"Mr. Partridge, that’s the kitchens!"

[turdpower]

"Yeah, I’m going to… cook all the food."

Literally having a Partridge moment tonight. Last night at uni, I'm going to have to eat everything.

What Partridge moments have you done?

[Simon]

One time I pierced my foot on a SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE

[Badger]

I got a mushroom slice from a BP garage.

[turdpower]

Oooh, get me one chum.

[Seanny One Ball]

My best mate drove to Dundee in his bare feet once.
Sure we only live 16 miles away but damnit he wanted to give it a go.

[turdpower]

I really want to give it a go.

[turdpower]

According to the AA, I live 331.4 miles away.

[Beefy]

In 1976 I saw ELO at the Birmingham NEC.

[turdpower]

I was there with everyone else shouting "come back on ELO and carry on playing"

[Cactus Lem]

I once put a spine in a Bap, and then thought it may have gone down better if I'd swapped the Bap for a Baguette.

[Beefy]

I once got Jet from Gladiators to host a Millenium Barn-dance at the Yeovil Aerodrome.

It did not - I repeat NOT - turn into an all-night rave.

[Badger]

I went to Choristers with a guy from South Africa who wasn't a sex offender and booked the room under the Real IRA.

Then the police showed up. Crossed wires.

[Beefy]

Speaking of South Africa, I often wonder how Clowns go down out there. Because they're neither one thing nor the other.

[Bad Collin]

I once got a cow dropped on me whilst filming a promo video.

I wasn't alright.

[eugenespeed]

When my show starts, I might see if I can get a Partridge quote on each week.

[Simmo Fortyone]

I called up my ex-missus one night and had a go at her about how shit her new boyfriend's car was. However I didn't have a copy of Top Gear magazine to pull a direct quote from.

[N.E.R.F.]

It's never my words, but the words of Shakin' Stevens.

[Second City Saint]

I onced accidentally pressed 'yes' on my remote and ordered Bankok Chick Boys. It's very confusing, it could've happened to anyone.


When my show starts, I might see if I can get a Partridge quote on each week.And now it's time for Alan's 'quote of the day'

"You're like a baddie in a James Bond film, Dr. No - Vocal chords"




that was a play on Alan's 'fact of the day,' I didn't fuck it up

[The Rogerer]

I can't remember what it's like to dial a number without pressing 9 first.

[Badger]

So did you eat everything last night turd?

Also I read the Daily Express, OOOH IT'S A GOOD PAPER!

[Slare]

I got in a mild car crash and shouted "INTO ME!" Throughout impact.

[Seanny One Ball]

According to the AA, I live 331.4 miles away.

It's worth the lifetime imprint of a pedal on your foot sole to emulate the man you enjoy so much.

[turdpower]

So did you eat everything last night turd?

Also I read the Daily Express, OOOH IT'S A GOOD PAPER!

No. :( I felt full after the standard one meal.

[connorboy]

My dining room table is an extender and I have a Buck Rogers toilet.

[Beefy]

I'm strongly against the pedestrianisation of Norwich City Centre.

[Bad Collin]

I think that traders need access to DIIIIIXONS.

[Second City Saint]

My favorite Beatles album would probably have to be 'the best of the Beatles.'

[Badger]

Wings, they're the band the Beatles could've been.

[Simmo Fortyone]

I went and stole a traffic cone once. Got caught, but gave a false name to the police.

[Aussie_Outlaw]

Ooh, ladyboys!

[Badger]

The other day my lass wanted to go shopping, so I took her to an owl sanctuary instead.

That reminds me, must head down to Boots and get some fungal foot powder.

[Bad Collin]

I turned down sex with a woman who works in a travel tavern.

[turdpower]

I did better than a cuddle last night. I had full sex with a woman.

[Bad Collin]

Operation six zero

:lol:

[Cactus Lem]

Last night I went to a BP and took a Honey Comb Yorkie on the way out.

[Beefy]

I used to combine a business card with a handshake but I kept getting it wrong. Ended up giving a papercut to a man from Nestle.

:(

[Second City Saint]

When I see a busty woman, I have a habit of saying "she must've been first in queue when they were handing out...chests."

[Second City Saint]

Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

(small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)

[Bad Collin]

I have destroyed my cereals in a fit of rage after my PA spilled Sunny Delight all over my James Bond films.

