View Full Version : Corrupt a Wish

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July 29th, 2006, 10:14 AM
The Premise is simple, one poster makes a wish and then the next poster will add a drastic detail that will make the wish crappy. Followed by their own wish.


Poster 1: I wish i had a million dollars
Poster 2: Granted, but you must donate it all to pedophiles


Poster 1: "I wish for a hot vivacious model wife, who only lives with me and is no longer on the road"
Poster 2: "Granted, but your wife has PMS and has decided to live the rest of her life in celebecy (s.p)

I wish i had a celebrity for a parent.

July 29th, 2006, 10:21 AM
But your parent is Michael Jackson.

I wish I was having sex with Randy Orton.

July 29th, 2006, 10:28 AM
Granted, but he is just Jabba the Hut or a really fat guy with a tiny pecker in a orton suite

I wish i wish i was a fish

July 29th, 2006, 10:49 AM
Granted, but you're on the end of a giant hook headed for someone's plate.

I wish I could fly.

July 29th, 2006, 10:53 AM
Granted but your co-pilot is John Travolta

I wish i knew everything about swiss cheese

July 29th, 2006, 10:55 AM
Granted, but you're also a nerd with a side parting, buck teeth and dandruff.

I wish I was lying on a beach in Mauritius.

Judas Iscariot
July 29th, 2006, 10:57 AM
Granted, but the cheese wasn't cultured properly because the guy doing it wasn't paying attention so it was cultured with ebola and when you eat it you get ebola and you die.

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner.

July 29th, 2006, 10:59 AM
I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner.

Granted, but you had to sleep with Oscar Myer to become one

Since it was two posts, the next question is

I wish I was lying on a beach in Mauritius.

July 29th, 2006, 11:02 AM
But you thought; "My, what a big wave."

I wish Jeremey Clarkson was my dad.

July 29th, 2006, 11:20 AM
Granted, but you come to the shocking discovery that he wears women's clothing and wants you to join him

I wish people would use the word serupticious more often.

July 29th, 2006, 11:21 AM
But you thought; "My, what a big wave."

I wish Jeremey Clarkson was my dad.

He is, but he's also your brother.

I want an unlimited supply of Creme Eggs.

July 29th, 2006, 11:30 AM
Granted, but after eating one you will gain a Kilogram, and every Kilogram you gain another person you love will die.

I wish Manics would turn heel already.

July 29th, 2006, 12:47 PM
Granted, but he'd be a lame heel, like the Brooklyn Brawler.

I wish for PeTA to be banned from the U.S.

July 29th, 2006, 12:56 PM
Granted but with the banning,the US begins to push NAMBLA even more.

I wish Funaki was married to Stephanie instead of Triple H.

July 29th, 2006, 1:39 PM
Funaki would be the World Champion for two years and eight months straight, cutting 40 minute promos every Raw about how he is the no.1 announcer.

I wish I was Kylie Minogue.

July 29th, 2006, 1:53 PM
Granted, but you are murdered by a man, with the username Esoteric, who then happens to inheiret all your wealth, yipee.

I wish Honk Kong Phooey was on TV more often.

July 29th, 2006, 2:00 PM
Granted, but Pee Wee Herman would be having sex with him all the time.

I wish The Rock came back to wrestling.

July 29th, 2006, 2:11 PM
Granted, but he jobs clean to Candice Michelle in a thirty second squash.

I wish I was a mermaid.

July 29th, 2006, 2:15 PM
No problem, granted.........

Oh yeah, you are instantly transported to the Sahara

I wish I was out tonight.

July 29th, 2006, 3:21 PM
But You would have to be gang raped by a gang of gay sailors

I Wish Brian Blessed was President of the United States

July 29th, 2006, 3:27 PM
Granted, but we will not be allowed to go to sleep at all.

I wish money grew on trees.

July 29th, 2006, 3:34 PM
Granted, but the trees are too high to pick money off and no ladder is tall enough to reach.

I wish it could be Christmas everyday.

July 29th, 2006, 3:48 PM
Granted but you must buy presents for all of your family members everyday with the money you have right now, up until the day you die.

I wish Miz would turn heel

July 29th, 2006, 4:08 PM
Granted, as long as he can remember his lines.

I wish The Corperation would return.

July 29th, 2006, 4:53 PM
Granted, as long as Kronedog keeps spelling Corporation incorrectly.

I wish KorneDog would stop posting.

July 29th, 2006, 5:08 PM

Ok, Kronedog stops posting...but a giant asteroid falls on your house.

I wish for world peace.

July 29th, 2006, 5:14 PM
Granted, but other planets see it as the perfect time to take over earth and fix my house after the asteroids destroyed it.

I wish my chair was one of the spinning ones.

July 29th, 2006, 5:16 PM
Granted. But it spins so much you fly out and into the path of an oncoming freight train laden with TNT.

I wish friendly aliens came to Earth.

July 29th, 2006, 5:29 PM
Granted, but they will only be frienly until they've gotten into your pants and probed you, then they'll sneak out and leave a fake phone number.

I wish i had two more wishes

July 29th, 2006, 5:34 PM
You Can but with each Wish you take one Testicle will be stabbed with a Spike

I Wish I was a Punk Rocker with Flowers in my Hair(Don't make me listen to that damn song tho)

July 29th, 2006, 5:36 PM
Granted, but the flowers are man eating triffids.

I wish Scotland won the World Cup.

At the next one :shifty:

July 29th, 2006, 5:47 PM
Granted, but then scotland has won the world cup :p

I wish rajah was an indian

July 29th, 2006, 5:57 PM
Granted, but your PC crashes whilst trying to recognise the Punjabi symbols and characters

I wish they fitted the tube with air conditioning.

July 29th, 2006, 6:01 PM
Granted, but it malfunctions on the hottest day of the year at rush hour.

I wish for a 52" plasma screen TV.

