughter are all former world champions and then you have guys like SID and Jake the Snake as well. Oh and I almost forgot the next guy out….

The horn sounds and of course its Roddy Pipper who fresh off a title win has a shot at his 2nd title of the night. He dominates Flair with everything he has, Flair ducks outside and Roddy takes the fight to him out there. Back in he no sells everything and then locks in the sleeper which he won the IC strap with earlier in the night.

Jake the Snake is out next and he slides in and sits down in the corner allowing the sleeper to continue. Which gets a pop from the crowd. But eventually Piper turns his back and Jake breaks it up. Then Piper for some reason blocks Jake from hitting the DDT which set up an awesome segment from the Brain.

“Thanks Piper, it’s a kilt not a skirt.”

Flair hooks on the figure four and Piper breaks that up.

“You no good skirt wearing freak!”

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is out next and I still don’t understand how this guy ever got over. He Ho’s and everyone loves it and then he starts a USA chant despite the fact that there are zero foreigners in the ring.

At this point you can see the welts on Flairs back. He has taken a beating from everyone. IRS is next up and of course he ignores that he is a heel and goes right at Flair…. I just don’t get why. Duggan grabs him by his tie and clocks him which is awesome no matter how many times it happens in a match.

The announcers hype that Macho is to come and Jake looks paranoid every time the buzzer goes off. Clearly Vince is in their ears at this point. Just let them call the match, they are doing a hell of a job.

Jimmy Snuka is out next and no one really cares. Brain is getting himself worked up and says he doesn’t know what he is saying anymore. Snuka gets his shots in on Flair and the ring is looking full again despite it only being 6 guys. We are now at 20 so Undertaker and Hogan are in play.

Undertaker stalks to the ring next and the announcers say despite being #20 Undertaker got a tough draw considering its as early as he could be out. He dominates Snuka and sends him then Flair goes after him and Undertaker chokes him to the mat. Duggan tries to break that up so Taker kicks him in the nuts.

Macho Man is next and he sprints to the ring. We have a double feature going so we see Jake sneak between the ropes out the back of the ring. Macho enters and gets caught from behind while he searches for Jake so Jake comes back in and mixes it up. Macho goes BANANAS on him and pushes him out. AND THEN JUMPS OVER THE ROPES AND ELIMINATES HIM SELF to continue beating on Jake.

Or so it would seem. As they brawl on the floor the announcers cover for him and say “he wasn’t propelled out so he can reenter.” But it took about a min for them to get to that conclusion. Oops.

Inside Duggan grabs Undertaker by the ear… wtf. Someone please toss him. Shortly after Flair hits another solid low blow on Taker. Horn and the Berzerker comes out.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with him his finisher was to pick up his opponent over his head and toss him over the top rope. They were never able to make the 10 count. This was right up his ally. In other news his name was John Nord and he lived in Osseo Minnesota and I bought a car from him and his brother at their dealership… I also played baseball against his son,

Flair is approaching the record for time and out comes Virgil… at this point he really serves no purpose in the WWF. His feud is over with DiBaise and there is no need for him… kinda like Nailz.

Col. Mustaffa is next. Why they never acknowledged him as the Iron Sheik I don’t really know. It still would have fit in with the evil foreigner story line. Rick Martell comes after him and Yes, he is a model. He went 52 min last year so if he can do it again he should easily win the title…

So we have 10 guys in the ring and Hogan still to come…humm wonder how this is gonna go. Mustaffa goes over. Horn sounds and it’s the Hulkster. He gets tipple teamed in the corner by Taker, IRS and Berzerker. But he battles through that and eliminates Taker in less than a min.

This is really an important moment because from here Undertaker really disappears from the main event scene for a few years while he goes on squashing midcarders… The WWf didn’t really know how to approach the zombie dead thing at the time because he couldn’t really sell for anyone and had not been beaten clean…Back to the rumble.

Berzerker goes via Hogan so he got them both in under a min. Virgil and Duggan spill out together and he are getting ready to head home. Horn goes off and Skinner comes out to the delight of no one. Sergeant Slaughter is next but Skinner is tossed before he gets there.

Slaughter hits the ring and there are 3 former champions in there in Slaughter, Hogan and Macho and you also have Flair who by the way has just passed the record now and Heenan says that good enough give him the title.

SID is out next and the place goes crazy. He looks damn good at this point. He powers through Flair. The Warlord comes out at 30 and we are full. Flair and Hogan go at it on the outside and of course Hulk gets the best of him.

Sid chucks Slaughter out, IRS gets tossed by his tie. Hogan and SID combine to toss Warlord showing some nice team work. SO you have Sid, Piper, Sid, Martell, Hogan and Flair left. One of these just doesn’t belong.

Sid eliminates Piper and Martell so we are down to 4. Macho is eliminated and at the time I was crushed. 8 year old me is a Macho Man mark. Down to 3 and Flair catches his third wind and goes after Hogan but of course Hogan dominates him.

Flair spills over the top but rolls under on the apron… The whole time Sid is just watching. As Hogan moves over to Flair, Sid swoops in behind and dumps Hogan. At the time this was to be Sid’s heel turn but the crowd cheers the move as they didn’t wana see a Hogan 3 pete. WWF would eventually pipe in cheers over the boos when the videos were released.

Sid taunts Hogan so Hogan grabs his arm and tires to pull him over. Fliar sneaks in from behind and dumps Sid for the win and the title. The Brain says YES about 50 times before Daniel Bryan made it cool. Of course Flair cant celebrate in the ring because Hogan has to confront Sid. But in the back we get one of the all time lines when Flair Perfect and Heenan say “we are not the kinda guys to say I told you so, but I told you so.”

Flair who had been saying the WcW title was the real worlds championship now makes sure to put the WWF title over as the best in the business.

Winner: Flair
Long Man: Flair 59:26
Piper 34:06
Most Eliminations: Sid 6

Three Stars of the Match: Flair

January 11th, 2013, 1:10 PM
The 2009 Royal Rumble

Welcome cats and kittens... wait... Nevermind.

The video package for this PPV was Orton PUNTING Vince’s head. I loved the punt. Ridiculously under/over sold depending who took it. Love it.
Alright so this is the 2009 Royal Rumble. I'm a bit disappointed we’re just doing the Rumble match because prior to this match was:

”ECW” Title
Matt Hardy Vs Jack Thwagger (c)

WWE Womens “Title”
Melina Vs Beth Pheonix (c)

World Heavyweight Title
Cena (c) Vs JBL w/Shawn “Property of JBL” Michaels (The build-up video for which is amazing, the teased ending is also incredible)

WWE Title
Edge Vs Jeff Harvey(c) [/Adamle]

Pretty solid “undercard” to the rumble main event! So let’s get it started, shall we? The 2009 Royal Rumble, 30 men enter, one man leaves victorious.. and that’s not Sunny’s biography on WWE Alumni.

Jason Roberts is running down the rules, his inflections get on my nerves – but oh well. Who’s number o.. oh for goodness sake.

]Entrant Number 1: Rey Mysterio

God I hate this guy. If there’s one person I think never deserved to be a main event star, it’s Rey Mysterio (and Nathan Jones). Drives me insane that he’s so popular. My favourite Rey moment is when he’s used as a bat whilst strapped to a stretcher. Booyah. Who’s the number two? (*sniggers*)

Entrant Number 2: John Morrison

How can you dislike the slow motion intro? It’s epic. Anyway, Rey tells him it’s all about WM but Jomo just decides to pose a bit more. After pacing, the bell rings, here we go!

Rey goes for his usual spots and Morrison dumps him over the ropes, but the turd hangs on and fights his way back into the ring with a crossbody. A few more Mysterio spots. Tries to dump out Morrison but he holds on, despite being drop kicked (slightly impressive). Countdown, who's number 3?

Entrant Number 3: Carlio Carribean Cool

He’ll spit in your face, but hasn't brought his apple! He goes after both men, catching Rey might flight and dumping him with a neckbreaker. Almost thrown out by Morrison but oh my! “WHAT A MANEUVER!” – double springboard moonsault – looked nice.

Counting down again, there's a prick in the bottom left who is annoying me... Tick, tock..

Entrant Number 4: Montel Vontavious Porter

Where’s the inflatable set? BOOO! MVP chant kicks off and he’s on fire putting everyone down. Rey charges him and he tosses him aside and lays some ballin’ on JoMo. MVP ducks a springboard kick to the face and Carlito eats it instead. He wont be spitting that out. MVP tries to throw out Rey but the little bastard stays in.. counting down again!

Entrant Number 5: The Great Khali

The Punjabi Playboy – 7ft 3”, 420 pounds, and talks like he’s Ric Flair on RAW. They all attack Khali before he gets over the ropes (idiots) and he swats them away. More slow-chop offence later and he poses “DAAHHH!” – yes Khali, Daaah indeed. He squashes Rey head like a coconut and then Carlito tries to backstab and cant get high enough – punjabi plunge! COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 6: Koslov

Russian characters will always be popular in the US. Man Koslov looks angry.. and lame. He nearly botches getting in the ring. He fights off Khali with a headbutt, then botches a kick over the top on Khali, then just dumps him over and it looks awful. Khali is out! Swats JoMo out of the air and then proceeds to beat the shit out of MVP and dumps him out as well. Koslov is on fire! He can’t quite throw out Carlito though, but he botches a catch from the outside and slams him too. Then dumps out Carlito. This is shocking. He’s fighting Rey and the clock counts down....

Entrant Number 7: Triple H


BIG POP. As you’d expect. No Viking gimmick here, he just struts down to the ring. No homo, but The Game looks fantastic at this point of his career. He and Koslov start to slog it out, Koslov getting the better with the headbutt Trips counters out of the corner and hits a facebuster, DX CHOP! Dumps Koslov out like nothing... Erm.. Ok.. JoMo attacks Triple H now – I think we know how that will end.. in a COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 8: Randy Orton

Big pop for Randy as well, as Trips tries to dump out JoMo. Trips looks to be waiting for Randy who doesn’t disappoint and they go toe-to-toe with fists of fury! JR mentions evolution. My 3rd favourite stable ever with awesome music. Orton goes for the RKO but Trips counters to a pedigree but JoMo lays out Triple H and Rey lays out Orton! JoMo gets a 619 from Rey (sAhasdjfgdsojv) and everyone's down. In time for a COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 9: JTG
Both Crime Tyme come out, I loved these guys.. JTG flips a double headed coin and gets to join the rumble – Shad looks amused he got duped! JTG goes straight on the offence (you won’t hear that many times) and tries to dump out Triple H (yeah, ok). Even JR says its a bad idea.
Trips bashes JoMo and JTG together, Rey is precariously placed with Orton.. but hangs on (fucking hell).


Entrant Number 10: Ted DiBiase

Priceless, great tag team, I miss Teddy these days.. but hey, he’ll be back. Ted’s inclusion makes Legacy have 2 members in this Rumble. Orton has vowed to win, with their help! JTG and JoMo are hanging on on the apron, both of them, but they both hang on. Ted and Rey try to do the same but Ted almost forgets to hang on and ends up flat on the apron for a less-dramatic similarity.

Rey just baseball slid into Ted’s Million Dollar crotch. COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 11: Chris Jericho

YES!!!!! Y2J looks unhappy and dropkicks DiBiase in the back of the head, then gets onto Orton and tries to dump him out.
Jericho bulldogs Trips, then counters-the counter of the lionsault but ends up in the Pedigree but reverses that into the Walls of Jericho which is then countered by the Games spinning Y2J out of it. Wowzer. Then Trips tries to dump out Jericho but doesn't make it. DiBiase and Orton double teaming Morrison – I cant keep up with this COUNTDOWN..

Entrant Number 12: Mike Knox

Monsterous Mike Knox! HOLY SHIT :lol: he kicked Rey in the back of the head but Rey was half on the ropes and that looks like it might have hurt. He continues the assault as Legacy stalk JTG.

Jericho and Morrison fighting in the corner, Knox trying to take out Rey but Trips saves (why?). It’s getting a little crowded now as Knox fights Triple H. Jericho is kicking Ted’s face as we go into a COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 13: The Miz

AWWWWEEEEEESOME.. no wait... It’s pre-awesome Miz! So now JoMo and Miz can tag team, Legacy are fighting together, Jericho has Rey over his shoulder.. what can go wrong. Miz lays out Triple H, now both JoMo and Miz double-team Orton, Teddy tries to help but cant. Rey attacks JoMo who pushes him into Orton, who then RKO’s the fuck out of everyone until BAM! Trips hits a pedigree and then throws out both Miz and John Morrison (BURIED!1!!!~!11~!!””). COUNTDOWN.

Entrant Number 14: Finlay

Rey goes over the top, but lands on Miz and walks over he and Morrison onto the steps.. balls. Finlay is in and goes to work on everyone. Tries to eliminate Jericho with Rey's help but doesn't manage. He then tries to get rid of Teddy till Mike Knox helped, but he gets a big clothesline from the Irishman. “I think Finlay has hit everyone in the match. At least once!” classic. COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 15: Cody Rhodes

Oh my... That’s 3 Legacy members now, the stage is set! The three get together and immediately assault JTG and then Triple H. Stomping a mudhole, and walking it dry! Finlay is next, gets a good shoeing. Orton then randomly wanders over to Rey on the apron, who tries to leap onto him, and instead gets an RKO! No one cared, which is a shame, JR didn't even notice it. King did! COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 16: The Undertaker

BONGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIGHTS OUT! Epic entrance The crowd goes nuts and here comes the Deadman. The ring stops to take notice of The Undertaker, then charge 1 by 1 and he slaps them about with those SOUP BONES Taker chant starts. JTG goes flying courtesy of the Deadman. He’s putting the boots to everyone, Trips gets beating in the corner. Taker chant has evolved into an Undertaker chant! SNAKE EYES to Rhodes and a big boot, COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 17: Goldust

Hahaha. Gooooooldust! “The Skeleton in his families closet” – brilliant from The King. He gets confronted by Rhodes, acknowledged as brothers, then start slapping each other about. He tries to dump out Cody who manages to stay in but telegraphs a backdrop and gets a classic uppercut, then gets dumped over the top rope but stays in by wishboning on the apron (ouch) and Goldy walks into an RKO. Orton whispers to Cody to dump out Goldust. And he does. COUNTDOWN! Orton and Cody handshake.

Entrant Number 18: CM Punk

I still prefer the old music.. YEEEEEEEAHHH! Punk immediately jumps onto the ropes.. and then jumps down and runs at people. A huge CM Punk chant kicks off. Bulldogs Jericho, then almost gets pedigreed by Triple H but NO! He hits him with the GTS. How dare Trips put him over. Punk gets slapped by Taker to the mat.
Taker and Finley are punching each other as Mysterio nearly goes out again (fuck. Off!) COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 19: Mark Henry

Teddy Long was with him but didn't come down, I am disappoint! Henry smashes Priceless, then Jericho, then Orton, then starts on the Undertaker and knocks him down. Headbutt to Punk in the corner. This ring is quite full. “AHHH JESUS!” screams Punk as Henry stands on him. That needs to be used in Botchamania for the CZW stuff (obscure reference). Punk flies up but gets caught by Henry who squashes him and tries to throw him out but cant. COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 20: Shelton Benjamin

Ah Shelton. His sweet-chin-music from the springboard is one of my favourite RAW moment. Punk and Jericho fighting on the top turnbuckle. Shelton flapjacks Rey. Then runs and ...double.. something's Punk and Jericho from the top rope. Trips throws Punk over again, but he stays in. Orton does some AWESOME selling of a Taker punch. I need to GIF that. COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 21: William Regal

No Leyla, come with him.. Leyla.. LEYLA! NOOO! She’s left. :nono: Regal comes in and immediately exploder suplexes Punk and then kicks the shit out of him for beating him for the IC title. Henry is walking away, is he out? JR doesn't know either – I didn't see it. Replay time. Yeah, Rey low-bridged him for an unconvincing elimination. Trips is hanging upside-down at the hands of Priceless but hangs on. COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 22: Kofi Kingston

BIG dropkick on Punk, how the hell does he jump so high! He levels Teddy, Punk and then Triple H. Then Mike Knox, hits the boom drop on Knox and Jericho lays Kofi out. The ring is heaving, we need a heavy in to thin the heard. We’re at 22 already, it’s due! Shelton takes down Knox, Rey tries to eliminate Teddy. Taker tosses out Shelton with ease. Now Rey is upside-down with Jericho trying to tip him out. COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 23: Kane
BOOOOOOOOOOM! It’s KANE! He’s the main eliminator, cmon Kane! He’s in! Punches to Legacy, knocks down Knox, big boot to Cody. Side slam to Teddy. Taker is staring at him, but then punches Y2J.. STAREDOWN! Taker and Kane..... ooooooooohhhhhh DOUBLE CHOKESLAM TO TEDDY! The crowd goes wild. Chokeslam to Kofi. Kane punching everyone, Taker throws Jericho through the middle to the apron. Regal is eliminated by Punk, who then taunts him. COUNTDOWN! Rey dodges a chokeslam, for fucks sake.