[Beefy]

Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

(small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)


A mate of mine and I were going to do it about a year back. He kept going on and on about it for about two weeks in advance and then he bottled it on the night.

[Simmo Fortyone]

Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

(small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)

Yes :\ Vastly overrated.

I met a network executive once and suggested they have a show called 'Monkey Tennis'.

[turdpower]

Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

(small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)


Yup.

I felt sick afterwards. Was already pissed though.

[Badger]

I dust venture south when having classic intercourse.

I like to shower before, and ideally afterwards.

[Simmo Fortyone]

A farmer called me a complete cretin after I had a go at his intensive farming practices.

[Bad Collin]

I went to see the unsold copies of my book being pulped.

[turdpower]

"IT LOOKS LIKE PORRIDGE"

[Badger]

I leave a bowl of bread at the front of my house for friends.

Also I went to my old boss's funeral wearing a Castrol GTX jacket and randomly asked people for a battery for an Ericsson phone.

[Bad Collin]

I visited a Geordie friend and he gave me a mug of beans.

[Badger]

With sausage?

Or a "savoury 99" if you will.

[Cactus Lem]

Has anyone ever ordered a Ladyboy at a bar?

(small Baileys, lager, and a gin & tonic)


Yes.

Me and some mates getting on the Ladyboys on New Years Eve.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v303/lemsip87/ladyboy-1.jpg

[Bad Collin]

With sausage?

Or a "savoury 99" if you will.

Always.

He was the same guy that I got to change the graffiti on my car from 'Cock piss Partridge' to 'Cook pass Partridge.'

[Beefy]

I hate Archers, The Archers and Jeffrey Archer. They're all deceitful cowards. I've just realised that that only applies to Archers and to Jeffrey Archer and not to The Archers who, to be fair, are a mixed-bag.

[Bad Collin]

I went to London and got mugged or not appreciated.

[Cactus Lem]

I took a shit about 10 minutes, down in one flush, it was textbook.

[turdpower]

Tonight I might go to bed in my trousers. Probably won't even brush my teeth.

[Simmo Fortyone]

I take my own larger plate to buffets.

[Badger]

I hate mini-Metros, was going to buy a Rover Metro but then found it was a Mini-Metro that was rebadged.

I put an apple pie in the microwave for eight minutes the other night. It was hotter than the sun.

[Simmo Fortyone]

My favourite song is "Theme From Black Beauty"

[Cactus Lem]

My favourite song is "Theme From Black Beauty"

I prefer Wings. The band the Beatles could've been you know.....

[Badger]

My favourite Beatles album is.......The Best Of The Beatles.

[wardy]

Doesn't even exist I don't think.

[turdpower]

I'm having a hoe down tonight.

I'm down. But I'm not a hoe.

[Beefy]

I was once involved in a minor car accident in a hotel carpark. The lady who was in the car with me suffered minor women's whiplash.

[turdpower]

I sometimes confuse telescopic dampners for rigid stays.

[Bad Collin]

Anyone want to go for a drink?



No, me either.

[Badger]

I bought 12 bottles of windscreen washer fluid for £31.20.

[Bad Collin]

"Beware of his web of sin"

"BUT....DON'T......GO......IN"

[wardy]

Half of these aren't even funny.

[Slare]

They arent as good as Alans Funny Stories anyway.

[Badger]

I sold this Makita cordless power drill in the local paper and then six months later I received the very same one back as a Christmas present from my brother-in-law - minus the power pack.

[Slare]

I got the power pack.

[Cactus Lem]

Whatever happend to Tandy?

[Simon]

What episode is the one where Alan gets really drunk?

[Badger]

The farmers episode aka Watership Alan.

"This is a hotel Alan!"

"Three star!"

[Slare]

Series 1 episode 3 to add.

[turdpower]

Half of these aren't even funny.

I don't think that's the point.

[Cactus Lem]

The farmers episode aka Watership Alan.

"This is a hotel Alan!"

"Three star!"

Greatest half hour of comedy ever is that episode.

[Badger]

I don't think that's the point.

I bet wardy's not seen any Partridge in his life, quotes on a screen without seeing them in their original context don't come across as funny.