July 29th, 2006, 7:26 PM
granted, but you still sit too close to it and as a result your eyes actually turn square.

I wish I was the board games mod

July 29th, 2006, 7:39 PM
Granted, but then there is porn posted there, and all the Board games get shut down

I wish I was a Total Nonstop Action wrestler

July 29th, 2006, 7:49 PM
granted, but they make you dress up like shark boy.

I wish I had more wishes

July 29th, 2006, 9:51 PM
Granted, they are all stupid and pointless

I wish AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels were in the WWE

July 30th, 2006, 1:36 AM
Granted, Their first night on RAW they join the McMahon's Kiss My Ass Club

I wish Football season would start already.

July 30th, 2006, 3:02 AM
Granted, but your TV went apeshit and there's no chance for you to know what's happening.

I wish I have superpowers.

July 30th, 2006, 3:15 AM
Granted, but they only work the first Wednesday every three months.

I wish Scotland had summer all year round.

July 30th, 2006, 4:39 AM
Granted, but it's australian summer and only fat people will walk around in bikini's all of the normal looking people will stay in their house afraid that they may vommit.

I wish Ron Howard actually knew how to direct films.

July 30th, 2006, 4:42 AM
Fat people walk around in bikinis here anyway at the first sign of sun :scared:

Anyway, granted. But he ended up directing Critters 9 and Police Academy 67:The Pension Years.

I wish Raw was brilliant on Monday.

July 30th, 2006, 8:50 AM
Granted but the transmission cuts out 4 seconds in and only the live crowd gets to see it, they then all get Amnesia on the way home and can't go write Raw reports, irregardless, Raw continues on next week and act as if everyone knows what happened and why Umaga is now the World Heavyweight Champion.

I wish smackdown was an edible, tasty brand of biscuit.

July 30th, 2006, 10:01 AM
Granted, but the biscuit is defective due to Smackdown's Liver Problems

I wish I had a nice car that worked ;)

July 30th, 2006, 10:18 AM
Granted, but after you're car came home from working, it would be to tired to go anywhere.

I wish for an anti-social beaver, who i can name clemund and carry in a fanny pack.

July 30th, 2006, 10:21 AM
Granted, but he bite through the fanny pack.... you know where it goes from there...

I wish I had a shot at being on Broadway

July 30th, 2006, 10:36 AM
Granted, but after being found out as a straight person you are kicked out and never allowed to return.

I wish Esoteric was a common name.

July 30th, 2006, 10:59 AM
Granted, everyone is called Esoteric. But everyone loses their individuality and morphs into grey shapeless blobs that look the same.

I wish herbivorous dinosaurs still roamed the Earth.

July 30th, 2006, 11:10 AM
granted, but they are killed for meat and are kept as livestock like cattle and that's no life indeed.

I wish I was a broadway actor.

July 30th, 2006, 11:26 AM
Granted. 'Die Hard'-the musical. You are Bruce Willis' understudy.

I wish Tim Henman wins Wimbledon.

July 30th, 2006, 12:56 PM
Granted no one cares about Tennis.

I wish I was thes strongest man on the earth.

July 30th, 2006, 1:01 PM
Granted, but your black and you get injured everytime your on the brink of a push.

I wish the next person to post was post #54

July 30th, 2006, 1:15 PM
Granted. But I feel sick :(

I wish Lithuania disappeared off the face of the Earth.

July 30th, 2006, 1:18 PM
Granted but it re-appeared in the form of a thousand boils on the inside of your asscheecks.

I wish i knew what to wish for.

July 30th, 2006, 2:14 PM
Granted. But all your wishes go wrong.

I wish Bran Flakes tasted better.

Brain Damage
July 30th, 2006, 2:23 PM
Granted, but who wants to go 5 times a day?

I wish I had better computer speakers.

July 30th, 2006, 2:44 PM
Granted, they are just so good that you end up going deaf

I wish I was 21

July 30th, 2006, 2:54 PM
Granted. You are 21 stone.

I wish I had a leprechaun.

July 30th, 2006, 3:01 PM
Granted, but he is evil anti-social and sexually frustrated.

I wish Takeshi's Castle would come back to Australian TV

July 30th, 2006, 3:44 PM
Granted-non stop Takeshi, all channels 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

I wish clouds were made out of marshmallows.

July 30th, 2006, 3:50 PM
Granted, but all the dentists and knowledge of dentistry will perish.

I wish i was a box of cereal that everyone could enjoy eating, and at an affordable price too.

Brain Damage
July 30th, 2006, 4:05 PM
Granted, but all of the cows in the world would die from trying to produce all of the milk needed for the cereal.

I wish Hulk Hogan is going to job to Randy Orton at Summerslam

July 30th, 2006, 4:07 PM
He will, but wins the WWE title at WM 23.

I wish I could stop posting in this game :ashamed:

July 30th, 2006, 4:12 PM
Granted, but you won't, it's too damn addictive

I really wish i could help you out

Brain Damage
July 30th, 2006, 4:15 PM
But I can't, I have a stuttering problem (not really though.. lol)

I wish I became WWE champion instead of Orton

July 30th, 2006, 4:18 PM
Granted, but you drop the belt to Orton on the next Raw before jobbing weekly to Snitsky.

I wish Esoteric hadn't thought of this game.

Brain Damage
July 30th, 2006, 4:25 PM
Granted, but what would we do with our lives otherwise?

I wish I had a life... :(

July 30th, 2006, 4:35 PM
Your computer breaks and is irrepairable.

I wish I wasn't so sad.

July 31st, 2006, 1:21 AM
Granted, but your persistent, manic happiness lands you in the looney bin.

I wish that there was something interesting on Tv right now.

July 31st, 2006, 3:18 AM
Granted, but the only think on is endless loops of the president on every channel

I wish my husband would stop staying out till 4 in the morning every saturday night

July 31st, 2006, 3:45 AM
Granted. But he stays in playing his XboX every waking moment instead.