Entrant Number 24: R-Truth

What's up!? No Little Jimmy yet. Truth comes in and starts throwing some punches. Till Triple H gets hold of him but no! Knocked down by Truth. Orton trying to dump out Kane, has Rey and Kofi to help.. he goes over the top rope but falls to the apron. Punk and Finlay on the ropes, trying to suplex him out.. but can’t. Rey dodges elimination again ( :mad: ) .. COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 25: ROB VAN DAM

HUGE REACTION!! Everyone seems surprised, massive RVD chant, he knocks down Kane, Cody, Randy (who stalls badly again), kicks Truth in the face, spin kick to Cody – and to Jericho. Kicks Knox in the face practically over his shoulder and then kicks Punk as well. And takes a breather. Drops the leg on Truth, goes up to the top.. R ...... V........D! Trips ruins it, eats RVD's boot, and the COUNTDOWN is on..

Entrant Number 26: The Brian Kendrick[ /spoiler]

:lol: I forgot about this gimmick, it’s fantastic. Big Zeek didn't come down with him. Kendrick immediately runs over and pushes Kofi off the top rope and Kofi falls really badly. Trips then grabs him and dumps him out. Poor Kendrick! A new RVD chant starts as he fights Punk. How the hell is Knox still in? Punk skins the cat. Rey avoids elimination (AFHsdfjsdghfhsdfsidfsdG) and we’re off into another COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 27: Dolph Ziggler

Its ZIGGLER.. with horrible generic music. He doesn’t even take off his vest. But he backs into Kane and offers a handshake. “Hi, I’m Dolph!” – eliminated. Oh dear. But how far he’s come! I’m ignoring Rey being “precarious” cos it’s all bullshit and I hate him. Orton is truing to elimate RVD as Cody has Punk sat on his shoulders and drops him down. COUNTDOWN! (Pricks are still in bottom left corner).

Entrant Number 28: Santino Marella

...I liked his monobrow. He gets in, Kane knocks him out. Bye bye. We’re down to the final 2 to come now and this ring is still full. About 12 or 13 still in. Kane does snake-eyes to Punk. Jericho battles Taker in the corner, careful Chris!!! Legacy are beating on RVD, everyone's slowed down a bit. COUNTDOWN!

Entrant Number 29: Jim Duggan

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Big reaction for Hacksaw. USA chant (idiots). He’s laying into Jericho and Taker, he even knocks him down.. wow.. and now he knocks down Kane. He’s laying everyone down, Finlay gets in his face and he’s down. Ted hurts his hand on Punk’s head and HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Nice interlude there. One man left. Who could it be. No ones going anywhere as we go into a COUNTDOWN!


Entrant Number 30: The Big Show

Oh my! Business has picked up! He struts down to the ring, he looks smug as fuck and why not – number 30 and a huge bastard. He takes his time, getting on the steps. He palms away someone instantly, then stands toe to toe with Taker, but gets blindsided by Kane. Kane and Show trade punches. Hacksaw punches Show and gets a “HOOOOOOOOOOO” and tries to dump him out by himself, but Show returns the favour and bye bye Hacksaw. Jericho on Shows back with a sleeper. Side slam for his troubles. Taker ALMOST eliminate Punk. Show slaps Truth’s chest. TWICE! Kane tries to throw out Teddy to no avail.

Orton is teetering with Taker on him. Mike Knox is still in, for those keeping score. Show just presses Truth above his head and drops him out. Wowzer. Punk almost eliminated by Show but gets back in and back in his face. Show throws him out again but he survives again. Punk botches a jump from the top rope, Show throws him over but he lands on the apron. Show uses the KTFO punch on Punk, he’s out.

Rey and Knox both fall out of the ring! And Swoggle runs in. And Kane grabs him by the throat, Finlay for the save, fights Kane, then Kane drops him over the top rope and that looks like it hurt. Not sure why Hornswoggle came out but oh well!

Triple H has been in the longest for now. Codebreaker to Kane. Let’s see who's left. RVD, Show, Kane, Taker, Y2J, Orton, DiBiase, Rhodes and Triple H. Triple H nearly gets eliminated but survives only for Orton to hit a “SICK” DDT from the ropes. Taker and Show stare down again, start trading blows, Orton fights RVD, Jericho attacks show. FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH to Orton, RVD sells it and Y2J tosses him out, who looks pleased with himself till he turns round into Taker standing there. He wipes Jericho into the ropes and manages to end up being Codebreaker'd. Jericho goes to eliminate him but is tossed out! The field is thinning!

Kane was attacking Orton but Priceless dump him out. So we have Legacy in one corner, Triple H, Taker and Show in the other three. So Show attacks Triple H and Legacy pounce on Taker. Show chokeslams Triple H and takes a breather. Taker explodes out of the corner and clotheslines Priceless, chokeslams Orton, then Teddy, now Rhodes.. Bosh. And we’re back to Show and Taker. Again. Taker chant. Show misses with a punch, Taker and Show begin trading blows. It’s like watched a terrible boxing match. Taker with a BIG clothesline to Show, taking him down. Shows on the ropes, Takers kicks him.. and Show SKINS THE CAT! Holy shit..!

Orton tries to RKO Taker but he says nope and knocks him down. Show and Taker are on the apron, RKO to Show over the ropes! Priceless attack Taker and show pulls Taker off the apron to the floor! And it’s on like Donkey Kong! Show and Taker spill into the crowd to brawl. But look in the ring! It’s Legacy (Orton, Rhodes, DiBiase) and .. The Game!

Trips crotchchops, then gets the shit kicked out of him. I think we know how this will end, but lets go with it for now shall we! Orton is just punching Trips for fun here. “PICK HIM UP!” he says, twice, cos Priceless clearly have hearing deficiency Orton slaps Triple H who’s being held by Priceless.. and goes for the RKO, but NO! Pushed into the turnbuckle. :lol: Teddy checks on Orton as Trips knocks down Rhodes, spinebuster to Teddy, almost drops out Orton, pedigree to Rhodes, tosses out DiBiase! Tosses out Rhodes! It’s Orton and Th... Oh Orton sneaks up and eliminates (just about) The Game. It’s like how Vince got Austin – crazy finish.

Orton is the winner, he’s going to WrestleMania! Priceless get back in and Legacy pose for the fans. We get a replay of the end again, which doesn't make that elimination look any better. Orton looks up to the WM25 sign, and slowly points........... and points..... and points... :lol: this is the only reason I'm continuing. Randy looks perplexed and upset about the sign He points again, half arsed, then argues with the ref :lol: :lol: Then he turns again and points again and BOSH! Massive Pyro.. :lol: :lol: Well worth it.

I enjoyed that. I bashed this out in real-time so I apologise it’s shite and long and terribly unfunny.

January 11th, 2013, 1:12 PM
I always thought the WWF were stupid with that Sid/Hogan elimination. They just make Hogan look like a proper bad sported tit because Sid was in the right and Hogan should have just fucked off to the back. Bad booking right there.

January 11th, 2013, 1:15 PM
Loved it. :D

January 11th, 2013, 2:08 PM
Well there is a lot to be said with how it ended and where it lead to with Wresltemania... however that would be a major diatribe for me to head down and I didnt want to go there. But really there is no reason we shouldnt have goten Flair vs Hogan at some point.

January 12th, 2013, 7:03 AM
I hate Rey too.

January 12th, 2013, 11:20 AM
I might re-watch it and count the number of times he was "nearly" eliminated. The final number, while large, will be a mere fraction of the numerical value for the disdain I have for him.

January 12th, 2013, 12:50 PM
For those of you who remember, I used to do weekly Smackdown reviews, so would like to make a return for one night only though I'd like to do this year's if that's alright. Providing I get day off work after the Rumble, can have it up by then.

January 12th, 2013, 2:34 PM
Id love to do one as well

January 13th, 2013, 3:51 PM
I would love going back and continuing the PPV Flashbacks from where they left off. I would have to rely on youtube and dailymotion though for several of them. But they leaf off right in the middle of my wheel house.

January 13th, 2013, 3:55 PM
So I have a question for all of you guys. Since this is the lead up to the Rumble, and you guys are doing great work, what do you think of having these reviews posted as an ongoing series on the main page? It'll be good content for the main page, and might get people coming to the forums to see more of you guys.

January 13th, 2013, 4:05 PM
I'm going to take 2006. Partly because no one has assigned me a different year, partly because it's still available as far as I can see but mostly because I bought it on DVD about a year ago and haven't watched it since.

January 13th, 2013, 4:17 PM
So I have a question for all of you guys. Since this is the lead up to the Rumble, and you guys are doing great work, what do you think of having these reviews posted as an ongoing series on the main page? It'll be good content for the main page, and might get people coming to the forums to see more of you guys.

Im for it. Like I said, I would write more of the flashbacks if people found what I was writing worthy and interesting.

January 13th, 2013, 4:47 PM
I would love going back and continuing the PPV Flashbacks from where they left off. I would have to rely on youtube and dailymotion though for several of them. But they leaf off right in the middle of my wheel house.

This. I'd love to restart this

January 13th, 2013, 4:48 PM
Well I can start off on King of The Ring 97. Its the next one up. And honestly its a pretty painful PPV if I recall correctly.

EDIT: Yup just looked and the main event is Undertaker vs Farrooq.

January 13th, 2013, 4:52 PM
I might try my hand on 1990, was the first wrestling match I remembered watching.

January 13th, 2013, 4:52 PM
For the majority of the time I know I watched these LIVE but I dont really know who won all the matches... And it would be possible to watch the RAWs in between to give even more in depth background heading into each PPV.

January 13th, 2013, 4:55 PM
There are a ton of Raws on youtube. Ive been watching them in order since the beginning. I almost thought about reviewing those as well...

January 13th, 2013, 5:10 PM
Yeah I have had trouble finding a few of the PPVs. I do have KoR 97 ready to go.

EDIT: I have not found the following PPV, IYH 16 Canadian Stampede yet.

January 13th, 2013, 5:51 PM
I've pretty much got all the Raws on DVD although their is a gap between 94-96 where I just couldn't find them. I'd be happy to do the odd article, maybe's one a week if it helps bring traffic.

January 13th, 2013, 6:11 PM
So I have a question for all of you guys. Since this is the lead up to the Rumble, and you guys are doing great work, what do you think of having these reviews posted as an ongoing series on the main page? It'll be good content for the main page, and might get people coming to the forums to see more of you guys.

Writing one review a month is far easier than writing one a week/fortnight and quite possibly something I could manage. That'd be fine I guess..

Fanny Batter
January 13th, 2013, 8:08 PM
Excellent work chaps, love reading the varying interpretations of the great match!

January 13th, 2013, 9:16 PM
Actually, by "ongoing series" I meant just using the reviews in this thread spread over the next week or two. As sort of a special "The Rajah Forums bring you the Royal Rumble" special.

January 13th, 2013, 9:20 PM
Thats a good idea... which Rumbles are missing?

January 13th, 2013, 9:46 PM
1989- Fanny Batter (Done)
1990- Jaymz
1992- Kneeneighbor (Done)
1994- Rosk
1996- Clipse (Done)
1998- MMH (Done)
2000- Wardy (done)
2001- #Hero
2002- Virm
2003- Brian M.
2004- Kev (Done)
2005- Peter Griffin (Done)
2007- Chatty (Done)
2009- HHHnFoley (done)
2010- Mikehunt (done)

some people were assigned, but have yet to do one. But this is where we're at currently

January 13th, 2013, 9:50 PM
I need the okay from everyone before I post their work, but I imagine I can do them out of order so it doesn't have to be held up too long.

January 13th, 2013, 11:18 PM
I am going to start work on that other Royal Rumble... Hope to have it done tonight.

January 13th, 2013, 11:22 PM
I need the okay from everyone before I post their work, but I imagine I can do them out of order so it doesn't have to be held up too long.

Aye carry on.

Tainted Eclipse
January 13th, 2013, 11:24 PM
wouldnt mind

January 13th, 2013, 11:26 PM
Didn't realize someone had 1990. I'll do 1999 then.

January 14th, 2013, 12:36 AM
Okay I watched and have all my notes written. Just have to hammer it out into a cohesive report.

One Man Gang
January 14th, 2013, 1:31 AM
1989- Fanny Batter (Done)
1990- Jaymz
1992- Kneeneighbor (Done)
1994- Rosk
1996- Clipse (Done)
1998- MMH (Done)
2000- Wardy (done)
2001- #Hero
2002- Virm
2003- Brian M.
2004- Kev (Done)
2005- Peter Griffin (Done)
2007- Chatty (Done)
2009- HHHnFoley (done)
2010- Mikehunt (done)

some people were assigned, but have yet to do one. But this is where we're at currently

Well I'm doing the 2008 Rumble. I offered to take it last week and already watched it and took down the notes. Just needs to be written out. :p

January 14th, 2013, 5:57 AM
I'm doing 2006 and will watch it over the next couple of nights.

January 15th, 2013, 8:49 AM
If your stuck for the blanks I'll do another one, I quite enjoy watching the Rumble and it doesn't take me very long to do a write up. I'd be happy to do one of the early ones, I prefer old school wrestling anyway.

January 15th, 2013, 10:08 AM
Ill do 1995 in the next few days

January 15th, 2013, 11:07 AM
I will have 1994B up tonight.

The Rosk
January 15th, 2013, 11:11 AM
I have 1994 you cunt. I'll do it by next Wednesday.

January 15th, 2013, 11:12 AM
Im not doing the Rumble at the PPV...

One Man Gang
January 16th, 2013, 12:39 AM
Yeah, he's doing the other Rumble that year.

One Man Gang
January 16th, 2013, 12:40 AM

Live from Madison Square Garden in New York City, New York.

Welcome to my review of the 2008 Royal Rumble Match. I guess I should first explain that during this time period we had three brands. Those being RAW, Smackdown, and ECW. The winner of the Royal Rumble match could challenge at WrestleMania 24 for either the WWE Championship, World Heavyweight Championship, or the coveted and prestigious ECW Championship.... :blah:

Injury Disclaimer:

Though Matt Hardy appeared on the poster and the commercial for this event, a burst appendix a month or so before the Rumble took him out of in ring action.

Paul London was out with an injury since last September and thus left Brian Kendrick jobbing to everyone on RAW at the time.

John Cena had a pectoral tear (ripped completely off the bone) at the start of October and would be out of action for 7 months to a year. He had to vacate the WWE championship at the time.


Sirs Not Appearing on the pay per view portion of the event for having lost qualifying matches include William Regal, Super Crazy, DH Smith, The Highlanders, Trevor Murdoch (well maybe his backside), Drew McIntyre, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Shannon Moore and Jimmy Wang Yang. Though the last two actually won a qualifying match at a house show and had it taken away from them because WWE does things like that.

Rumor Mill:

The largest athlete in the world, who had been gone from WWE for an entire year had just signed a new contract with WWE. Will he return tonight!?!?


The undercard for the event saw "Nature Boy" Ric Flair defeat MVP in the opener during the start of the "if Flair loses he must retire" angle. A newly returned Chris Jericho was defeated via dq by a newly returned to in ring action, John Bradshaw Layfield. World Heavyweight Champion Edge with Vickie Guerrero, Curt Hawkins, and some internet sensation Zack Ryder defeated Rey Mysterio. WWE Champion Randy Orton defeated Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy to the dismay of many fans who wanted to see someone hold both belts.



That's right, Michael Buffer got to say that before the actual Royal Rumble match. Of course we're at Madison Square Garden so I guess it wasn't that much a stretch. He had done this before many WCW events in the 1990s which prompted certain DX members to mock him. But this was such a perfect introduction to the match.

Anyways he explains the rules (90 second intervals), does his schtick. and we're on to the match. Which by the way is being called by a SIX PERSON BOOTH....if you don't count Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovitch. You had Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross representing RAW, Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman representing SmackDown, and Tazz and Joey Styles representing ECW.

Michael Buffer introduces entrant number one and it's...



Amazing. He was last years number 30 entrant and winner. He walks slowly down the rather short entrance way (WM10 and WM20 short). The crowd is of course marking out for it. Just after he takes his hat off, number two's entrance music hits.


Incredible Royal Rumble irony. He was the guy the Undertaker eliminated to win the 2007 Royal Rumble in an epic finish. Now they get to continue that battle at the start of this years Rumble. During this time, Michael Cole informs us that only one WWE Superstar has ever won from the number two spot, and that was Rey Mysterio. I assume he is not counting Mr McMahon as a WWE Superstar.

The match starts with Taker taking his MMA stance against Michaels. They battle towards the corner where Michaels chops Taker. He then tries to whip him to the opposite corner but its reversed and thus sends Michaels towards the corner where of course he does the upside down rope flip, teasing near elimination. He stumbles back towards Taker who grabs him and chucks him back in the corner before going to work on him. Taker then sends Michaels to the opposite corner where Shawn somehow finds himself laying across the top ropes. Taker kicks him in the stomach and thus makes Michaels crush his balls against the top rope. Taker then charges towards Michaels to kick him out but misses and then crushes his own balls against the top rope. He gingerly takes himself off the top rope but steps to the ring apron instead of inside of the ring. Michaels tries to take advantage of this but fails as Taker graps his neck, steps back into the ring, and gives him the big boot. However, the clock has indicated entry number 3 is about to enter and it's...


Santino gets in the ring but looks a bit frightened. He flexes to intimidate the Undertaker and Michaels. He looks at both competitors until Shawn Michaels catches him off guard with a superkick. Undertaker then picks up his remains and chucks him out of the Rumble....but MIchaels is right behind and tries to toss Taker! He fails and the two go back at each other again until Undertaker sets up old school on the top rope which Michaels counters by throwing Taker down to the mat. A few chops and atomic drops later on Taker and we're ready for....