I had a spine in a bap for breakfast this morning, should've been a baguette really.

[Slare]

I was watching football.

A guy scored from miles away.

I shouted.

"SHIT...DID YOU SEE THAT, HE MUST HAVE A FOOT LIKE A TRACTION ENGINE"

[turdpower]

I once punched a transvestite with a turkey on my fist.

[Fulham Road Supporter]

A relevant one right now...

Tiswas, who remembers them?

Their re-union is on ITV at the moment.

[Badger]

Had a good Partridge moment last night. During a game of Rummikup, I was trying to scare my mate's little sister who's incredibly frightened of me, and I went "Woooooooooooooo" like a ghost, and my other mate goes "No that's just a homosexual."

Couldn't stop laughing after that.

[turdpower]

It's that time again.

Only this time I just have a bottle of water and 3 FAB ice lollies.

[Just Joe]

CASHBACK!

[Ringo]

GLANG GLANGALANGALANGALANG

[Just Joe]

Jack-anack-anory.

[gulfcoast_highwayman]

What's da big oidea?

[Glen]

Were you about to say I was nearly fifty!?

[Ringo]

She's a hard worker, but there's no affection.

[N.E.R.F.]

I shower ideally before and after.

[Glen]

Come on Sonja, let's be appalling...

[Ringo]

"What's this?"

"That's a rinser."

"Get rid of it."

[Glen]

just watched this one:


Dan's a great man. I was talking to him today on the phone and he was asking me what phone I have and I said a Motorola Timeport and he said 'that's SAAAAAADDDDD! you need to upgrade' and I said 'so do you to a new face!' He nearly soiled himself he said he was laughing so hard, he had Kenco coming out of his nostrils and that made me laugh... But my nostrils were clear...

[Just Joe]

I like to lie in bed with the Sunday Express and the biggest bowl of Alpen you have ever seen. Massive it is.

[Second City Saint]

kiss my face

[Badger]

He puts his hand up her skirt, gets a hold of the old meat and two veg right? Thinks hang on I've paid my money, I'm going to have something, so he flips him over, and he fu..........and funnily, and funnily enough, it lands on its wheels, and it starts first time and they just drive away.

[turdpower]

The other day I was cleaning out one of the rooms in our house.

I chucked loads of stuff out including some doggy poo bag things. My mum seemed pretty annoyed. I found this funny because it's a few fucking bags.

"can't you just use a carrier bag?"
"No."
"Why, *I pick one up* what's wrong it?"
"IT'S TOO BIG".

I then pissed myself at the Partridge reference, which annoyed her even more.

[Badger]

Yes it's an extender!

[Simmo Fortyone]

Dere's more to Oireland...dan dis.

[Bad Collin]

I've seen the big eared boys on farms.

[Simmo Fortyone]

She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out...chests.

[Cactus Lem]

She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out...chests.

"Ohhhhhh Sex!"

[turdpower]

She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out...chests.

... Mammary glands.

[gulfcoast_highwayman]

Yes, Michael, and I'm going to get a Ginsters out of the fridge, put it on the slate.

[Second City Saint]

it's 4:35 in the a.m. - the queen is dead! long live the kingsmen

[The Rogerer]

No no no! Stop geting Partridge wrong!

[turdpower]

it's 4:35 in the a.m. - the queen is dead! long live the kingsmen

:nono:

[Simmo Fortyone]

You work in a petrol station, Michael. It's not the Gulf War...which, ironically, is like a large petrol station.

[Cactus Lem]

Take a Honeycombe Yorkie on the way out.

[The Rogerer]

Wrong again. God sake, I can tell these are wrong from memory. Look them up if you must.

[Guy]

I'VE GOT CHEESE!!!!

[Badger]

http://m.gmgrd.co.uk/res/911.$plit/C_71_article_1008914_image_list_image_list_item_0_ image.jpg

EAT MY GOAL!

[Beefy]

I haven't got a tab. Wish I could! Wish I could afford a tab!

I can..... I can afford one. I've got a six-figure income.

[turdpower]

Take a Honeycombe Yorkie on the way out.

:nono:

[Cactus Lem]

:nono:

Correct it for me.....

[turdpower]

FOR THE GLOVE BOX.

[Cactus Lem]

FOR THE GLOVE BOX.