I wish Madonna realeased a good single for a change.

July 31st, 2006, 9:01 AM
Madonn'a hit new single causes everyone to become nostalgic for the 80's. This lead to the return of mullets, overly tight stone-wash jeans, and George Michael.

I wish for a quality episode of Raw this evening.

July 31st, 2006, 10:42 AM
Granted. However, you are abducted by aliens who perform a rectal probe on you, only depositing you back on Earth when Raw is finished.

I wish Edinburgh wasn't so busy :grumpy:

July 31st, 2006, 10:53 AM
Granted. The Plaque strikes Edinburgh, turning it into a ghost town. Of course, The Plaque refers to Zombieism.

I wish Zombies would attack Edinburgh.

July 31st, 2006, 11:00 AM
Granted, but you don't get to see it, or hear about it.

I wish this game would get to it's third page already, if one was to view with 40 per page.

July 31st, 2006, 11:02 AM
Granted. It probably will because I can't stop posting.

I wish I had a Spongebob T shirt.

July 31st, 2006, 11:05 AM
Granted, but the the fifty or so responses that moved it to third page are comprised entirely of posts from your least favorite posters. To resume game playing, you must wade through their posts. They conduct a heated off-topic debate on why they are better than you think they are and how everyone is picking on them.

I wish that I had three McDonald's Egg McMuffins.

Edit: Alicia beat me.

Granted, but it reads "I hate Spongebob." And its used and sweaty.

Now, the McMuffin one.

July 31st, 2006, 11:05 AM
I wish I had a Spongebob T shirt.

Granted, but it will never fit you or anyone you know, you won't be able to sell it either.

I wish that I had three McDonald's Egg McMuffins.

July 31st, 2006, 11:09 AM
Granted, but they've got salmonella in them. And campylobacter and ebola.

I wish my cat didn't have worms.

King Flatulence
July 31st, 2006, 11:12 AM
Granted. It has cancer instead.

I wish I could go home and go to sleep.

July 31st, 2006, 11:14 AM
Ganted. You can go home. You could go to sleep. But you don't. Instead you stay up posting on Rajah and don't get a damn bit of sleep.

I wish I was a marine biologist.

King Flatulence
July 31st, 2006, 11:15 AM
Granted. You go off in the Pacific where you are attacked and visciously murdered by a school of sharks.

I wish it was Friday.

July 31st, 2006, 11:22 AM
Granted. However, my cancerous cat has bitten you and managed to give you rabies as well, so you spend the whole weekend in a coma, only to recover on Monday morning.

I wish they found a cure for cancer.

July 31st, 2006, 11:25 AM
Granted, but the person who knows it is killed before given the chance to tell anyone.

I wish we had perfected space travel.

July 31st, 2006, 12:22 PM
Granted, But after the travel we die

I wish I had air conditioning

July 31st, 2006, 12:49 PM
Granted, but it's stuck on heater, and to reapair it would cost more than a new one.

I wish Andy Wild had a sucsessful thread.

July 31st, 2006, 12:52 PM
Granted, you just hate what it's about

I wish I could wrestle

July 31st, 2006, 12:54 PM
Granted, but you wrestle like Ashley Massaro.

I wish Posh Spice put some weight on.

July 31st, 2006, 12:54 PM
Granted, she just ends up coming up to you, and squashing you in the process

I wish I had a good burger right now

July 31st, 2006, 1:07 PM
You do have a good burger,but whats a good burger without fries and a drink?

I wish Stephanie McMahons babe was a boy.(Oh god no!)

July 31st, 2006, 1:17 PM
Stephanie McMahons baby is a boy. But he will be pushed into the ring before he is properly trained and given the world title quite undeservedly. He will be the worst champion since David Arquette and WWE's fans will stop watching. The company will fold and several thousand people will lose their jobs. Great wish asshole.

I wish I had a coke that wasn't contaminated in any way and tasted delicious.

July 31st, 2006, 1:30 PM
Granted, but you become addicted to this Coke. Your only thought is how you can find this soft drink nirvana again. You spend the rest of your days as homeless man, thirstily wandering the Earth in search of another perfect Coke.

I wish that Mr. T would have a role in the next Rocky movie.

July 31st, 2006, 1:36 PM
He will have a role in the next Rocky movie. Unfortunately, it will not be the role of Clubber Lang that made him famous. He will portray a heroine addicted drag queen and shave off his famous mohawk and goatee. Nobody will recognize him and therefore nobody will care.

I wish my foot didn't hurt anymore.

King Flatulence
July 31st, 2006, 3:16 PM
Granted. But only because you fall and break your arm, and the pain is so unbearable that you completely forget about your foot.

I wish I had some damn rep power. :irked:

July 31st, 2006, 3:20 PM
Granted, but you become a rep for rep whore. You are hated despite your high rep. You can't even look at yourself in the mirror any longer.

I wish for the end of gimmick posters.

King Flatulence
July 31st, 2006, 3:23 PM
Granted. Here comes the influx of generic, boring posters.

I wish I was a kid again.

July 31st, 2006, 3:34 PM
Granted you are a kid again...trapped in a room full of pedophiles.

I wish I was bangin' Mickie James.

King Flatulence
July 31st, 2006, 3:42 PM
Granted, but surely you didn't want that horrible case of herpes you got afterwards?

I wish there was no censorship on television, and that breasts weren't considered nudity.

July 31st, 2006, 4:14 PM
Granted. But television is now dominated by Rosaenne Barr.

I wish I had a midget army.

King Flatulence
July 31st, 2006, 4:23 PM

Anyways, wish granted, but think about it, they're midgets. How much conquering could you do?

I wish wrestling was as good as it was in '99 and '00.

July 31st, 2006, 4:46 PM
It is-for a month. Then goes into a spectacular downturn in which Justin Timberlake is crowned joint WWE and World Heavyweight champion.