4. THE GREAT KHALI (Smackdown Superstar)

He has to duck through the entrance way because he is so tall. Undertaker chokeslams Shawn as Khali enters. Taker and Khali have history and thus trade blows until Khali chops Taker down. A "You can't wrestle!" chants breaks out. As true now as it was then for Khali. Eventually the two have each other by the neck near the ropes. Khali tries to chop Taker, misses, loses balance, and Taker dumps him over the top rope. Shawn Michaels tries to dump Taker again but the camera is still on Khali on the floor. Michaels nearly gets a last ride out of the ring (which he nearly takes Taker with) when the next entree comes out and it's....


Yawn. He's one half of the world tag team champions though. But his partner caries him... Anyways, Holly enters and immediately BREAKS SHAWN MICHAELS NOSE. I fucking hate Holly. Well they all beat each other up with Michaels nearly eliminating Taker again and we're ready for entry number 6.

6. JOHN MORRISON (ECW Superstar)

One half of the WWE tag team champions. He goes after everyone before Taker and Michaels knock him around and Shawn nearly eliminates him. Michaels lands a top rope elbow drop on Morrison. Michaels goes to superkick Morrison but its blocked and Morrison kicks Michaels in the head. As that happens, entry number 7 approaches.

7. TOMMY DREAMER (ECW Superstar)

He gets a nice reaction because it's New York. Joey Styles explains to us that Tommy Dreamer isn't interested in the WWE or World Heavyweight Championships, but is all consumed with becoming ECW Champion. I guess someone has to be. A Tommy Dreamer chant breaks out while everyone brawls. Entry number 8...

8. "THE ANIMAL" BATISTA (Smackdown Superstar)

The crowd pops! He immediately spinebusters Tommy Dreamer. Then he takes down everyone, yells, and finds himself staring down the Undertaker. But before the two can hook up, Tommy Dreamer attacks Batista...but gets tossed from the Rumble. Morrison gets himself speared by Batista as the Rumble continues.

9. HORNSWOGGLE-MCMAHON (Smackdown Superstar)

Our first midget entry ever for a Royal Rumble unless you count Rey Mysterio. He of course doesn't want to enter the ring and thus crawls under it instead. While that happens, Batista takes the time to spear Undertaker. A suplex or two later followed by a near elimination of Shawn Michaels by Sparky Plugg and...

10. CHUCK PALUMBO (Smackdown Superstar)

I laugh here because his theme song screams "YOU WILL REMEMBER MEEEEEE" Not even sure why he has returned but his biker gimmick sucks. In fact I think he recently turned heel on Smackdown, but half of the Rumble audience didn't watch. He enters and does relatively nothing. Can someone please chuck, Palumbo? :shifty: As Morrison hooks his leg around HBK's neck in a corner, entry number 11 comes out.

11. JAMIE NOBLE (Smackdown Superstar)

The guy Palumbo beat up to turn heel. He is still taped up from the assault from Palumbo on Smackdown. The two go at it until Palumbo tries to dump Noble across the top rope but it botches and Noble goes to the apron entirely. He pretends he was just injured by the top rope until Palumbo kicks him out. Michaels nearly eliminates Morrison when number 12 enters.

12. CM PUNK (ECW Superstar)

YOUR CURRENT REIGNING WWE CHAMPION...etc etc Well not then. But he was ECW champion the week before the Rumble until he lost it. He gives some knees to faces to Michaels, Palumbo, Morrison, kicks Taker, knees Michaels to the face again, tries to go for a running bulldog when Taker decks him. But he recovers eventually to eliminate Chuck Palumbo. Then, while Punk and Michaels try to eliminate each other, a song starts playing....


13. CODY RHODES (RAW Superstar)

With the Tri-Force of courage, power, and wisdom on his boots and trunks, Cody Rhodes enters to save the Princess from the evil Gamendorf. However Gamendorf has not entered the Rumble yet and thus Cody must defeat a few bosses first. He gives Punk some punches and nearly eliminates him before going after Dampe...er the Undertaker. He doesn't have a shovel with him but he dropkicks Taker in the center of the ring. Revenge for Dusty! However soon number 14's music hits...

14. UMAGA (RAW Superstar)

Grumble Grumble does anyone have a drumstick for this guy? He gets in the ring and battles everyone before samoan spiking Hardcore Holly (thankfully) over the top rope and out of the rumble. He then dismantles Batista while Rhodes nearly eliminates Michaels. You then get Umaga and Undertaker pairing off, Rhodes and Morrison, and Punk and Michaels for some nice rumble encounters.

15. SNITSKY (RAW Superstar)

He enters and attacks numerous people with punches and kicks. Not long after, while the camera is on him, Cody jumps on his back taking them both over the top rope. Fortunately for Cody he hangs on. Unfortunately for Cody, so does snitsky. Before the next entry enters, Morrison gets picked up by CM Punk. Not sure if Punk wants to GTS him in the center of the ring or try to dump him, but he stands there waiting for...

16. THE MIZ (ECW Superstar)

Morrison breaks free of Punk and he and Miz try to eliminate him. The camera then focuses on Undertakers efforts to try and eliminate Umaga. It ends with Taker just kicking Umaga repeatedly in the face on the mat. Meanwhile in the corner, Morrison charges Punk only to be lifted to the outside apron. Miz then charges and does his corner clothesline. Morrison and Miz climb to the top rope (from the outside apron) to attack Punk. Punk holds them off until number 17 enters.


Benjamin runs in and immediately jumps without any help from the ropes up to the top rope to slam Miz and Morrison down into the top rope. Amazing stunt. He then levels Punk, stands too close to the ropes and a SUPERKICK out of nowhere sends Benjamin over the top and out of the Rumble. Just like that. The crowd is both awed and shocked. But the rumble continues....

18. "SUPERFLY" JIMMY SNUKA (Ancient Superstar)

Didn't see that entry coming. Superstars try to make him look good by taking some chops and headbutts. Including the Undertaker which reminds me of his first WrestleMania match which was against Snuka. Things waddle along until...

19. "ROWDY" RODDY PIPER (Large Gut Superstar)

The crowd goes nuts. Snuka looks stunned. The rumble match basically stops as Piper and Snuka collide. Piper chops at Snuka and it does nothing. Snuka headbutts Piper and then levels him with a chop. Piper gets up and pokes Snuka in the eye. In the far corner, CM Punk is laying their giggling like a school girl at his childhood favorites are going at it. Morrison pretends to be enjoying the moment with Punk but then kicks Punk.

20. KANE (Smackdown Superstar)

Kane comes out because he's had enough of these two old guys. He dumps them both and thankfully neither die in the process. I guess he's trying to break his 2001 record of the most eliminations in one rumble match. But while dealing with Umaga in the corner, Undertaker sizes Kane up for a chokeslam. But when Kane turns around, Taker grabs Shawn Michaels instead. Umaga stops the chokeslam from coming to fruition though.

21. CARLITO (RAW Superstar)

Carlito enters and immediately SPITS AN APPLE IN CODYS FACE. Morrison and Punk push Carlito towards the ropes. Carlito jumps backwards off them to be caught by Punk and Morrison. They then try to dump Carlito over the top but he uses his feet to bounce off the top rope and flip over Morrison and Punk. Punk then kicks Morrison out of the way, goes after Carlito, but Carlito backstabs him. Then when Carlito celebrates, Cody Rhodes jumps off the ropes to bulldog Carlito. Wonderful sequence.

22. MICK FOLEY (RAW Superstar)

Your 2013 WWE Hall of Famer enters to a standing ovation. He goes after everyone in the ring while everyone in the audience chants his name. Meanwhile the Undertaker delivers the last ride to Batista. Bodies are everywhere. Morrison jumps off the top rope and kicks Foley in the head. You can kinda hear it too. Oof,

23. :kennedy: (RAW Superstar)

We actually still have that emoticon? He gets in the ring and kills Cody. Then Miz. Then Punk. Then kicks Undertaker who is on the ground....and something weird happens. Taker sits up and talks smack but gets hit back down again. Then Kennedy hits him more and Taker does his sit up again. I think he was only meant to do one sit up in classic Taker style. Anyways Taker gets up, chokeslams Kennedy and starts beating everyone up.

24. BIG DADDY V (ECW Superstar)

But the camera doesn't pay attention to V at all. It instead focus on Taker who has Snitsky in his grasp. He walks Snitsky to the other side of the ring and dumps him over the top. As the commentators mention his elimination, Michaels sneaks up behind Taker and superkicks him over the top!!!!!!!!! He lands on his feet though. Everyone is stunned. Michaels looks at what he has just done while Kennedy sneaks up behind Michaels and tosses him out!!!!!!!! Michaels lands in front of Taker. Everyone expects Taker to kill Michaels but instead he takes out his anger on Snitsky by leg dropping him on the Smackdown announce table.

As they replay the turn of events, Cody nearly OMG's himself trying to eliminate Kennedy. But he holds on only to get tossed over the top rope again by Kennedy. Cody skins the cat! He then tries to flip himself up and over back into the ring and Kennedy pushes his legs down. He tries so again and catches Kennedys head with his feet! He pulls Kennedy over the top rope nearly eliminating him. Good spot.

25. MARK HENRY (Smackdown Superstar)

There is some serious beef in the ring now. However the camera spots something peculiar. Kennedy has pushed Miz over the top rope but he's not out. Hornswoggle climbs out from under the ring, grabs Miz's arm and eliminates him! Then he goes back under the ring. Meanwhile Henry and V double headbutt CM Punk. They then sandwich him as a replay occurs. Big Daddy V then tries to muscle out Morrison and Kennedy when number 26 enters.


.................... He's the ECW Champion. Why is he in this? Is he going to challenge for his own belt if he wins? Weak. While Chavo and Punk go at it, Kane lifts Morrison over the top rope and kicks him out of the Rumble match. Mark Henry grabs Cody and tries to dump him. Hornswoggle climbs out from under the ring and tries to grab whoever is being dumped. He's not paying attention as Henry sees and grabs him, pulling him into the ring. A scared reaction from the crowd only amplifies when Big Daddy V sees him and grabs him. LET THE FEAST BEGIN!


27. FINLAY (Smackdown Superstar)

Hornswoggles protector races into the ring with a shalelallaeielelle.... shaeielelele I don't know how you spell it and I'm too lazy to look. He proceeds to hit everyone with it to save Horny. He then grabs Swoggle and walks him to the back. We later learn that Finlay is dq'd for bringing a weapon into the match. Guess this years rules are unique unto their own. No word on Swoggle as he was never officially eliminated.

28. ELIJAH BURKE (ECW Superstar)

Another one with an interesting theme song. "Don't waste my time." Well he's certainly wasting mine. I think he was Matt Hardy's replacement. The crowd could care less about him. Meanwhile Umaga has samoan spiked Batista and he has rolled out of the ring. Big Daddy V powerbombs Kane in the middle of the ring. Chavo Guerrero starts making a desperate turd squeezing noise while eliminating CM Punk in the process. Even for 2008 and Chavo being ECW champion, it still didn't feel right. Mark Henry and Big Daddy V beat down Umaga in an interesting but brief encounter as number 29 enters.

29. GAMENDORF!!!!! (RAW Superstar)

Prepare yourself Cody! It's time to save the.....No NO NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Cody Rhodes is eliminated.


One day, revenge will be priceless....

HHH does a facebuster to Big Daddy V and then tosses him over the top rope shockingly. A quick encounter with Umaga and suddenly HHH and Mick Foley are trading blows back in the garden! Shades of their 2000 Royal Rumble match at MSG. But Gamendorf tosses Foley into Elijah Burke and the two go flying over the top rope to the floor. Umaga and HHH go at it again. Umaga goes flying into the ring post which sends him stumbling back towards HHH who sends him into the ring post again. He then stumbles to the center of the ring and eats a pedigree.

The fans countdown the numbers but it doesn't matter. This is HHH's world. He has won. There's nobody left who can stop him.




Triple H can't believe it either. Cena gets in the ring looking perfectly fine. HHH stands there only to be shoved away by Mark Henry. Cena shoulder blocks Henry with the supposedly injured side of his body. He tosses Carlito! He tosses Chavo! He then tosses the 400 pound Mark Henry! John Cena is on fire!

But Triple H is in the center of the ring again and wants control back over this Rumble. The two stare each other down in front of the WrestleMania sign. They trade blows until HHH gives Cena a spinebuster. The Game celebrates until Umaga out of nowhere cuts him down to size. He then sets him up for the samoan spike when again out of nowhere Batista spears Umaga!. Where did he come from? He then clotheslines Mr Kennedy over the top rope to elimination! As Umaga stands up, he gets greeted with a clothesline from Batista and is sent over the top rope to the floor! Kane then grabs both Batista and HHH by the throat. But HHH and Batista toss him out instead!


They stand there looking at each other until Batista gives them the big thumbs down! Well you know what, Cena waves his hand in front of his face and says "you can't see me!" So HHH gives them both DX "suck it" crotch chops and they brawl. Batista takes control but Cena and HHH take it back. Batista then clotheslines them both and gives the two each a spinebuster. He goes to powerbomb Cena but Cena counters by flipping him over his back. Batista gets up, stumbles towards the ropes and HHH knocks him out of the ring!


It's time for sign pointing! Yay!

They trade blows. The arena has suddenly remembered that they hate Super Cena and decide to boo his every move while cheering HHH. Cena side slams HHH down. He then connects with a little 5 knuckle shuffle. A failed FU and pedigree later and the two double clothesline each other in the center of the ring. They get up and HHH gets a boot from Cena. He picks up the Game only for the Game to wiggle out and give Cena a DDT. HHH picks up Cena and tries to dump him. Cena escapes and picks the game up! HHH escapes and goes for a pedigree! Cena escapes, picks the game up, and FU's HHH OVER THE TOP ROPE!!


Seriously, how the fuck did this happen? He was supposed to be out for 7 months to a damn year. My computer desk still has the scar from where my jaw dropped and hit it as Cenas music hit. Many fans in the arena cheered for this ending and many just shook their heads in disbelief.

Overall though it was a classic Rumble match IMO. Big stars, young talent got spots, and there were huge surprises. Sure it had some quirks like the dq and the ECW champion showing up in the Rumble, but to me it's an A.


January 16th, 2013, 6:19 AM
I'll be watching my Rumble and reading the reviews by the end of this week/beginning of next week. Busy with music until Friday.

January 16th, 2013, 6:50 AM
I'll be doing a Royal Rumble review, but since I'm not sure which years are still left, I'll cover the often-forgotten 2004 15 man Royal Rumble which was exclusive to Smackdown. The review will be up later today.

Fanny Batter
January 16th, 2013, 7:27 AM
With the second best last 2 exchange in history!

January 16th, 2013, 9:04 AM
I was gonna wait and do this year's, but since I'm off work recovering from swollen glands, I can do one today.

Looking at the list, looks like no-one's got 1991 which I have on DVD so can do that one.

Aaaagh forget it, double-checked and Psycho's got that one.

January 16th, 2013, 12:04 PM
"I guess there IS stopping Shelton Benjamin now!"

Joey's best line in the WWE.

Good work, One Man Cody Rhodes Fan Club!

January 16th, 2013, 12:36 PM
Royal Rumble 1994(B)

So I am sure that many of you remember the 1994 Royal Rumble. Bret Hart and Lex Lugar tumble over the top together and it ends in a tie. And no it wasn’t a botch, unlike Cena and Batista. But how many of you remember the Royal Rumble that took place the week before?

No, that is not a typo. A week before the Royal Rumble PPV there was a Rumble at a house show at MSG. Some of you are probably wondering why they would have a Rumble the week before and give it away for basically nothing at a house show. Well we can get into that after the review because the reasoning would spoiler the results and my thinking is many of you probably didn’t even know there was a Rumble let alone know the results.

To put you in context with this time frame Shawn and Razor are feuding over the IC title and will eventually have their ladder match in 3 months. Owen and Bret are teaming up in a week at the Royal Rumble with a shot at the tag team titles. Yoko is the world champ, though he doesn’t appear in this match. Crush and Macho Man are at odds which would lead to a match at Wrestlemania X.

To start with this is a hand held video camera shot, so it is much like the Zapurder film. Its jumpy, skips ahead about 4 min at one point, and even has some yahoo stand in front of the shot for a moment or two. There is no commentary on the film, nor is there a clock to count down the arrival of new entrants. You simply have to rely on the Fink who announces each wrestler on his way to the ring, and the fans who count you down from 10 of course.

With that said its now time to start the Royal Rumble. # 1 is Diesel who is already in the ring. # 2 is Mo from Men on a Mission. Oscar raps him down to the ring and the crowd is actually into it.

Diesel makes quick work of Mo and tosses him over the top. On his way Mo gets his leg caught in the ropes and just hangs there. Diesel finally notices it and unhooks him and shoves him out. # 3 is Butch of the Bushwackers who walks around the ring a lot, licks a fan and eventually gets in.

It is all Diesel on the inside. Wait Butch gets in an eye gouge and follows it up by biting Diesel in the ass. But that’s about it and Diesel tosses him, cementing himself as a big man. We now wait for #4 and it is the 1-2-3 Kid. At one point he lived in the same town as me in Minnesota and I would see him all the time working out at Lifetime Fitness. This was post 1-2-3 kid and pre porno with Chyna.