Ah yes.

I'm rather annoyed I got a Partridge quote wrong.

I also just informed the Yanks in the Asyum Jr in the Wrestling Forums, on the awesomeness of Lady Boys.

[Badger]

No offence Lynn, but your life technically isn't worth insuring.

[Guy]

I've dismantled my corgi trouser press


I can't wait til october

[Badger]

*Corby

[Badger]

My packed lunch for tomorrow:

http://www.foodfromcornwall.co.uk/Images/Ginsters_picture.gif

[Second City Saint]

i think when i head over to london i'll ask for the following:

A cheese sandwich. And cooked meat. And a hot egg. And a crescent of crisps, please. And a side clump of cress.

...any time in the next 15 minutes

[turdpower]

My packed lunch for tomorrow:

http://www.foodfromcornwall.co.uk/Images/Ginsters_picture.gif

And a pickled onion?

[Badger]

Stab a beefeater bear as well.

[Slare]

Soaked in bean juice.

[Badger]

I'm also going to microwave an apple pie for 8 minutes, then complain that it's hotter than the sun.

[turdpower]

Drive to Harrogate and eat some mini babybel

[Second City Saint]

what time do you knock off?


fancy a pint?

[turdpower]

NO, ME EITHER.

[turdpower]

In May 2008, it was revealed that a film adaptation of "I'm Alan Partridge" had been in pre-production "for an age" and that Victoria Beckham will be replacing Felicity Montagu as Lynn, as Felicity refuses to participate in a Hollywood Production, therefore assuming that the film is being filmed in America

Surely not.

[Second City Saint]

there goes that wonderful Bert Reynolds line...

[Beefy]

In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded. I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies - Buckaroo!

I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!"

Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

[Beefy]

Now fuck off!

[Second City Saint]

KISS MY FACE

[Fanny]

any credible rumours regarding the recently confirmed Partridge film?

[Darkoke]

Coogan said last week it's going ahead - it'll be filmed in America but he won't change anything for the American audience.

[Badger]

I can guess what the critics will rate it.

THREE STAR!

[connorboy]

Shakin Stevens will call it "Lovely stuff"

[turdpower]

I have never actually managed to COOK ALL THE FOOD.

There's a few Partridge episodes on over Christmas lads :D

[Beefy]

This is legitimately one of my favourite ever threads.

[The Rosk]

My mate told me this morning that Coogan confirmed it. Even if it is half as good as I expect it to be, it will be one of my favourite ever comedy films.

[turdpower]

We had family round for a meal last week. Had to extend the table.

Each time I pull that bad boy out. YES! It's an extender.

[turdpower]

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fphotos-c.ak.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ak-snc3%2Fhs158.snc3%2F18577_312101178396_31206248339 6_3295550_2116479_n.jpg&h=b9d7babe8f96660362511b5339ea2efc

[Marlon Dingle]

We should have a rule that when someone posts something it should make sense.

[turdpower]

Stick to your own rules and I'm sure it'll happen.

[Second City Saint]

I'm afraid I can't view whatever turdpower posted.


I'm not driving a mini metro.

[Badger]

No no it's different, it's called a Rover Metro now.

They've rebadged it you fool!

[Simon]

I once told a therapist that her methods were barmy old cack.

[I steal cable]

I'm afraid I can't view whatever turdpower posted.


I'm not driving a mini metro.

http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j164/I_steal_cable/spike.jpg

[Second City Saint]

Lynn's a hard worker...well I suppose she's a bit like Bert Reynolds. Dependable, but she has a mustache.

[Fanny]

- Alan I lahv you
- Thanks a lot!

[Chris]

What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think "Sunday, bloody Sunday!"

[turdpower]

Eurgh, massacre, I'm not listening to that again.

[Simon]

You'll never believe this, but I've actually got my girlfriend into Partridge, thus destroying the theory which I myself made. I have never previously known a female to enjoy the show.

[The Rosk]

That bird at work I had previously discussed a few times fucking loves Partridge. Quoted it like water from a tap. And she was fit. I should get one of my friends up her and then get him to tell me all about it.

[Badger]

You'll never believe this, but I've actually got my girlfriend into Partridge, thus destroying the theory which I myself made. I have never previously known a female to enjoy the show.