I wish someone would make me a cup of tea.

July 31st, 2006, 4:50 PM
Which Viscera has Shat in..

I Wish I Could Turn Back Time

July 31st, 2006, 5:28 PM
...back to the Jurassic era. Everyone gets eaten by dinosaurs.

I wish I had an army of ferrets :shifty:

July 31st, 2006, 5:43 PM
Granted. But you find out that ferret armies are terrible to clean up after. And they take at least 6 months of training before they can even successfully assault a pizza delivery guy.

I wish I could see a trained ferret army vs. an army of elite midget commandos.

July 31st, 2006, 6:02 PM
Granted. But it all goes horribly wrong when the ferrets catch the scent of the pizzas the midget commandos had eaten. There is bloodshed.

I wish cats ruled the world.

July 31st, 2006, 6:25 PM
But They would castrate all humans as revenge
I Wish David Nugent Signed for Palace

July 31st, 2006, 9:07 PM
Granted, he just ends up being crippled in an accident

I wish I had a large milkshake with nothing wrong with it

August 1st, 2006, 12:14 AM
Granted, except the milkshake is made with breast milk from Nicole Bass.

I wish the Boston Red Sox would win the World Series again.

August 1st, 2006, 1:45 AM
Granted. In 80 Years.

I wish ROH DVDs were free.

:( Sorry. Only thing I could think of.

August 1st, 2006, 2:11 AM
They're free, but they're heavily scratched and always skip during the high point of a match.

I wish I had better linen.

August 1st, 2006, 3:47 AM
Granted, but it is covered with teletubbie pictures.

i wish i had a more money

August 1st, 2006, 4:39 AM
You do, but it is Monopoly money.

I wish spiders didn't exist.

August 1st, 2006, 4:45 AM
Granted, but all other bugs now have 8 legs.

I wish I had Stacy Keibler nude pics.

August 1st, 2006, 6:22 AM
Granted, but as you go to settle down for whatever you want them for, in a puzzling bout of Irony, you go blind, then your hands grow increasingly hairy, and someone tatoo's wanker onto your head, before stealing the pictures and selling them at a hefty price.

I am stuck for ideas so the next person to make a wish, can make one for me.

August 1st, 2006, 11:43 AM
Granted, but my ideas usually suck anyways...

I wish that we would kill Osama bin Laden before he or his group do anymore damage.

August 2nd, 2006, 10:48 AM
Granted, but we bomb them with new experimental weapons. The radiation effects cause a strange reaction with a nearby scorpion. This scorpion mutates into a giant super-scorpion. The super-scorpion unleashes its fury upon the world in a way that Osama could have only dreamed about.

Also, the bomb hits a puppy. And now we all have a dead puppy on our conscious.

I wish Frosted Mini Wheats had frosting on both sides.

King Flatulence
August 2nd, 2006, 10:54 AM
Granted, but instead of using sugar for the frosting, the manufacturers use salt, claiming it's not only healthier, but saves them money.

I wish I had no worries in life.

August 2nd, 2006, 10:59 AM
Granted, your full frontal lobotomy is a success.

I wish that gas wasn't so expensive.

King Flatulence
August 2nd, 2006, 11:24 AM
Granted, but everyone is so excited at the lower prices that the entire world's source of oil is completely depleted.

I wish I never had to study.

August 2nd, 2006, 12:18 PM
Granted. There are no exams required for life as a street crazy.

I wish that I had a time machine.

August 2nd, 2006, 12:49 PM
Granted, except the machine goes haywire and takes you back to when your parents concieved you...

I wish there was no global warming.

August 2nd, 2006, 12:52 PM
Granted, but you then get raped in the ass.

I wish non-alcoholic beer would taste nicer.

August 2nd, 2006, 1:38 PM
The Secret Ingrediant However is Arsenic
I Wish AJ returned to Palace...

King Flatulence
August 2nd, 2006, 2:36 PM
Granted, but you then get raped in the ass.


August 2nd, 2006, 5:59 PM
The Secret Ingrediant However is Arsenic
I Wish AJ returned to Palace...

He will....only as a woman

I wish Saban re-did the old Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

August 2nd, 2006, 6:43 PM
Granted, but it is shit and you don't want to watch it anymore

I wish it wasn't as hot outside

August 2nd, 2006, 6:50 PM
Granted...but the enitre earth is sent into a new ice age and we all die

I wish RSA would push ZOOK

August 2nd, 2006, 11:22 PM
Granted, but th best competition will be Al Snow

I wish Islam was no more

August 2nd, 2006, 11:29 PM
Granted, but Israel does away with Islam and becomes the most powerful country in the world!

I wish I had a super sweet mighty morphin power rangers costume

August 2nd, 2006, 11:32 PM
Granted, but the costume has no crotch

I wish I was the best at everything and everyone loved me and I loved everyone in turn....

August 2nd, 2006, 11:35 PM
Granted...but you die a horrible and painful death if you ever leave your closet or come into any form of contact with anyone or anything.

I wish the Vikings win the superbowl

August 2nd, 2006, 11:37 PM
Granted...but for some reason Brock Lesnar takes all the credit.

I wish Muhammad Hassan was an actual Arab/Muslim.

August 2nd, 2006, 11:39 PM
Granted, but then he probabally wouldnt be acting...

I wish Rey was World Heavyweight Champion again and was an invincible super-human!!!

August 2nd, 2006, 11:44 PM
Granted..but then Rey tries to do a shooting star press and botches it,changed his mind about the Wrestling business to persue a career in the NFL,he drops the title and then wrestles a pathetic match with Goldberg at Wrestlemania. He bombs in the NFL and thinks he can make everything better by marrying Sable.

I wish wrestling was cool in the mainstream again.