Anyway he lands a few kicks but Diesel swats him off like a fly. Somehow that makes him crotch the top rope so Diesel lands a punch and out he goes. Three guys so far and none have lasted 2 min.

Next up is Scott Steiner, who is not yet Big Papa Pump, but still looking roided up. Diesel cuts him off and doesn’t even let him in the ring, so they brawl on the outside and Steiner is absolutely destroyed. Eventually they make their way in. Diesel charges and Steiner side steps him and Diesel spills to the outside through the second rope. So they go back out there and dance around a bit, obviously stalling and waiting for #6.

They get back in and Steiner hits a double under hook suplex. It looks brutal, not in that it looked painful but that it looked botched. Cue #6 and it is Iron Mike Sharpe. He lasts about 15 seconds and is tossed by Steiner so Diesel’s chances at throwing all 29 men are gone. It should be noted that he does manage to toss seven straight men the next week at the PPV.

Diesel hits a big boot, Steiner hits a nice looking suplex. Again it looks like they are killing time for #7. Steiner goes for an elimination and Samu, the Headshrinker hits the ring. Samu and Diesel decide to work together and for the first time we really have 3 guys in there at a time.
Diesel eventually works over Samu and then all three guys kind of cuddle in the corner. The horn sounds and its Bob Backlund. Bob a multiple time WWf champion was once pinned by my dad so that is pretty cool.

We get Samu vs Backlund and Diesel vs Steiner until #9 comes out and its Jeff Jarrett. He is met by a nasty gut wrench power bomb from Samu and then shortly after Steiner press slams him. Virgil is #10 and the ring starts to fill up but honestly there is no one really to get excited for out there aside from Diesel. I suspect a major booking period is ahead.
The camera work gets real jumpy and the horn goes off as Bam Bam comes down with his main squeeze Luna. They kiss and then some dude stands right in front of the camera. Bam Bam and Samu try to eliminate Steiner but Virgil breaks it up. Seriously why is Virgil even still around at this point?

Bam Bam and Samu hit a double head butt on Virgil which is pretty cool when you think about how neither of those guys ever sold head shots. Next up is #12 Macho Man Randy Savage who cleans house until Diesel chokes him into the corner. Macho is able to reverse things to his favor and he dumps Diesel out at about 23 min.

Macho then tosses Double J and Backlund is about to go over via Bam Bam but he hangs on. Not quite the booking period I expected but a few guys are headed to the showers.
Adam Bomb is next. I loved this guy as a kid and again when he was Wrath. But I never got into the Kronick thing. He is met with a double team by Macho and Steiner who is now the long man. Bam Bam presses Virgil but then falls over. Botch or some odd spot I don’t know.

Sargent Slaughter is out to a big pop. How he rebounded from the Iraq thing I never really know. He and Steiner team up and toss Adam Bomb, which is odd because he is large and intimidating or at least he was before they squash him here.

Macho and then Steiner work on Slaughter and I realize there are just way to many faces in the ring right now. Mach hits his running axe handle in the middle of the ring. Crush is out next and he goes right after Macho. He then tosses Steiner out like he is nothing and our new long man is…. Samu? Nice.

Mable is out at #16 and he is huge. Still 2 years away from his King of the Ring win, yuck, and a few more until he joins the ministry.

Bam Bam picks up Crush and throws him over but momentum sends Bam Bam over as well and Crush hangs on to the apron and slides back in. Uneventful finish for the Beast from the East. Virgil attacks Samu with the help of Mable.

Crush whips Slaughter into the corner and he spills over ala his 1992 exit. Jim Powers enters goes after Mable. He gets squashed in the corner and flipped out. That was quick- that’s what she said.

Look at the star power in there now- Virgil, Samu, Backlund, Crush and Mable!

Baston Booger comes next and I wonder if the ring can support him and Mable at the same time. You know Gorilla wasn’t here to inform us if this was one of those special reinforced rings or not.

Everyone decides to throw Mable out, and I mean everyone. His momentum pulls Virgil and Backlund out too and they are all gone. That leaves Crush and Booger to pair up and Samu has a soda? Well maybe, I am not sure, he is off of camera. Ahh there he is.

Booger is run by Crush so he and Samu circle each other and eventually lock up. Luke is in next. Samu charges him and Luke ducks it. Samu goes over but his head gets caught in the ropes and he does a hangman. SO Luke frees him and shoves him out… Same spot where Mo got caught earlier. The ropes just seem really really lose.

Think about that though, kayfabe wise what is the low light of your career? Getting eliminated from the Rumble by Luke. (side note the sheepherders were amazing but Bushwackers not so much)

Crush takes out Luke with a crescent kick and he waits for the next man down which turns out to be The Rocket, Owen Hart who a week later would kick the leg out from Bret’s leg. Owen lands a spinning heel kick and Crush is down.

The Model Rick Martell is 21. He and Crush work on Owen. Owen ducks a Crush punch that lays out Martell instead, then he scrambles and hits a missile drop kick on Crush. A clothesline to Martell spills him through the ropes. It just seems odd how much through the ropes stuff there was in this Rumble.

The heels take back over. This is a numbers game after all. The horn sounds and out comes Bret to save his baby brother. Martell tries to eliminate Owen but he slides back in under the bottom rope. Crush gets Bret over but he is able to stay alive as well and come back in. Crush assumes he was eliminated and turns as the horn sounds to see who is next.

Bret takes the opportunity to drop kick him in the back and Crush is out just as IRS hits the ring. He and Bret go at it. These two had a few good matches in WWF. IRS was always underrated in my book. Bret then makes a save helping Owen once again.

Johnny Polo is out next… you probably better know him as Raven. He eventually makes his way to Owen and I wonder how awesome a young Owen vs young Raven feud would have been. Owen firemen carries him to the ropes but much like a junior on prom night, he cant close the deal.

Scott Putski is down next to the excitement of his mom, dad and no one else. I am desperately hoping for someone to come down and put on a show here with Owen and Bret to close it.

Lots of random brawling occurs until Fatu comes out. If he lasts as long as his fellow head shrinker he will win this thing. From there he can make a difference and run down Stone Cold with his car.

At this point the tape jumps to Shawn coming down to the ring which excites me until I realize that he is met by Marty Janetty. Looks like Billy Gunn is in there so we will call them 27 and 28 and Shawn 29. Shawn and Marty go at it which I always love. Its one of those great things about the Rumble, old rivalries can heat up again even for just a night.
Marty hits a crescent kick on Shawn and the crowd is pretty hot. The horn sounds and I assume it will be a big man to clean house… nope, its Doink with Dink.

In my excitement over Doink’s arrival I missed Marty going over the top, hes out. Owen then eliminates Polo and Fatu takes care of Putski. Damn, I thought the Polish Hammer might win this one.

Shawn tries to dump Owen but they both end up clinging to the ropes, neither one goes out. Doink pokes Martel in the eye and he sells it like he’s been shot, so Doink suplexes him over and out. HBK then nails Doink with a clothesline and he is out.

We are down to IRS, Owen, HBK, Bret and Fatu. We all know where this is headed right? Bret is three months away from winning the title at Mania in this very building. . . my money though is on Fatu!

Bret atomic drops IRS and he springs over the top and out. Down to 4. We get the back up into corners and eventually they pair up. Owen tosses HBK into the corner and he crotches himself on the top rope. Much similar to 92 but this time smoother.

A Fatu crescent kick drops Bret and Owen finds himself in the tree of woe in the other corner. Bret almost has Fatu out but Shawn sneaks over and dumps him. WHAT?

Shawn and Fatu make a pact and Owen is in trouble. He manages a double clothesline and is on fire. Fatu holds up Owen like a 3D from the Dudleys and HBK hits sweet chin music. Pretty cool. Out comes Razor Ramon, who distracts Shawn. Fatu is whipped to the ropes and bumps Shawn over. So even in 84 he wouldn’t job to a Hart.

Now the middle rope breaks. They use it a few times but eventually someone pulls it from the ring. Owen and Fatu go through a few spots and Owen eliminates him for the win. Read that again, OWEN WINS THE ROYAL RUMBLE.

Okay so now on to why this even happened. We are 3 months away from Wrestelmania X at the same sight. Owen was about to turn on Bret and this match solidified him as a major contender in the eyes of those present at MSG. It also saw Razor and Shawn, and Crush and Macho set up their grudges that would take place that night. Over all I would say it was a very sloppy Rumble but again it was a house show. The headshirnkers were impressive but the best work was by Diesle, Crush and Owen just for his win.

If you want to view this Rumble for yourself you can find it on daily motion. Just search NYC Royal Rumble and it should come up in 4 parts.

January 16th, 2013, 6:15 PM
Blue Brand Bash: A Look Back at the Smackdown-Exclusive Royal Rumble Match


Date: January 29th 2004
Venue: Washington, DC
Announcers: Michael Cole and Tazz

As Royal Rumble 2013 approaches and we get in the mood by looking back on previous years, I figured I would try something a little different. As you know, Smackdown’s Chris Benoit won the Royal Rumble 2004 and subsequently exploited a legal loophole by challenging the World Champion Triple H on Raw. Therefore, Vince McMahon decided to have a Smackdown-exclusive Royal Rumble the following week. The winner would face Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title at No Way Out.

15 men would enter. 1 man would be left standing. Off we go, then.

Number 1 – It’s True, It’s Damn True. Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring. He’s dedicated this match to the men and women of the armed forces, but he’ll have his work cut out for him if he wants to lock in another bout with Brock. Rhyno comes out at Number 2. They trade shots to start off with, and Rhyno quickly unleashes the GORE…GORE…GOOOOOOOORRRRRRREEE. This was a bit of a hasty move, as Angle is now dead-weight and won’t be lifted over the top rope any time soon. As Rhyno struggles with Angle at the ropes, Angle shows some Olympic spirit by flattening Rhyno with an Angle Slam. Both men are on their backs, as the clock ticks down.

It’s Charlie Haas at Number 3. A year earlier, Haas was part of Team Angle, trying to keep Brock Lesnar’s mitts off the WWE Title. By the end of 2004, Haas will have made the staggering decision of dumping both Miss Jackie and Dawn Marie at the same time. A man’s man, if ever there was one. Haas dishes out some punishment to his former mentor, taking him down with a lovely drop-kick. Rhyno tries to get Haas over the ropes, but fails. Angle comes back with some right hands for both men. Haas overpowers him and we get the first near-elimination when Haas scoops up Angle and tries to drop him over the top rope.

At Number 4, it’s Shelton Benjamin. The draw of the Rumble favours the self-proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag Team. When the music hits, Tazz actually asks “Is it Haas again?” Poor old Angle is getting hammered by everyone. Benjamin blasts Angle with an exploder suplex and double-teams Rhyno with Haas. Before they can even consider contemplating their advantage, they both eat German Suplexes from Angle. The plucky Olympian has a go at all three men – he won a Gold Medal with a broken freakin’ neck, you understand - but soon finds himself on the receiving end of a powerslam from Haas.

At Number 5, it’s Bradshaw. He’s got the blonde hair, but he’s not gone full-JBL at this point. This is the ass-kicking Bradshaw from the APA. Clothesline to Haas. Clothesline from Hell to Rhyno. Big boot to Benjamin. Bradshaw is on fire.

We come back from commercial break. Ernest “The Cat” Miller entered at Number Six during the break, wiping out everyone with elbows and clotheslines. Is Miller vs Lesnar our main event for No Way Out? Nope. Miller couldn’t resist a funky dance, and he pays for it when a baffled Angle responds by throwing him out. “Somebody call his mama….somebody call him a taxi!”, quips Tazz. Faithful Lamont consoles Miller on the entrance ramp. Tajiri comes in at Number 7, and unnecessarily kicks Lamont in the back of the head. The attack sends Lamont’s wig flying. Tajiri gets in the ring and is immediately hoisted up for a powerbomb by Rhyno. Tajiri slips out of it, and boots Rhyno’s head off.

Billy Gunn makes his return to Smackdown at Number 8, with the immortal words of “I’M AN ASS-MAN” accompanied by Tazz going “Wah Wah” in time with the music. Sadly, the potential for a CD of entrance theme covers by Tazz was never realised. Gunn takes down Bradshaw with the Fameasser, and tries to eliminate both Benjamin and Haas. As Gunn grapples with Angle, Tajiri gets planted with a big spinebuster by Rhyno. Gunn and Benjamin work over Angle at the turnbuckle. Haas goes after Tajiri, but gets a hand-spring elbow for his trouble. He can’t celebrate for long, as Bradshaw gets his hands on him and flattens him with a pumphandle slam. Angle briefly has Benjamin in the Ankle Lock, but Gunn breaks it up with a big right hand to Angle’s face.

Number 9: WEEEEELLLLLLLL….WELL IT’S THE BIG SHOW. Everyone in the ring is scared shitless. Rhyno and Tajiri drag themselves to their feet, as all of the entrants prepare for Show’s arrival. Show barely gets one of his big legs over the top rope before everyone is clubbing the hell out of him. Show sends the group flying. Tajiri steels himself for an epic battle with Show, but Show catches his leg and chokeslams him out of the ring. TAJIRI ELIMINATED. Everyone piles on to Show again. He throws them off, but Bradshaw is ready for it this time. A big boot has Show literally on the ropes. Bradshaw fancies another clothesline from hell, but Show ducks and sends Bradshaw flying over the ropes. BRADSHAW ELIMINATED. Angle tries his luck with an attempted German Suplex on Show. Cole’s declaration of “Big show with the BIG BUTT” tells you exactly how that ended for Angle.

Number 10 – it’s the Doctor of Thuganomics himself. Cena comes out wearing a knee brace, courtesy of a run-in with Show at the Royal Rumble PPV. Cena slides in and squares up to Show. Cena lands some punches and tries to clothesline him over the top rope. Show finally gets sent over, but manages to stay on the apron.

We return from commercial to see that A-Train entered at Number 11. We catch a glimpse of Nunzio, the Number 12 participant, being sent over the top rope by an FU from Cena. NUNZIO ELIMINATED.

Number 13 – VIVA LA RAZA. Eddie Guerrero comes out holding his head, after having been attacked earlier in the show by Chavo. He’s immediately pounced on by A-Train, who hoists him up in a military press. Guerrero gets out of it, and manages to flip the hairy-backed bastard over the top rope. A-TRAIN ELIMINATED.

Guerrero tries to get fired up by going after Haas and Gunn. But he’s being stalked by a 500 pound giant. A 500 pound giant who was given laxative-laden burritos and drenched in sewage by Guerrero only a few months earlier. Yeah, Show is probably still annoyed about that. Guerrero unwisely stands on the turnbuckle ropes while pummelling Gunn, leaving him in prime position for an electric chair from Show. Guerrero claws at Show’s face to get out of the move. He rattles Show with some kicks, but a head-butt from Show quickly makes him question whether he should have left the hospital.

Number 14 – it’s The Big Kish himself. Rikishi comes in and tries to deliver a samoan drop to Gunn. Gunn turns it into a sunset-flip, and scampers when he realises that Rikishi’s massive ass is hanging precariously over his face. A big kick from Rikishi sends him over the top rope, but Gunn hangs on. Show also eats some kicks from Rikishi, and we get our first STINK-FACE of the match. “You know your ass is big…when the Big Show’s head fits in it!” states Tazz. “Great point!”, replies Cole. God I miss this announce team. Rikishi casually wanders over to a prone Benjamin in the opposite turnbuckle. As Rikishi prepares to back that ass up, Shelton screams in hilarious fashion as if someone was waving a gun in his face. Rikishi is going mental with STINK-FACES in this Royal Rumble, as Gunn gets the same treatment. Show puts an end to the madness by chokeslamming Rikishi.

Number 15 – Our final entrant is Hardcore Holly. He’d love nothing more than to get another shot at Brock Lesnar, following their recent clash on PPV. Tazz feels it necessary to help us understand how Holly is feeling. “Hardcore Holly’s temper’s gotta be flaring like a pack of haemorrhoids”. Holly tries to eliminate Angle, while Cena fails to lift Show for an FU. Show chokes Cena over the top rope, and Cena finds himself under Show’s massive boot. Cena eventually falls off the apron in a rather lacklustre end to his hopes of meeting Lesnar at No Way Out. CENA ELIMINATED.

Show’s elimination of Cena has him straddling the top rope. Angle, Holly, Guerrero, Gunn and Rikishi take advantage by pouring on the pressure. Cena helps to drag Show over the rope and on to the floor. BIG SHOW ELIMINATED.

Seven men left in this match. Rikishi tries to dump out Benjamin. Haas seems to see his partner’s predicament, but offers no help. This seemed like more of a “Haas wasn’t meant to turn around at that point” moment rather than the teasing of their alliance falling apart. Three out of four turnbuckles feature a scrap at this point, with Angle most notably trying to suplex Gunn out of the ring. Guerrero strangely decides to attempt a springboard hurricanrana on Haas to send him flying over the ropes. They botch it, so Guerrero simply throws Haas over instead. HAAS ELIMINATED. Angle clotheslines Benjamin out of the ring. WGTT is gone. BENJAMIN ELIMINATED.