I've got a female friend that enjoys it, though I don't know any others.

[turdpower]

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/3116565/Steve-Coogan-brings-back-Alan-Partridge.html

Not the movie, but it'll do for now.

[The Rogerer]

You'll never believe this, but I've actually got my girlfriend into Partridge, thus destroying the theory which I myself made. I have never previously known a female to enjoy the show.I was first introduced to Partridge by a woman

[Beefy]

He puts his hand up her skirt, gets a hold of the old meat and two veg right? Thinks hang on I've paid my money, I'm going to have something, so he flips him over, and he fu..........and funnily, and funnily enough, it lands on its wheels, and it starts first time and they just drive away.

Strangest story I've ever heard.

OH I SEE!

[connorboy]

I dont agree, he'd go Legoland bye.

[Badger]

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/3116565/Steve-Coogan-brings-back-Alan-Partridge.html

Not the movie, but it'll do for now.

IN OFF THE RED!

[Chris]

Have you got any more of this, or do you want to stop at quacking plums?

[Alf]

That bird at work I had previously discussed a few times fucking loves Partridge. Quoted it like water from a tap. And she was fit. I should get one of my friends up her and then get him to tell me all about it.

Helllooooooooooooooooooo...

[Second City Saint]

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/3116565/Steve-Coogan-brings-back-Alan-Partridge.html

Not the movie, but it'll do for now.KISS MY FACE!

:drool: :hyper:

[The Rosk]

Helllooooooooooooooooooo...

She's got a fella now mate, and she lives in Cardiff. She was the one that GBF referred to as "the fittest woman ever posted on here aside from celebrities". Or something like that.

[MikeHunt]

this is fucking very good news.

is armando involved also?

[Gangers]

She's got a fella now mate, and she lives in Cardiff. She was the one that GBF referred to as "the fittest woman ever posted on here aside from celebrities". Or something like that.

Fucking hell, kick a man while he's down why don't you?

[Simon]

"So, we've been shooting Alan Partridge's radio show all week. It'll pop up as 12 10-minute eps somewhere quite soon."

From Armando Iannucci's Twitter.

[turdpower]

The Sun in "getting something right" shocker.

[turdpower]

YouTube - Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partridge - Trailer

:hyper:

[Bad Collin]

Looks good. Fosters is piss though.

[turdpower]

Just pretend it's Directors Bitter.

[Simon]

Looks like they have got Tim Key on board as one of his regulars on the radio show, should be good. Look out for his laugh if you haven't seen him before, it's mad.

[Guy]

I'm honestly waiting for Angelous Epithemou to breakout into the next Alan Partridge.

I found his online stuff to be hilarious

[Simmo Fortyone]

YouTube - Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partridge - Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UmYOmTG3B0)

:hyper:
So is this going to be an online series or something?

[Simon]

Yep.

[Badger]

I hope Michael makes an appearance to tell the real ending to that war story that Lynn ruined.

[The Rogerer]

...fucked him up the arse man

[turdpower]

YouTube - Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partridge - Episode 1 Clip

[The Rosk]

It's fucking here lads. It's here.

www.fostersfunny.co.uk

[Guy]

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[Hlebsfall]

That was pretty shit I thought. The 'hot sauce' line was the funniest bit, and that came about 20 seconds in.

[The Rosk]

Yeah but Hlebsy mate you think that Roy Chubby Brown is funny.

[Badger]

Jim Jones: "I took them them on a long cycle ride, we cycled from Land's End to John O'Groats, a group of 11-12 year olds."
Patridge: "I'm planning on doing the very same journey myself next year."
Jim Jones:"What you're going from Land's End to John O'Groats on a bicycle?"
Partridge: "No, in a Toyota Avensis."

:lol:

[Guy]

"This is North Norfolk Digital, sustaining and maintaining our core listener-ship in an increasingly fragmented marketplace...I just realised I read that from an internal memo"

[Alf]

That was great.

[Mik]

Loved it.

[Simon]

Yes great stuff. The forced banter at the start especially, Tim Key is a champ.

[Badger]

"I can cycle 30 miles in 10 minutes."
"But that'd be 180 miles an hour!"

[turdpower]

Amazing.

[Guy]

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[Bad Collin]

Lovely stuff.