August 2nd, 2006, 11:45 PM
Granted, but then we would have to hear negative posts from fans on Rajah

I wish I wasnt a fan on Rajah

August 2nd, 2006, 11:48 PM
granted.....but without rajah you have so much pent up agression toward wrestling with no outlet so you kill yourself

I wish i could have waffles every day

August 2nd, 2006, 11:52 PM
Granted, but Aunt Jamima clougs your arteries and kills you (sweet revenge...suicide my butt)

I hope I win at my National Competition for Rap this next week...

August 3rd, 2006, 1:05 AM
Granted, the only person you rapped against was a 90 year old woman

I wish I had more pop

August 3rd, 2006, 1:21 AM
Granted, but the only pop you recieve is an ovation for a lecture on "Why America Sucks" to a bunch of Iraqi's

I wish that 90 year old woman was heavy competition instead...

King Flatulence
August 3rd, 2006, 1:22 AM
Granted, but th best competition will be Al Snow

I wish Islam was no more

Haha, this guy's clever.

August 3rd, 2006, 6:46 AM
Granted, but the only pop you recieve is an ovation for a lecture on "Why America Sucks" to a bunch of Iraqi's

I wish that 90 year old woman was heavy competition instead...

Granted, but she's actually Eminem in disguise.

I wish the world was ruled by a race of cat people who lived in harmony with an army of ferrets.

August 3rd, 2006, 6:51 AM
granted, but the ferret-cat hybrid they breed will eat humans, and devour us all.

I wish for world and UNIVERSAL peace... :D

August 3rd, 2006, 7:44 AM
Granted, but that means you can no longer smack your bitch up when she gets out of line.

I wish cereal would taste just as nice with water as it does with milk.

August 3rd, 2006, 8:04 AM
It does, but it is later found that watery cereal is a carcinogenic.

I wish Pot Noodles didn't taste like cardboard.

August 3rd, 2006, 8:21 AM
Already granted, they taste like magical fairydust.

I wish that men and women who while giving oral sex regulary catch the cock with their teeth should have their mouths wired shut to ensure they don't inflict searing pain on another man in the future.

August 3rd, 2006, 8:25 AM

Granted. But you will never receive oral sex ever again as anyone you go near has their jaw automatically wired shut when they try.

A swift slap on the head would sort the problem surely?

I wish men weren't such silly creatures.

August 3rd, 2006, 8:27 AM
Cannot be granted, there isn't enough magical power in the universe to enable such a fantastical feat.

I wish I could swim in a swimming pool filled with Red-Hot Monster Munch.

August 3rd, 2006, 8:29 AM
Granted. But they are so spicily hot it strips the enamel off your teeth.

I wish I had thermaglass hair straighteners.

August 3rd, 2006, 8:32 AM
Granted but to get them you have to shave off all your hair. And I maen ALL your hair.

I wish I had thermaglass hair straighteners. :haapysad:

August 3rd, 2006, 8:39 AM
Granted-you can have mine if I'm bald :( But they make you bald as well.

I wish there was a cure for baldness.

King Flatulence
August 3rd, 2006, 8:58 AM
Granted, but the cure is death.

I wish I could have a single day with no problems.

August 3rd, 2006, 10:51 AM
Granted, but the next day really sucks

I wish I had my two front teeth

August 3rd, 2006, 11:08 AM
Granter, but they're large as a beaver's. The requisite dental work costs fortune. To raise the funds you have to spend a year as a carnival sideshow freak named "Beaver Lad".

I wish there weren't so many mosquitos.

August 3rd, 2006, 11:17 AM
Granted. There is a plague of locusts instead.

I wish I hadn't seen a dead hedgehog being eaten by maggots :(

King Flatulence
August 3rd, 2006, 11:19 AM
Granted, but it was you being eaten by maggots that the hedgehog saw.

I wish coffee didn't taste so damn good.

August 3rd, 2006, 11:22 AM
Granted-it doesn't anyway.

I wish I had a unicorn.

King Flatulence
August 3rd, 2006, 11:26 AM
Granted, but if unicorns exist then so do dragons, and they feast on both you and your cancerous cat.

I wish every woman had glorious breasts.

August 3rd, 2006, 11:32 AM
Granted. But you're not getting any play. Ever.

In fact, you have no chance at all now. That was the price that the women paid for their glorious breasts. They all had to agree to stay away from King Flatulence. If you start to touch a breast it immediately disappears.

Tough break.

I wish that a ferret army would fight a mongoose army.

August 3rd, 2006, 11:52 AM
Granted, but the mongoose army consists of Mongoose Bicycles. And the ferrets are all in a cage.

I wish I knew how to speak fluent English, Spanish AND French.

August 3rd, 2006, 12:18 PM
Granted. But everyone else only speaks Icelandic.

I wish the army of ferrets ran WWE.

August 3rd, 2006, 1:05 PM
Granted, but ferrets hate Randy Orton (its true). You won't see him on TV again.

I wish that ferrets were more tolerant.

August 3rd, 2006, 1:26 PM
They became so tolerant they realised their mistake and reinstated Randy as WWE champion. But they ate Edge instead.

I wish I had a magical unicorn army to defeat the ferret army.

August 3rd, 2006, 1:41 PM
Granted, but the unicorns lose their horns in war-related injuries. So they're now just a magical horse army. And magical horse armies are just lame.

I wish that Raw could incorporate monkey-knife fighting into their shows.

August 3rd, 2006, 3:02 PM
Granted...but the monkey fight segments are still hosted by the Miz.

I wish Triple H and Steph had a messy divorce.

August 3rd, 2006, 3:13 PM
But Stephanie will marry Tyson Tomko Instead
I Wish I could Play Champ Manager 96-97 On This PC

August 3rd, 2006, 3:30 PM
Granted...but the only league installed is the Belgian league.
I wish the ferrets turned babyface and became co-holders of the US title.