Rikishi lands some shots on Angle, but finds himself on the receiving end of an Angle Slam. Guerrero follows it up with a frog-splash on Rikishi. Angle is up again – he’d put the Terminator to shame with his endurance. He gets the jump on Holly, while Gunn and Holly are tangling at the turnbuckle. HOLLY ELIMINATED. Holly looks pissed. He gives Angle a little shove, and Angle kindly directs him to the locker-room. We get a replay of this a few seconds later for some reason, as if it signified the beginning of an intense feud.

Guerrero sends Gunn into the corner and goes for a monkey flip. Chavo must have hurt his head quite a bit in that earlier assault, since Eddie seems to insist on attempting moves which leave him extremely vulnerable to elimination. Gunn catches him and places him on the top rope, as Guerrero loudly proclaims “OH SHIT!”. But Guerrero keeps hold of Gunn as he goes over, with Gunn unable to hang on. GUNN ELIMINATED.

It’s Eddie Guerrero, Kurt Angle and Rikishi for our FINAL THREE. Angle suggests that he and Guerrero team up to get rid of Rikishi. This makes sense. You don’t piss about with a man who can fit Big Show’s head up his ass. The two men are overzealous though, as Rikishi quickly dishes out some punches. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO ANGLE AND GUERRERO. Rikishi lands a savate kick on Angle, and follows it up with a chokeslam on Guerrero. Rikishi goes for a Banzai Drop on Angle off the middle turnbuckle, but Angle rolls out of the way. SPLAT! Guerrero and Angle both fail in their respective attempts to tip Rikishi over the top rope, as Cole declares that Rikishi is “TOO DAMN BIG” for one man to eliminate. Problem solved, as the two men grab a leg each and dump Rikishi out. RIKISHI ELIMINATED.

We’re down to two. It’s Kurt Angle vs Eddie Guerrero for a chance to compete with Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title at No Way Out next month. A big “EDDIE” chant rings out in the arena as the two men face off.

Angle takes Guerrero down to the mat and maintains control. An elbow to Angle’s bald head conveys that Guerrero is in no mood to wrestle on the mat. A cheeky smirk from Guerrero makes Angle livid. He CHARGES at Guerrero and Guerrero nearly succeeds in flipping him right over the top rope. ANGLE HOLDS ON. He battles back with some right hands. Angle finally looks tired, but he’s the one on his feet. Guerrero tries to retaliate with some punches of his own, but Angle smashes him with a German Suplex. Angle keeps the hands wrapped around Guerrero’s waist, and Guerrero eats another German Suplex.

Angle prepares to German Suplex Guerrero right over the top rope. Guerrero tries to fight out of it with some elbow shots. BACK SUPLEX OVER THE TOP ROPE. Angle celebrates prematurely, while Guerrero holds on to the rope and keeps his dream alive. Angle goes to kick Guerrero through the ropes, but Guerrero catches his leg. ANKLE LOCK ON ANGLE. Guerrero gets back in to the ring, still applying Angle’s own finisher. But we’re talking about the man who can do that move in his sleep. Angle counters it into an Ankle Lock of his own. Guerrero tries to roll through, but Angle catches him in a wheel-barrow move and drops him on the top rope. ANKLE LOCK APPLIED AGAIN. If Guerrero wants out of this, the only way is down. Guerrero tries to take Angle over the top rope with him. Both men hang on.

They’re back in the ring, and both are favouring their lower limbs after the Ankle Lock battle. BIG UPPERCUT TO GUERRERO. Angle irish-whips Guerrero, but Guerrero takes him down on the way back with a reverse elbow. TRIPLE SUPLEX TO ANGLE. Guerrero is fired up, and the crowd love it. But what is he thinking here? A Frog Splash on Angle? No chance, as ANGLE SPRINGS UP and runs up to the top turnbuckle. Angle Slam off the top rope? No, both men get crotched and desperately try to keep hold of the ropes as they hang over the floor below. They slowly get back to their feet after re-entering the ring. Angle goes for a right hand, but Guerrero blocks it and rocks Angle with punches of his own. Irish-whip to Angle, but he counters whatever Guerrero was going for with a SLEEPER HOLD.

Guerrero gets worn down, and drops to his knees. He briefly stirs as an “EDDIE” chant breaks out, but Angle takes him right down to the mat with the hold. Guerrero struggles to get back up. He’ll have to do something to turn the tables here. Guerrero screams “OOOOOHHHHHHHHH” during a close-up camera angle, like an elderly gentleman who’s just been on a vicious rollercoaster. Guerrero is back to his feet, and connects with a few elbows. Guerrero runs towards the ropes with Angle still attached to his neck. ANGLE GOES FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE. Angle was almost eliminated, but stays on the apron. Guerrero has bought himself a few seconds to recover from the sleeper hold. Angle stands up on the apron, and gets battered with THREE BIG RIGHT HANDS from Guerrero. Angle still holds on to the top rope. Guerrero goes for another punch, but Angle drives his shoulder into Guerrero’s abdomen.

This is it. Angle takes Guerrero into the air with a VERTICAL SUPLEX. Guerrero is hanging upside down – he’s a goner here. No wait, Guerrero reverses it, and brings Angle back over the top rope with a VERTICAL SUPLEX of his own. Angle is suspended for a few seconds, before being SUPLEXED OVER THE TOP ROPE. Cole goes wild. “KURT ANGLE ELIMINATED!!!! EDDIE GUERRERO….HAS GOT A SHOT AT THE TITLE!!!!”

Here is your winner and the NEW Number One Contender for the WWE Championship: Eddie Guerrero.

Thoughts on the match:

This was quite an ambitious match, in that it tried to pack in a lot of the tried-and-tested Rumble moments into a smaller and shorter match. We had the veteran who went the distance, the underdog who finds himself at risk of elimination at various points, the comedy character who doesn’t last long, the tag team alliance and the giant who everyone fears. The TV format wasn’t too much of an issue, though it’s a shame that Miller’s contribution was cut by commercial break and had to be shown through replays. They kept up a good pace throughout the match, even if some of the action at points wasn’t particularly thrilling. It would have been nice to see what Mysterio would have brought to the table, but unfortunately he wrestled earlier in the show.

Overall, it’s a fun match, ultimately enhanced by a truly exciting climax. The near-eliminations were very well choreographed and the advantage goes back and forth in a manner which keeps the crowd invested. They masterfully pushed the buttons of the crowd through the use of very sudden moments of peril for both men. I don’t think Angle and Guerrero ever produced the bona-fide classic match that we thought they would, but this is easily one of their best encounters. Their battle would be echoed in the memorable showdown between Undertaker and Shawn Michaels at the end of Royal Rumble 2007.

This match was a major turning point in the company. Guerrero went on to lock horns with Lesnar at No Way Out in one of the best WWE matches of the decade, with Guerrero winning the WWE Title. This subsequently led to Guerrero embracing Benoit at the end of Wrestlemania XX, with both of them wearing heavyweight gold. Say what you will about how their respective title reigns panned out and the tragic actions of Benoit later down the road….that was a watershed moment in WWE. The seeds for that moment were planted in this little Royal Rumble match on TV that is often forgotten in amongst all the memorable moments and winners on PPV.

January 16th, 2013, 6:15 PM
Double post

January 17th, 2013, 1:15 AM
Good work on two lesser known rumbles, guys.

January 17th, 2013, 1:22 AM
The Smackdown Royal Rumble was pretty awesome. Nice job reviewing that one.

January 17th, 2013, 1:24 AM
Thank you.

January 23rd, 2013, 12:20 AM
Just for memory lane

January 23rd, 2013, 2:51 AM
I miss the wrestling era where there were only 4 pay per views a year. Royal Rumble, Wrestlemania, Summer Slam, and Survivor Series. They just meant so much more, not this once a month garbage. Sorry guys, just venting my frustrations.

January 23rd, 2013, 4:31 AM
I miss the wrestling era where there were only 4 pay per views a year. Royal Rumble, Wrestlemania, Summer Slam, and Survivor Series. They just meant so much more, not this once a month garbage. Sorry guys, just venting my frustrations.

I agree with you. Its probably not sustainable these days sadly but the events did feel bigger even if a lot of them were quite crap really.

January 23rd, 2013, 8:13 AM
I miss the wrestling era where there were only 4 pay per views a year. Royal Rumble, Wrestlemania, Summer Slam, and Survivor Series. They just meant so much more, not this once a month garbage. Sorry guys, just venting my frustrations.

You could start watching tna???

January 23rd, 2013, 10:05 AM
You could start watching tna???

Now that's just not nice.

January 23rd, 2013, 12:54 PM
While I wouldn't want to go back to four, I think nine per year would be good.

January 23rd, 2013, 1:59 PM
12 is too much I agree 11 is fine.

January 27th, 2013, 6:45 AM
2006 Royal Rumble

I didn’t think I’d watched this Rumble at all but thinking about it now I’m pretty sure I did watch it at the time. I remember who won but nothing else about it at all.Earlier in the night Gregory Helms won a six man Texas Tornado match to become Cruiserweight Champion, Mickey James beat Ashley Massaro (with Trish Stratus as special guest referee) and The Boogieman beat JBL. I skipped that match but the other two were pretty good.
There were some very bad backstage segments involving various wrestlers finding out what number they’d drawn. Vince McMahon presumably wrote these himself as in most of them he either fondled the three Divas conducting the draws (Torrie Wilson, Victoria and Candice) or they showed him tattoos on intimate parts of their bodies. What a guy.
And then it was the Rumble match itself. Stuck in the middle of card with both title matches (Kurt Angle vs Mark Henry and Edge vs John Cena) given prominence. I hate it when they do this. Rock vs CM Punk this year I think probably should go on last but that’s the one and only time that I can think of a title match deserving to go on after the Rumble match itself.
Anyway, I’m rambling already. We see a nice montage of previous Rumbles and previous winners. Flair, Austin, HBK, Rock, Hogan. Thye hype up certain competitors. Chris Masters is going to be the youngest man ever to win the Royal Rumble apparently. I bet he isn’t. Bobby Lashely is going to the Royal Rumble and he’s going to remain undefeated. I bet he isn’t. Matt Hardy is going to main event Wrestlemania. Give me a break. And Rey Mysterio is going to win for his big brother Eddie Guerrero.
The hype continues. Chris Benoit, Randy Orton, Booker T, HBK, Shelton Benjamin, RVD, Carlito, Kane (always my pick), Big Show and then Triple H get’s the last word. I can’t remember how seriously most of these guys were being pushed at this time but looking on seven years later they’ve done a good job in this video of presenting it as though any one of a dozen men could win it. Except of course we know who wins.
The last man standing gets a first class ticket to Wrestlemania.
Lillian Garcia reads out the rules. Or at least she tries to as before she can finish a sentence Dolph Ziggler comes out with four other people in green. That’s a bit weird. Jerry The King Lawler starts moaning that these guys had cost him a chance at entering the Rumble on the previous week’s episode of RAW. I’ll have to take his word for that. The Spirit Squad explain the rules to the audience via the medium of cheerleading and dance. It makes a change from the Fink. Lillian goes back to explaining the rules but I’m not sure how she can follow that.
90 seconds between entrances apparently. Meh. I guess if they’re going to stick the Rumble in the middle of the card they’re not going to give it 120 minutes per entrance.
Who drew number one, asks Michael Cole. Well, considering that Rey Mysterio and Triple H both obviously drew terrible numbers my money is on one of them.

Oh my, no wonder he looked flabbergasted, says Cole. Indeed, but props for use of ‘flabbergasted’. Only two men in the history of the Rumble have entered no.1 and gone on to win, Cole goes on to explain. Now I’m no maths wiz but considering there are 30 entrants and two out of 19 winners have come from no.1 surely that makes it a lucky number?

That wasn’t the music Rey came out to, btw, but I preferred that entrance. Rey comes out with Eddie’s initials on his arms, in Eddie’s car and Cole reminds us again that he’s dedicated this Rumble to Eddie. Definitely the sentimental pick here. Oh and now he’s got Eddie’s t-shirt.
Triple H tells Rey that Eddie can’t help him. That it’s just Rey against Trips. I’m pretty sure that’s what he meant anyway. The crowd in Miami chant for Eddie as the bell rings and the match starts. Rey does his usual flippy thing across the ring. Meh. Rey gets Trips into the corner and mounts him before attempting ten punches with Hunter interuprs and pushes Rey over the ropes. The crowd gasps but Rey lands on the outside of the ring apron and rolls in under the bottom rope. He jumps into the back of Triple H who happens to land on the second rope and just flop there. Why that happens to be exactly the position that Rey needs to do his finishing move. He goes for the 619 as the crowd count down

Der der.... der derder

There’s no words to this theme but it’s the fitness guru Simon Dean. He comes into the ring and tries to get Triple H to team up with him against Rey. He throws Rey over the top rope and thinking that Rey has been eliminated (he hasn’t) he turns and tries to celebrate with Trips. ‘High Five’ demands Simon, who gets a fist to the face. Trips and Rey then team up to throw Simon over the top rope.

I’ve just remembered that they’ve made a big deal of this being 15 RAW guys vs 15 Smackdown guys so I guess there’s no surprise entrances. Man this Rumble sucks.. No wonder I was able to buy it for about £3.

The crowd chant for Eddie as the countdown begins again.

That’s Psicosis, by the way. One half of the Mexicools apparently. I don’t remember this guy very well. I was only partly watching in 2006. I’m guessing this guy was on Smackdown. He looks like someone who would be. He high flies a bit, knocks down Trips and then throws Rey around the ring. He picks Rey up in almost a crucifix hold and attempts to throw him over the top rope that way. That doesn’t strike me as the best way to do it. Rey holds onto the top rope and counters with a head-scissors which eliminates Psicosis. I’m kind of glad as I kept having to check the spelling each time I wrote his name out.

It’s Naitch! The crowd erupt and triple H looks on shocked. The two former Evolution members go at it as Rey sells a spinebuster in one corner. Flair delivers chops, and a back flip. And more chops. And chops. WOOOOOOOOOO! It’s great that Flair could do about four moves at this stage, could receive probably no more that that and yet still had crowds eating out of the palm of his hand.Triple H goes for the pedigree, which Flair counters by grabbing a handful of testicles. Strange counter. He goes back to the chops, then a poke in the eye. Dirtiest player in the game, baby! Trip’s reels against the ropes, Flair moves in for the kill only to be back-body-dropped over the top rope. Boooooo.

Whenever I see Show entering the Rumble I always expect to see Chanel 4 cut to an ad break (which is a reference that three people might get). Show is someone else with an even bigger score to settle with the game apparently. Thanks Cole. King predicts that Triple H is about to be eliminated. I’m not sure about that but the seven foot tall giant knocks him down straight away and continues to work on him as Rey begins to recover. Show unleashes some huge chops. Triple H collapses to the floor and then show stands on him. This has all got to hurt. Show noticed Rey and picks him up in order to knock him down again so that he can go back to work on Triple H. That’ quite a nice spot actually. Show takes Hunter down again with a side slam then picks him up over his head and decides which side of the ring to throw him over. This spot never ends well. Oh no, he just slams him down on the mat before dropping a couple of elbows as the clock runs down.

It’s The Coach who comes to the ring wearing a t-short saying “I’m The Coach”. Was coach wrestling at this point? I remember him turning heel, which I’m guessing he still is. Anyway, this won’t last long I’d guess. Coach attacks Show as soon as he gets into the ring. He then realises what he’s done and tries to back off and apologise to the angry giant who pushes him backwards and over the rope to the joy of the announce team.
Show lifts Triple H over his head again and again both the crowd and the announcers presume he’s going for an elimination but again he just slams him to the floor. Show is dominating here. I don’t think anyone will be able to stop him. He picks Triple H up again and gets him a chokeslam to the mat.

It’s Bobby Lashley. Cole calls him a darkhorse, which I assume is not a racial statement. I think they were pushing Lashley hard at this point but then King compares him to Chris Masters so maybe not. He leaps into the ring and goes eye-to-eye with Big Show. Lashley was a beast. Show goes for a chokeslam but Lashley counters, he picks Show up over his shoulder to the floor and then kicks him under the bottom rope. Cole reminds us all that Show has not been eliminated. Thanks Cole. He then picks Rey up and tosses him over to the opposite turnbuckle before knocking Triple H down with a shoulder charge.

Here comes Kane – Big Show’s tag team partner apparently. Cole hypes Kane up as he makes his way to the ring. He talks about Kane’s 2001 run through this match but of course every subsequent year they’ve talked him up in that way and then he’s quickly eliminated a couple of people before squaring off with another giant and both of them getting eliminated.
I love Kane and I don’t care what anyone else says.
He gets into the ring and exchanges punches with Lashley. He tries to run off of the ropes and charge Lashley down but Lashley no-sells it. Lashley then comes off the ropes to try to knock Kane down but instead eats one of Kane’s boots for dinner. Go on Kane! Lashely delivers a bely-to-belly suplex to Kane before lifting Triple H over his head impressively and then slamming him to the floor. Trips seems to be taking a lot of punishment in this match. Lashley lifts Kane up for the Dominator. Very impressive strength.