[MikeHunt]

much better than the first one.

[Guy]

The final sign off line is brilliant.

[Badger]

"Keep your clubs away from your young, it's Seal!"

:lol:

Liked the Syphilus bit at the end too.

[Glen]

Loved both of them tbh.

[Badger]

Sidekick Siiiiiiimon!

[Mik]

I loved him stealing Simon's gag.

[Simon]

http://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/article/403/partridge-is-back

Has he left the BBC for good? What became of Monkey Tennis? Will there ever be a follow-up to Bouncing Back? Alan Partridge's triumphant return in new online show Mid-Morning Matters has thrown up some big questions. ShortList shared a Blue Nun with Norfolk's premier broadcaster to find the answers. And he's keen to set the record straight.


Why have you been off our screens and airwaves for so long?

Far from being “off” the airwaves – which’d be news to the listeners who’ve spent their mid-mornings with me for the last four years – I’ve actually broadened my audience massively. My BBC chatshow was watched by a cool 900,000 viewers. Mid-Morning Matters, available online, has a potential audience of 1.9 billion. That’s an increase of 211,000% – the kind of numbers BBC execs would cream themselves over.


You’ve had trouble with commissioners in the past. Can you let us in on any recent show ideas that were rejected?

If you want to sneer at me about Monkey Tennis, come out and say it. Because my response is easy. Ridiculed by the British cleverati, Monkey Tennis was snapped up by TV stations in Laos and Taiwan and ran for two successful years. I exec produced for a fee that almost exactly covered the cost of my air fare. After two series, the format reached the end of its natural life and the monkeys were quickly and humanely destroyed.

I no longer pitch television shows.


Had any reality TV offers you’ve turned down?

I wouldn’t have time to take part in any. Period. The diaries of other celebs might be empty, but mine is ram-a-jammed. On Saturday, for example, I saw that Strictly Come Dancing was on. How could I have found time go along and do a rhumba this weekend? I had to re-grout the downstairs Khazi.


Mid-Morning Matters will see you make your online debut. What’s the best and worst thing about the Internet age?

Good question(s)! The worst thing is the paranoia. For some time, I refused to point the webcam directly at me because I was told that doing so would reveal my banking details. In actual fact, if someone points a webcam directly at you, it does not reveal your banking details.


You’ve bounced back again, have you got any more books in the pipeline?

Nothing concrete. I submitted a few pages of a novel to a publisher friend who described it as ‘Titchmarsh Lite’. Pretty encouraged by that, so I think I might pursue it. I read the Independent Lite the other day and it’s much better than The Independent.


A new government has been installed since we last saw you. What do you think of them and the recent cuts?

I’m just delighted that Cleggy’s got himself involved. Seems like a thoroughly OK chap to me. He has no real power but he gets to swan around Downing Street. Think about it – free teas and coffees, use of the photocopier, if he runs out of loo roll at home he can just nick some from number 10, that kind of thing. It sounds very pleasant to me.


What have you had to give up because of the recession?

My monthly donation to Oxfam. Very sad, but with the price of petrol ever-rising, I really do need that pound.


You recently made an angry phone call to Kasabian’s Tom Meighan, what went on there? Which modern music acts are you a fan of and which can’t you stand?

I’m actually thinking of going into music management. Last Wednesday I saw a mind-blowing new band called Dr Phil. Rather wonderfully, the lead singer is actually a doctor. (Though he’s not called Phil.)

How can I describe their sound? Well other than just using the word ‘incredible’, I’d say they were like a cross between the best of the Tears for Fears (the band, not the album) and the best of Genesis (the album).


If you had been trapped in with the Chilean miners how would you have passed the time?

By mining.


What’s your love life like at the moment and are there any women in the public eye you’re particularly fond of?

Hey, I’m not ashamed to say I lead a healthy sex life. Fact is, women prefer men of a certain age. We take our time – have to, for cardiovascular reasons. But time has been kind to me, and I’ve morphed into a fairly attentive and quite generous lover. Have I shocked you? Are you shocked by this? I offer no apology. Yesteryear I’d never have dreamt about broaching this subject, but right now I take pride in my lovemaking. Next question.


It’s two years since Sachsgate. Tell us about your biggest on-air blunder.