August 3rd, 2006, 3:32 PM
However the WWE Title is Aurora Rose Levesque after she Squashed Edge
I wish Ken Kennedy was in the Title Match at Summerslam

August 3rd, 2006, 3:34 PM
Granted, but he ends up jobbing to recently signed superstar Pauly Shore.

I wish I was whistling in the dark.

August 3rd, 2006, 3:37 PM
Granted...but nobody was listening.
I wish I heard the whistle.

August 3rd, 2006, 3:41 PM
Granted. But its dark, and I get scared when you appear out of nowhere. I beleive you're a thief and shoot you. And on top of that, the whistling was horrible.

I wish Iwasn't a horrible whistler.

August 3rd, 2006, 3:44 PM
Granted, but the only thing that seems to respond to you is this:

I wish I knew where my keys are.

King Flatulence
August 3rd, 2006, 4:01 PM
Granted, they're in your car, being driven across country by the bum that's been watching you lately.

I wish I could keep my fucking eyes open.

August 3rd, 2006, 4:31 PM
You can, so much so that you can never sleep again.

I wish I could harness the power of flatulence to power huge fans so everybody could fly around instead of walking.

August 3rd, 2006, 4:43 PM
Granted, but everybody who's on the ground is miserable. Due to the flying flatulence.

I wish that Boy Meets World would film new episodes.

August 3rd, 2006, 4:50 PM
However Due to Budget Cuts It is Now a Gay Porn
I Wish Scrubs Season 6 Had Started

August 3rd, 2006, 4:54 PM
It deoa. But Pauly Shore is now cast in the lead.

And its now gay porn.

And as you sit down to watch it, you sit on a tack.

It hurts. Oh, how it hurts.

I wish for no more Pauly Shore.

August 3rd, 2006, 5:00 PM
Granted. Rob Schneider takes his place.

I wish they'd make Deuce Bigalow 3.

August 3rd, 2006, 5:18 PM
Granted.....but it's Duece Bigalow SanFrancisco Gigolo (gay version)

I wish they mad a GhostBusters 3 with the original cast

August 3rd, 2006, 5:23 PM
Granted, but it's an exact remake of the original in every way.

I wish My Little Ponies were real so I could have a purple horse.

August 3rd, 2006, 5:26 PM
granted...but that purple pony bites your weiner off

I wish I had a DVD burner to go along with my CD burner

August 3rd, 2006, 5:33 PM
:wtf: Being female I don't have a weiner.

You have a DVD burner but it won't work. That was the only one left in the world.

I wish my feet weren't so sore.

August 3rd, 2006, 8:12 PM
Granted, your head hurts instead

I wish I could get more sleep

Brain Damage
August 3rd, 2006, 8:31 PM
Granted, but you would miss another Rajah Survivor challenge

I wish that Unforgiven will be a good PPV this year

August 3rd, 2006, 8:32 PM
Granted, you cannot see it due to your television breaking

I wish I had tons of money

August 3rd, 2006, 8:42 PM
Granted. Couterfeit money. The police is coming.

I wish people would read my blog at http://gtgm.blogspot.com.


Brain Damage
August 3rd, 2006, 8:47 PM
Granted, but then people would realize what a sick SOB you really are... :panic:

I wish there was something to do in my house right now.

August 3rd, 2006, 9:01 PM
Granted, but you gain 500 pounds and cannot do it

I wish I had a working X Box 360

August 3rd, 2006, 9:18 PM
granted, but all your games would be scratched up

I wish I got rid of my headache

August 3rd, 2006, 9:35 PM
Granted, you have a sore throat instead

I wish my girlfriend would call

August 3rd, 2006, 10:14 PM
Granted,she does call...only to say that she's really a guy.

I wish I was hideous.

August 3rd, 2006, 10:20 PM
Granted, but then your face would get you a gimmick in the WWE that ends with no point...

I wish Urkle came back...

August 3rd, 2006, 10:23 PM
Granted,Urkle comes back but then when he realises that his last name was misspelled he goes over to your house and murders you,when your parents rush into the room this is all he could say..."Did I do that?"

I wish all racism would end.

August 3rd, 2006, 10:26 PM
Granted, but then the lack of stereotypes leads you get hit by a car while not defensive driving through China Town. Then poor Mexican people break into your house,due to it not being locked, beat your already injured body, then steal your tv...it had nothing to do with rascism tho :)

I wish all beautifull white girls were attracted to me...

August 3rd, 2006, 10:30 PM
Granted. Sadly,all the ugly white girls band together and lead a revolt against you. You're captured by them and are sentenced to a lifetime of blind dates with all of them.

I wish I was with my girlfriend right now.

Brain Damage
August 3rd, 2006, 10:31 PM
EDIT: Damn, you beat me to it...

Granted, but lets face it here, do you really want to hear that she cheated on you? With another girl no less?!

I wish I could stop being lazy and finish my work

August 3rd, 2006, 10:33 PM
Then get off this thread!....Granted, but then you continue posting on here and forget about your work nex time...

I wish the hot white girls would revolt and win me back so I can have blind dates with them instead....

August 3rd, 2006, 10:38 PM
Granted,they do win you back after a fierce battle with the uglies. However those blind dates were cancelled due to an outpouring of broken nails.

I wish I had a successful highpaying job that i love,a gorgeous wife and a dream home.

August 3rd, 2006, 10:40 PM
Granted....awwww I cant interfere with that. Go for it man!:yes:

I wish those Hot White Chicks would fix their nails then all of them marry me

August 3rd, 2006, 10:47 PM
Granted they do all marry you. Sadly,polygamy is illegal where you live and is punishible by 25 years in a cell where you're frequently visited by the ugly white chicks you turned your back on,gang raped by the guards,and are forced to watch Funaki vs. Viscera Iron Man Matches.

I Wish I had 9 lives like a cat.

August 3rd, 2006, 10:49 PM
Granted, but I kill you 9 times in a row for making that post!