It’s Sylvan Grenier. Or just Sylvan as he seems to be known at this time. Cole says that he’s Smackdown’s self-proclaimed fashion guru. It’s shit like that which is why I didn’t watch Smackdown. He gets in the ring and suggests to Lashley that they team up. Lashley agrees and turns round to continue to beat on Triple H but as soon as he does Sylvan attacks him. Lashley turns round, looks pissed off and throws Sylvan over the top rope. I think that was even more quick than Coach.
Lashley stares at Sylvan and then turns and walks straight into a double-chokeslam from Kane and Big Show. The World Tag Team Champions working together. Of course if they genuinely worked together from this point onwards they’d be guaranteed to make the final two. So they won’t do that. But the alliance works long enough to throw Lashley out. And then they start fighting eachother. Stop it, you idiots. They both tease elimination. Kane has Show on the ropes in a chokeslam position. I bet someone comes up behind and throws them both out now. Show grabs Kane for the chokeslam as well. Now they’re both on the ropes, off-balance and are grabbing eachother. STOP FIGHTING AND BLOODY WORK TOGETHER YOU IDIOTS. Oh here comes Triple H to eliminate them both. Brilliant.
Next year, Kane. Next year you won’t make that exact same mistake, I bet.

At no.11 it’s Carlito. I thought Carlito was going to go the whole way in the WWE. Oh well. He comes in the ring and knocks Rey down before moving onto Trips then back to Rey. Rey boots him in the face then does a spring-board back flip off the second rope which Carlito ducks and delivers a knee to Rey’s spine. Trips then gives Carlito a Flair-esque poke to the eye but Carlito recovers to floor him. He goes back to work on Rey as the clock counts down to no.12

The crowd erupts for Benoit and Triple H & Carlito look scared and make an impromptu pact. It does no good though as Benoit knocks them both down before doing a belly-to-back suplex on Rey which throws him half way over the ring. That was pretty awesome. German suplex to Triple H. German suplex to Carlito who botches his attempt to land on his feet but then walks straight into the Cripple Crossface. Carlito taps out but of course that doesn’t matter.
Trips interrupts the submission move which knocks the momentum out of Benoit for the first time since got into the ring. Trips throws Benoit over the ropes but he lands on the outside. Benoit then reaches over and gets Trips in position to be suplexed over the ropes. Trips counters with punches and the pair of them try to execute a suplex on the other – Benoit to eliminate triple H and Triple H to get Benoit back in the ring and himself away from danger. After a good 20 seconds Trips manages to lift Benoit onto the corner turnbuckle tries to move in position for a superplex but Benoit counters with headbutts and when Trips goes to the floor Benoit delivers his flying headbutt. I’ve never liked that move.

The United States Champion is here. King says that Booker has a smile on his face because he’s just happy to be there. That does not speak well for The Book’s chances, methinks. He goes for Benoit who had just had a best of seven series with Book over the US title. Book wins the exchange goes to throw Benoit over but Benoit counters and Booker T is eliminated. The crowd did not like that.
Benoit goes back to work on Triple H and starts unleashing more suplexes as Rey and Carlito brawl. Cole takes the opportunity to tell us that Triple H and Rey Mysterio have been in this match now for 23 minutes. It’s been longer than that for me because I keep pausing to type as I can’t multi-task and because I’ve had dinner. I’m rambling now.

That’s Joey Mercury by the way. It’s very hard to type music. I watched the new CM Punk DVD on Netflix last night and Joey was in that a lot. He looks very different here of course. He’s accompanied by Melina. And I’ve got nothing to say about that. He get sin the ring and squares off with Carlito as Triple H hangs onto the top rope in the corner. Benoit gives Mercury a nice German suplex but Mercury counters before he can go for the second one and then flattens Benoit with some move that I don’t know the name of. Sorry.

It’s Tatanka. And I’m not sure if the crowd recognise him. Maybe they do and just don’t give a shit. King and Cole sound surprised so I guess there are some surprises in here after all. Tatanka was no.15 by the way so we’re half way home. Tatanka comes in and knocks everyone around as the crowd starts to chant for him. Turns out they do remember him after all. He squares off with Joey Mercury in one corner, you’ve then got Triple H & Chris Benoit in another corner and Rey Mysterio & Carlito in another. This is the most people who have been in the ring at one point thus far.

You all know that music by now. Yes it’s John Morrison, or rather Johnny Nitro, the other half of the WWE Tag Champs. He runs straight in to help his partner with Tatanka. Decent strategy from a tag team for once but it doesn’t work and at the same time Benoit has Triple H in trouble. He gets him over the ropes but Trips is able to roll under the bottom ropes and gets back in as someone tosses Mysterio over the ropes but he lands ok and rolls back in. Those two guys are leading a charmed existence right now. Benoit and Tatanka are keeping the tag champs apart from eachother as the Eddie chants start again.

It’s Trevor Murdoch. He starts brawling with Tatanka. To be honest there’s a lot of nothing going on in the ring right now. It’s at that point where they’re building up a lot of bodies, presumable so that one of the name guys can come in and eliminate a lot of people quickly. Trips throws Rey over the top rope but turns his back instead of actually checking that he’d got the job done so of course Rey lands safely and rolls back in. Meanwhile MNM are working together on Benoit without much success. At least they’re trying though.
Literally nothing is happening so Michael Cole is going to talk about Eddie Guerrero for a while. Rey Mysterio is dedicating tonight’s Rumble to him, don’t you know? If you didn’t then Michael Cole and I have just informed you again.

It’s Eugene! I think he’d been away for a while. Trevor Murdoch punches him a few times and Eugene looks pissed. Murdoch punches him again and Eugene hulks up! He throws Murdoch against the ropes then delivers the Aeroplane Spin causing both of them to then stumble around the ring in a dizzy state. Rey takes the opportunity to do some flippy shit leading to a double bulldog takedown. There must be 47 people in the ring at this point. As I type that, Cole points it out as well so surely someone is about to come in and eliminate most of them? Surely?

It’s Animal from Legion of Doom. According to Cole, Animal had cut a promo on Smackdown saying how much he wanted to win the Royal Rumble. Hmmmm. He takes out Triple H before teaming up with Eugene to work on Murdoch. Eugene throws Murdock over the top rope but can’t get the job done and Murdoch rolls back in.
The commentators are really having to strain to make this shit sound entertaining. It’s just a bunch of blokes standing around not even looking like they’re really trying to eliminate anyone as they wait a few more minutes for the rest of the main eventers to come along. Here comes the count, it better be someone good.

It’s the return of RVD. At least that’s something. He’s no.20 and the crowd pops big for him. He’d been out for most of last year with a knee injury apparently. Either way he comes straight in and goes straight to work on MNM then triple H then does that reverse turning back kick thing he does on Murdoch. The crowd are going nuts, presumably because finally someone is actually doing something. Dropkick to Triple H, kick to Tatanka (why is Tatanka still in this thing?!), clothesline to Aimal, kick to a downed Benoit, punches to Triple H who throws RVD against the ropes but Van Dam delivers a kick to Hunter’s face knocking him down. RVD kicks Animal again before squaring off with Benoit as the crowd chant for ECW. RVD kicks Benoit to the face then gets jumped by MNM. Still no one in any danger of actually getting eliminated here.
Cole just said that RVD made his Rumble debut in 2003 and lasted over half an hour. That’s not right is it? I remember him coming out towards the end of the 2002 Rumble, beating the crap out of everyone before walking into a Pedigree and getting thrown out. Get your facts right, Michael Cole.
RVD poses for the crowd and leads them in an RVD chant. He turns as Animal charges towards him and RVD backdrops him over the rope to the floor. Finally someone has gone but he has no time to savour the moment as Carlito attacks him straight away.

It’s former United States Champion Orlando Jordan at no.21. He slides in and attacks one of the MNM guys. I don’t care enough to know which one. The crowd continues to chant for RVD – you’d assume that a bunch of people from Florida would cheer for someone named Orlando, but I guess not. Everything has slowed down again. RVD is trying with Carlito, bless him. Everyone else looks like they’d rather not be there. RVD throws Carlito over the top rope but he hangs on with one hand and then adopts a foetal position clinging onto the bottom rope. That’s actually quite well done. Michael Cole remarks that there’s been a lot of near-eliminations in this match. Yeah – too many, in my opinion. There’s no tension when they tease any elimination in this match because you know that it’s almost certain that they’re not going out.

Paying homage to his Uncle Eddie, apparently. The Eddie chants start again. King makes the point that Chavo and Rey could work together and just as he says that Chavo does some flippy suplex thing (I really should learn the names to move wrestling moves) on Rey so so much for that. Chaovo then does a flying head-scissors on Carlito and milks the reaction from the crowd. We’re back up to 83 people in the ring as Chavo does Eddie’s triple suplex move on Mercury. Or maybe Nitro. Chavo climbs to the top rope, points to Eddie up in Heaven and Triple H pushes him to the floor. That’s a genuinely brilliant heelish moment by one of the greatest heels ever! Amazing. Why is Triple H ever a babyface?!

It’s Matt Hardy. Matt’s ok. I don’t mind Matt. I think they were at the tail end of trying to push him again after the whole Edge/Lita firing/rehiring stuff at this time. The crowd popped for him though. He gets in the ring and MNM try to double-team him but he fights them both off and then does a Twist of Fate on Orlando Jordan. Tatanka is still in this thing, FFS.
Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam have Triple H on the brink of elimination. He doesn’t get eliminated though and King tells us that he’s been in for 39 minutes now and will now survive a little longer. Cole says that Rey has been trying to eliminate triple H ever since H eliminated Chavo. I think Rey should have been trying to eliminate Triple H ever since Rey and Triple H got in the ring 39 minutes and 10 seconds ago what with that being the whole bloody point.
Matt Hardy almost has Orlando Jordan out and on the other side of the ring MNM work together to get rid of Tatanka. See – tag team champions working together and eliminating people. Imagine if MNM were each 7ft tall. NO ONE ELSE WOULD STAND A CHANCE!

No, that’s not Psicosis. It’s the other member of the Mexicools – Super Crazy. He’s a card, I can tell you. He comes into the ring via the top rope and does a flying crossbody takedown on both members of MNM. Good start. He then concentrates on Mercury as Nitro starts to scuffle with Carlito. Will one of them be eliminated? Of course not. There’s then another near-elimination from Triple H. It’s good story-telling because obviously trips has been in there since the start and has taken a hell of a beating since then but we all know that none of these jabronies are going to eliminate him.

That should be my theme music really. Other than the “Shawn” bit, anyway. So it’s HBK guys and if we had a decent commentator here tonight he’d be telling us that business is about to pick up (thank Christ). The crowd are going nuts. HBK starts beating the crap out of everyone as Cole tells us all about HBK’s amazing Royal Rumble record including winning it from no.1 in 1995. But after destroying almost all of the 102 people in the ring he runs into Trevor Murdoch and that’s one step too far. He’s only human after all.
Why is Trevor Murdoch still out there? That’s right, Murdoch is the new Tatanka. Murdoch throws HBK into the ropes then runs over to them to push him out but HBK pulls the ropes down and Murdoch runs over them and is eliminated. Carlito lifts HBK up and tries to eliminate him but Shawn survives.

It’s Chris Masters. I’ve nothing to say here. I know a lot of people seem to like Masters a lot from his more recent run but I wasn’t watching at the time so this run is all I’ve got to base my Masterpiece knowledge on and it wasn’t good. But what does that have to do with this match? Stop rambling.
Masters goes to work on Benoit and then Matt Hardy as Joey Mercury tries to eliminate Shawn. They cut to matt Hardy skinning the cat. Or trying to. Matt’s carrying too much fat to do that. He kind of flops between the second and first ropes and then back bodydrops Triple H over to the outside but not to the floor. Matt tries again to eliminate Trips and is helped by RVD. He’s not going anywhere though. At least not until he’s had the confrontation with Randy Orton that they both promised to have earlier in the night. That’s right, WWE. That’s why I’m not buying into any of these teases. It’s almost time for no.27.

Is this the only time that a wrestler’s entire gimmick is listed in the opening of his entrance theme? Is it supposed to be some kind of hook? This is Big Vis, of course. King says that Vis could win it all. King questions who could throw Viscera over the top rope. I don’t know, King, but I do know that you ask that question every bloody year, ergo someone does and someone like will again tonight.
I’ve typed that entire paragraph and Viscera still hasn’t got to the ring. Christ, he’s slow. He could have dressed for the match as well instead of wearing his pyjamas. Obviously expecting an early night. Vis gives Matt Hardy a Samoan Drop. He then drops an elbow on him then mounts him from behind and simulates sex. Yeah, Matt. Safe to say this is the end of that attempted push we talked about. Matt briefly recovers to attempt a Twist of Fate but Vis counters, lifts him up and tosses him over the top rope. Wow, Vis really made Matt look like his bitch in that last 45 seconds.

It’s Shelton Benjamin and Mama Benjamin. Did they really think Mama was going to get Shelton over? Anyway, Shelton kisses Mama for good luck then charges towards the ring. On his way Cole reminds us that Shelton had promised Mr McMahon earlier that he’d eliminate Shawn Michaels for him. Having watched that segment earlier I suspect Vince was too busy groping Torrie Wilson to have heard him anyway.
Meanwhile Benoit eliminates Eugene, Orlando Jordan is close to following him and Super Crazy tries to get rid of Vis but ends up having to straddle the top and second ropes to stay alive.

It’s Goldust. And it sound slike this was another surprise. Truth be told, I’d be happy to see Goldust turn up at the Rumble next week as well. He’s a perfect surprise entrant. Not sure about no.29 though. Only one man left to come and I know who that must be. Goldy goes to work on MNM as Rey and RVD try to eliminate carlito. I guess Rey has forgiven Triple H because he’s not gone near him in ages.
There’s a lot of people in the ring.

I really liked that tune, seemed to actually suit Randy’s character rather than this current music which I’ve never really got. Randy looks really young here. Which he was, to be fair.

Ok the good part of the Rumble is done so let’s rattle through the rest. And also because it’s now a week later and I’m trying to finish this whilst watching the Australian Open Final. Randy slides into the ring looking like he means business. Takes it straight to Benoit as Cole references Orton’s title win over Benoit 18 months earlier. He picks Benoit up and forces him over the bottom rope. Benoit appears to grab at the ropes to save himself but instead flops to the floor. I assume that wasn’t a botch.. Immediate impact by Orton either way.
Orton then hits Big Vis with an RKO beforethen being punched by Orlando Jordan. Vis has staggered to his feet but walks into the combination of Masters & Carlito who team up and force him over the ropes to the floor. Masters celebrates but screaming insults at Viscera on the outside and Carlito take shte chance to put an end to their temporary alliance by eliminating him. As Carlito apologises Goldust stands behind him. Instead to trying to eliminate him though Goldust forces Carliton into the corner and sets him up for Shattered Dreams. Carlito collapses in the corner holding his testicles. Goldust turns round and walks straight into a spinning heel kick from RVD which makes Goldust turns and run over the ropes. That didn’t look pretty.. Another one gone though.
We still seem to have a third of the entrants still in the ring. Orton & Jordan are still brawling on the side of the ring closest the entranceway. Orlando lunges forward, Orton ducks, Orlando gets sent over the rope to the ring apron. He turns around and Orton brings Orlando’s face down onto the top rope which forces Jordan back and to the floor. Almost a modified RKO really. Nice spot.
Shelton and Carlito are both battling on the wrong side of the ropes but the crowd don’t care because in the middle of the ring Triple H and Shawn Michaels are going at it, at least until Shawn gets the upper hand at which time he’s double teams by MNM who are still working well together. They take HBK down and start kicking him as Cole reminds us that they’d also promised Vince that they’d eliminate Michaels. They get him towards the ropes but HBK fights back. He throws Nitro away and tosses Mercury to the outside. Nitro charges towards Michaels, misses and manages to eliminate Mercury before he could get back in. Nitro then turns to face HBK who throws him over the rope to the outside then skins the cat to save himself only to then walk into a kick from Shelton Benjamin.
Shelton and HBK scuffle some more. HBK gets the upper hand and throws Shelton over the ropes but not to the floor but Benjamin isn’t saved for long because before he can climb back in he eats Sweet Chin Music and is out.
We’re down to six.