On my TV chat show, I accidentally shot a man dead with a gun. Does that count or do want me to say another one?


As a former sports broadcaster, what was your take on recent sporting scandals involving Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney and John terry?

Each of those guys are big. And big men have needs. Especially when they’re fit. Quite simply, if you get a big man in shape he’s going to have sex. My question is more about just how rampant these men are. For example, what would happen if you locked Tiger Woods in a room with Wayne Rooney, but Wayne Rooney was wearing a dress and a full face of make-up? Certainly makes you think.


Chris Moyles recently complained on air about not getting paid. Did you understand where he was coming from and have you experienced anything similar?

Chris Moyles reminds me very much of me when I was younger. He’s probably my favourite modern disc jockey – edgy, knowing and cool. They should pay him on time. Come on BBC! Pay Chris on time!

North Norfolk Digital is owned by Gordale Media – and they’re famously prompt payers. Besides, their CFO lives round the corner so I sometimes pop round and collect it.


Did you throw your hat in the ring to replace Jonathan Ross at the BBC?

Chat can be a very powerful thing. Like a new-born baby or nuclear waste, it needs to be handled with care. That’s why I’m delighted that Ross is to be replaced by Norton. Yes he’ll take prime time-chat in a new, more Irish direction. But I’m fine with that. He’s served his time on BBC2, now he’s ready to cross-over to BBC1 and play with the big boys. (Not literally. His sexuality is neither here nor there.)

[JIJ]

"Keep your clubs away from your young, it's Seal!"

:lol:

Liked the Syphilus bit at the end too.

Misquoted and misspelt.

What a post

[Bad Collin]

Stop Badger baiting JiJ :)

[JIJ]

BAM

[Badger]

Sorry JIJ, I'm not as familiar with the disease as you seem to be. :)

[turdpower]

"She sounds like she's being touched on a bus."

:lol:

[Simon]

New Partridge is out suckers.

[Alf]

Link then you fucking cunt.

[Simon]

Soon you'll realise the link was inside you all along.

[Fanny]

I hovered over the word 'Link' in Alf's post after Simon posted that there, like a dolt (or a genius)

[Alf]

RADICAL AWESOME MEGA

I think this incarnation of Partridge is the best.

[Alf]

"...all the love went from his eyes. Chilling."

[Simon]

RADICAL AWESOME MEGA

I think this incarnation of Partridge is the best.

R U MUD?!

Come on, it's been alright don't get me wrong but the first series of IAP was just perfect! The radio series of KMKY was great too...even though I like these new mini episodes, they aren't a patch on any of the older stuff. In fact if it wasn't for the fact that we were left wanting more eight years and this is all we're being given, I don't think they would be going down particularly well at all!

[Fanny]

you're a hipster doofus

[Alf]

I just think he is a better actor now and there is a lot of superb subtlety in the way he moves and things like that. It's beautiful.

It's why The Trip is so good too. Just lots of lovely little turns of phrase that are miniture works of art.

[Simon]

Funnily enough I would say the one notable difference is the LACK of subtlety in the newer ones. The basis for the show is more subtle because he's not getting into cartoony situations like piercing his foot on a spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike etc, but I think he hams it up a little bit. It reminds me of the later seasons of Peep Show where the actor who plays Johnson forgets how to play Johnson, and ends up doing this weird over-the-top parody of what the character initially was.

[Fanny]

Simon has spoken. About comedy.

[Simon]

And unfortunately for you I am bang right.

[Fanny]

I doubt it but I haven't spent enough time analysing it with my expert hat on mate so I'll get back to you

[Fanny]

regardless I don't see how it would be 'unfortunate' for me you fucking penis party

[Mik]

Funnily enough I would say the one notable difference is the LACK of subtlety in the newer ones. The basis for the show is more subtle because he's not getting into cartoony situations like piercing his foot on a spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike etc, but I think he hams it up a little bit. It reminds me of the later seasons of Peep Show where the actor who plays Johnson forgets how to play Johnson, and ends up doing this weird over-the-top parody of what the character initially was.


I dont agree. I believe that Coogan is certainly becoming a more subtle actor.