I wish that was all a dream and polygamy was allowed and we were all happy.

August 3rd, 2006, 11:23 PM
Granted, but then freddy kreuger rips your heart out

I wish TNA impact was on at 10 instead of 11

August 3rd, 2006, 11:24 PM
Granted, but you have to move to Texas to get it

I wish I got Revenge on Freddy...

August 4th, 2006, 3:28 AM
Granted, But Jason shows up and gets revenge on you, thus creating a horrible sequal to freddy vs. jason.

I wish Raw would come back down to the south...

August 4th, 2006, 4:11 AM
Unfortunately for you, it's the south of Scotland they come to.

I wish I had a swimming pool filled with melted chocolate and guarded by duck billed platypuses wearing army combats.

August 4th, 2006, 5:38 AM
Granted - you get your fantastic pool, with military platypuses and all. Unfortunately, PETA caught wind of the unethical treatment of platypuses and confiscated them, setting them off back into the wilds of Oz. Without the platypus security, your chocolate pool was besieged by an army of giant ants, and lost subsequently.

I wish I have 1337 OMFG hacking skills that allows me to hack into Bill Gates swiss bank account, without any chance of being detected by anyone.

Oh, and btw:



August 4th, 2006, 5:49 AM
You hack into his account only to find it is in fact empty. Bill Gates is a secret Scientologist and has donated all his billions to them, all bar $2.57 in his pocket.

I wish duck billed platypuses were exempt from Peta's scrutiny(and all welfare groups as they are well looked after) and resumed their jobs guarding my chocolate pool from marauding ants.

August 4th, 2006, 6:00 AM
Granted. The platypuses were drafted back to fight the good fight against said ants. But after numerous casualties suffered on both sides, the ants and platypuses decided "What the hell - all this for a human?" and decided to collaborate and seize control of the pool for themselves, ousting you from the equation entirely.

I wish that, with said 1337 OMFG haxx0rz skills, I can hack into the Scientologist's swiss bank accounts and clean them out completely.

(If you don't spoil my wish so badly this time, I might contemplate buying you another chocolate pool, this time guarded by a regiment of Drop Bears =p)

August 4th, 2006, 6:14 AM
Ok, you can have the billions squirelled away. But Tom Cruise and John Travolta kidnap you and brainwash you into Scientology where you give up said billions anyway.

I wish the drop bears were called Harold.

August 4th, 2006, 6:19 AM
The Drop Bears are called Harold, but since I have given my $$$ away to the scientologists, you did not get the pool anyway =p

(If the fates are against me being a filthy rich gazillionaire.....) I wish in return for joining the Scientologists, Travolta imparts his ultra-cool dance moves to me and I get to do all that Saturday Night Fever/Greased Lightnin' things.

August 4th, 2006, 6:29 AM
Granted, you can dance like John Travolta. But you also have his appetite and look like Travolta circa the early 90's.

I wish I had a black belt in TaeKwon Do. To possibly fend off ferrets/drop bears/ants etc.

August 4th, 2006, 6:37 AM
Granted - you get the black belt in Tae Kwan Do - literally. That means you have a useless piece of black cloth in your hands, without the funky kungfu. Drop Bears get the drop on you... RAWR

Oh, and fat John Travolta is still sexay according to one of my female friends - so I don't really mind being fat, but still twinkletoed John Travolta.

But yea, I really wish its summer and it stops bloody raining over here.

August 4th, 2006, 6:42 AM
It rains in Oz?!:eek:

Ok, it stops raining. But via some crazy weather swapping shenanigans you get a Scottish summer-overcast and cold. Which is in fact also spring, autumn and winter.

I wish Jean Claude Van Damme was here to protect from drop bears with his immense kickboxing knowledge.

August 4th, 2006, 6:49 AM
Jean Claude Van Damme turns up like a knight in shining armour, with his fancy kicks, bad accent and all to save you from the Drop Bears. Unfortunately, he had not counted upon the sheer ferocity and terrible appetite of these unholy furballs - you will need Batman level kungfu to fight Drops Bears - JCVD gets overwhelmed and runs off, whipped.

(Yea, it rained all day in Sydney. My thin Singaporean hide is unused to the cold weather. Woe is me.)

I wish for a functional heater - all expenses paid - to be delivered pronto to my doorstep.

(ps - no more, logging off - I concede if you continue beyond this point =p And yea, Takeshi's Castle is a whole lot of fun, with people going through tricky, and often humourous obstacles and what not.)

August 4th, 2006, 6:54 AM
Right, you can have your heater. But failure to pay electricity/gas bills caused by the Bill Gates/Scientology mishap renders it useless. Penguins arrive to live in your house it is so cold.

JCVD's comedy accent will overcome everything in it's path.

I wish JCVD would make a decent film. Like Bloodsport.:shifty:

Hooray, I win! Harold the drop bears and penguins were just too much of a winning combination.

August 4th, 2006, 7:00 AM
There's something I ought to say about the new, artic co-inhabitants I suddenly find myself with, but I have conceded, and shall remain in cold (literally) silence for now.

Good day to you.

(Next poster corrupts Alicia's JCVD's decent movie wish)

August 4th, 2006, 9:25 AM
JCVD does make a decent film. Its called Lionheart 2 and involves him fighting a zombie Andre the Giant. After seeing Andre on film, the other zombies get feeling uppity. They launch a massive assault. Even your cat is powerless against them.

I wish Van Damme's initials didn't sound like some type of STD.

August 4th, 2006, 9:52 AM
He changes his name to Steven Segal v2 and knocks out Lionheart 3,4 and 5, and Kickboxer 2. He wins an Oscar but Steven Segal v1 is so incensed a massive fight breaks out which stops the Earth spinning on it's axis.

I wish Jean Claude...sorry, Steven Segal v2 was my pet.