Here comes Vince and he looks pissed. Everyone who has promised to eliminate Shawn Michaels has failed so he’s here to force the issue. He gets to the ring and starts yelling abuse to HBK in an obvious attempt to distract him. And it works. Michaels shouts back at Vince and doesn’t notice as on the other side of the ring Shane McMahon has entered and Shane throws HBK out to the floor. Shane celebrates by dancing in the ring until HBK gets back in to try to get to him but is intercepted by Triple H who saves his rbother in law and sets Michaels up for the pedigree. Blocked. Sweet Chin Music. HBK rolls out of the ring and chases Vince and Shane backstage.
Meanwhile Carlito and RVD are going at it. They exchange punches before RVD connects with another spinning heel kick which again, just like with Goldust earlier, forces Carlito to turn and just run over the ropes. What is it about those kicks that drives the victim temporarily insane like that? Weird.
We’re down to the final four. Rey Mysterio, Triple H, Rob Van Dam. Randy Orton. They each stand in a corner and stare at their opponents. RVD and Mysterio appear to make a pact with each other and each one then attacks one of the other guys – Mysterio going after Triple H and RVD after Orton. They get the better of the former Evolution stable-mates and then start to work to double team each one in turn. There’s a hell of a lot of flippy shit going on right now. RVD goes up to get in position for the Five Star Frog Splash but Triple H gets up and pushes him down. Mysterio tries to come for the save but Trips throws him into RVD who is still sat on the top turnbuckle and RVD falls to the outside.
Triple H pleads with Orton to work together to eliminate Mysterio, which Orton agrees to do. They both chase after him as Rey crawls around and darts everywhere trying to stay away from them. They catch him and start kicking at him. They pick him up and throw him against the ropes but Mysterio counters and knocks them down with a double DDT. He kicks Orton onto the ropes, kicks Triple H to the mat and then goes for the 619 on Orton. Trips tries to intercept but Rey ducks through and throws him onto the rope so now both Orton and triple H are next to eachother in perfect 619 position.
It’s so ridiculous. The crowd is eating it up though to be fair. 619 to both men who stagger into the middle of the ring. West Coast Pop to Orton before trips hits him with a strong clothesline. With rey down and out Orton and Triple H go at it. RKO attempt. Blocked. Spinebuster by Triple H. Trips turns to Mysterio. Spinebuster attempt. Countered. Rey wraps his legs around triple H, grabs the ropes with his hands and somehow forces Triple H over the ropes and out to the floor as the crowd goes nuts.
Two men left. Rey Mysterio and Randy Orton. Trips doesn’t take elimination well. He grabs Rey by the ankles, pulls him to the outside and throws him hard against the steps. He then picks up Rey’s corpse and throws it back in to Orton to finish off. Orton looks initially conflicted. He didn’t want to win this was. He starts smiling and walks around the ring for a while then decides to get this taken care of. He lifts Rey up, with Rey being pretty much deadweight at this point. He gets him on his shoulders and marches over to the ropes but Rey clings on, gets Orton’s neck in a grip between his legs and throws Orton outside to the floor to win the match. The bell rings and lots of stuff is said about Eddie Guerrero.
Closing thoughts
I usually love the Rumble but this isn’t a great one, IMO. I love Eddie but a few years down the line the emotion that this match had at the time doesn’t stand up that well in retrospect. There were too many fake-eliminations early on, the ‘15 Smackdown and 15 Raw’ thing took away some of the potential surprises and actually the most enjoyable part was after the 30th entrant had arrived. I enjoyed the last couple of eliminations, with both Triple H and Orton thinking that Rey was dead and buried only for Rey to use their own momentum against them.

January 27th, 2013, 9:36 AM
I want to do one. Can I do 2001? Whoever has it, can I have it?

January 27th, 2013, 9:48 AM
what day is it of punk's title reign?

January 27th, 2013, 9:49 AM

January 27th, 2013, 9:52 AM
im talking numbers, seriously I need to update my facebook

January 27th, 2013, 9:58 AM
if you really cared, you'd already know.

January 27th, 2013, 10:18 AM
lol you ask for one simple answer on these boards and you get, as Alan would say a "ra tard" who thinks he's the nuts - it was a simple question mattieu, get a life bru.

January 27th, 2013, 11:16 AM
I watched '97 earlier today so will stick up a review of that later- don't think anyone else was doing it

January 27th, 2013, 1:54 PM
The 2001 Royal Rumble was my first Royal Rumble experience, annoyingly it’s probably the best Royal Rumble that I've seen. They slowly got worse.

Due to me wanting to do this on a whim, I've basically settled for watching this on youtube which is problematic as it looks like it’s been videoed on a Game Boy.

So here we go, who's out first?

1. Jeff Hardy
He doesn’t look like he’s on the smack here, at the height of his powers. Never realistically going to win the thing, but will likely provide entertainment.

2. Bull Buchanan
The horrible Right to Censor music blares out. I genuinely hated RTC, not because of them being heels or stopping people have fun; because of that music. JR notes: “Bull must be in fight mode, he’s forgotten his neck tie”.

Bull throws Jeff about a bit. I'm reminded by Lawler that Rikishi will come out 30! They don’t remind me how he got that spot.

Bull and Jeff is getting a bit tedious, which is OK because out comes…

3. Matt Hardy
Instantly the Hardy’s double team Bull, poetry in motion and he is eliminated. Now this is the bit that annoys me: they then begin to fight each other. What a pair of fucking idiots. All they had to do was stand in the ring and eliminate every person that comes in and they’d be fine. Jeff gestures about the belt around his waist (MAKES A CHANGE FROM IT BEING AROUND HIS ARM, RIGHT GUYS?) and suddenly the Hardy’s fight. The King agrees with me, JR seems to find it OK and they are fighting.

The countdown for the next entrant begins, The Hardy’s wisely stop fighting and out comes…

4. Farooq
He races to the ring, and basically begins cunting on the Hardy’s. The Hardy’s turn it around and both brothers perform their finishers and then toss Farooq out. Matt instantly tries to eliminate Jeff. Jeff survives and rips his t-shirt off. Serious Lady Pop from the crowd. They fight again.

5. Drew Carey
A a British person I basically have no idea who he is, but I assume it’s a bit like Jonathan Ross being in the Royal Rumble. Drew just stands outside a the Hardy’s carry on fighting.

The youtube video stops. I go to the next part. WWE has taken it down.


Oh I found it on Daily Motion, slightly better quality, bonus.

Drew gets in the ring, watching the Hardy’s on the turnbuckle. Matt eliminates Jeff and then falls out himself. Idiots.

Drew celebrates in the ring on his own. Countdown begins.

6. Kane
Lots of pyro and King screams. Drew Carey doesn't know what’s going on, seems to be shouting at the refs. Kane circles the ring. “DREW CAREYS A BIG OLD PORK CHOP” apparently. Drew offers his hand and then money. Kane lifts Drew up for a chokeslam as the countdown is on the next man in..

7. Raven
takes for too long to get to the ring and smashes Kane on the back with a kendo stick. Drew decides to go over the top rope on his own.

Raven starts getting random shit out from under the ring. Uses a fire exstinguisher on Kane (never understood why this was effective really). Al Snow comes out and attacks Raven, questions about whether he’s actually in the rumble. Timer goes on.

8. Al Snow
Apparently it’s official. He gets random shit out of the ring and then hits Kane with a bowling ball and then bowls it into Ravens cock and bollocks.

Snow and Raven are twatting Kane with trash cans, he doesn’t sell it.

9. Perry Saturn
I genuinely forgot he existed, Teri comes down with him which is the only thing interesting about him. Raven jumps on Kanes back, Perry Saturn chop blocks Kane and then Snow twats him with a road sign.

10. Steve Blackman
Comes out to no music and questionable crowd response. Blackman has some weapon with him. The crowd is basically dead. The ring is littered with random weapons. It’s getting a bit dull.

11. Grandmaster Sexay
He brings a bit of energy and the crowd feigns enthusiasm. Kane twats GMS with a trash can and he falls over the top rope. He flips Blackman over the ropes, Blackman holds on so he twats him with a trash can. He then eliminates Raven and Snow quickly, finally excitement. Saturn goes, leaving Kane alone as the clock ticks down…

12. Honky Tonk Man
I have no idea who he is. He looks like someone painted Elvis on an egg. He goes into some song thing, Kane is not impressed, he snatches the guitar and cunts HTM with it. Bye old man.

13. The Rock
Unlucky for Rock, NOT FOR ME, finally some fucking excitement, genuinely thought he came out later than this. The clock ticks down, 10 quid says it’s some jobber from one half of a tag team…

14. The Goodfather
Well I didn’t want to win that bet. Rock cunts him and eliminates him instantly, allowing us back to proper action.

15. Tazz
Kane hits him and gets eliminated straight away. Rock and Kane seem to be having a mini competition inbetween their actual fight, to see how quickly they can eliminate the others.

16. Bradshaw
Upper midcarder, solid addition to this. Clothesline from Hell on Rock. Doesn't sell it like he sells a stunner, shame.

17. Albert
Shame he doesn't bring out Trish, although I think she’s Kurt Angles manager now? Albert looks exactly the same as he does now. Just as shit too. Bradshaw saves himself! Dramatic scenes as Albert thinks he’s eliminated him.

18. Hardcore Holly
I've never liked him, so fucking dull. Worst finisher name ever is performed as Albert does an “Albert Bomb” on Bradshaw.

19. K-Kwik
“The young rookie” GETTING ROWDY. I used to really like K-Kwik, immediately gets twatted and the pace has completely gone from the match. The crowd seems to care very little.

Dunno if it was worked out but Bradshaw powerbombs K-Kwik just as Kane does a Poweslam on Hardcore Holly at the same time. Was good.

20. Val Venis
More bollocks RTC music. JR declares that Kane has officially been in the match for 30 minutes. Despite the match being 34 minutes long and him coming out in about the 9th minute.

JR reminds me that Undertaker and Austin are still to come!

21. William Regal
Yes Willy, go on son. He basically had his gimmick stolen by the guy who holds the mic like a brandy – dunno his name, has a beard. Do your own research.

22. Test
He’s dead now isn’t he? Always liked his theme song. He has weird nipples. He eliminates Regal, gay.


23. Big Show
WHAT? WHAT? Say the commentators. My memory of this is his music playing and channel 4 cutting to an advert. I remember not knowing who he was but instantly realising he was awesome, eliminating Test, Kwik and the chokeslaming every cunt in sight, my favourite bit is JR saying “IT’S LIKE A MAN PLAYING WITH CHILDREN” as he drills another into the mat with a chokeslam. OK JR… He’s just picked up Kane with one arm… CHOKESLAM. He goes for Rock, LOW BLOW. Rock eliminates Big Show! Show rips off the announce table.

24. Crash Holly
Meh, boring little fuck.

Big Show pulls the rock under the bottom rope and chokeslams him through the announce table! Massive feud in the pipeline, I suspected at the time. I think in 2 months Big Show goes after the hardcore title….

All people in the ring are cunting on Kane.

25. The Undertaker
Completely forgot he had Limp Bizkit music, what a delightful memory. I’m not even sure I’m used to this American Badass gimmik. Undertaker twats everyone on Kane. Kane and Undertaker eliminate everyone! Stare down on each other. Kane and Undertaker prove they have a bigger IQ than the Hardys as they do not attack each other. Are they on the same page?

26. Scotty 2 Hotty
He doesn’t look happy as Kane and Undertaker stare him down. This was the beginning that Kane and Taker were on the same page! DOUBLE CHOKESLAM. He is eliminated.

They probably should go get Rock back and then throw him over the ropes. They don’t… Of course they don’t.

27. Steve Austin
BAH GAWD, what a pop. TRIPLE H, attacks him from behind, classic heel stuff. But basically Austin fucked him over earlier, so he’s getting what he deserves.

Rock is back in the ring and now attacking Undertaker and Kane, if they’d listened to me, it wouldn’t be an issue.

Tangent: Why was Austin/Rock at NWO not for his title shot?

28. Billy Gunn
With his horrible “The One” gimmick. Goes after Undertaker and Kane. HHH being pulled off from Austin. BUSTED OPEN Austin, must be out of it?!

29. Haku
Who the fuck is this? I didn’t know who he was before… I still don’t really know who he is now. “One of the baddest animals you’ll ever see”, I still wasn’t sold with it. Austin still hasn’t got in the ring, but despite bleeding massively and having loads of refs round him earlier, he’s now on his own; dying, I assume.

30. Rikishi
He’s a bad man. Music isn’t working initially. He walks past Austin, which is a surprise. He should probably get him in the ring and eliminate him. Oh he tried! I forgot he did. Austin cunts him with punches and takes him in the ring.

JR just called Triple H a bastard, he said pissed earlier. Lots of swearing!

Out goes Haku!

Undertaker just about chokeslams Rikishi. Bit of shitty brawling then Rikishi kicks Undertaker, eliminated!

Rock eliminates Rikishi; final four is now Billy Gunn, Rock, Kane, Austin.

Billy Gunn does his shitty Fame Asser on Austin. Austin reverses the irish whip and eliminates BG. Rock and Austin Staredown. Austin covered in blood (they used to use that bit of video on loads of promo). Exchange of punches. Austin stunner on Rock, massive great sell from Rocky. More attacks being traded by everyone. Rock hits the Rock Bottom on Austin.

Kane goes out through the middle rope. Austin and Rock now exchange monster punches! Rock picks up Austin and looks to toss him over. Kane comes from behind and looks to toss over both men, Austin clings on, but Rock goes out. Kane thinks he’s won, surely Kane can’t do this?

Kane catches Austin for a chokeslam; bosh. He calls for a tombstone, just toss him out you dickhead. And he gets a lowblow for being a dickhead. Kane goes and gets a chair, Austin hits him before the chair, irish whip, a million reversals by everyone and suddenly STUNNER. Kane is up already but Austin has a chair, 3 headshots with a chair and clothesline and KANE IS GONE!

Austin wins.

Random thoughts:
Kane obviously comes out of this looking immense, 11 eliminations in total and it took a lot to get rid of him. Big Show also comes off looking strong on his return as he basically destroyed every cunt in sight. So it’s a bit odd that these two end up fighting with RAVEN (ffs) at Wrestlemania for the hardcore title.

I’d not remembered that Austin smashed Kane with a chair 3 times before eliminating. It has pre echoes of what he goes on to do to Rock at Wrestlemania, I imagine that is a fluke rather than planned?

Austin being fucked by HHH and then coming through to win was great, it’s like a very good version of what they endlessly do to Cena, but much better. Also weird that in two months time HHH and Austin form a tag team. Weirder still when you think what they do to each other at NWO.

Winner: Austin
Most Eliminations: Kane – 11 (still a record, which I assume Ryberg will get)
Shortest time: Taz
Worst moment: The fucking Hardy Boys. Idiots.

January 27th, 2013, 1:54 PM
Double post.

January 27th, 2013, 2:12 PM
Good work, Turdy. Even if you hate Crash Holly.

The NWO match wasn't for the title shot because they wanted Triple H to win, I assume so he could be "Number One Contender" once Austin won at Mania, but nothing came of that due to heel turns and injuries (and possibly Vince buying WCW).

Haku is one of the toughest men in wrestling, he once won a bar fight against 20 sods with a fork in his eye. He was old by 2001 though. (And older now)

Rikishi won a four way on Smackdown for the 30 spot as he was injured. Eddie Guerrero was also injured and they just didn't have him in the match.

And Kane was immense.

January 27th, 2013, 2:26 PM
Who did Rikishi beat in that match?

January 27th, 2013, 2:28 PM
That's too easy.

January 27th, 2013, 3:11 PM
Taker, Rock, someone I think.

January 27th, 2013, 3:15 PM

January 27th, 2013, 3:18 PM

January 27th, 2013, 3:36 PM
:lol: at good ol JR basically comparing Big Show to Jimmy Savile

January 27th, 2013, 3:55 PM
Haku is a legendary hardman who apparently after seeing Jimmy Jack Funk slap some bit about, intervened, popped his eye out with his bare hands and ate it

May have exaggerated a little bit.

January 27th, 2013, 3:56 PM
He bit a dude's nose off in a fight.

January 27th, 2013, 3:59 PM
Also you must have forgot Perry Saturns legendary run with moppy.

They should bring him and moppy back and tag team him with Santino

January 27th, 2013, 7:29 PM
The 1997 Royal Rumble came from San Antonio, Texas in front of a huge crowd. This was one of those annoying years where the Rumble match itself was overshadowed – home town boy Shawn Michaels was going to beat Sid for the title in the final match. But as always the Rumble match was the highlight for me. Fink explains the rules – 90 second intervals this year- Vince, JR and Lawler on commentary. Here we go….

We start things off with Crush as the unfortunate first entrant who comes down with some Nation of Domination members – it’s really not his lucky day as #2 is the Nation’s arch-rival Ahmed Johnson. Earlier in the show Ahmed beat Farooq by DQ after various Nation members including Crush interfered, ending with some poor sod getting Pearl River Plunged through an announce table by a pissed off Ahmed – so there’s a bit of bad feeling here. We get a rather ugly brawl. The clock’s broken apparently so we get no countdown for #3 but it’s Razor Ramon – the fake one. Scott Hall never actually appeared in a Rumble match – rather unusually for someone who had a pretty long and successful run. Fake Razor gets tossed pretty quickly by Ahmed, who then jumps out of the ring and chases after Farooq who had made his way down the aisle. That leaves Crush all on his own, maybe his luck’s in after all? Next up is Phineas Godwin – nothing much happens, we need someone good in now. #5 is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Nice one.

Things don’t start too well as he gets beat down by Phineas, who then tosses Crush before walking into a Stunner. Austin eliminates Phineas as the clock starts counting down (yes!- someone’s finally fixed it! That was annoying me.) Bart Gunn is next – this was during that post-Smoking Gunn, pre-Brawl For All period where Bart was completely pointless, rather than just mostly pointless. Fittingly Austin makes short work of him. He does press ups and then sits on the turnbuckle looking at his ‘watch’ as he waits for the next victim. It’s Jake the Snake Roberts – the crowd chants for a DDT but he just puts on a wristlock for a while before Austin fights out of it and eliminates him just as the British Bulldog comes down. These two are both heels but hate each other so go at it pretty hard and Bulldog gets the upper hand, hitting his powerslam to finally end Austin’s dominance. The next man in is Pierroth – a masked, Mexican bloke in Nexus colours. There was some crossover with the Mexican AAA promotion around this PPV which never really went anywhere. #10 is The Sultan – who was Rikishi/Fatu in a crappy gimmick. He’s followed by Mil Mascaras – the Mexican legend who’s seemingly hated by every North American wrestler who’s ever worked with him. He works on the The Sultan to a few cheers as the other three get tied up in a corner. Hunter Hearst Helmsley enters. The Sultan goes out after two big clotheslines from Bulldog, whilst Helmsley and Austin start going at it – a year or two before that really meant anything.