[Simon]

In other things like The Trip definitely, and I don't think that the lack of subtlety in these new ones is an accident...I think because it's more throwaway (there's nothing riding on this in terms of trying to get future work commissioned) they have made a conscious choice to make it more broad and silly. I'm not saying I'm right, that's just my take on it.

[Lagom]

And unfortunately for you I am bang right.


I'm not saying I'm right, that's just my take on it.

He's not saying he's right, but he is right... Bang right.

New Partridge is odd, I've enjoyed it, but certainly not as much as old Partridge. For what reason, I'm not sure, but there's something about it that feels a bit forced. How many more of them is there?

[Simon]

Yes I was being deadly serious with that first post, not just paraphrasing Partridge inanely.

[Mik]

In other things like The Trip definitely, and I don't think that the lack of subtlety in these new ones is an accident...I think because it's more throwaway (there's nothing riding on this in terms of trying to get future work commissioned) they have made a conscious choice to make it more broad and silly. I'm not saying I'm right, that's just my take on it.


Ah right, I thought that you were talking about The Trip. I think that his Partridge Magic Moments and 'The Trip' is more subtle than the old stuff he'd done with Partridge, and the other new stuff that he's done recently.

[Guy]

I loved the first two episodes of this new stuff, thought the third was a bit shite though.

Had a couple of moments, but overall a let down this week.

[connorboy]

Watched basic alan last night, forgot how bloody funny that one is. Ruddy hell it's Soft Cell!

[turdpower]

I dont agree. I believe that Coogan is certainly becoming a more subtle actor. He'd go to Legoland. Bye.

:)

[connorboy]

YOU DONT REMEMBER ME DO YOU!

[Badger]

Have to agree with the majority and say it was a bit shit this week and definitely the weakest of the three. No Sidekick Simon either. I have enjoyed the two previous episodes though, and of course Partridge returning is never going to be as good as the original, but it's still a fun 12 minutes or so a week.

Here it is if anyone's interested:

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[BBF]

How many episodes is he doing of this?

[Badger]

12.

[Badger]

He's back on form this week.....

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

"THIS WINE TASTES OF CHEWITS!"

"Cats....Hammers!"

Also a few people have said that this is the actress who played Lynn, but surely she's a bit too young.

[turdpower]

Not watched it, but from the video thumbnail; that isn't Lynn.

[Badger]

How'd you get that?

[Fanny]

pretty sure that the woman who played Lynn is WAY younger than she was made up to be in the series. And slimmer.

[Simon]

It's not Lynn, it's a woman with a Spanish-sounding name who was in Bellamy's People. Forget it off the top of my head.

EDIT: Rosie Cavaliero.

[Fanny]

you alright after all that Jez stuff mate?

[Simon]

I'm not gonna lie to you mate, it hurt. But I'm going to take it on the chin and try to get on with things as best I can.

[turdpower]

How'd you get that?

Get what? The answer or the tumbnail.

[Badger]

Thumbnail.

[turdpower]

Youtube links automatically embed.

So do Amazon links. Maybe you need to upgrade your browser or something.

[JIJ]

Identical mannerisms to Lynn. Sure its not her?

[Mik]

Defo not Lynn. That lass was on peep show.

[BBF]

Just catching up on The Trip. Great little show, love it.

His assistant is bloody lovely too. Great stuff all round.

[Guy]

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[Simon]

That was rubbish until the 8 minute mark and then it was fucking fantastic :lol: the adapted story was great great GREAT

[Mik]

That whole episode was excelllent. By far the best one yet. Right from the very beginning.

[Guy]

Inception, no, Inception, no, Inception, no, Inception, no, Inception, no,

bahaha

[Badger]

"Orbital Digital...OD..I wish they'd OD.....on heroin!"

"At least I've not got a brother in prison!"

"Shit she writes...because...because... Gareth died....but...I married his twin brother!"

:lol:

[The Rogerer]

These are brilliant, better than the first two. Was that woman who called in the same actress as the one who used to call in quite a bit on the second series, and sang the Match of the Day theme tune on Anglican Lives? I can't remember which episode of this as I watched them in a row...

"Flap of Bounce"
"People only abbreviate when they're being jocular... you said spag bol, say the full words"

[Alf]

The Trip was brilliant.

"It's not a metaphore!"

And the winner takes it all singalong was ace.