August 4th, 2006, 10:13 AM
Granted, but you come to find out that Steven Segalv2 has never been house broken. He craps all over the place humps your guest's legs. You have to neuter him as a result. After this, he becomes very sullen. Not a good pet at all.

I wish that I could have a good piece of bacon.

August 4th, 2006, 11:16 AM
You have a lovely, succulent bacon sandwich and a cup of tea. However, Jean Claude Van Damme comes to your house(with his newly acquired drop bear army)and knocks seven shades of Hell out of you for not being a vegetarian.

I wish I didn't have the most amount of posts in this thread :$

August 4th, 2006, 11:34 AM
Granted, eventually, but you will have to stop posting in here until that happens.

I wish i had the most posts in here.

August 4th, 2006, 12:04 PM
Granted. I will not post in here after this.

I wish I could stick to that.

August 4th, 2006, 12:20 PM
Granted, but you are only able to stick to it because you become stuck to another person. Your siamese twin will not allow you to come close to a computer.

Also, your new siamese twin is Roseanne Barr.

I wish Roseanne Barr was defeated by an army of ferrets.

August 4th, 2006, 1:04 PM
DENIED! No army of ferrets are strong enough to defeat the behemoth that is Roseanne.

I wish I hadn't just overeaten also, feel very sick.


August 4th, 2006, 2:17 PM
Granted, you are now all skin and bone!

I wish my sandwich was better

August 4th, 2006, 2:21 PM
Granted, your sandwich is better. But you get poisoned by eating it. And then you druggedly wander into a minefield.

I wish that there were no drugged people blundering into minefields.

August 4th, 2006, 2:32 PM
A magical Pegasus swoops down and rescues anyone who blunders into a minefield, then bites them for their stupidity.

I wish I had a pair of red socks.

August 4th, 2006, 2:52 PM
A magical Pegasus swoops down and rescues anyone who blunders into a minefield, then bites them for their stupidity.

I wish I had a pair of red socks.

But once you put them on, you can't take them off.

I wish furries were real.

August 4th, 2006, 3:42 PM
Granted-in fact, one currently resides on HHH's face.

I wish it attacked him one day, inflicting serious damage to his eyebrows.

August 4th, 2006, 4:03 PM
Granted....but Vince McMahon feels somewhat responsible and eventuall makes HHH a 25 time world champ and gives him 100% control of the show

I wish the WWE gives the Hardyz tag team championships again

Brain Damage
August 4th, 2006, 5:22 PM
Granted, but they will loose the titles the next show/night

I wish HHH would just stop wrestling.

August 4th, 2006, 5:29 PM
Granted, but he becomes the SOLO announcer of all shows.

I wish a 9 feet tall man existed who could also wrestle amazing technical marvels and was signed by the WWE.

August 4th, 2006, 5:33 PM
Granted, but he loses to Viscera. On Heat.(The programme, Vis isn't actually on heat).

I wish the giant spider living in our loft was DEAD.

August 4th, 2006, 5:41 PM
Granted. But now its a GHOST-SPIDER. And there are no Ghostbusters in your country.

I wish that I was a ghostbuster.

August 4th, 2006, 5:52 PM
Granted. You come over to my house and ghostbust the ghost spider. But you get lost in the dark scary recesses of my loft and I have to throw food up now and again to keep you alive.

I wish my loft was converted into a lovely, bright, airy spider and ghost spider free zone.

August 4th, 2006, 6:48 PM
Granted, you now have snakes

I wish I had some salsa right now

August 4th, 2006, 10:01 PM
Granted, but it's been sitting out in the sun for 3 days and is now dried up shit.

I wish for Smackdown to be good next week.

August 4th, 2006, 10:14 PM
it will be, but you'll lose power for the 2 hours its on.

i wish my air conditioner didn't break this morning

August 4th, 2006, 11:13 PM
It breaks tomorrow.

I wish my tone-deaf housemate would ease up on the horrible singing, or be miraculously transformed into Frank Sinatra.

August 5th, 2006, 5:46 AM
granted...and old blue eyes bashes your skull in for ripping a pic of the pope!

I wish marijuana was legal

August 5th, 2006, 10:10 AM
Granted, it's only legal in Greenland now

I wish I had a dollar

August 5th, 2006, 10:56 AM
Granted, but everything has been converted to pounds.

I wish I had a pool of toothless Great White sharks in my front garden.

August 5th, 2006, 2:06 PM
Granted, but the pool is filled with cement soon after.

I wish TNA was watchable.

August 5th, 2006, 4:23 PM
Granted....but you become blind and deaf so you cannot watch.

I wish Heath Ledger wasn't playing the Joker in the next Batman movie

August 7th, 2006, 9:31 AM
Granted. Heath Ledger is now playing Catwoman in the next Batman movie.

i wish that I had some ice in my freezer.

August 7th, 2006, 9:41 AM
You have ice in your freezer-and everywhere else, it's -20 outside.

I wish men weren't bastards :(

August 7th, 2006, 10:17 AM
Granted. Society changes the defintion of the word "bastard". Bastard now means "pleasant smelling". Though they are technically no longer bastards, men still possess the traits that pissed you off in the first place.

I wish we could all just get along.

August 7th, 2006, 10:23 AM
So do I. A meteor falls to earth wiping out the male species. All females live in harmony(apart from one week a month).

I wish I lived in Iceland.

August 7th, 2006, 10:26 AM
Granted. But the females in Iceland make a terrible decision during the one bad week and launch Iceland's recently developed nuclear arsenal. Earth is now a waste land of mutants, roaches, Pauly Shore, and Roseanne Barr.

I wish that I knew a good knock-knock joke.

August 7th, 2006, 10:36 AM
Granted, but as there is only Roseanne Barr, cockroaches and Pauly Shore(who inexplicably missed the meteor), noone laughs.

I wish Randy Orton had a wardrobe malfunction on Raw-his trunks fell down.