Next up is the Slammy Award Winning Owen Hart – he goes after Austin and is helped by Bulldog. Bulldog tries to get Austin out but Owen eliminated his tag team partner from behind instead – Bulldog is pissed. I think they were teasing a split between the two around this time but in a couple of months they were part of one big happy Hart family. Goldust comes out – he’d recently turned face, which was probably the dullest part of his brilliant run with that gimmick. We then get another Mexican, Cibernetico. We’re told he grew up idolising Mil Mascaras but the two go at it here. Meanwhile Goldust and Helmsley are renewing the feud from earlier in the evening whilst Austin and Hart are paired off in the other corner . Marc Mero enters as Mascaras dumps Cibernetico and Pierroth then eliminates himself by diving off the top turnbuckle onto Pierroth. We’re clearing the ring a bit now as Goldust takes out Helmsley. It’s another AAA star next as the Latin Lover comes down – he gives Goldust a quick kick up the arse and then gets the better of Owen too. Goldust then throws Owen over the top rope but he skins the cat back in and eliminates Goldust. The Nation’s music hits again and out comes Farooq – he takes out the Latin Lover with a back bodydrop. Then out comes Ahmed Johnson with a 2x4 – Farooq craps himself, jumps over the top rope and runs away with Ahmed in pursuit. Well that was embarrassing. Off camera Austin dumps Owen and Mero and is the sole man left in the ring as the clock starts counting down again. Here comes Savio Vega – they feuded the previous year but Austin’s on another level now and quickly disposes of him. Austin calls for the next guy as he lies on the floor – it’s the Real Double J Jesse James, a crappy gimmick but within a year he’d become the Road Dogg. A good sign of how quickly things changed in 1997. He gets eliminated quickly, the countdown starts again and Bret Hart’s music hits

We get a great close up of Austin – head in heads, in horror at Bret’s arrival – but rather than doing the cowardly heel routine of backing off he meets Bret in the centre of the ring and they trade blows before Bret takes control and puts on the sharpshooter. The next entrant is Jerry Lawler – straight from the announce table – he jumps in the ring and then instantly gets punched out of it again by Bret, then goes back to commentating and acts like he can’t remember being in the match. Awesome. Fake Diesel comes in to break up the Bret/Austin show and then Terry Funk at #24 as we start to fill up again. Rocky Maivia enters and goes straight for Austin, another rivalry that we would see a lot more of in years to come. Mankind comes out next as Lawler gleefully urges the heels to get rid of Rocky so they can all gang up on Bret. Instead, Mankind and Funk square off whilst Austin and Bret continue their battle. Flash Funk enters and dives on to Diesel and Terry Funk, as Bret hits Austin with a piledriver. There’s not been an elimination for a while but there’s far more going on than in the first half of the match – and now it’s Vader time. He pounds on Bret and Flash Funk but is quickly slowed down. His WWF run was already on the decline at this stage, how you fuck up pushing Vader as a monster heel is a bit of a mystery but they managed it .Henry Godwinn is next in, a little disappointingly at this stage of the match, and he’s the first to knock down Vader. The announcers hype the last entrant – the arena goes dark – and out comes The Undertaker. Vince immediately names him the winner. He comes in strong – chokeslams to Austin and Vader.

Nine guys left - it’s time to start clearing the ring now. Vader gets things started – catching Flash Funk mid-air then throwing him over his head and out to the floor. Cool elimination. Godwinn is getting a surprising amount of offence in on Undertaker, whilst Hart and Austin continue to go at it. Rocky gets Lawler excited by almost getting Bret out. Undertaker throws Godwinn over the top rope but he holds on. Moments later though ‘Taker grabs him by the throat and chucks him out. Mankind catches Rocky with the mandible claw and takes him out, and then starts battling Terry Funk again. They both go over the top and hold on but then Mankind suplexes him from out from the apron. But before Mankind can get back in the ring ‘Taker kicks him out.

We’re down to five – Austin, Bret, Diesel, ‘Taker and Vader – but Mankind and Funk are still brawling outside the ring. Bret grabs Austin and throws him out – big pop from the fans but the refs are distracted by Mankind and Funk so Austin is able to sneak back in. He eliminates both Vader and ‘Taker whilst on the other side of the ring Bret dumps Diesel out. Finally, Austin eliminates Bret from behind. Steve Austin wins the Rumble. The crowd cheer for Austin’s win almost as loudly as when Bret threw him out.

Post match – Austin leaves in triumph, but Bret isn’t taking this setback particularly well. He argues with the refs and then yells at Vince at ringside. 1997 wasn’t destined to be his year. So Austin was going to Wrestlemania to face the champion – except he wasn’t really. The title picture became a complete mess after this and we somehow ended up with Sid vs The Undertaker. So basically this whole Rumble was completely pointless – well, aside properly establishing Austin as a major star, helping to build towards the Bret/Austin classic at Wrestlemania and sewing the seeds for the Bret heel turn that would dominate most of the year

Overall, it was a decent Rumble – the first half was a little slow and only held together by Austin’s great performance but it built to a strong finish with some decent star power in the end. There were fun running battles between Austin/Bret and Funk/Mankind – basically from the moment Bret entered onwards was great as the final nine men did a great job.

But it was Austin’s Rumble

January 27th, 2013, 7:30 PM
Edit - double post, so I'll quickly review 1999. Crap

January 28th, 2013, 6:51 AM
Review of Rumble will be coming later.

January 28th, 2013, 11:57 AM
Helloooooo and welcome to Badger reviews. For those of you who remember, I used to do weekly Smackdown reviews. Now I am back for one time only, to review the Royal Rumble 2013. So you don’t get bored to death, I will keep to reviewing the highlights and eliminations and keep this as concise as I can. I will then give my analysis and score at the end. So without further ado, let’s do A motheruckin review.....I mean let’s do this thing, son’t wanna get sued by Cewsh here!

Justin Roberts goes over the Rumble rules and we get our first entrant, Dolph Ziggler who out of number one and number two picked number one. On the way down he gets more than a good luck kiss from AJ. He gets on the mic and says he doesn’t care who number 2 is so asks him to get his ass down.

The lights go down, the music plays, the bright light jacket arrives and it’s only motherfuckin Chris Jericho!!!! Ziggler looks pretty pissed. Bried recap here, Ziggler beat Jericho in a MITB briefcase vs career match the night after Summerslam and now Jericho is out for revenge.
So they go at it with Jericho getting the best of it and almost getting rid of Ziggler straight away (he’ll go onto have more of these moments). They battle to the top turnbuckle as the clock counts down and Jericho hits a superplex. During this, the fans are chanting “You Still Got it!” to Jericho to which Jericho replies he never lost it.

Number 3 and it’s the dashing moustache Cody Rhodes who goes straight after Jericho but Jericho is ready for him. Ziggler and Cody double team him but Jericho gets the Walls in on Cofy briefly.

Number 4 and it’s Kofi. He flies into the ring and cleans house giving Jericho a slight breather, he nearly eliminates Ziggler in the process.

Number 5 and it’s Santinooooooo, wonder how long he’ll last this year? He chucks everybody over the top and thinks he’s eliminated everybody but nobody’s feet hit the floor so they all surrouind him. Santino gets the cobra out, nails it on Kofi but is taken down quickly by the number and ELIMINATED by Cody. See ya bye" One elimination down, twenty-eight to go.

Number 6 and it’s Drew McIntyre who along with the other two members of 3MB has a ten percent chance of winning according to Heath Slater’s mum. Kofi and Drew are nearly eliminated here in a tangle with Jericho. Jericho is also nearly elimionated but hangs onto the top rope with feet dangling.

Number 7 and MILLIONS OF DOLLARS Titus O’Neill appears and cleans house for a bit. Drew is ELIMINATED by Jericho after his springboard dropkick.

Number 8 appears and it’s the second surprise entrant of the night OOOOOOOOOH GOLDUST and he goes straight after Cody. Sibling rivalry is taking place while the fans are going nuts with Goldust chants.

Number 9 and it’s David Otunga. nothing much happens here, but I do love his music.

Number 10 and it’s Heath Slater, the 10% is now whittle down to 6.6666667% with Drew gone. Ziggler almost eliminated again.

Number 11 and it’s one of the favourites, the Great White Sheamus who makes an immediate impact. He hits a couple of rolling sentons, gets Titus on the apron clubs his chest and Titus is ELIMINATED. He does the same to Otunga and then hits a Brogue Kick for good measure and Otunga is ELIMINATED.

Number 12 and it’s Albert (I refuse to call him Tensai) and the fans are in agreement. The other guys go after him straight away and he is almost eliminated.

Number 13 and it’s Brodus Clay and due to his size is also a target. Meanwhile Goldust and Cody are still going at it nearly eliminating each other, they end up on the apron but Cody rams his brother into the ringpost and Goldust is ELIMINATED! Booooooooo!

Number 14 and it’s Rey Mysterio. I hate him. He gets the 619 and drops the dime on Jericho. I hate him. Meanwhile Brodus is in serious trouble and teetering as everyone tries to get him out.

Number 15 and more MILLIONS OF DOLLARS Darren Young. He joins the pack in getting Brodus out and Brodus is ELIMINATED! Kofi then gets Tensai out so he is ELIMINATED! Kofi then gets knocked off the apron by Ziggler and Kofi is ELIMINAT......no wait he lands on Tensai who dumps him on the announce table. Kofi’s feet still haven’t touched the floor here so gets the bright idea to get JBL’s chair and hop on it back to the ring. He then pulls Darren Young over who is ELIMINATED but Kofi is then ELIMINATED himself following a Beautiful Disaster kick by Cody. All that hard work just for another measly minute of time. Poor Kofi.

Oh yeah, while all this is going on, Number 16 comes out and it’s Bo Dallas who won an NXT Tournament earlier for a Rumble spot. I hate him about as much as Mysterio. I may have missed a Ziggleer near elimination in all of this.

Number 17 with everyone down on the flor and it’s another surprise entrant, the GODFATHER with Hos in two. Unfortunately for him as soon as he steps in the ring he gets dropkicked out by Ziggler and he is ELIMINATED entering an exclusive club consisting of the likes of Bushhacker Luke, the Warlord and Santino in getting eliminated upon entry.

Number 18 and it’s Wade Barrett. I like him, I think this could be his year. Sheamus almost eliminated here. The brawl continues with everyone in the ring, the clock runs down and then everyone stops.

Number 19 and it’s THE favourite John Cena (hence why the fighting stopped). Cena counts the bodies in the ring as the fans get into their mixed chants and storms the ring. Heath and Cody are both ELIMINATED by Cena just to rile people up. Nice performance from Cosy though, 30 plus minutes.

Number 20 and it’s the saviour of the unwashed masses Damien Sandow. Let’s see if he can have a similar or better run than Cody. Rey rey is then ELIMINATED by Wade!YEEEEEEEEES! Speaking of which.......

Number 21 and it’s Daniel Bryan. YEEEEEEEEEEES! Bryan goes crazy with kicks to everyone. Jericho and Cena almost gone but not quite.

Number 22 and it’s my favourite rookie Antonio Cesaro who goes uppercut crazy, would love for him to main-event this year. Ziggler nearly eliminated again.

Number 23 and it’s the Great Khali plodding his way to the ring. He doesn;t do much memorable other than chop Sandow.

Number 24 and it’s Kane with the announcers reminding us of his 2001 performance with 11 eliminations and getting to the final two. No-one has competed in more Rumbles or in fact WWE matches in general than Kane. Fact.

Number 25 and it’s Zack Ryder, wonder how long he will last? Not a great camera angle here but Kane ELIMINATES Khali, then Bryan the dirty bastard ELIMINATES Kane and then Cesaro knocks Bryan off the apron into Kane’s arms. Bryan is pleading for Kane to help him back in. Does Kane do it? Hell no and Bryan is ELIMINATED! Looks like Dr Shelby will need to pay another visit. Ziggler almost eliminated again.

Number 26 and it’s Randy Orton who makes an immediate impact by ELIMINATING Zack Ryder! He goes craxy with RKOs and apron DDTs.

Number 27nand it’s the final member of 3MB Jinder Mahal.The 10% is now down to a 3.333333333%. Cesaro almost gets Cena out but is reversed and Cesaro is ELIMINATED! Booooooo! Oh and Ziggler almost eliminated again.

Number 28 and it’s Miz who injured his ankle during his match with Cesaro on the Rumble pre-show so brawls with him on his way down. Jinder Mahal ELIMINATED by Sheamus following a kneelift with Jinder straddled on the top rope.

Number 29 and it’s Sin Cara returning from a knee injury. Sheamus almost eliminating Cena and Bo/Wade struggling on the ring apron, but Bo gets Wade in a front facelock and pulls him over so Wade is ELIMINATED! Benoit/Big Show Rumble finish anyone? Wade is understandably pissed so pulls Bo over from the outside ELIMINATING him and hits him with his Bullhammer elbow. Justice is served!

Number 30 and if you haven’t figured it out by now, then FEED ME MORE! Yes it’s Ryback who doesn’t take long to make an impact eliminating Sandow, Sin Cara and Miz in record fashion (with Miz trying to eliminate Ryback first from behind).

We are now down to the final six. Ryback, Orton, Ziggler, Jericho, Sheamus and Cena. Ryback eats a codebreak from Jericho, Jericho gets Cena down and hits a lionsault, he almost eliminates Sheamus, clotheslines Orton, codebreaks Ziggler nearly over the top rope but not quite. He charges Ziggler but is histed over to the outside and he eats a superkick and Jericho is ELIMINATED ultimately failing in his revenge mission but a great marathon run nonetheless. Hope Jericho sticks around WWE for a bit.

Randy Orton then gets a second wind and goes on another RKO fest RKOing everyone except Ryback who he hits with an apron DDT. He goes for the RKO but Ryback shoves him off and clotheslines him over the top. Orton is ELIMINATED! Ziggler hits Cena with his midair DDT then goes after Sheamus with it but is caught and dumped on the apron. He tries to get back in but eats a Brogue Kick and after many many close calls, Ziggler is finally ELIMINATED! The internet community will have gone apeshit at this point, great marathon run from Ziggler as well as Jericho earlier.

Staredown between the final three Ryback, Sheamus and Cena. Ryback eats a double suplex then Cena and Sheasus stare down each other, the Wrestlemania sign and then go at it. Cena is in the middle of hitting his five moves of doom and then eats a meathook clothesline from Ryback. Ryback goes to hit Sheamus with Shellshock but Sheamus counters and hits White Noise. Sheamus then goes for the Brogue Kick but is caught by Ryback and ELIMINATED!

We are down to the final two Ryback and Cena. Ryback hits a spinebuster but then Cena recovers and gets Ryback down with the STF. Cena eventually picks him back up as he needs to pur Ryback over the top rope (well duh!) and puts him on the top turnbuckle but Ryback comes off with a Thesz press and slams Cena’s head into the mat several times. He puts Cena on his shoulder and goes to eliminate him but Cena slides off and pushes Ryback over the top rope and Ryback is ELIMINATED! The internet community has gne even more apeshit here I bet, though I predicted and betted on this outcome successfully winning some cash.

ANALYSIS - I’ve read some mixed reviews about this Rumble on Rajah, but I really enjoyed this one. This had many twists and turns along with surprise entrants with some hope for the future if the likes of Jericho and Goldust stick around. Cody I thought did some stellar work with some eliminations under his belt. Ziggler bouncing around was tremendous and he got to the final four. The annual Kofi save was fun to watch though it didn’t last long. Even though I don’t like the guy, Bo eliminating Wade added a mix to the Rumble with the most shocking eleimination with Wade getting payback. There was elements of Undertaker/Maven there and I think these two will feud. The final few eliminations were done well I thought with everyone coming out strong eliminating each other. So yeahs I am giving this:

8 Badger Setts out of Den.



Well that does it for Badger Reviews. Not sure when I’ll be back, but it was a fun ride. Catch you all later!

January 28th, 2013, 11:57 AM
Double post.

January 23rd, 2014, 11:33 PM
Bump... tis the season

January 23rd, 2014, 11:35 PM
LOL, I was just typing search for this thread but double clicked and it was up front

January 23rd, 2014, 11:43 PM
I think there are till a handful that havent been reviewed yet. Might have to finish of the series.

January 23rd, 2014, 11:46 PM
I would love to throw my name in to review a rumble not covered.

January 23rd, 2014, 11:50 PM
Just grab one I would say. I dont know if there is an full list but there is one a page or two back that was mostly filled out.

January 23rd, 2014, 11:51 PM
Okay I removed anyone who called dibs but didnt do it. Here is where I think we are at.

1989- Fanny Batter (Done)
1992- Kneeneighbor (Done)
1994B- Kneeneighbor (done)
1996- Clipse (Done)
1997- prototype (done)
1998- MMH (Done)
2000- Wardy (done)
2001- #Hero (done)
2004- Kev (Done)
2005- Peter Griffin (Done)
2006- Beefy (done)
2007- Chatty (Done)
2008- OMG (done)
2009- HHHnFoley (done)
2010- Mikehunt (done)
2013- Cadger (done)

January 24th, 2014, 12:01 AM
I'll take 2003. I'll watch/review it tomorrow.

January 24th, 2014, 12:33 AM
Cewsh has his on his site too, I need to do one also, maybe 95